Silver Wolf Clan (16 page)

“You okay?” Dean asked from the front door, and didn’t look like he’d sensed anything, didn’t feel the electricity in the air beckoning him to the barn.

“I think I need to check on Morgan.”

Dean trotted down the dirt road behind him. Wolf always perked up when he went to see Morgan, but this time howled to Change. A slow simmering panic spurred Grey into a jog.

“You going to Change?” Dean asked.

“Not this time. We’ll peek our heads in, and if she’s okay we’ll leave her alone.” Dean tossed him the keys and by the time they got to the stairs, Grey was running. As he opened the door, the scent of her took him aback. His Morgan.

“I’ll call Wade,” Dean said, glancing around Grey’s shoulder, pulled out a cell phone and rapidly dialed numbers as he left the room.

Morgan sat on a piece of the shredded mattress. Feet resting against two of the bars, she sat elbows on knees, hands clenched and face buried in her forearms. Her dark hair cascaded down her back and shielded her body. She sniffled and looked up with wide, frightened eyes. Her leg was open and bleeding. It had been healing quickly when she’d been in wolf form, but the Change back must have reopened it.

“Grey? What’s happening?” she whispered in a voice thick from crying.

His heart sank. Where would he even begin? How was he supposed to explain it all? Her life was supposed to be so different and it had just taken a hard right down the path of most destruction.

“Morgan,” he said, emotion filling his throat and making it hard to continue. He shook his head and unlocked the cage.

“I’m one of you, now. I can feel it. I can feel her pulling for control, telling me to run.”

“You don’t have to run from me,” he said, meeting stunning gray-violet eyes. “I’d never hurt you.”

Her downturned lips trembled. “I know why they call you the Big Bad Wolf now. The weight of it, of you…it makes me feel like I can’t breathe.”

Every tear streaming down her face was a dagger. He was a monster. Morgan had shielded him from what he was when she’d been human. She hadn’t known any better, had treated him like any other man. Now with the sensitivity of a wolf, she understood what he was.

Grey left to grab a blanket for her from the storage room, and when he returned, tried to stay as far away as possible as he offered it to her. Still, she looked terrified. She didn’t move toward the blanket, so he unfolded it and placed it around her shoulders. Then he backed off and squatting, met her at eye level.

“Thanks,” she whispered, looking at him apologetically. “It hurts too bad to move. Is it always like this?”

“Yeah, the first few times you’re pretty sore afterward until your body adjusts to that kind of pain. You were a wolf for nine days, and if you stay in one form too long, it makes the pain worse. It gets easier if you Change back and forth regularly.”

“A week and a half? Lana—is she okay? Where is she?”

“She’s fine,” Grey said. “Better than fine, but missing you. She’ll be really happy to get to see you again. We didn’t want her seeing you as a wolf yet. Not until you can control yourself better.”

She sat there quietly, a faraway look in her eyes.

“Morgan, I need to put pressure on your leg because it’s still bleeding. Wade lives close. He’s the pack doctor, but until he gets here we need to put something on your leg to slow it down.”

She nodded stiffly and he raced for the first aid supplies in the storage room. He came in slowly, gauze bandages at the ready. As he got closer, she let out a small whimper.

“I’m so sorry,” she squeaked.

“It’s okay, babe. How many times have I growled at you when I didn’t mean to?”

Wade arrived just as the bleeding slowed. He moved Grey off to the side and she relaxed visibly. He gave her muscle relaxers and a round of antibiotics and stitched her leg where it had opened. Twenty minutes later, she was able to at least move her arms, and Wade handed over a bundle of clothes Grey had packed.

“A hot shower will get some of the stiffness out, too,” Wade said

She looked down at herself and her cheeks flushed. She was naked except for the blanket Grey had brought, and unlike the other wolves, very obviously not okay with public nudity.

It took a long time for her to dress herself and then, with Grey and Wade’s help, get up the stairs in the barn. Grey’s common sense was leached by the desperation of his wolf. His Morgan was injured and another dominant animal had his paws on her. Even if Wade was trying to help, it was more than Wolf could bear.

Morgan tripped at the top of the stairs and leaned heavily toward the scar-faced wolf, and Grey lost it. A snarl ripped from him. Wade released Morgan, put his hands in the air, and backed off. Her eyes were wide and the expression in them, scared.

He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t watch her drag her injured body all the way up the road. He picked her up before she had time to respond and headed for the house, careful not to jostle her sore body, his long gait quick and smooth. She relaxed into him and put her arms around his neck. He didn’t care about the reason, whether that was the most comfortable position or she didn’t have anywhere else to put her arms, but she was touching him. It counted.

He carried her through the back door, and at Rachel’s questioning look, shook his head. She pulled Lana close and pointed to a page of a picture book in her lap as he took Morgan up the stairs. She needed time before being reunited with their little girl. Her need to be with the child was obvious, but Morgan wouldn’t want Lana to see her like that. She needed to be able to hug her, at the very least.

He took her straight into the bathroom and turned the shower on. She stood frozen, hands clenched in front of her and looking at the grout lines on the tile floor. He was quiet until clouds of steam billowed from behind the blue floral shower curtain. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough, but I’m so sorry. This was never supposed to happen to you. This was never my plan. You have to know that.” He looked at her, begging for understanding, begging for her to just lift her gaze to his and give some some small hint that she didn’t hate him. “I know you have a hard time being around me. I can see it in your face. I love you, and I’ll wait. As long as it takes, I’ll wait for you to be okay with me again.”

He turned and left her to undress. A couple of minutes later, when he was sure she was in the shower, he returned and set her favorite thermal pajama set and the bag of toiletries, along with a clean towel, on the counter and closed the door behind him. Then he leaned against the other side of the wooden barricade.

He was lost. She needed space, but every fiber of his being screamed for him to go back in there and take care of her. Undress, step into the steaming shower with her, wash her skin and hair, rebind her leg and help her slip into night clothes. But what if she rejected him?

Wolf was restless. He’d have to keep busy until she was ready. It was the only way to keep him from ripping the door off of its hinges and joining her.

Dean spoke to Wade quietly by the fire about his trip to Colorado to escort Alexis to her new pack. Tensed and uncomfortable, hands clenched in front of his mouth, Grey sat at the table, watching the stairs. As Morgan treaded tenderly down them, he jerked to attention. She was dressed in the pajama set he’d brought for her, and long damp hair tumbled down her back. She was beautiful.

“Who’s that on the stairs?” he asked Lana, who lay with crayons and a coloring book on the floor.

“Morgan!” she yelled, and rocketed into her arms.

She sat heavily and gathered Lana up, as silent tears slid down her face. “Oh, I’ve missed you, my baby,” she said, covering her in kisses.

“Morgan, Grey took me to the bank, and to the park, and to get ice cream. And look,” Lana said. Running over, she grabbed the wooden train he’d made. She brought it to Morgan and climbed onto her lap, holding the little engine out proudly.

Morgan’s breath caught as Lana sat heavily on her still aching body, but she kept her features smiling and relaxed. “It sounds like you had so much fun,” she said. “And this train looks amazing. We’ll have to play with it before bed tonight.”

Grey was able to keep his distance from them, but just barely. He hated every minute of it. Being so close to her again, and not being able to touch her or hold her? To soothe the ache her absence left in his soul? It was torture.

She bathed Lana and went to bed with her in Grey’s old room. He leaned against the doorframe of the new and much emptier space and tried to keep Wolf from ripping him apart from the inside. The room held everything and nothing he needed. He turned and sought escape from the confinement of the house.

“She needs time, Grey,” Dean said from the living room as he opened the front door.

Grey turned his head slightly in acknowledgement and left the house. He peeled his shirt off as he jumped off the porch and over the stairs. Being a wolf would be easier. He was more logical as a wolf. Less emotional. Easily distracted.

That night he slept in the woods, with the velvet caress of rustling leaves as his only companion.

* * * *

Lana still slept soundly but Morgan was wide awake. She slid out of bed and headed through the hallway of the silent house. Grey’s room was empty and the bed still made. Where was he? The first light of dawn lit the stairs as she padded quietly down to the kitchen. The aching of her bones said it was bitterly cold outside, but if she stayed trapped between walls much longer, she’d suffocate. No wonder they called it a Change.

She heated up water and poured in a packet of hot cocoa. Coffee had never been her thing but there was nothing quite like the feel of a warm mug in cold hands. The front door creaked and she hesitated, listening for any telltale sign others were awake. Nothing.

She slipped from the sleeping house and scampered across the sprawling front porch’s frozen floor boards in her bare feet. She hadn’t really thought this through.

The blanket over the back of the porch swing meant rescue. Cuddled deep within its folds, she blew on the hot chocolate, and shook the long hair that had lifted in the stiff breeze out of her face. She heard everything. A bird twittered, and ruffled its feathers. Morgan squinted at a bird bath two hundred yards off and spied the fluffy little creature which braved winter. She tried to find a limit to her new vision, but there seemed to be none.

The noise of a bigger animal rustled around the corner of the house. She jerked her head at a memory, blurred and dark. She leaned forward and waited.

An enormous black wolf came around the corner with his head down. The angle hid his glorious eyes.
Retreat!
her wolf screamed. She gasped as new instincts drew her backward, and as his golden eyes landed on her, she stopped breathing. No sudden moves.

He halted, but the damage had been done. Furious, violent memories held just out of reach flooded back. That horrible night, when the muddy brown wolf she’d thought was Grey hadn’t been him at all. It had been Alexis.

“It’s you,” she said. “You protected me when she tried to kill me. You brought me food when I was in the cage. Grey?”

He whined and skirted the railing, taking a spot on the farthest side of the porch. Every step he took was powerful and sure, and she relaxed. He wouldn’t hurt her.

“My wolf approves of you, you know.” It was somehow easier to talk to Grey in his wolf form than when he was a man. “I’m starting to remember what happened that night. Everything is so mixed up in my head right now. I keep getting flashes, but I want to know all of it. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? I should be glad I forgot the attack, but here I am trying to dig it back up.” She took a long sip of hot chocolate. “When Lana asks me one day how it happened, I should be able to tell her the story. I remember coming out here to wait for you. A wolf came over, in front of the truck, and I waved, thinking it might be you. I didn’t know what you looked like, only that you had dark fur. The wolf was brown with a darker face and legs.”

Grey growled, got up and paced the other side of the porch, returned and lay down again. He sighed heavily.

“Sorry, I guess this must be hard for you too.” She pulled the blanket more tightly around herself. “How am I supposed to live with this, Grey? Am I even safe around my child? I feel like I’m breaking apart. Like if I blink, I don’t know if I’ll be wolf or woman when I open my eyes. What if the next time I Change I take another week to Change back? Or what if I stay a wolf forever and never get to see Lana again? I remember biting at Wade. I was trying to take his hand off. Will I do that to Lana?” She stopped swinging and stared at the forest beyond the yard. “I ate a bunny!” she said, laughing only slightly hysterically at the end.

Grey made a huffing sound deep in his throat. Was he laughing?

She steeled her courage. “You wouldn’t look at me, or touch me last night. Do you not want me now that I’m like this? Do you wish I were still human?”

Those glorious golden eyes churned with emotion, with adoration that gave a glimpse into his soul. He jumped up, startling her, and bolted from the front porch. He disappeared around the corner of the house.

Had she made him angry? Maybe that wolf wasn’t Grey after all. No, he had to be. Why else would he fight off those wolves for her? He would have died trying to save her. That wolf was her Grey.

As he came briskly around the corner, she jumped to her feet, dropping the mug, which hit the floor with a clatter. He had jeans on and not a stitch more. Her jaw clenched until she thought it would crack in half. He was muscular but not bulky. She’d seen him once without his shirt, the day they’d met in the rain. He’d put on weight since then and it had done his body good. A pink slash mark ran up his ribcage, but he didn’t favor the wound. He didn’t seem inclined to put on the black cotton shirt dangling from his hands. Thank goodness for tiny blessings.

He rounded the front porch, ran up the stairs and caught her in a hug so crushing, it lifted her off her feet. “Of course I want you, you crazy woman. I know I scare you now. Your wolf knows me. She can see and feel what I am and it makes you scared of me. I was trying to give you space last night. I don’t care if you’re human or wolf. I love you, Morgan. Not letting myself be near you last night—” He shook his head against her neck. “It’s not the reunion I wanted for us.”