Since He Really Feels (He Feels) (16 page)

I nodded, curious. “Sounds great. I’ve got some time midweek if that works for you.”

“Perfect. I’m looking forward to it,” he said, shaking my hand and heading off. I followed him with my eyes for a moment, and then my brother and Eric bumped into me with a fresh beer and I was distracted from my thoughts about
who the hell he was.

“So, when’s the bachelor party?” Josh asked with a grin.

I shrugged. “I don’t need one.”

“Shut the fuck up. I’m either taking you to the strip club or hiring a stripper to come to us.”

I rolled my eyes. “Not interested.”

“Fucking liar.
Every man is interested.”

“You know, I used to think that too.
Until I met Julianne.”

“So you don’t think she’ll have some wild bachelorette party with cocks hanging out everywhere?”

I tried to picture that, but I couldn’t imagine it. I shook my head, laughing with my brother at his total irreverence, and then he glanced behind my shoulder and immediately sobered.

I turned my head and followed his line of sight, and my own laughter immediately ceased as Travis Miller stood in front of me.

CHAPTER 14

TRAVIS MILLER

He really looked like he wanted to kick my ass.

The last time I’d spoken to the guy, it had been when I went to his office to let him know just exactly what had transpired between his fiancée and me.

I got it. If some guy came in proclaiming that he had slept with Lindsay, I’d be ready to pound him into the ground
, even if it was before she and I had gotten together. So I didn’t really blame Nick for wanting to do the same to me. But the only way we’d ever get past this bullshit was if one of us made the first move.

And I had enough pride to be the one to step up to the plate first.

Maybe my internal motivation was to show this douche canoe up. If I let him come to me first, he’d be the bigger man.

I wasn’t about to let him be the bigger man.

We all knew I was the… you know…
bigger
man. I could just tell in the way Jules’s eyes widened when we’d messed around. She’d seen me many times before, but it had been awhile. I could just tell that I was more endowed than her fiancé. But that was beside the point.

Or was it?

“Congratulations, Nick.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Thanks.”

“Hell of a party.”

He nodded.

Apparently he was a man of few words. To me, this was at odds with what Julianne liked in a man, but it didn’t really matter what I thought anymore.

“You just come in for the weekend?” he finally asked, at least attempting conversation.

“Coincidental. We came so I could introduce Lindsay to my family as a surprise. It happened to be the same weekend as your party. For obvious reasons, no one in my family told me there was a party going on.”

“Are the reasons really that obvious?”

I shrugged. “Not anymore. They didn’t know about Lindsay.”

“And that’s going well?” He was hedging and I knew it. He wanted information. He wanted to know that I wasn’t going to be a threat anymore. But it wouldn’t matter. I knew how it felt to share Julianne’s heart with another man, and I knew from the look on her face all night long that I still held real estate there.

As I glanced across the yard and saw Lindsay, though, I was certain that I no longer felt those same emotions for Julianne.

“That’s going well, yes.” I nodded to emphasize my words.

“Good.”

“Dude, I know Jules and I have a history, but it’s over with us.”

I looked across the yard at Julianne, and Nick’s eyes followed my line of sight.

“I hope you mean that.”

“I do. She belongs with you.”

He looked over at me and managed a smile. “Yeah, she does.”

“I wish you both the best. Really.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Take care of her, man.”

He pressed his lips together. “I will.”

And just at that moment, the woman of the hour approached us. I hadn’t spoken to her since she left my place in San Diego, and I found myself a little nervous for this confrontation. I glanced around for Lindsay, wanting to feel her next to me so that she could witness this exchange, too.

CHAPTER 15

JULIANNE BECKER

My aunt had caught up with me, and she was the type of person who didn’t leave enough room in the conversation for anyone to jump in and end it. So I was trapped by my Aunt Maggie, my dad’s sister, talking about very specific flowers that I absolutely “have to have” in my bouquet, while I eyed Nick from across the yard. He was standing over by the bar with his brother, and I saw Nick throw his head back, laughing at whatever his brother had just said. His carefree laughter made me feel a little lighter after the heavy couple of weeks we’d been through. I returned my gaze to my aunt to make her feel like I was paying attention to what she was saying, but she lost me somewhere between boutonniere and stephanotis.

When I glanced back at Nick, he wasn’t smiling anymore, and Travis stood opposite him.

Aunt Maggie paused to take a breath, and I nabbed my chance. “I better go mingle. Thanks for the chat, Aunt Maggie,” I said, plastering on a fake smile. She leaned in and kissed my cheek, and then I bolted as politely as I could.

I navigated a path toward Nick, but I was stopped on the way, this time by Holly and Andrew. “We’re going to take off. Congratulations again,” she said, pulling me into a hug. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks, Hol. I couldn’t be happier.” I wished I’d had the time to sit and chat with Lucy and Holly about my new job, but the party had somehow passed in a flash before my eyes and guests were already starting to call it a night. Not everyone, though, I noticed as I looked toward the packed dance floor.

I gave Andrew a quick hug, and he congratulated me again as well, and then they turned to leave. I took a few more steps toward Nick only to be pulled in another direction, this time by Travis’s mom. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming out in frustration. I just wanted to get to him. Each time I glanced his direction, his eyes were fixed on Travis, and I needed to go run interference before my past and my future collided with fists.

“Julianne, have you two decided where you’re getting married?”

“We briefly talked about holding it at Nick’s – I mean,
our
house, but we haven’t made any firm plans yet.”

“You know you’re always welcome here,” she said.

“Thanks, Kathy. That’s really sweet,” I said, knowing that it would never work for us to get married there but appreciating her kindness. Frankly, I was shocked that Nick had agreed to an engagement party at the Miller house. Maybe it was one tiny step in the right direction. “And thank you for hosting the party tonight. It’s really very kind of you, and it’s been such a wonderful night.”

Kathy leaned in for a hug. “You don’t have to thank me. You’re family, Julianne.
No matter what.”

Her words hung heavy in the air between us, indicating to me that she knew everything that had gone down between her son and me. She knew the hell I’d put him through; she knew I broke his heart.

And just at that moment, Travis’s eyes found mine across the yard. I still hadn’t spoken to him. But when his eyes found mine, my heart skipped a beat for a second time that night. And just behind him, Nick’s eyes found mine, too. I wondered if my eyes betrayed the riotous emotions lancing through me as Travis and Nick both stared me down.

Travis turned back around to say something to Nick, and that was the moment
that I finally figured out my emotions. I was nervous to see Travis. I was nervous for him to confront me, especially after the way things had gone down when I left his apartment in San Diego. He had written me off for another woman, and he had
never
written me off before. He
always
had put me first in his life, no matter what.

And now I wasn’t the first woman in his life anymore.

I didn’t necessarily want him for myself, but I didn’t want anybody else to have him, either.

I knew the second the thought entered my mind that it was selfish and cruel. But it was honest, and sometimes our deepest revelations are the hardest to admit.

I hugged Kathy, and then I started my trek toward Nick. I finally reached him, slipping my arm around his waist. His body was tense as he roughly threw an arm around my shoulders and gathered me close to his side. He turned toward me, pressing his lips to my temple as if to claim me, and then he took a deep breath into my hair, as if breathing me in would calm his obviously frayed nerves.

“Hi, Travis,” I said tentatively, wondering what the hell the two of them had just been discussing.

“Hey, Jules,” he said, a small smile gracing his lips.

So it was back to “Jules.” I always knew he was serious when he called me “Julianne,” because he almost always called me either “Jules” or “
babydoll.”

I wanted to hug him; he was, first and foremost, one of the best friends I’d ever had in my life despite the tumultuous drama of the past few weeks. But Nick had me pinned to his side, and I didn’t think the bodily contact between Travis and me – even in the form of an innocent hug – would do any of us any good.

“How are you?” I asked softly. Nick’s arm tightened around my shoulder.

“Really, really good,” he said, his tone matching mine.

I smiled tightly, and we just looked at each other for a minute. “Good,” I finally said.

“Congratulations on your engagement,” he said. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t say that the last time I saw you.”

He was right; he hadn’t. But then again, I’d dropped in unannounced right in the midst of him trying to win back Lindsay’s affections, which he clearly had succeeded in doing as indicated by their attendance at the party.

“Thanks, Trav.”

“So when’s the big day?” he asked.

T
his was awkward.

“We just decided on October 3,” I said. I wanted to add how much I wanted him to be part of our day, but I wasn’t sure if we would ever be in that place again. I wasn’t sure if Nick would ever trust me to be just friends with Travis.

That was the first time I had even considered that Nick might’ve lost trust in me because of my selfish, immature actions. These two men both loved me, albeit in two very different ways. I wanted to say something that would fix it all, but I was at a complete loss.

And then Lindsay walked up, snaking her arm around Travis, and he glanced down at her with reverence. The love in his eyes for her nearly brought tears to my own eyes. He had
once looked at me like that, but I had been blind to it.

Maybe I was just hormonal, or maybe it was the wedding planning just getting to me, but
seeing them up close told me that this was exactly as it was supposed to be.

I looked up at Nick, and his features had softened somewhat. Clearly he saw the love pass between Travis and Lindsay, too, because something changed in his expression. Something told me that this was all going to work out. We were all going to be okay.

Eventually.

So what happened between that moment the four of us shared and a few hours later when I found myself in a crumpled puddle of desperate misery on the floor?

Two words: Nick’s mother.

I was torn away from my brief conversation with Travis and Lindsay when my mom called me over to talk to some of her friends who were getting ready to leave. I wanted to stay
with Nick. As ridiculous as the way he pulled me into his side to stake his claim on me was, I had to admit that I loved being close to him.

I had missed him when he was in New York, and again when I went to San Diego. I missed the closeness we shared. I missed everything about him, from the way he smelled to the way he looked at me to the way he kissed me. I felt closer to him after our brief encounter in the
Millers’ entryway, and I wanted him to hold onto me for a few minutes longer.

Looking back on that moment, perhaps something inside of me knew that something horrendous was about to happen. I resented my mother for pulling me away from Nick to talk to someone else, but it was a party being held in my honor. I had to respect the people who had come to see me, and so I was forced to be polite and leave his side.

After I hugged my mother’s friends, I turned back to return to Nick’s side, but he was no longer standing where I’d left him. I scanned the crowd for him, but I didn’t see him. I glanced through the people on the dance floor. I spotted Cash and Bree dancing, and I was glad that wherever Nick was, he wasn’t with her.