Sincerely, Carter (16 page)

Wait a minute…Isn’t the reading of your dad’s will today? (It’s rude to email during stuff like that…)

Hoping you’re okay,

Arizona

Subject: Re: Re: Basketball tryouts.

I already told the coach I have tattoos. He said that if I’m any good, most people won’t care, and that I wouldn’t be the first high school basketball player to have tattoos. (I still can’t believe that she acknowledges she’s a “mom.”)

My dad’s will reading is over. (It’s rude to leave your only son and cheat on your wife…)

I’m more than okay.

Sincerely,

Carter

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Basketball tryouts.

Where are you?

Still hoping you’re okay,

Arizona

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Basketball Tryouts

In my room.

I told you I was okay already. (Trust me.)

Sincerely,

Carter

I put my phone on silent and leaned back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Today had been one of the worst days of my life, so I was lining up things to make tomorrow better: I was going to have sex after school with my girlfriend if she wasn’t still upset with me for not telling her why I hadn’t been to school for the past three days. (I refused to talk about my family with anyone.) I was also going to go back to my favorite sketchy tattoo parlor and get another tattoo on the inside of my arm—some type of tree so I could add onto it for years to come. Then, I’d probably need to spend some time with Arizona at the end of the day. Being around her always made things better for some reason.

I grabbed my white earbuds from the nightstand and placed them into my ears, shutting my eyes and drifting to sleep.

Or, so I thought.

Just as my favorite album began to play, one of the earbuds was ripped from my ear, and a blur of pink and purple crawled over me and took over the left side of my bed.

Arizona.

“What the hell are you doing?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Did my mom let you in?”

“You really think that?” She dangled a silver bracelet in front of my face. “I told you I made a copy of your house key in shop class months ago. Your mom is passed out on the couch…”

“Of course she is…” I said. “Well, I need to be alone so I can think. So, no offense, but I don’t really want your goddamn company right now, and since you had to literally break into my house to even see me, I’m going to ask you to leave.”

“Okay.” She stared at me, blinking. Then she put my left earbud into her ear and reclined against my pillows.

“Did you hear what I said, Arizona? Do I need to repeat it?”

“I heard you perfectly,” she said, motioning for me to lie back down next to her. “You said you were going to ask me to leave because you don’t want my company. So, when you actually
ask me to leave
, I will…”

Her eyes met mine and I knew she could tell that I was far from okay, that I was an emotional wreck today, and that I did really want her to stay.

Instead of fighting the facts, I lay next to her and put the other earbud in my right ear. “You being here today and seeing me like this didn’t happen.”

“It never does…”

Track 12. The Moment I Knew (4:09)

I stood in Arizona’s kitchen the morning after we’d had sex, brewing a fresh cup of coffee. Two of her roommates, Jenny and Heather, were standing across from me—waiting for the timer to sound.

“You know you can technically get coffee as it’s brewing right?” I asked, noticing that they were staring at my chest.

“I’m aware.” Jenny blushed. “Just waiting like you are…”

“I actually did not know that…” Heather stepped forward and held her mug under the coffee machine. “Learn something new every day. Just in case I don’t see her today, will you tell Arizona to pick up some dish soap when she wakes up? It’s her turn.”

“I will.” I nodded.

The timer went off and Jenny stepped forward, deliberately rubbing her mug against my chest before holding it under the coffee machine. “Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.” She laughed.

“Anyway,” Heather said, ignoring Jenny. “In addition to the dish soap, could you also tell her to get us some more coffee? It’s her turn for that, too.”

“Noted.” I noticed Jenny was still touching me. “Don’t you need to get to work?”

She blushed again and stepped back. “Whenever you want me to leave my boyfriend for you, just say the word.
Say the word
…”

“I won’t.” I laughed.

“You will.” She sipped her coffee and headed toward the door, laughing back. “I’ll be awaiting that phone call!”

I waited for them to leave, made sure the car had revved up and pulled out of the driveway before I sat down.

My mind immediately attempted to process what the hell had happened last night in a series of frames: Movie. Laughter. Uninterrupted Kiss. Sex. Sex with Arizona. Sex again with Arizona. Sex with my best friend for as long as I could fucking remember, Arizona…

“Morning.” She walked into the kitchen wearing a plush white robe, avoiding my eyes.

“Morning.”

“Did you or one of my roommates make the coffee?”

“I did.”

“So, there’s no hazelnut?”

“No.” I stood up and made her a cup, adding the hazelnut shots that I always left out whenever I made the coffee. While I was adding her usual three packets of artificial sweetener, she took a seat on the barstool across from me, still avoiding my gaze.

“What do you have planned for this weekend?” I slid her mug across the counter.

“My usual summer weekend routine: Gayle’s with you at some point, stealing a class from the culinary school and hoping I won’t get kicked out. Oh, and late night drinks with Nicole on Sunday.”

“If she doesn’t stand you up.”

“Yes. If she doesn’t stand me up.” She took a long sip of her coffee—finally letting her eyes meet mine. “What about you?”

“Gayle’s with you at some point…I have some errands I need to run and I need to pick up a few books on the law school’s summer reading list. I’ll probably do something with Josh as well.”

Silence.

She brought her mug to her lips and tilted it higher, nearly downing the entire cup.

“Your roommates want you to know that they need you to buy more coffee and dish soap,” I said. “They claim it’s your turn so whenever you get a chance—”

“We’re really not going to talk about last night?” She cut me off. “We’re just going to act like that shit didn’t happen?”

“No.” I smiled. “What part do you want to talk about, Ari?”

“How about the part where my best friend since fourth grade
fucked me
? Or maybe we should discuss the part where he took my silence and utter shock to mean that I wanted him to perform cunnilingus on me? Yeah, you know what? Let’s start
there
. Shall we?”

“First of all, I’ve been your best friend since
fifth grade
. I hated you in fourth grade, and we didn’t start speaking cordially until the end of the year. Long after you got me in trouble for like the fiftieth time.”

“Out of all the things I just said,
that’s
what you want to discuss first?”

“No.” I walked over to her and placed my hands on her shoulders. “So, we had sex last night. It happened, and from what I recall, you weren’t very ‘silent’ about anything…”

Her jaw dropped and I laughed, shutting her lips with my fingers.

“I’m kidding,” I said. “I don’t think we have to have an intervention-type discussion about it, though. Last night doesn’t change anything between us.”

“You promise?”

“I do.”

“Do you also promise to never talk about it, or let it happen again because we don’t want to lose each other as friends, and we both know that sex ruins friendships? Undeniably and inevitably
ruins
them?”

“Is that a question or a statement?”

“It’s both…”

“In that case, yes.” I cupped her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. “We won’t let it happen again because we both value our friendship too much.”

“Good…” She exhaled. “So, just to be clear, last night never happened.”

“Correct.” I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and stepped back. “I was never here.”

“Great.” She slid off the barstool. “Well, I’m going to get ready for a class and then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at Gayle’s...Can you pick me up around eleven thirty?”

“I can.”

We stared at each other in silence, not saying anything else.

“Okay, well…” She stepped back. “It’s only nine so…You go home, I’ll stay here, and, um…I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I averted my gaze away from her lips. “Sounds about right.”

“Oh, and Carter?” She looked at me.

“Yeah?”

“It was definitely fourth grade. We became best friends in
fourth grade
.”

“You need to let that go.” I laughed and headed for the door. “It was definitely fifth.”

I couldn’t make the shower water hot enough. I needed it to tear at my skin harder, faster. Regardless of what I’d said to Arizona at her place, it was going to take a hell of a lot for me to forget last night for a number of reasons: One, it was hands down the best sex I’d ever had in my life. Two: Her soft pleas and moans were still playing through my mind on repeat. And three: I’d actually felt something while we were looking into each other’s eyes at one point, something that had never happened to me during sex before.

Shit…

Frustrated by the water, I turned it off and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked into my kitchen.

“Long night?” Josh set his newspaper down and looked up at me.

“Not really. Just stayed over at Ari’s.”

“Let me guess, she made you watch another one of those boring ass cooking shows and ‘allowed’ you to sleep on her couch?”

“Pretty much.”

“Ridiculous.” He stood up and followed me over to the fridge. “I need you to explain something important to me.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” I said. “It’s very true what your last ex-girlfriend said: You really can’t dress for shit.”

“Forget you, man.” He laughed. “I want to know how you continue to do it.”

“How I continue to do
what
?”

“How are you still ‘just friends’ with a girl?”

“Do you realize that you and I have this same exact conversation every six months?”

“I know, and I’m not knocking you and Arizona. I know you two are strictly platonic, I’m just wondering about this in general. Like, how do you never consider crossing the line?” He leaned back against the counter. “I’m only asking because since we’ll both be going to law school in the fall, and I think that’s what I need to pick up—a girl who’s just a friend.”

“They don’t sell friends in stores…”

“Come on, tell me. How do you
do
it?”

A memory from last night, one of Ari whispering my name as she came against my mouth suddenly crossed my mind. “You just go in having that in mind, and you should probably learn how to be a friend to her, too. Don’t make things sexual like you tend to do.”

“Right…Well, what if the girl looks like Ari, though? How does someone like me, someone with balls—unlike you, not act upon that?”

Ari’s face post-orgasm crossed my mind again. “You just…Don’t. I guess.”