Singing Heart (18 page)

Lorena looked so babyish lying there miniature in the big bed. Like a golden haired doll her blond lashes stood out stark against flushed cheeks. The women tended her taking turns until their arms tired of bathing her. Despite the nightmare of the situation Xzan knew that for all their sakes they must try to remain as normal as possible. Leaving Shauna with her daughter she went to prepare a meal for the whole family. She was busy peeling potatoes when the men walked back into the house. If they were surprised to see her they didn’t comment on it. It was fitting she should be there taking charge in a crisis. Xzan had become an integral part of the family sharing all their ups and downs.

When she told them about Lorena’s condition Robert rushed to his daughter’s side. Xzan heard the couple speaking in hushed tones. Robert came back a few moments later as pale as a ghost. Quietly he told his sons that that they were forbidden to go anywhere near that room. Whatever the boys had died from and Lorena was battling now was a killer. He thanked Xzan for what she had already done and returned to assist his wife. Xzan fed them dinner including the protesting parents who swore they couldn’t eat a bite.

“
You have to keep up your strength. Lorena is depending on you.”

She fell asleep in front of the hearth with Richard in her lap. Sean sitting in front of her with his large head resting on her knees stared into the fire. Jason was stretched out in front of them exhausted but unwilling to be alone snoring lightly. She drifted off to sleep then awoke awhile later noticing the body heat had built up uncomfortably between her and Richard. His forehead was too warm. He continued growing hotter as she rocked gently cuddling him. She closed her eyes praying for a miracle for all of them. Then whispering for Sean to move she arose her legs cramped from sitting too long and carried the boy to his parents. They put him beside Lorena. Began ministering to him in the same way both weeping in helpless frustration as their childrens conditions progressively worsened.

Xzan tried to get Jason and Sean to come home with her where they would be safer and more comfortable. Jason declined intent on staying near his family. Even if it meant his own demise. Sean tapped on his parent’s door asking for permission. Only vaguely aware of his request they whispered approval through the keyhole knowing if Xzan thought it was best it probably was.

“
I’ll be back in the morning.” she promised through the same opening.

Sean walked beside her silently. Devastated. Scared. So tense she could see the strain visible in his features. When they finally reached her house she settled him into the guestroom tucking his huge frame in like a little boy trying to comfort him. She turned the lantern down so the light wouldn’t bother his eyes. When she would have tiptoed out of the room he reached out to hold her back clutching her sleeve desperately.

“
Please don’t go…stay with me…”

She saw the anguish in his hazel eyes and found herself melting in empathy. She sat on the edge of the bed and he leaned into her arms. No easy feat considering that he was twice her size. She sang to him like a small child rocking his big frame like a baby while rubbing his neck and patting his back. He expelled a breath so deep it must have come all the way from his soul. Relaxing he began to drift off to sleep. Awoke momentarily when she laid him back and clasped her hand. She sat beside him holding his big paw until he was heavily in his slumber. She didn’t want him to feel alone or deserted. Lord knows she’d felt that once too many times. She opted for the rocker instead of her own bed pulling her black shawl around her shoulders still holding his hand as she surrendered to the sweet oblivion of sleep.

*****

Lorena died during the night. The horror continued as Richard took his last breath just before noon. Xzan refused to let Sean in the house even though he insisted on being with his family. He sat defiantly outside on the front porch refusing to budge until she left each evening. Jason was the next to get sick and then Robert. Shauna half out of her mind with grief over the loss of her children couldn’t eat or sleep. She nursed her husband and eldest son willing them to live. They did hold on longer than the little ones did. A week. Until she was forced to lay beside them burning up as well. All over the county young and old were dropping like flies.

“
Take care of my boy.” Shauna whispered to Xzan.

It was the last lucid statement she made. It was unknown why some died and some didn’t. It appeared to affect children and the elderly first. Few of them survived. The adults in between didn’t have it as severally depending on their general health. They seemed to have a fifty-fifty chance to recover. Xzan would always believe that despite the fact that Shauna was weak from childbirth and exhaustion if she hadn’t been so broken-hearted over the loss of her children she might have lived. When Jason and Robert succumbed to the illness exactly seven days after the triplets she no longer had the will to fight. Xzan pushed her sure the strong willed woman could make it, angry when Shauna expelled her last breath only a few hours after her husband.

It was almost as if she let herself just go to sleep. Uncaring anymore. That bothered Xzan more than any of the other things she was having to face during the nightmare that never ended. Without hope they would all perish. Xzan, Doc Berry and a handful of others didn’t get sick. The Doctor didn’t know why or for that matter what the disease was, where it came from or how to cure it. Like Xzan he simply did the best he could to make his patients as comfortable as possible praying for God’s intervention in the nightmare.

Xzan spent so many sleepless nights spooning broth into mouths and cleaning up puke that she was at the end of her rope. There were innumerable deaths and too many of them were people she had learned to care for deeply. She couldn’t allow herself to think about it after awhile or it would have driven her insane. She had no time to mourn. There were more bodies than gravediggers. Because they were convinced that the homes themselves were contaminated with the disease, they stopped trying to dispose of the bodies and began burning farms. They started destroying the animals that might also harbor the germs and would certainly have starved to death untended anyway. Every time she heard a gun shot in the distance she jumped. Knowing it heralded another yet death. Sean no longer had a family or a home. Xzan returned one night to find him burning up with the fever too. It seemed only a matter of time before they all died. She was ready to break down. Surely she couldn’t hold out much longer without sleep. She fell to her knees beside his bed holding his giant boyish hand in her small ones. Praying with all her heart for an end to this insanity.

*****

“
Sean… drink this… open up!”

He was delirious. In and out of consciousness. Could hear her voice from far away. Too weak to respond he tried to comply but he couldn’t swallow. Sean choked as she forced the vile brew down his throat. A mixture of herbs she had dreamed about and was compelled to try. She kept vigil all night periodically bathing his huge body and force feeding him the foul concoction. She didn’t know if it would work but she did know there was nothing in it that would hurt him. His fever broke the next morning. When she was sure he would recover she climbed the stairs to her own bed falling across it too numb to feel anything. She closed her eyes and slept for the rest of the afternoon and deep into night.

When she finally awoke she was in the field she had seen so many times in her dreams. Only this time she knew it wasn’t a dream. Jaskarra had heard her and brought her here while she slept to escape the madness of it all. Autumn had taken its toll preparing for the wintry months ahead. The flowers were scarce but it was still green and so peaceful. She’d had too many shocks to be upset. His gray eyes were filled with pity. She was so frail. Her purple eyes were wild with grief. He had brought her here to talk to the wind. She sprang instinctively from the ground like a frightened deer screaming like a wounded animal in a burst of fury.

Her wailing echoed far into the distance of the canyons. She punched impotently at the air at an imaginary foe fleeing even faster and harder from the demons that haunted her. He ran after her afraid she might go over the edge of the cliffs blindly. She ran until she dropped. He caught her as she crumbled holding her as she shed the long pent up tears of antipathy until she was too drained to shed one more.

Then as he had so many times in her dreams Jaskarra pulled her into his lap raising his head upward and chanted. Slowly she regained her strength feeling the energy flowing between them. His body radiated his might to her rejuvenating her soul. He stroked her frail body tenderly like one might pet a wounded creature. Everywhere his fingertips palpated she felt tingling. She became increasingly enervated and finally cleansed.

Jaskarra held her for many hours until she was whole once more. Then swiftly he lifted her up on his horse and rode with her back to the outskirts of town where she could begin again with new purpose. She didn’t have to say thank you. The look in her eyes was eloquent enough. He smiled warmly bending down for her fingers to caress his brown jaw line. It was the tenderest of touches. He grasped her hand brushing it lightly with his lips. Not the kiss of a lover but with the intimacy of a soul mate. In the next second he was gone before the remaining white men could spot him.

*****

The town was dead. The only student that survived the epidemic besides Sean was Melissa Scott. Her entire family had been wiped out as had many others. Her fiance had also beaten the odds and in desperation they married without any further ado. The town was being deserted. It had turned into a mausoleum for the living. The ones who wanted to stay had no businesses left to sustain them and the ones that fled to find sanity in other cities left behind most of their possessions afraid of carrying the plague with them. It became a ghost town overnight. Eerie especially at night when the untended buildings rattled with the wind.

Xzan couldn’t bear to leave her home but the day the mercantile closed down she was forced to admit defeat. With winter creeping in and her supplies waning she had to move on to another place. She wasn’t a farmer with crops to survive on. A soft knock on the front door interrupted her packing. Melissa stood uncertainly outside the door dressed in a gray wool traveling gown. Xzan invited her in surprised and glad to have the company. It had grown unbearably lonely in recent weeks. Even Sean was too subdued to be good company.

“
Have a seat let me pour us some coffee.” She invited happily. “Are you and Greg getting ready to leave too?”

The brunette nodded depressed. “None of us have much of a choice do we?”

“
Not really.”

“
I want to tell you something. I don’t know if it would ever mean anything to Sean… but since he lost his whole family like I did…well… I know it would mean something to me. I feel…I can trust you.”

Xzan cocked her head curiously. “What is it?”

Melissa lowered her voice as if she were afraid of being overheard. Flushing with shame.

“
Sean is going to be an Uncle. Greg and I never…I mean…Jason and I… well I didn’t know… and then he died… and Greg thinks it happened on our wedding night.”

Xzan was flabbergasted. Jason’s child. Melissa trusted her enough to confide the biggest secret of her life. She took the other woman’s hand in her own smiling through misty lashes.

“
I’ll let Sean know when the time is right. Thank you for telling me Melissa. They were like family to me too. I want you to try to keep in touch with me. You can post me a letter in care of the office in Angel City. Do you know where you are heading yet?”

Melissa rose and they hugged tearfully. Then she folded a small piece of paper into Xzan’s hand with an address on it.

“
This is Greg’s Aunt. We’ll be staying at her place for a few months until we can settle into one of our own. She’ll know where to reach us if you want to write me.”

She turned to walk away. Xzan called after her curiously. “Melissa I have to know. Did you love him? What would have happened if he had lived?”

Melissa’s brown eyes clouded in pain.

“
He asked me to elope. I wanted to. But my father was so set on having me marry Greg he would have disowned me. To be honest I don’t know what I would actually have done. I wanted to be with Jason. But it’s hard out here without your family close. I come from a big family. I’m glad this is his baby. It’s the one part of him no one can ever take away.”

*****

“
You have to go to your Uncle’s farm Sean. It’s best for you to be with your family. Around other men while your growing into a man. They can give you things that I can’t.”

“
All I want is you!” he protested futilely.

“
Your too young for that kind of responsibility. Nor do I want that kind of relationship with any male. I love you very deeply Sean. Sending you away is killing me. It’s because I do care that I won’t take no for an answer.”

She would brook no arguments. Defeated he rode away with Doc Berry who had promised to see him all the way to his Uncle’s farm. The look of despair clearly marked on his big features as he slumped over in the departing wagon broke her heart. It was all she could do not to call him back. He desperately wanted to be a man and to take care of her. She loved him like a younger brother. She felt like the only person left in the world she could be close to who loved her was truly gone forever.