Single Mom Seeks... (8 page)

Lily still had what felt like shooting stars inside of her, felt every little zing as they zipped around inside of her, bringing her back to life.

It was like she could still feel his lips on hers, was still drowning in all the sweet sensations, so she didn’t quite get what he said the first time.

“What?” she asked.

“Me, slipping in the back door after the girls go to bed tonight. You wouldn’t be comfortable with that, would you?”

She looked up at him dumbly through the darkness.

All those little tingling sensations were still there, all the excitement, all the joy, but it was starting to fade and fade fast.

He expected to be in her bed tonight?

Just like that?

Lily was starting not to feel so good.

She was starting to feel foolish.

“I thought…”
Oh, no.
“You meant…when you said…and you…”

“Yeah, but I understand. I mean, I didn’t think you’d be comfortable with that. What about tomorrow? While the kids are in school? It’ll be just the two of us. No one ever has to know.”

Lily felt like all those really good, tingly feelings drained right out of her, along with all the air in her lungs.

He wasn’t asking her to go out on a date with him.

He just wanted to sleep with her.

She sat back in her chair, wishing she could disappear into the darkness.

Was this what people did these days? Just jump into bed together? Did nobody date? Maybe not. What did she know? She hadn’t been single for a dozen years, after all.

Maybe she should feel flattered instead of shocked and embarrassed.

“I’m sorry,” she said, just wanting to flee. “Really. I am. But, I can’t—”

“Lily?”

“I just…I didn’t know…uh. I have to go.” She jumped up, ready to flee.

He reached for her, got a hold of her hand, but Lily pulled herself free and ran.

He called out to her as she ran, but didn’t try to follow her, for which she was thankful. Lily got inside the kitchen and locked the door behind her. Which seemed ridiculous, but she did it, then put her back to the door and sank down to the floor, just wanting to hide.

It wasn’t like he was going to chase her inside and demand to speak to her, or like the man was overcome with lust for her. He’d simply…made her a proposition, she supposed. One many women might consider quite reasonable, even inviting.

One that made Lily feel like a fool.

She thought he wanted to date her, maybe romance her a bit, flirt with her, tempt her, and then after an appropriate courtship of some sort—whatever that was considered these days—she might let herself fall into bed with him.

But, no!

He just wanted her to run upstairs and take her clothes off for him.

Was that how it was done these days?

She sat there on her kitchen floor, back to the door, feeling absolutely miserable, then realized she’d left the girls in the backyard alone after dark. She stood up, unlocked the door and threw it open, to see if she could hear them playing in the tree house, and there he was, standing in the dark getting ready to knock on her door.

“Damn!” Lily cried. “I didn’t want to leave the girls alone.”

“They’re fine,” he said.

“And I just can’t talk to you right now. I’m sorry. Really. I am. Please don’t make me talk about it.”

“I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do, Lily. I’m not that kind of man,” he said, sounding ever so reasonable and calm.

“I know you’re not. I didn’t mean to imply that. I feel foolish enough as it is, and right now, I just don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Okay. How about I sit out here and keep track of your girls, so you can have some time to yourself. And when you’re ready, you can call them to come inside?”

She sniffled, fighting back tears that would have made her feel even more ridiculous, and said, “That would be nice.”

“Okay. I’ll do that.”

Try as she might, she couldn’t read any kind of inflection into his words. Not amusement, not mockery, not anything close to annoyance.

He seemed to be the most reasonable man in the world right now, which prompted her to add, “I know I’m being ridiculous. I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” he said.

“I just…” She took a shaky breath, and then turned her face away.

“Lily, I’m sorry I upset you. I thought we wanted the same thing, but obviously, I was wrong. I’m going to sit in the backyard until the girls come in, and if you change your mind and want to talk to me, that’s where I’ll be. And if you don’t ever want to talk about this again, that’s fine, too. I’m sorry I offended you.”

L
ily stood there and watched him walk back to the yard, and then she closed her door and locked it again, just because she wanted to. Then sank back down to her floor, as hot, stupid tears rolled down her cheeks.

She was so mad at the world she could hardly stand it.

Then she grabbed the phone off the countertop beside her and called her sister.

“I am so stupid!” she announced when Marcy answered the phone.

It sounded like complete chaos in the background, which it often did at Marcy’s house. Kids yelling, the dog barking, the TV going.

“John!” Marcy yelled to her husband. “Do not say another word,” she told Lily. “Not until John gets here to take care of the kids and get them fed, because I want to hear every word. Every single one.”

“Okay,” Lily agreed, thinking to use the time to pull herself together.

“John, I have to talk to Lily. Please just take care of things for a few minutes.”

Lily could hear Marcy moving through the house, probably going to hide in the garage, which she often did to get away from all the noise in her house.

“There,” Marcy said, nothing but quiet in the background. “Now, tell me. What did he do? I know he did something! I knew he would! Tell me everything right this instant!”

Lily sighed, all the words getting stuck in her throat. “You don’t understand. It’s not good—”

“What do you mean, it’s not good? I saw the way the man looked, and the way he looked at you. Of course it’s good.”

“I thought he was asking me out on a date,” Lily admitted pitifully.

“Yes. Dates are good,” Marcy said, ever cheerful. “They’re a very good way to start. So? Tell me.”

“He wasn’t asking me out. He just wants to sneak into my house after the girls go to bed, to sneak into my bed. Tonight, hopefully. Or maybe tomorrow while the girls are in school!”

“Oh,” Marcy said.

“Oh? What do you mean, oh? You don’t even sound surprised. Am I not supposed to even be surprised by this? I mean, is this what dating is like these days? Someone asking if you’d like to hop into bed with them? Of course, I guess you wouldn’t call that dating, would you? I’m so out of touch, I don’t even know what to call it, Marcy. What do I call it? Just so I know, because apparently, this is what my life is going to be like. I should at least know what to call it!”

“Lily, honey, breathe,” Marcy said. “Take a big, slow breath.”

Lily, instead, tried to hold back more tears and ended up hiccupping and sniffling in Marcy’s ear.

“Now, tell me again, very slowly. I mean, the man just didn’t walk up to you and ask if he could let himself in the back door later, did he?”

“No,” Lily admitted. “We were talking…about how hard it is to date with kids. Or I thought we were talking about how hard it is to date with kids. I guess he was talking about how hard it is to have a sex life when you have kids, and I was agreeing that…you know…it would be awkward, and that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have the girls know I was…seeing anyone. They’re not even done getting used to the fact that we’re divorced. And then…I don’t know. I thought we were going out to dinner. He thought we were going to bed.”

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”

“So, is this it? Am I supposed to just…go along with this or be alone forever?”

“You are not going to be alone forever,” Marcy insisted.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Lily cried. “I just don’t fit in this world anymore. I’ve been married forever, and I thought it was going to last forever, and it didn’t, and now…I don’t know what to do.”

“Lily, I know it’s been just rotten for you, and I’m so sorry—”

“And I didn’t even want this,” she complained. “I didn’t go looking for it. I was fine, just fine, right here with the girls and my house and my family. I was fine! And he just showed up next door, all big and gorgeous and sweaty, making me remember all these things I didn’t want to remember. Making me want things I’m scared to want! It’s all so unfair, and it just makes me so mad. And I feel so ridiculous right now!”

She was crying again by the time she was done.

“I hate this,” Lily said. “I just hate it!”

“I know. I’m sorry. But it’s going to get better, I promise.”

“How can it possibly get better? I just made an absolute fool of myself, and it’s not like I can avoid the man. He lives right next door!”

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think,” Marcy reasoned.

Lily groaned. “I ran away from him. I ran inside my house and locked the door behind him and hid behind the door, so he couldn’t see me. I’m sitting on my kitchen floor, behind a locked door, hiding from a grown man. It’s bad. It’s so ridiculously bad.”

“Well, we all make mistakes….” Marcy tried.

“And he was even nice about it. I was stupid and crying and practically incoherent, and he was nice even then. He’s a nice man, and even he doesn’t want anything except to have a woman hop into bed with him,” Lily cried.

“Honey, you’re just out of practice with men, that’s all—”

“Well, if this is what it’s like, I don’t want to practice.” Practice implied doing something over and over again until she got it right, and there was no way Lily was going to do something like this again and again until she understood it and could play this game.

She had no desire to play this game.

But then…

The word
desire
stopped her right in her tracks.

Because he’d kissed her. Really and truly kissed her, and it had been…absolutely…delicious.

There was no other word that applied.

Extravagantly, wonderfully delicious.

“Wait?” said Marcy. “What was that? You must not have told me everything.”

Lily sighed. “Okay…he kissed me.”

“There we go.” Marcy was happy now.

“And…”
Damn.
“I felt like I was sixteen years old again and had never been kissed before,” Lily admitted.

“Ohh, geez,” Marcy groaned. “That good?”

“Absolutely that good.”

“So, then…I’m sorry, but I have to say this. What would be so wrong about thoroughly enjoying yourself with this man?”

Jake was putting Lily’s lawn mower away the next weekend when he spotted Andie spying on his house once again.

At least, it looked like she was spying.

Why would she be spying on his house?

Jake pressed his back against the side of Lily’s garage, nothing but half his face sticking out, so he could watch without her seeing.

Andie walked by the front of the house once, going really slowly, like she was trying to see inside the front windows or maybe around the side to the deck.

No way she was looking for him. He could hope, but he’d be wrong.

Did she really think there was something going on between his uncle and her mother? And if she did, why all the sneaking around like this? Why didn’t she just ask her mother about it?

“Jake?”

He jumped at the sound of the voice off to his right, when he’d been looking left, and turned around to see Lily standing there, giving him an odd look.

“Yes?” Then he remembered Andie spying on his house, and jumped back to press his back against the inside of the garage.

“Are you okay?” Lily asked.

“Yes,” he claimed. “Just…I was…I think…Andie’s out there.”

“Oh,” Lily said, like it made sense that he’d hide in Lily’s garage, rather than take a chance Andie Graham might notice him and say something to him.

Jake made a disgusted sound. “I guess that’s pretty stupid, huh? Her being out there, me hiding in here. I was just…surprised.”

“Believe me, I know what that’s like,” Lily said.

Yeah, he thought she might.

Because something was wrong with Lily, something that started the day after they finished the tree house. Lily had made them all dinner, steaks on the grill that were fabulous, and then Jake had gone inside, leaving her and his uncle and the girls outside.

His uncle had been a bear ever since, and Lily had been…quiet and kind of sad, Jake thought.

He wanted to ask if they’d had some kind of fight, if Lily was mad, and if Jake could do anything to help, then thought of Andie spying on his house.

Was this about Andie’s mom and his uncle Nick?

Was Andie looking for her mom at Jake’s house? And Lily mad because she thought there was something going on between Nick and Andie’s mom?

“He’s not seeing Andie’s mom,” Jake just blurted out.

Lily looked completely taken aback, aghast and then trying to cover, failing miserably.

“Sorry,” Jake said. “I thought you and my uncle had some kind of fight, and then I thought it might be about Andie’s mom. But it’s not. I mean, I don’t know what it’s about, but if it is about Andie’s mom…he’s not seeing her. I mean, I haven’t seen her at the house or anywhere with him. Not since that first time in the kitchen…. You did know about that time in the kitchen, right?”

Lily nodded. “Thanks, Jake. But it wasn’t about Andie’s mom.”

“Okay. Just trying to help.”

“I know.” Lily smiled gently at him.

“If you like, I could talk to him for you,” Jake offered. “I mean, if there’s anything I could do…I’d try. He’s really grumpy and unhappy, if that helps.”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t want him to be grumpy and unhappy.”

“Then you should talk to him, because he’s been that way ever since Sunday night.”

“Making your life miserable, is he?” Lily asked.

Jake shrugged. “He’s certainly not any fun to be around like this.”

“Sorry. Really, I am.”

Jake glanced back outside. “There’s Andie again. I don’t get it. What’s she doing? I mean, it looks like she’s looking for her mom. That’s what she was doing last time I saw her over here, but I was just at the house. Her mom’s not there, and I haven’t seen her mother there in weeks.”

“Why don’t you just go ask her?” Lily suggested.

Jake took a breath and told himself to act like a man—not like his grumpy, unhappy uncle—and just go talk to the woman.

“What do I say?” he asked, completely at a loss.

“Ask her if there’s anything you can do to help her.”

“Oh.” That seemed simple enough. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

Lily laughed, looking not quite miserable for the first time in days, and wished him luck.

He walked right up to Andie, remembering at the very last second that he’d just finished mowing Lily’s lawn, that he was drenched in sweat and a little grease from the mower and had yard clippings clinging to him in all sorts of places.

“Aw, hell,” he muttered.

Andie whirled around, apparently close enough to hear, and looked really unhappy to see him.

Way to go, Jake.

“Hi,” Jake said, because it was too late to back out now.

“Hi,” she said cautiously, looking so sad.

“I was just next door, mowing the grass, and saw you walking by,” he said, which he supposed made it sound like he was spying on her, which he was. But he sure didn’t have to tell her that. “Are you…Do you need something? Can I help? Because, I would, if there’s anything I could do.”

She shrugged and shook her head. “I’m just looking for my mom.”

Jake nodded.

She couldn’t keep track of her mom?

What was that about?

He’d never really spent any time keeping track of his mother. It had always been the other way around—her trying to keep track of him.

“Well, I haven’t seen her around here in a few weeks. And I’m pretty sure there’s nothing going on between her and my uncle, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not worried,” she insisted, though everything about her expression said she was. “I just…Sometimes she takes off and…forgets to tell me where she is, and…I just need to find her.”

“Oh. Not answering her cell phone?”

Andie shook her head.

“Well, when’s the last time you saw her?” Jake tried, thinking this was getting weirder and weirder.

Her mom just disappeared and left her daughter all alone and worrying about her?

“Last night,” Andie whispered.

Jake was sure he’d misunderstood. “She didn’t come home last night?”

Andie nodded. “Okay, you have to swear you won’t tell anybody about this—”

“Sure. Okay. I swear.”

“I’m not sure if she came home or not. She went out, and then I went to bed, and…uh…when I got up this morning, she wasn’t there. I mean, she might have come home and gone to sleep and just gotten up early and gone out again. I’m probably being silly. I mean…she’s a mother. What’s she going to do? It’s not like she has a curfew or friends she’s not allowed to see. I just…sometimes I worry about her. That’s all.”

“Well, sure you do,” Jake said.

He’d never really worried about his mother or father, and look what had happened to them. They’d gone out to the store and never come back. Andie’s mother disappearing overnight sure sounded like reason to worry to him.

“You want to come inside, and we can talk about this and maybe figure out what to do?” he offered.

Andie hesitated. “I just really want to find my mom.”

“Well, we can go inside and make sure she’s not there,” Jake tried.

“Okay,” Andie agreed.

Lily watched from the garage as Jake talked to Andie and was happy for him when the girl followed Jake inside.

At least things were going well for someone.

She’d been steadfastly trying to avoid any contact with Nick, which was hard, and she knew she was being silly, but she still hadn’t managed to make herself talk to him and try to clear the air.

She just felt so foolish and wished she could just disappear into thin air.

Honestly, to be a grown woman and feeling this way was beyond ridiculous.

She went inside, grabbed a glass of water, after working in the yard most of the afternoon, and was thinking of finding something to eat when the phone rang, and she answered it without even looking to see who was calling.

“Lily?” The voice was nothing but a whisper, but she knew who it was.

Nick.

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to talk to me, but…I didn’t know who else to call,” he said, still whispering.