Sinners & Saints (Sinners & Saints #1) (12 page)

           
“Where
are you taking that plate of food?” Cody asks me, staring at my plate of
waffles and eggs and bacon.

           
“To
my room, you mind?”

           
He
shrugs, not putting any more thought into it. I head to my room where my guest
is waiting for me.

I always have to refrain myself from
smiling when I look at her. Scarlett taught me to never show them we care. I
guess Hugo isn’t the only one who needs to be reclaimed.

           
“Hi,”
I say to Margaret who is naked in my bed, holding onto the pillow where I had
laid my head last night. She missed me. I know she did even if she doesn’t.

           
“Hey,”
she softly says. The corners of her lips turn up. “What’s that?”

           
“I
brought you breakfast.” I set the plate in front of her and get back into bed
in my silk black robe.

           
“Thank
you,” she says, her brow scrunched up as she stares at the plate. She’s shocked
at my gesture.

           
“I’m
not a total bitch, MJ.”

           
She
sighs and looks at me with guilt. “No… you’re not. That’s my thing. Again, I’m
so sorry I showed up like that and said those rude things to you.”

           
“It’s
alright. You made up for it last night.” I comb my fingers through her light
brown hair. Her hair feels so smooth and soft and it always smells of mango and
strawberry. Her hazel green eyes peer up at me as she feeds herself eggs. Every
time she looks at me, my breath gets taken away. See cheesy shit like that is
what happens when you have feelings.

           
“I
should get ready to go.” She says after eating everything, setting the plate
off to the side. “My father has this thing he wants me to go to.” She stares
down at her lap.

           
“You
mean he wants you to make an appearance with your boyfriend.”

           
“He’s
not my boyfriend.” She frowns, but doesn’t look at me.

           
“Oh,
just like you’re not into girls?”

           
She
smacks her lips and shakes her head. “This is just… a thing.”

           
“A
thing,” I let out a huff. “Oh, don’t be so stereotypical.”

           
“Paul
and I are just good friends who used to date and you and I-”

           
“Are
just fucking,” I say to her straight, no emotion, no care in the world… at
least I think. I’m not as good as Hugo. I never can seem to mirror myself when
it comes to her. I just hope that I’m being badass, not wearing my emotions on
my sleeve.

           
She
seems hurt by my finishing statement, though. She looks at me, her eyes showing
concern and disbelief. “Do you really not have any emotion?”

           
“Do
you really not accidentally call me sometimes and hang up?” Her eyes still. I
smirk, leaning in and press my lips against hers. Wasting no time deepening it,
tasting everything she has to offer, which is not a lot. All she offers me is
moments. A brief period of pleasure and even romance.

Now the moments over. She stops the
kiss and gets out of my bed, throwing back on the sweats she came over in. I
feel the loss. It’s always there when she leaves.

I’ll see you around,” I say as she
throws her hood over her head and opens my door. She looks back at me and her
eyes say it all. She’s just not strong enough to let what’s in them out.

Stay. Choose me. Stay. It’s okay.
Choose me. Stay.

Those are the words that are on the tip
of my tongue. Always. But I never let them fall out of my mouth. So, I guess
you can say neither of us is strong. She leaves and I can finally breathe. I
hate feelings.

           
“You
know she’s not very bright when it comes to being discrete when leaving out.”
Juliet laughs a little, leaning on my doorframe.

           
“I
think she knows everyone here is aware. I think oddly she trusts they won’t say
anything.” I light up a cigarette.

           
“You
want to talk about it?”

           
“Is
that what we’re doing? Being besties and talking about our unrequited
romances,” I rudely say to her.

           
“I
don’t have one of those and being a bitch is not going to make me go away.” She
hops on my bed and crosses her legs in front of me.

           
“You
do have that. That’s quite clear, especially with this morning.”

           
“I
was only testing her.”

           
“I
think you were testing yourself.” I exhale the smoke, my eyes narrowed on hers.
She averts them.
 
“So tell me. What
is it about you that makes you want to save Hugo from Scarlett’s clutches?”

           
“Oh,
please.” She rolls her eyes. “I hardly know the bastard.”

           
“Okay,
how about this. I tell you the truth about me and you tell me the truth about
you.”

           
She
smirks, “Okay.”

           
I
think, no… I know I’m doing this because I have been dying to confess and
Juliet is the perfect candidate for a therapist. My last one cost too fucking
much and she didn’t help one bit.

           
“I…”
I hold up my finger. “If you mutter this to anyone, I will have to kill you.”

           
She
holds up her hands in agreement. I take one last deep breath.

           
“I…
am in love with Margaret Jacobs.”

           
Her
eyes squint. “I thought you didn’t do love?”

           
“That
bullshit is only Hugo and Scarlett. I truly believe in love. I saw it with my
parents and no matter how many affairs they both had, it was as if when they
are around each other, you could truly feel the depths of that love. My mom
forgave my dad for all his indiscretions because she loved him and he loved
her. They fool around because they just can’t get enough of each other. They
insult each other profusely, but it’s as if they are better now than when they
were married. Same amount of fights but it’s easy for them to make up now. But
yes I do love her. I figured it out the second time we hooked up.” My face
scrunches up. “I watched her sleep like an idiot. I was so disgusted with
myself. I mean Margaret Jacobs
—
of all the
bi-curious debutantes, I had to fall for the most uptight, shallow,
self-centered, and morbidly insecure one.”

           
“Um,
I think that’s the demographic for most debutantes.”

           
“Hmph,
point taken.” We both laugh.

           
“Why
don’t you just tell her that?” Juliet insists and I look at her like she’s
grown two heads.

           
“Are
you serious? And let my heart get broken? No.” I shake my head and ash out the
cigarette in the gold ashtray on my nightstand. “Margaret will always do what
daddy wants and I don’t have time for it. I will not give her the satisfaction
of making a complete fool of myself over her.”

           
“But
you will reduce to letting her make a complete fool out of herself over you?”

           
I
shrug. “We hurt the ones we love before they get to hurt us first.”

           
“That
is truly fucked up! Fucked up people in this house surround me.” We both laugh
again.

           
“So,
now its your turn,” I remind her. “What is with you?”

           
She
looks away for a moment then back at me. “Well it takes a fuck up to know one.
I used to be all of you for a moment.”

           
“I
figured. Well, Hugo figured from your Facebook page.”

           
She
laughs a little before continuing. “I was a true bitch when I was younger. I
would trample over anyone in my way to get what I wanted. It wasn’t because my
parents were horrible. My mom could be a bit much but not enough for me to be
‘woe is me.’ It was just because I had access to everything and all I did was
take it for granted. I’d talk shit all the time about not being a virgin, but
that was loads of bull. At fourteen, the guy I did want to lose my virginity to
ended up sleeping with my best mate at the time.” She laid her palm on her
chest, dramatically gasps, raising her nose and chin up. “I found it highly
appalling that he would choose a girl whose parents made less than mine.” We
both laugh before she continues. “So, at this party we all played a game of
truth or dare and I used the game to completely annihilate her. When she picked
truth, I made her confess to the rumors of her father’s addiction to
prostitutes and underage interns, also her mother’s overindulgence on wine and
Xanax. Then when she finally chose dare, I thought it would be funny to dare
her to jump from the roof into the pool naked. It was four stories up from it
and I never bloody thought she would do it.” Juliet’s eyes tear up as she
pauses. I’m guessing this story doesn’t have a happy ending. “She landed in the
pool… but not before her upper body hit the concrete.”

           
“Shit,”
I say, wincing.

           
“Yeah,”
she faintly smiles. “Got hurt really bad… she almost died from swelling of the
brain and just...” She closes her eyes. “I just remember there was so much
blood.”

           
“So,
what happened after that?”

           
She
opened her eyes. A tear falls and she quickly wipes it away. “Everyone told me
to forget all about it. It’s what they did. She became a social pariah. The
girl who stupidly jumped off the roof… and got brain damage because of it. She
gets seizures. They’re very dangerous. So dangerous that one can kill her. I
didn’t tell any of my so-called mates, but I brought her schoolwork for a whole
year every day. She wouldn’t see me for that whole year, but I still did it
because I just needed her to know that I was sorry. That I couldn’t ignore it
like the rest of them. Finally, she talked to me.”

           
“Let
me guess, she spat in your face.”

           
“No,
I wanted her to. I wanted her to so badly and the funny thing is that I didn’t
realize how badly I wanted her to until after…” She trails off and the suspense
is killing me.

           
“After
what?”

           
“After
she forgave me.”

           
My
eyes broaden in disbelief. Juliet painfully smiles, nodding her head.

           
“Yeah…
she forgave me.”

           
“Why?”

           
“She
said because… if the roles were reversed, she would’ve done the same exact
thing.”

           
“That’s
real,” I say, exhaling the smoke and dumping the cigarette in the tray. “I
still don’t get why she jumped, though. If it was me, fuck that.”

           
“Yeah,
I still didn’t either so I asked her.”

           
“What
did she say?”

           
“She
wanted to fly. She wanted to fly away from it all. She wanted to be free.”

           
“She
wanted to die,” I translate.

           
“Yes,
she did. I know that. She still does. I saw her before I left and she’s pretty
sick. Her seizures have gotten worse. She told me, “When I die, you better be
at my fucking funeral bitch.”

           
I
laugh. I like this girl already.

           
“We
text. Well, she texts me. I’m only allowed to text her back when she does. Her
rules and I obey of course. I love it though. She has a personal assistant that
writes her texts and tweets for her, but they are her words.”

“Because she can’t use her hands?”

“No, she can, her parents just got her
a personal assistant out of guilt. She’s always wanted one.”

“She’s a great girl. After everything I
said, fuck it. Fuck everyone that prides themselves on being zombies. Eating
through everyone they can get their hands on. I guess that’s how I became who I
am today. Jessie did that for me. My
mormor
too. I wanted to be free too. I didn’t want to get like Jessie. So deep where I
thought death was the only way.”

           
I
nod in agreement. Juliet is an unsung redeemer. I admire her. Here are the rest
of us thinking that because we are known as the bad people that openly do their
dirty work, not caring what people think of them that made us better and
different. We thought we were different, but in the end we all still fit the description
of the spoiled rotten, careless creatures we were rooted to be. At least we’re
cooler, though.