Sins of Summer (31 page)

As soon as the meal was over, Wiley picked up his shotgun and ambled off toward the bunkhouse.

“He doesn’t go anywhere without that gun,” Dory said. “He thinks Milo will try to kill him.”

“I have a feeling that old wolf can take care of himself.” Ben moved back from the table. Jeanmarie slid off her stool and
climbed onto his lap.

“Oh, honey, don’t. Ben’s been hurt.” Dory reached to lift her down.

Ben shifted the child higher onto his lap, moving her so that she didn’t lean on his injured arm.

“You’re not hurting me, are you, curly-top?”

Jeanmarie grinned up at her mother, snuggled closer to Ben and put her head on his chest. Her small hand moved up to rest
against his neck.

“He likes me, Mama.”

Dory’s eyes flashed quickly to Ben’s. They looked as if they were seeking something. Sadness sagged the corners of her mouth
as she turned away.

Ben held the child and watched the women remove the empty bowls and plates from the table, wash the dishes and put the kitchen
in order. He feasted his eyes on Dory’s slim, neat figure. He knew she was hurting, but she kept her back straight and her
head up. A wave of possessiveness came over him. Suddenly what he wanted was clear in his mind. He wanted Dory to be his.
He wanted this child in his lap to be his. He wanted to belong to the two of them.

James was restless. He smoked several cigarettes, thumbed through a
Police Gazette,
and finally went outside.

Deep in thought, Ben was unaware that Jeanmarie was asleep until Dory came to him.

“I’ll take her upstairs.”

“I’ll do it. You shouldn’t lift her until your ribs have healed.” He shifted the child to lie against his shoulder and followed
Dory out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

To Dory’s surprise, Ben stayed in the room while she undressed Jeanmarie, slipped the nightdress over her head, and tucked
her in bed. From time to time she glanced at him. He leaned against the wall and watched her.

Dory began to wonder what kind of a lover he would be. Would he be gentle or would he pounce on her and demand his rights?
If she were married to him, those hands, so generously sprinkled with fine black hair, would touch her in her most intimate
places. He was looking at her, his head tilted to one side, his eyes as deep as the sea. Not a muscle twitched in his face,
nor did a smile appear on his lips. Because he was looking at her so intently, the blood rushed to her face and she felt a
bit giddy.

“We brought the mattress in from James’s room so Odette could be in here with me and Jeanmarie.” She had told him that before,
but she said it again to break the silence.

When Ben didn’t speak, Dory cleared her throat. It felt as dry as dust. She purposely kept her eyes on the wall beside his
head. Just when she thought he would never move, he straightened and held out his hand. Dory looked at it stupidly at first,
then put her hand in his.

He pulled her to him, put his arms around her and held her in a gentle, protective embrace. Leaning on him, she closed her
eyes, feeling the beat of his life’s blood, his breath on her upturned face. This was a moment she would keep in her heart
forever.

Ben reached out and turned the lamp wick until there was only the barest light in the room.

“Will we bother the baby if we talk in here?”

“Nothing bothers her once she’s sleeping.”

He led her over to the mattress on the floor, sank down and pulled her down beside him. He sat with his back to the wall,
his long legs stretched out in front of him, and, with his arm around her, drew her close. Dory laid her head on his shoulder
with a sense of wonder that this was happening.

Was he only offering strength and comfort?

Had she come into his arms willingly or because he had fought for her?

“I don’t know where to begin,” Ben said softly. “I’m not good with words.”

Dory found his hand and gently rubbed her fingers over his bruised and broken knuckles.

“You did all right last night. Louis believed you.”

“I meant every word I said to him. What I want to say to you is much more important.”

“Then say it,” she whispered fearfully.

“I want a family.” The words came out shakily. He paused, and when he spoke again his voice was firm and full of purpose.
“Tonight the baby called me papa. I want to be her papa. I want the two of you and Odette to be my family.”

“Oh, Ben! I want that too.” Dory felt as if she had been lifted out of a black pit.

“You must know some things about me before you agree to spend your life with me.”

“Your past has nothing to do with now. If you’re willing to take me and my child— Oh, Ben, I’ve hoped and prayed for a man
like you.”

“Wait, Dory. I want you to know about me before you make a decision that will affect your life and mine for as long as we
live.”

“I’ve already made it. Nothing you will say will change my mind.”

“I was thrust upon my aunt and uncle because there wasn’t anyone else to take care of me,” he began doggedly, ignoring what
she had said.

“Oh… Ben.” She hated the idea that he had been a lonely little boy.

“They had no children of their own, didn’t even like them. I was ten years old before I realized that there were families
that laughed together, cared for one another.”

He told her about being sent to prison for murdering his uncle.

“How awful for a young boy.”

“Honey, I might have been a boy in years, but by the time I went to that prison, I was a man and knew how to take care of
myself. If I hadn’t had to scratch and claw all my life, they would have broken me. You’ve no idea what goes on in those places.”

“Thank God you got out!” Dory leaned back so that she could see his face. “I want to cry when I think of you there.”

“After the first couple of years it wasn’t so bad. In fact, the years with Tom Caffery, who was like a father to me, were
the best of my life up to then. He’s the one who taught me about the engines. When I met him, I could hardly read and write.
He taught me to appreciate fine paintings and good books. He made me see that I was worth something, that other people would
see me as I see myself. Now I know that I loved that old man. At the time I didn’t know it. The last few years of his life
he was in constant pain. I like to think that I partially repaid him for all he had done for me.”

“You don’t have to tell me any of this.”

“I want to. We’ve got to level with each other.”

Dory’s heart soared. Utterly happy, she curled against him.

He told about meeting the girl at the boardinghouse and about the letter he received thirteen years later.

“Odette was the surprise awaiting me. The woman swore that she was my daughter. At first I didn’t believe it, but given Odette’s
age and birthdate it could be true. I decided I couldn’t take the chance that she
wasn’t
mine. She’s been with me three years.”

“She’s a daughter you can be proud of.”

“There is no way for me to know for sure if Odette is of my flesh and blood, but she is my daughter. She’ll always be my daughter.”
It nagged at his mind that he should tell her of the possibility that Odette could be Milo’s or Louis’s daughter, but he couldn’t
bring himself to talk about it.

“Oh, Ben. You are a good man. A truly good man.”

“Well, there it is. I’m no prize, but I’ll take care of you and your daughter the best I can and I will never, never hurt
you.” His stroked her cheek tenderly with his fingertips.

The vow was made so sincerely that Dory wanted to cry. In this moment of closeness, with his arms around her, she wanted to
tell him that a miracle had happened. All her life she had longed to belong to someone whole-heartedly and to have him hold
her as if she were something precious.

“Are you asking me to marry you?” she whispered. She tipped her head and touched his neck with her lips.

“I’m asking you to think about it. Give yourself a little time to think about what I’ve told you.”

“I don’t have to think about it. I’ve waited for you all my life.”

“I want no part of the Callahan Lumber Company. You can give your shares to James. We’ll take Odette and Jeanmarie and start
up over near Spokane or go south to Boise. I’ve got money put back to start a small business.”

“You don’t want to stay here?”

Dory’s happiness began to fade. Did he want to take her where people wouldn’t know she’d had a child out of wedlock?

“If I stayed, I’d end up killing one or both of your half-brothers. It could land me back in prison.”

“What about James?”

“He’ll no longer be responsible for you. He can do as he pleases.”

Dory felt tears building behind her closed lids. How could she go from here and leave James? Yet, she loved this man with
all her heart and soul.

“Ben, you haven’t said you… cared for me. I won’t marry just to have someone take care of me.”

He tilted her chin with a gentle finger.

“I like you more than any woman I’ve ever met. I’ve never even thought about spending my life with one woman until now. I
want to live with you, take care of you, grow old with you. I want to sleep with you in my arms every night for the rest of
my life. I want to see your belly swell with my child—a son or daughter with a mop of curly hair. I want you for my wife.”

He hadn’t said the love words she wanted to hear. She tried not to be disappointed.

“Thank you for telling me,” she whispered.

“I want to kiss you, but I don’t dare. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

“Your lips are as sore as mine. I’d hurt you too.”

He wrapped her in his arms with gentle strength and nuzzled his face in her hair.

“I need to know if you care for me,” he whispered with a nervous catch in his voice.

“I love you,” she said simply. “I’d not even consider marrying you if I didn’t love you. I knew when you came here that you
were a man I could love. That’s why I was so afraid you wouldn’t stay.”

Ben was awed. No one had ever said those words to him before. He sat there, holding her gently, rubbing her back, and he knew
that this was where he belonged: here with her.

“Mama and Papa loved each other,” she said dreamily. “They seemed to know each other’s thoughts. When she died, the light
went out of his life.”

Ben cupped the back of her head with his hand and let his fingers slide up into the thick curls. He had not known how sweet
it would be to hold her. Through the layers of clothing, his and hers, he felt her soft breasts, her hip tight against his,
and a current of passion flowed through him, hardening his groin.

Would Dory be shocked if her hand dropped to his lap? Or would she enjoy that part of their life together? Dear God, he hoped
so. The only woman he had ever been with who had wanted
him
was Odette’s mother long ago. The others had wanted the coins he placed on the table.

Dory was experiencing a heady feeling of pleasure in being held in Ben’s arms. She refused to think about anything but the
present. He loved her even if he couldn’t say the words. She would wrap him in her love so that he would never be lonely again.

“You’re a sweet woman, Dory.” His voice came softly again. She could feel his face in her hair.

“You don’t mind my bobbed hair?”

“I like it. There’d not be much danger over a campfire or of being hung up in a briar patch.” She felt the silent chuckles
against the cheek pressed to his chest and heard the steady thrum of his heart.

“Jeanmarie loves you and Odette. Thank you for being so patient with her.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. I like the little tyke. I’m thinking you were like that when you were her age.”

“I had a mama and a papa.”

“She’ll have a papa.”

Dory felt a peace like the calm following a vicious storm. She wanted to see his face and tilted her head. The silver-gray
eyes looking down into hers were warm and caring. He moved his face until his lips could reach her mouth. The touch was feather
light. Dory felt as if she were drunk with happiness.

“Ben, I don’t care what you’ve been.” Her voice was choked with emotion. “What you are now is what I love. And you wouldn’t
be, if you hadn’t lived your life as you have so far. Do you understand what I mean?”

“Right now I’m having trouble understanding anything. It’s hard to think clearly holding you like this.” His hand stroked
her arm, and where her hand rested against his side, she felt him tremble. “I picked a hell of a time to hold you. We’re both
sore from the banging we took. I keep wanting to touch like this”—his fingers stroked her breasts—“or kiss your lips—”

“—You can.”

“I don’t dare. I wouldn’t want to stop.” He pulled her up onto his lap, cuddled her against him. She lifted an arm to encircle
his neck. “I’ll be content with this… for now.”

Odette lingered in the kitchen when Ben didn’t immediately come back after carrying Jeanmarie upstairs. She sat down at the
table and opened the book James had given her to read, but she couldn’t keep her mind on the written word. Her eyes kept going
to the door. She wished with all her heart that he would come back in while she was here alone.

With her head bent over the book, she stared at the page and relived every minute she had spent with him, what he had said,
the touch of his hand, the warm look in his eyes. She had thought he liked her, but since she had recovered from her illness,
he had been distant. At times he ignored her.

Glory! A man like James wouldn’t want a girl who couldn’t hear. He would want a pretty girl, a girl he could talk to in the
dark, one who didn’t have to see his lips to know what he was saying. Misery washed over her. She had been foolish to dream
that someday he would come to her, take her in his arms and tell her he loved her.

She looked up and he was there… looking at her. Her face turned fiery red.
Had she said aloud the words she had been thinking?
She jumped to her feet to flee. He was across the room in two bounds and took her hand before she could reach the door. Gently,
he turned her face up to his so that she could see his lips when he spoke.