Siren in Bloom [Texas Sirens 6] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) (12 page)

He led Janine to the hallway where the stairs began that led up to the playroom.

“Damn, this must be serious. Is Wolf all right? Did the Navy damage him? Does he need help?”

Even years later, Janine still cared about Wolf. His brother made an impression. “I want to know if I was a good husband.”

Her eyes widened. Her hand tightened on his. “Oh, sweetie, what’s going on?”

“Wolf showed up today and I was kind of a dick, and he made me question a few things.” Leo ran a hand across his head, pushing his hair back. “I started to think that maybe I haven’t been the best brother.”

“What did he say?”

“He said something about me being harder on the people close to me than I am on people who don’t mean as much. Like I sacrifice my relationships for my patients because it’s easier to sink myself into them.”

“Smart man. Wolf always claimed he didn’t have a brain in his gorgeous head, but he was so emotionally intelligent.”

Leo’s felt his eyes roll. “He’s not that gorgeous.”

Janine’s lips curved up. “Oh, baby brother is one hot hunk of man, but he’s also right. Do you really want the truth? As your ex-wife and a psychiatrist?”

No. He didn’t want either. He wanted her to tell him that he’d been perfect and it was all her fault that she’d fallen in love with another man. But he knew deep down that was wrong. “Just give it to me, Janine. Come on. Haven’t you waited years for me to ask you for your professional opinion?”

Two shrinks should never marry each other. They never stopped the psychoanalyzing long enough to have a relationship. Yet, when he’d gone into the marriage, he’d gone in with his eyes open. He’d been pretty sure it would fail.

Janine turned her blue eyes up, and that piercing intelligence pinned him. “You’re right. You always have paid more attention to your patients than your personal life. You do it for the same reason you greatly prefer to flirt with unavailable women. You have a deep-seated fear of responsibility.”

“I sure as fuck don’t,” he shot back. He hadn’t been prepared for that. He’d been ready to listen to her talk about his commitment issues, but no one ever claimed he didn’t take responsibility. He preached it.

She shrugged, not at all upset by his hostility. “You do, Leo. Oh, you’re committed to your patients, but that’s a professional thing. It doesn’t involve your heart and soul. It’s an intellectual exercise that brings you pleasure. You enjoy fixing people, and when you’ve fixed them, you move on to the next damaged soul. But here’s what you don’t understand, Leo. Your brand of therapy is very personal for patients. You make them your friends. They come to trust you and love you, and when you’re done, you move on.”

Fuck
. Had he really done that? He didn’t take on many patients, but now that he thought about it, he hadn’t talked to Trev in months. He’d been Trev McNamara’s rock for three years, and he’d not once called just to see how the man was.

“Julian misses you.”

Leo stared down at her. “I haven’t left Julian. I’m right where I’ve been for ten years.”

She shook her head. “No, you’re not. I had lunch with him the other day. I asked about you, and we talked. He misses his friend. Before he got married, you spent time with him. Now you’ve waved a wand and declared him fixed and moved on to the next person who needs attention, but Julian misses you. He finally gets the lesson about how to truly care about the people around him and you’ve moved on.”

He hadn’t meant to. It had just been easier to do his job. Julian hadn’t needed him anymore. Except maybe he had and Leo was too self-absorbed to see it. “Why did you leave me?”

Her smile turned sad. “Because you fixed me, too, Leo. You took a woman who had been abused and helped turn me into a fully functional human being capable of great love. But I wanted to be loved, too. I wanted someone to be passionate about me, and that was never going to be you. I’m not sure why you married me. Maybe because it seemed like the only way to gain my trust and set me free, but I had to repay the favor. You think I left you for another man, but he was a convenient excuse. I needed to let you go or you would have just gone on the way you were going. The only true passions in your life would have been intellectual.”

“But you married him.” He could still remember the day she’d told him she was leaving him. He’d said all the right things, but if he was honest deep down, he’d been a bit relieved. Their marriage had been a mistake.

“Yes. A happy accident. It turns out that when I did something good for the man I loved, I found the one who loved me, and Leo, that’s been the joy of my life. I woke up one day and realized that bald lawyer was the best thing that ever happened to me. And you made that possible. I’ll love you until the day I die for that, Leo. But I wish you would wake up and see what you’re doing. You’re running away by standing still.”

He’d called Julian a manipulative bastard, but manipulation was the language of Julian’s love. What if he’d been doing exactly what he’d said he was doing? Trying to make things better for both Leo and Shelley? Guilt assailed him. He’d railed at the man who had given him so much.

And Wolf.
Fuck
.

Julian had asked him earlier to step back and give his professional opinion of what Shelley needed. What was his professional opinion of himself? If he had a patient with his background and history, what would he think?

He had a deep disconnect that had begun in childhood. Despite the love his mother had managed to give him, the scars of his father’s abandonment ran deep. He’d taken on responsibility for Wolf. He’d been everything to his kid brother, and it had been a relief almost to go into the Navy and only have to worry about himself.

He blamed Wolf.
God
. Deep down, he blamed his brother for their father walking away.

“You know your relationship with Wolf could dissolve. Do you want that?” Janine asked.

Wolf had been the one he’d sacrificed for. Wolf had been the one who threw it all away by going into the goddamn Navy instead of college.

“I’m still mad at him. Crap, Jan. I didn’t even see it until now. How could I blame him for all that? He didn’t make our dad walk out.”

“Our emotions aren’t logical, Leo. You know that. What did you always tell me?” Janine asked, her eyes deep with sympathy.

He knew what she meant, but now the words sounded hollow though he’d preached them for years—like a pastor who didn’t really believe in God. “That sanity is the ability to give and receive love.”

And he’d done neither.

“Leo.” Janine put her hands on the sides of his face, pulling him back to her. “The fact that you’re asking these questions means you might be ready to deal with them. Is this about that woman? Trev McNamara’s sister?”

Damn, Julian had turned into a gossipy old lady. “She was one of my unavailable flirtations.”

Except that he’d offered to take her away. He’d thought of marrying her and not in the lackadaisical way he’d gone about convincing himself to marry Janine. Passion. Shelley McNamara had been the first time he’d felt a deep and abiding passion for a woman.

“I doubt that,” Janine said. “But no one can make you admit it. Leo, know this, I’ll always be here for you. And I’ll always want the best for you.”

But he could clearly see he’d disappointed her. And she wasn’t the only one.

Shelley stood on the bottom step dressed in a tight miniskirt and a black and crimson bustier. She wore no shoes, and her hair was down, long, shimmering black tresses. But it was the hurt in her eyes as she looked between him and Janine that had his gut churning.

“Janine? Oh my god!” Wolf didn’t seem to notice the ocean of despair that stretched between Leo and Shelley. He had a huge grin plastered on his face, and he reached out, swinging Janine into his oversized embrace.

Janine laughed, her voice filling the dungeon. “Wolf Meyer, you’re more gorgeous than ever, little brother.”

“Hah, I’m getting old and out of shape.” Wolf grinned as he set her down. His hand went back and brought Shelley forward, pride evident in his stance. “Janine, this is my submissive, Shelley. Shelley, this is my sister-in-law, Janine.”

Shelley nodded, her lips curving but without the normal vivaciousness that made Leo’s heart ache. “Nice to meet you.”

“He’s Shelley’s trainer. She’s investigating the lifestyle,” Leo said, the words coming out of his mouth with a stubborn bent. It wasn’t like she’d signed a permanent contract with his brother. They weren’t married or anything. Not even close. As far as Leo knew, there wasn’t even sex written into the contract.

Fuck
. Wolf wanted to have sex with her. Jealousy, pounding and nasty, took up root in his gut. But it was all right because Shelley was only training with Wolf.

Except when Wolf’s hand curved around her hip, she leaned into him as though his presence was comforting to her.

“Shelley as in Shelley McNamara?” Janine breathed the words on a hushed, awed sigh.

Shelley nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry. Do I know you?”

Janine smiled, reaching out for Shelley’s hand. “No, dear, but I get the feeling we’re going to have a lot in common. And if the three of you need some therapy after all this, I’ll give you a group rate. Good luck, dears. I’m feeling toppy tonight. I think I’ll give the hubby a few whacks.”

She winked, and he was left alone. With his brother and the only woman he’d ever loved.

Wolf grinned, his oversized paw wrapping around Shelley’s waist. Shelley leaned into him, but her eyes found Leo’s. Silent. Accusing.

“This is going to be a fun night,” Wolf said.

It was definitely going to be a long one.

* * * *

Shelley pulled at the top of her bustier. Wolf obviously didn’t understand women’s cup sizes. Or he’d totally misjudged the size of her boobs.

“Stop,” he said, using that dark voice on her. “You look beautiful.”

“My boobs are hanging out. I need a bigger top.” She wouldn’t even go into the micro mini he’d put her in. She could practically feel the cheeks of her ass dropping past the nonexistent hemline of the leather Band-Aid he’d dared to call a skirt.

And to further her humiliation, he looked like some kind of Greek god. Tall and powerfully built, Wolf Meyer stood at least two inches above every other man in the room. His torso looked like Michelangelo had come back from the grave and sculpted it in one last burst of divine inspiration. He didn’t have a six-pack. Oh, no, nothing so ordinary for Wolf. His washboard stomach boasted a full-on outrageous eight-pack, and she just wanted to cry over the perfection of the notches at his hips. She could see them because Wolf wore nothing but a pair of low-slung leather pants and his boots.

She looked across the room where Leo stood with someone Wolf had introduced as Logan. Her heart ached at the sight of Leo. Leo was slightly smaller than his brother, but she loved his graceful lines and the way Leo’s long hair hit broad, muscled shoulders.

But she’d heard too much. Leo didn’t want her.

“Hey,” Wolf said, his hand cupping her chin and drawing her face up. She stared into deep, dark-blue eyes. She could really get lost in those eyes. “Are you all right? I don’t know what happened between you and my brother, but if this is too much, then I can take you home. Sweetheart, this should be good for you. If I’m some kind of reminder of him or if I’m keeping you from what you really want, then tell me, and I’ll let you go.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but he put a finger on her lips. “Hush. Let me finish. I don’t want to hurt you or Leo. And I don’t want to hurt me, either. I haven’t had a lot of luck lately, and I would rather avoid the craptastic whammy of getting to know you and liking the hell out of you only for you to tell me you’re not interested because you have a thing for another guy. Especially my brother.”

She got the feeling things weren’t easy between Wolf and his brother. She looked over at Leo, who was deeply involved in what looked to be a teaching moment. It was exactly what Janine had said. She’d walked down a little ahead of Wolf, who had some paperwork to fill out before they entered the dungeon. She’d heard a lot of the talk between the exes. Leo had saved her. Oh, it hadn’t been complete. He would have preferred to have whisked her away, but he’d tried, and now he thought she didn’t need him.

Was she willing to let Wolf go when what she had with Leo had been more in her head than anywhere else?

“I never dated your brother,” she admitted.

“That doesn’t mean you’re not in love with him.”

True. “I don’t want to be. I let him go a long time ago. There’s nothing between us.” The words hurt, but they were the plain truth. Seeing him with his ex, the sweet way he’d held her hand and talked to her, really made everything clear. Leo hadn’t even smiled at her in four months. He was done, and she would be twelve kinds of a fool if she didn’t try with Wolf. “Please, Sir. I want to try this. I can’t promise it will work out. I can only promise that I’ll be open to the experience.”

The smile that crossed his face nearly blinded her. “I will, too, sweetheart. That’s all we can ask. And you don’t need a bigger size.” He looked down, his eyes on her breasts, the heat nearly palpable. “This is perfect. So fucking gorgeous.”