Sisters of the Quilt Trilogy (78 page)

W
ith her cell phone to her ear, Hannah paced the floor of her hotel room. “I know, Martin, and I’m sorry. Your yelling at me isn’t going to change anything.”

She’d tried to explain her need to stay in Owl’s Perch for at least three more days, maybe a week, but he wasn’t in much of a reasoning mood.

“I’m not yelling,” he snapped. Then silence. Then he sighed. “Hannah, sweetheart.” His voice was calmer, and she knew he was trying. “It’s ridiculous that these people get another chance to damage your life. After investing nearly two full years in nursing school, will you even be allowed to graduate if you’re not here for class by Wednesday night?”

“I don’t know. The mandatory attendance rules have a little give, but I’m afraid to ask. Whatever the answer, it changes nothing concerning my plans, and I don’t need the anxiety of knowing I’m ruining my chance at graduation by staying here. Sarah needs my help, and I’m going to do what I can.”

“It’s not that I care about the degree or your being a nursing school graduate. You know I don’t. But you’ve worked so hard for it. Why can’t someone else do this?”

“Because it’s not a course anyone in the Amish community will pursue for her if I don’t. And whether she’s innocent of setting the fires or not, you can’t think I’m going to leave her in the community’s hands. Although I’m not sure what Daed will agree to even if I get a counselor lined up.”

“You can’t save the world. Doesn’t any of this seem uncomfortably familiar to you? You went out on a limb for Faye, and we ended up with two children to raise, a stack of bills for therapists, and she is nowhere to be found. Come on, this isn’t your battle.”

Hannah wanted to protest his laying the blame solely at her feet for their becoming guardians over Kevin and Lissa, but she’d taxed him over a need-help issue with his own sister, and he’d done it her way. At her insistence they’d gone through a lot to try to get his sister off drugs, only to have her run off and abandon her kids. Until today he hadn’t voiced any blame.

“I can’t leave. Not yet. I won’t drag this out one minute longer than necessary.”

“Great. Just great.”

She closed her eyes, feeling that awful sense of powerlessness take a seat on her chest. Since meeting Zabeth, it hadn’t been a part of her life. “Martin, please don’t do this. You can’t imagine how hard this is.”

“Then come home.”

She took slow, deep breaths, trying to free herself of that claustrophobic feeling. “I will, but I need to find help for Sarah and try to figure out if she started the fires or not.”

“Just how the …” He stopped short. “How do you expect to do that?”

“I have no idea. I was hoping you’d help me figure it out.”

“Sorry, I’m not caught up on my
CSI
episodes.”

“It’s not like you to act like this. I basically have no support here.”

When he didn’t respond, she let the silence hang.

“Yeah, okay,” he whispered. “I hear you. Kevin’s whining nonstop about when you’re going to return. I really think he’s scared you’re not coming back.”

“Assure him I’m only gone because of family issues and I’m coming home as quickly as I can.”

“And Lissa misses you way more than I expected. The stitches in her leg really bother her, especially at night, and she won’t let the nanny get near her once it’s bedtime. I guess because she doesn’t know Laura well enough yet. I’ve paced the floors with Lissa on my hip for two nights.”

“That’s because you’re a good man, albeit spoiled and testy from time to time.”

He didn’t laugh, which was even more unusual than his present disposition. “Was spoiled.” He sighed. “Before children took over my bachelor pad. Right now I’d pay anything to buy myself a little sleep and an evening out with just the two of us.”

“Mmm. You can buy almost anything, that’s true, but are you aware you can’t buy my love but it’s yours anyway?”

Martin chuckled. “Yeah?”

“Yep.”

“I guess I am being a bit whiny and demanding.”

“Just a bit?”

“Well, I can’t be charming all the time.”

“You’re telling me.”

He laughed. “Man, I miss you.”

She refused to remind him it’d only been since Saturday. It’d clearly been a rough couple of days. “I know. I’ll get some help for Sarah squared away and be back as quickly as I can manage. Okay?”

“Yeah, I understand, but I don’t like it.”

“I got that part, loud and clear. Let me talk to Lissa and Kevin.”

“Sure, hang on.”

Lissa’s and Kevin’s precious voices did more to ease the tightness across her chest than anything else, and by the time she finished talking to them, she felt more like herself. After disconnecting the call, she went to the business center of the hotel, got on a computer, and started searching for psychiatrists and psychologists who catered to the Plain community. Although it soon became clear this was not an easy task, investigating whether Sarah was guilty of starting the fires would be worse. The community would have no desire to let anyone ask questions or snoop around, and they’d stonewalled her years ago. If she could just figure a way around their avoidance of her, then maybe she could find some answers.

After another miserable night without sleep, Martin sat behind his desk at work, suppressing a yawn as he shifted the set of blueprints in front of him. Thankfully he’d talked Hannah into letting him hire a nanny a few weeks before the family emergency whisked her out of state. Still, he hadn’t realized how much Kevin and Lissa depended on Hannah like a mother. At only twenty years old, she tended to be more nurturing than most of the women his own age.

Remorse settled over him as he spot-checked the curb grades. He’d been really hard on her yesterday and had wanted to call her back several times throughout the night, but it would have been even more selfish to wake her. In all the time he’d known her, he’d never been that difficult. Felt like being that way, yes. Given in to it, no. Dating an Amish girl wasn’t easy. She just had this take-the-high-road way about her, a way he didn’t get but found equally frustrating and intriguing. When she looked at him with those gentle brown eyes that always held a trace of absolute stubbornness, he did his best to keep a respectful tone. Hannah Lapp Lawson—daughter of the Old Order Amish, niece to his surrogate mom, Zabeth, and a fledgling crusader of women’s health—needed his support, not his griping.

The fledgling-crusader part concerned him.

A tap on his door made him look up. Amy stood in the hallway, leaning against the doorframe with her head inside his office. “Hey, lunch plans. Noon. Three engineers, two landscape arcs. We’re going to Sperati’s. You joining us?”

“Depends. You’re not planning on dumping that fried onion thing and its sauce in my lap again, are you?”

She snapped her fingers. “Now you’ve foiled my plan.”

Martin tapped the set of plans in front of him. “Have you come up with a landscaping plan for River Mill yet?”

“I’ll have the landscape plan done for River Mill before you have the engineering plan done for Headwaters.”

Martin yawned. “No doubt. Give an old man a break, will you?”

She pointed a pencil at him. “Don’t start that nonsense. I’m older than you.”

“Yeah, by what, a year, maybe two? It’s the eight-and-a-half-year difference between Hannah and me, with the add-on of children, that’s taxing my ever-thin patience.”

She shifted, straightening the gray tailored jacket of her pantsuit. “Patience is a decision, one I’d love to see you make.” She pulled her lips in, trying to hide her smile over the teasing jab.

He leaned back in his chair. As professionals who’d worked together since he was a college co-op—earning money and experience while still in school—and she a second-year landscape architect for the same engineering firm, they knew each other decently well. Years later, when the opportunity to buy the business fell into his lap, he was already familiar with the business’s clients and procedures. “Hannah wishes that too.”

Amy pointed to the stack of books on his desk. “You ready for your engineering exams next month?”

“I hope so, but I hadn’t planned on becoming a parent to two kids a few months before the state exams.”

“Yeah, I bet. If finding a sitter is a prob, I’ll make myself available the day of the exam. Other than that, you’re on your own.” She stood upright. “Noon. Sperati’s. Doug’s driving if you want to ride with us. Otherwise, we’ll see you there.”

Amy’s heels clicked against the tiled floors, leaving him to wrestle with his guilt again.

Zabeth wouldn’t be pleased with him right now, and if she were still alive, she’d tell him so. But Martin never thought that the needs of Hannah’s family might come into the picture. When Zabeth left her family, all ties were permanently severed. She’d been shunned, and that ended it, unless she had chosen to give up her love of music—playing or listening—which she hadn’t.

Clearly, after two and a half years of silence, the voices of Hannah’s past had begun to speak. It wasn’t what he’d expected, but he would have to adjust.

U
neasy about the day ahead, Hannah rolled the grocery cart toward her car. Her best use of the day would be to return to Owl’s Perch and see Luke. Figuring her Daed wouldn’t help her, she knew the next best option was her brother. But she’d not spoken to him or Mary, leaving her unsure of her welcome. Nonetheless, he was the oldest Lapp son, and if he were on her side, it’d help … maybe.

She lifted the hatch to the trunk of her car and set two bags of groceries and a bag of ice into the large cooler she’d brought from Ohio. Then she placed the bag containing nonrefrigerated items on the floor of the trunk. Since she didn’t want to eat out and she couldn’t cook at the hotel, this was the best plan. Yogurt, cereal, milk, fruit, vegetables, and some sandwich items would hold her until she returned to Martin.

She didn’t share his love of dining out, even if money wasn’t an issue, which it was for her. If she would allow him to put money into her account, she could have plenty of cash at her disposal, but she liked herself better when she lived inside her own budget, meager as it was. Closing the trunk, she retrieved the car keys from her dress pocket. As she pulled out of the parking lot, she heard a loud pop as the car ran over something. A quick glance in the rearview mirror let her know she’d just shattered some type of glass bottle. She thought about stopping and checking the tire, but it seemed fine.

It struck her again how different the landscape looked as she drove in from the east side. Driving this particular route hadn’t been part of her experiences while growing up here, but she was getting a feel for the layout of the area. She turned onto the paved street that ran in front of Gram’s house and tried to visualize how it connected to the road her parents lived on. The roads ran parallel, with Gram’s ample farm as well as Lapp and other properties, between the two, but where was the road that connected the two?

A shudder ran through her. The dirt road behind Gram’s place was where the attack had taken place. She flipped the radio up loudly and hit the Lock button on her car. When she spotted Gram checking her mailbox, Hannah thought about stopping. Of all the people who’d rather not see her, Gram had to be way up on the list. Still, the desire to see her, to explain her side of the ugly rumors took over Hannah’s insecurity, and she looked at the carport, which sat more than a thousand feet from the road. A quick glance said no one was home but Gram, and Hannah found herself slowing down and turning into the driveway.

With her cane steadying her, Gram turned to catch a glimpse of whoever had pulled in behind her. She tipped her head to the side, her brows knit.

The sight melted Hannah’s heart. She turned off the engine and got out of the car. Suddenly caught off guard by not knowing what to call her, Hannah removed her sunglasses. “Hi.”

“Hannah?”

She nodded. “Can I visit with you a minute?”

“Oh, Hannah, come here.” She motioned for her, and Hannah closed the distance. Gram wrapped her free arm around her and held her. “You never should have stayed gone this long. Never.” The raspy voice made her grateful she’d stopped.

It was a good minute before Gram released her. “How are you?” She took a step back. “Let me look at you.”

Hannah posed, gesturing with her arms out. They both laughed.

“You look well. A little fancy for my taste, but well.” She motioned toward the house. “Ride me on up the lane, and let’s have a cup of hot tea and talk.”

Since it was still early morning midweek, Hannah felt safe to enjoy a visit without being concerned that Paul might show up.

Gram eased into the car, pulling the cane in after her. “This is very nice.”

“I bartered for it, sort of.”

“That sounds like you. How’d you manage to barter for a vehicle?”

Hannah explained about landing in Ohio and Martin needing someone to drive Zabeth, leaving out as much personal information as possible. They moved into the house and talked while sipping on tea. Gram didn’t mention Paul; for that Hannah was grateful. She kept the topics neutral, things like Hannah’s schooling and work. In spite of her reason for stopping by, Hannah couldn’t make herself talk about the rape or pregnancy.

Gram set her teacup in a saucer. “So, are you home because of the trouble at the Esh place, or is that just a coincidence?”

“I’m here because of that, yes.”

“And how’s Sarah these days?”

“I … I’m not sure I should …”

“As tight-lipped as ever, Hannah?” Gram lifted the flowered teapot, offering to refill her cup.

The words stung. She’d kept so many secrets in the past. “I have plenty, thank you.”

She set the pot on the table. “Your sister just fell apart after you left. Came here looking for the baby. Paul and I arrived home from Sunday school one time and found her sitting in the middle of the guest room with baby clothes strewn all around her. Paul talked to her as best he could, tried a couple of times to help, but your Daed wouldn’t have it.”

“As outlandish as it may be, I hope to change his mind on that topic.” Hannah rose. “It was really good to see you, but I need to go.”

Gram stood, leaning heavily on her cane as she grabbed a piece of paper off the counter. She held it out toward Hannah. “You pass me your address and start writing to me, at least twice a year. And you call me Gram. None of this avoiding using my name or wavering on what to call me.”

Surprised Gram had picked up on her evasion, she smiled. “Gram, it was really good to see you.”

Hannah wrote down her address and cell number before leaving. She went out the back door and across the screened porch. Grateful to have spent some time with Gram, she realized she had a friend in the elderly woman, which surprised Hannah a lot. She cranked the car and put it in reverse.

Thud-ump. Thud-ump
.

She paused and then continued backing the car down the long asphalt driveway. The thumping noise grew louder and faster as she picked up speed. Stopping the car a couple of hundred feet from the house, she glanced around inside the vehicle and saw nothing that might cause a bumping sound. She pulled the lever to the trunk, set the emergency brake, and got out. Everything in the trunk looked secure. She closed the hatch and walked around the outside of the car. When she spotted the flat tire, it took restraint not to kick it.

She knew absolutely nothing about changing a tire.

Paul listened as Dorcas told him the latest goings-on at their home church. He went to church with Gram more Sundays than he made it to Maryland to attend with his family and Dorcas. But that needed to change.

“So, old man Mast was standing near the back door of the church when Norene came running inside, terrified of a yellow jacket, and plowed right into him, knocking him off his feet.”

“Hopefully he didn’t get on to her too badly.” Paul slowed the car and turned into Gram’s driveway. “Norene has allergic reactions …”

Hannah
.

She was stooped by the right front tire, removing lug nuts. A plastic bag of what appeared to be groceries as well as a cooler were sitting on the ground near the open trunk of her vehicle. He glanced at Dorcas, whose eyes were fixed on him. He nodded up ahead. “That’s Hannah.”

She looked, her lips turning white within seconds. “Talk about getting plowed under.”

Paul shook his head. “Don’t let this rattle you. I’ll pull you up to the house, and I’ll go see her.”

“Paul, no.”

“It has to be done. You know it does.” Paul drove onto the grass to pass Hannah’s car, which sat in the middle of the narrow driveway. She glanced up, but he could see little expression around her large sunglasses.

After pulling up to the house, he got out of the car, went around, and opened Dorcas’s door. He escorted her into the house, came back out, and walked down the driveway.

Hannah glanced up. “I’m fine, but thanks.” She pushed down hard on the lug-nut wrench. It didn’t appear to budge.

He stepped up to her, expecting her to back away so he could remove the lug nut for her, but she didn’t move.

“I said I was fine. You’ve done plenty. Trust me.” The words came out through gritted teeth as she exerted effort against the lug nut. It loosened, and she lost her balance. Sprawling her hands against the pavement, she righted herself and put the wrench on another bolt.

“Hannah, I’m so sorry.”

“I know.” She nodded. “You have no idea how completely I know that you’re sorry.” She loosened the last lug nut and dusted off her hands.

In spite of her unjust assessment, Paul refused to defend any part of his reaction that day. “I … I realized you were telling the truth, and I came back … but you had just boarded the train, and no one knew where to.”

She removed the lug wrench and tossed it on the ground. “Don’t. Okay? Just don’t.” Straining, she tried to remove the tire. “You want to lie to everyone else, yourself included, go ahead. What do I care?” She fell onto her backside when the wheel came off, got her feet under her, and leaned the tire against the car. “You don’t want to have this conversation with me.” Shifting the spare tire onto the hub, she tried to get the holes to line up so it’d go on.

“Maybe not, but I’m here anyway.”

“Oh yeah, you’re here. I happen to be
in
Gram’s driveway. Excuse me if I don’t faint at the effort you put forth to see me.”

“There’s not much point in my trying to tell you anything if you’re not going to believe a word I say.”

Giving up on aligning the spare with the hub, she set the tire on the ground. “Exactly.”

“Can you at least let me help you get the spare on your car?”

“You can trust that I’ll leave the car and walk for the rest of my life first.”

“Well, forsaking things and walking off seem to come naturally, so that’s not a real shocker.”

She knelt in front of the hub and took the spare tire in hand again. “I learned it from the best.” After finally getting it in place, she pulled a lug nut out of her dress pocket.

“Paul.” Dorcas’s friendly voice called from the front door of Gram’s.

“Yeah, Dorcas?”

“I need your help, please.”

“Sure thing. Be right there.”

Hannah’s face glistened with sweat, and her dress was covered in smudges of road soot. Paul couldn’t imagine Dorcas ever being so stubborn about anything. “See, some people know how to ask for help when they need it.”

Hannah slowly rose to her feet. “Well, if she’s putting her life in your hands, she needs to be able to easily ask people for help.”

“It must be nice deciding I’m the only one at fault here, Hannah. Reminds me a lot of your dad, which is sad if you think about it.” He turned and headed for the house.

“Yeah, that’s it, Paul. I get like this because I’m like my Daed. This has nothing to do with the fact I’m justified!”

Without responding, he went inside.

Dorcas stood near the door, looking pale and stressed.

“What do you need?”

She handed him a jar of mayonnaise.

He opened the lid. “I need some time alone.” He went upstairs to his room. How had the conversation with Hannah ended with his being mean? Disbelief settled over him, making him sorry he’d succumbed to her anger. She had a right to hate him. In spite of her mammoth secret, she’d been a traumatized seventeen-year-old girl, and he held no blame against her.

Besides, she had plenty of reason not to believe anything he said. If he’d been thinking straight, he’d have explained about the missing money from their joint savings account. He moved to the window and stared at the dirt road behind Gram’s, the road Hannah had walked to come see him every chance she got during the summers. Even her reason for being on that road was his fault. Hating what’d just taken place between them, he leaned against the window frame. “God, forgive me.”

Seeing her today and knowing all that had caused her to leave more than two years ago, he realized why he had waited for her to return.

He owed her.

And he had been willing to pay any price she needed because of his hand in creating the devastation of her life. But the love he had for her had grown thin and useless over the years as she had changed from the girl he fell in love with to someone he barely recognized. She’d hidden too much, and he’d left her when he should have stayed, but here they were, years later, needing to find forgiveness for themselves and with each other.