SIX DAYS (16 page)

Me, break his heart
? How could that be possible? I had no idea what to say so I kissed him sweetly, in the way he’d kissed me earlier, and then whispered, “Don’t decide to break mine either.”

“You got it,” he whispered back and kissed me again. “Come lay with me.”

We went to the couch in his remodeled living room. Kasey lay down and I snuggled next to him. Being held felt good. As odd as it sounds, I thought of my mother. About how I hoped she would move on from my father once she was out of the hospital, because as shitty as it was of him, he didn’t love her anymore. She needed someone who would love her, who would hold her and make her feel safe when she was sad. Like Kasey was doing for me.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

“For what?” he smiled slightly.

“For being so great, for being present, for not letting my bullshit scare you away,” I breathed. “For making me feel so good.”

Kasey put his hand under my chin and looked at me with warm eyes. “You’re welcome. I should thank you for the same. That first night, I wasn’t sure you were going to stick around.” He ran his thumb over my lips. “I’m glad you did.” I leaned closer and kissed him, gently at first, then deeper.

Kasey shifted beneath me and ran his tongue across my bottom lip then took it into his mouth, sucking lightly. I sighed, making him smile. He put his hand in my hair, and pulled me even closer, landing his open mouth on mine, making me want more of him.
All of him.

I rose up and pulled my sundress over my head. Kasey sat
up and put his arms around my waist, moving in to kiss me. “I want to love you,” I whispered against his mouth. I felt him shiver and smiled slightly because of it. Kasey’s eyes burned into mine as I gently removed his shirt. “That sounds amazing, but I’m not prepared,” he mumbled back. “I am,” I revealed, and kissed him again. I unbuttoned his pants and adjusted myself so that he could get them out of our way.

“Where is it, in your bra?” Kasey asked, half joking, unhooking it.

“I don’t have a condom.”

Kasey’s eyes widened. “You want me to get you pregnant?”

“No,” I smiled, wanting to laugh at his expression. “I’m on birth control.”

“Oh,” he breathed, sounding distressed. My face reddened, I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry. Kasey pulled me closer, forcing my eyes to meet his. “You’re ready for that?” he asked. I didn’t think of it as something I needed to be ready for—only as something I wanted. I had no words in response. I felt too stupid to talk. He’d just told me his ex-girlfriend was most likely dead and here I was asking him to have sex with me without a condom.

I looked away from him and started to get up, but he pulled me back down and tightened his hold on me. “I want to love you, too, Ryen,” he muttered, “Sometimes I feel like I already do,” he admitted, swallowing hard. He’d twisted my earlier words, but I knew what he meant.

“I just need to be closer to you,” I said softly. He put his hand on my cheek. “Okay,” he breathed, “but let me take you upstairs.”

When we entered Kasey’s room, he turned off the light and I tensed. My heart banged hard in my chest. Kasey laced his fingers between mine and tenderly kissed me before moving us to the bed. He lay down pulling me on top of him. I straddled his lap and settled him inside me. He clutched my skin, his fingers digging in. He pulled me closer to kiss me. Then he flipped us. I wrapped my legs around his waist. Our eyes intensely locked, our breath entangled, skin on fire. “I can’t wait,” he groaned, and then released, the warmth filtering though every inch of me.

“I guess what they say about condoms aiding in stamina is true,” he panted, a half smile on his lips.

“You’re not lacking in stamina,” I laughed. His timing was perfect.

“I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did,” he growled in my ear. “You felt amazing.”

I blushed, and then laughed.

“What’s funny?”

“This has just been one hell of a crazy night.”

“Crazy, beautiful night,” Kasey corrected.

DAY
SIX

I was with Hazel and Tosh; we were at the same bar we’d been to earlier when Bethany Whoever confronted Kasey for kissing me.

“There,” Hazel said and walked away. She’d been on her tiptoes searching for a place to sit. Tosh and I followed her, but the table she found wasn’t empty. It was very long and full of people I didn’t know, and as they sat down, Tosh and Hazel seemed to disappear among them.

“Ryen Wiley.”
My name slipped from Carter Abbott’s lips wrapped in that velvety tone of his. I looked around, but the only empty seat remaining at the table was across from Carter. I balked. I didn’t want to sit across from a rapist, but I also didn’t want Carter to know Kasey had told me about him and Chloe, so I sat down.

“Meet my new favorite girl,” Carter said to the boys sitting closest to him. They said hello, gave their names, Todd and Marcus, and then got up and moved further down the table. Once they were gone, it felt like Carter and I were alone somehow. Like everyone else was mingling in a thick fog.

“I’m not thirsty,” I told Carter when he tried to pour me a glass of beer.

“It’s beer. You don’t have to be thirsty to drink beer,” he said, smiling widely. “Sort of in the same way you don’t have to be hungry to eat a cookie.”

“Did you put anything in it?” I asked sharply; glad now that Hazel and Tosh weren’t in sight. His eyes, as blue as Hazel’s, flickered to mine. He stared for a moment as if he was reading my mind, and then smiled slightly.

“No, I didn’t,” he answered coolly and resumed filling the glass he’d reserved for me.

As he pushed it toward me, my expression let him know I would not be drinking that beer. Period.

“Come take a walk with me?” he asked.

“No.”

“We’re in public—lots of witnesses,” he grinned. “Besides I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I like you too much.”

“No,” I repeated. He leaned across the table, trying very hard to convince me to change my mind with his eyes. When that didn’t work, he looked down at the table. “He told you about Chloe, didn’t he?”

“Yes.”

Carter’s eyes returned to mine. “Don’t you think you should hear both sides of that story before you condemn me?”

After a moment passed, Carter asked me again to take a walk with him. I didn’t answer. I slid out of my chair and stood up, but I didn’t feel like I’d made the choice to go with him. It had just happened.

We went outside, stepped into the street, and began walking toward a bus bench on the other side, which we passed. We walked halfway down an alley where Carter stopped and opened a door for me. I went inside and looked around. The apartment was big and industrial looking; the floors and walls were concrete and the ductwork was exposed in the ceiling. Everything was gray, except for a few pops of red on the furniture.

“I’ll be right back,” Carter said. I sat on the plush gray couch in front of me. It felt soft, like a rabbit’s foot I’d had when I was a kid. I petted it until Carter appeared. He had a bottle of Jim Beam and a couple glasses in his arms. He sat down next to me. “It’s sealed,” he said, showing me the unopened bottle. “So, will you have a drink with me now?” he asked softly.

I didn’t answer. He opened the bottle and poured some in each glass anyway.

“See, I’m not so bad,” he smiled, and handed me the glass. Carter sipped his drink. I did the same. “I don’t go out looking for
trouble. It just seems to find me every now and then.” Something in his tone made me believe him, although I didn’t understand why.

“I really cared for Chloe. I never meant for anyone to get hurt.” Carter leaned closer and whispered, “But when I want something, I always get it.”

“Nobody always gets what they want.”

“I do. Maybe I’m special or something.” The way he looked at me made me nervous. I had finished my drink and was feeling confused, fuzzy.
Me being with Carter didn’t make sense, and where the hell were we?

Carter ran his hand up my arm and rested it against my face. “Bet you can guess what I want right now,” he murmured. I wanted to get up and leave, but I couldn’t make myself move. Panic rose inside my body, swelling in my chest as Carter leaned in close to my mouth, his breath hot against my skin.

“Come on, Ryen,” he whispered. “Give in to me.” My mouth moved, but no words came out. I shook my head. Carter’s jaw tightened, his eyes flashed evil. “You know I could always make you,” he said harshly.

Finally, sound was freed from my throat. I was screaming. I could hear it. I could feel it rushing out.

Then I heard my name and felt my body shudder.

“Ryen!”
My eyes opened, Kasey was shaking me. “Hey, it’s okay,” he soothed, and moved his hands over my face. “That must have been some dream you were having.”
I’ll say
. Relieved that it was only a dream, I began breathing more steadily. I guess it had been more like a nightmare than a dream. But who wouldn’t have been having nightmares if they’d been through everything I’d been through the last couple of days?

I knew there was no way I could tell Kasey I was dreaming about Carter Abbott. “I don’t remember it,” I mumbled.

Kasey opened his arms and I moved to lie closer to him. I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes as he stroked my hair, which settled me.

“You know, before you had that bad dream you were making the sweetest sounds.”

“What do you mean?” I tensed. I hoped I hadn’t been snoring, even though Hazel said I snored quietly, like a mouse or a ballerina would.

“You hum.”

“Like songs?”

He laughed. “No. It’s sort of like a drifting sigh.”

“Did I keep you awake?”

“No,” he smiled. “I was just glad you were able to sleep.”

“Me too.” I was sure mental exhaustion had knocked me out. I figured it was also partly responsible for my dream.

“I like waking up with you.”

“I like waking up with you, too.” I smiled even though he couldn’t see it.

I’d stayed at Derrick’s all night once when his parents were out of town. He’d gotten out of bed sometime during the night to
go sleep on the couch. I’d expected him to be there, so waking up alone was not only weird, it was disappointing.

Kasey had been sweet last night. He’d held me to his chest. The steady sound of his heart beating had soothed me to sleep.

“As much as Hazel knows that I hate being set up—” “Oh, so she fessed up to you, too, huh?” I laughed.

“No, but she didn’t have to. I knew she was up to something. We hadn’t been to the hill in a while, and then she showed up with you, which gave her away. She’s not antisocial or anything, but she’s not exactly anxious to make new friends.”

I wasn’t sure if I should feel flattered that she’d befriended me or not. Was she being sincere? Or was there an underlying motivation? What if Hazel felt guilty about the Carter/Chloe situation and was only trying to distract Kasey with me because she knew Carter was coming back to town.

“I’m glad she made an exception for you,” he said softly, interrupting my thoughts. I felt grateful for whatever reason Hazel had brought us together; otherwise, he wouldn’t have been in my life at all.

“Me too,” I smiled. Then my stomach growled, which was embarrassing. We were having such a sweet moment.

“I still have plenty of that duck liver pate in the fridge,” he laughed.

“I think I’ll have to pass, thanks though.”

“We’ll get something before we go to the hospital.”

“You don’t have to go with me.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want you to come because you feel obligated or whatever,” I said slowly.

He laughed. “I don’t feel obligated. I just want to spend every moment I can with you. What we do in those moments isn’t important—just that we’re together.”

I seriously wanted to kiss him, but…

“After I brush my teeth, I’m going to kiss the shit out of you,” I promised Kasey. He laughed. “I’m going to hold you to it.”

I was smiling so hard watching him get out of bed, while still amazed that such a beautiful boy wanted me to be his.

I asked him to stop by my house so I could change clothes. It was strange going inside knowing that my mother wouldn’t be home and why. It was even stranger because the vacuum cleaner was running upstairs.

“Cleaning service?” Kasey asked.

“Maybe.”
My mother used a company that sent people twice a week to clean. I couldn’t remember the last time they’d come. By the time Kasey and I reached the top of the stairs, the noise stopped and Tosh was backing out of my mother’s room, pulling the vacuum with her.

“You scared me,” she jumped.

“What are you doing here?” Kasey asked. “And why were you vacuuming?” I added.

“Um…Hazel asked us to stop by and see if there was anything that needed to be cleaned up before you came home,” she
said carefully, cutting her eyes between Kasey and the floor. She was probably thinking that maybe she should have made something up instead of telling the truth. Luke came out of my room and stood next to Tosh. I ignored him.

“Was there?” I asked, afraid of her answer.

“Just some trash left behind by the paramedics,” Luke answered, and then asked me the dreaded question. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.”

Even though the adults in my life were a mess, things for me personally were better than they had ever been. I was happy with Kasey and had all these great new friends. I didn’t want a new start at first, but now I felt like I was where I belonged, where I fit, where I supposed to be.

“I was just going to change before we went to the hospital.”

“Have you heard anything else?” Tosh asked.

“No, but I didn’t really expect to. Thanks for being here,” I said as I walked toward my room.

“Have you talked to your dad since we left the hospital?” Tosh asked, following me.

“No. I don’t plan to either.”

“I know he screwed up, but at least he cares.”

“About what?
His money? His pregnant twenty-one-year-old girlfriend? His wife, who just tried to off herself because his twenty-one-year-old girlfriend is pregnant? Or me, who was forced to leave everything I loved for eighteen years in seven seconds because of what? His twenty-one-year-old girlfriend. So, it looks to me like the two things he cares most about in this world are himself and his twenty-one-year-old girlfriend.”

“He cares about you, too. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have chased after you last night.”

“He only chased me because he feels guilty, and didn’t want to look like a complete asshole in front of my friends.”

“At least he made an effort.”

“It doesn’t matter, Tosh. I don’t want to be part of his new family. I belong to the old one, the one he left.”

“I haven’t seen my father in a year and a half. Hazel never knew hers. Chase’s parents are still together, but they’re hardly ever sober. Asher’s dad lives in Texas with his new family. Luke’s parents hate each other. His father left when his mother was pregnant with him. The two of them don’t speak. Kasey’s parents are hardly around. Both of them openly have affairs, but refuse to get
divorc—” “Yeah, I know. All of us have parental problems,” I interrupted.

“Have you even talked about him leaving?
Or about the baby?”

“I just found out about the baby and he was too chicken to tell me himself, so, no, I haven’t. I don’t really need to. He wanted to screw a younger woman, so he left the older one. He wanted to raise a new kid, so he made one.
Not too much to talk about. Besides, if he wanted to talk to me about those things, he would have. So far, he’s let my mother speak for him. She was right. The man’s a coward.”

Kasey peeked inside my room. “Are you about ready to go?” he asked carefully.

“Almost,” I smiled, grateful that my conversation with Tosh was being forced to end. I hurried to my closet and quickly changed clothes.

“Ready,” I announced, breaking up the huddle the three of them had formed in the hallway. “Do you mind if I drive?” I asked Kasey.

“No,” he said, pulled his keys from his pocket, and held them out for me. He’d driven us in a Classis Porsche 911.

“Wow,” Luke snorted. “He must love you, Ryen. He’s never let anybody but Chloe drive that car.”

Tosh gasped, which made Luke realize what he’d said. Poor Kasey went pale. He’d told me the Porsche was his first car, but didn’t drive it much anymore. I figured it was because he had two others—that I knew about—and just switched it up like Hazel.

Instead of making a big deal about it, I laughed. “I meant my car,” I said, and started downstairs. I heard Tosh scolding Luke and
him apologizing in whisper yells. I tuned it out. I didn’t want to think about Kasey and Chloe. I had enough on my mind.