Six Dead Men (25 page)

Saliva dripped from either side of the terrier's jaws. His face was horribly disfigured. He had powerful shoulders more reminiscent of a bull mastiff. Her scent was everywhere and it stimulated his adrenal glands. Then the hole was before him, the roots of the large oak bulging at its entrance. He began to dig. That was his first mistake.

In a blur of fur she flew out at him, all claw and tooth. The speed of her attack flung them from the entrance and they rolled together. Jaws snapped, claws ripped, tongues tasted the salty rust of blood. Who had drawn first blood? It was hard to tell. The little glade filled with the echoes of snarls, hisses, growls and yelps as the gloom of evening closed in upon it.

The badger could feel her strength ebbing, but she clung on bravely.

A clatter of hail on the window pane woke him. Another badger dream. He'd asked Joe about the last one but Joe had said dreams were not his department. He could have asked Sylvie he supposed but then this thing with Madie happened and he hadn't got round to it. The dog in the dream made him think of his brother. Not a nice thought but he couldn't stop himself.
My brother, Terry Ire
. A thought struck him. Was it as simple as that? Had his brain converted his brother's name? But then who was the badger?
Oh! Madie would appreciate this sort of thing.

All the machines around Madie still kept pace with the fragile life she held onto. Deed pretended they weren't there and he was chatting with a fully conscious Madie. He held her hand. "Now here's the thing. Terence Ire, the man who arrested you and put you in here, he's my half brother. In other circumstances I'd be over the moon to learn I've got family. Look at what he's done to you... He’s the worst of men Madie. There's no doubt... I can see the evil in him." Deed sat back in the chair. His shoulders slumped with heaviness. He leaned in towards Madie's prone figure again. "What am I going to do? I feel responsible. I know, I know, that's ridiculous, but I do. Dad may or may not have known he fathered a son. He may or may not have deserted him and his mother up here. So it's for me to right that wrong. But he's done such terrible things Madie. What am I going to do?"

Deed smoothed back the hair on Madie's forehead and continued speaking to her. "He's recovering... you're lying here and he's recovering... Johnson says they've got so much evidence on him he'll spend the rest of his days in prison. But the thing is, men like him, they always find a loophole. I've seen it so many times Madie. He'll get the best counsel and end up in an open prison somewhere. I want him brought to justice - Old Testament justice. When someone's done the things he's done shouldn't they suffer? I want him to suffer Madie!"

He stroked Madie's exposed ear with his thumb and forefinger, starting at the top and easing his thumb down to the lobe. He paused there and stroked the fine hairs of the lobe. "Love and hate. So close together. Loving you...hating him. I don't mean to hate him. I barely know him, but seeing you like this...it generates a meanness in me. I didn't know love could be this fierce. I was hoping touching you would lay him flat, but he's tough as boots. I wish there was some way you could give him another dose. Listen to me. Thinking of you as an instrument of destruction. I know that's wrong, but just this once..."

*****

This is not how you’re meant to meet the family of the woman you love.
Deed stood looking at Madie’s sisters. Where to begin? What to tell them?

Allie’s concern for her sister flared out at him. He reached out a hand towards her. “I’ll take you through to see her if you like.”

But it was Frankie who spoke. “Who are you anyway?”

As Deed explained Brendan appeared. Having met the day before he greeted Deed with familiarity and this seemed to appease Frankie somewhat. Deed was grateful as Brendan took over the telling of the arrest and subsequent hospitalisation. Watching the confusion in Allie’s eyes and hearing the consternation in Frankie’s voice made Deed want to run and hide.
This is what it is to be siblings. This is what I could have had with Ire.

There was a mother earth quality to Allie which Deed sensed was absent from Frankie. But still he could see her obvious anxiety for Madie. And Brendan’s careless younger brother air was undercut by the way his eyebrows pushed together during the telling and the easy manner in which his large hands lost their ungainliness as he comforted his sisters. The three were bound by their familial relationship. Like other families in a crisis old arguments were stripped down to their inanity and forced to fall away.
This is what I never had. Nor ever will.

Deed left Brendan to usher the sisters to Madie’s room. From the glass partition Deed watched them, letting his fingers touch the etched surface, yearning to be a part of this family unit. Yes, he loved Madie. But they did not know the extent of his love. And so his helplessness weighed even more heavily.
What good am I if I can’t bring them the justice they deserve?

As though sensing the waves of his frustration Allie turned from the bed and looked at Deed. Her eyes beseeched him to save Madie from this fate. It was not in his nature to simply stand by and do nothing. But his brother had stripped him of his ability to right wrongs. Deed felt as though Ire’s very existence negated all the good he had accomplished throughout his career.

Brendan was suddenly beside him. “We think you should be with us when Frankie signs the forms. We’ve talked it over.”

“I...” The words could not leave Deed’s throat. He turned abruptly to leave but Brendan grasped his arm with a staying motion which caused Deed’s self made binding of reserve to rip loose inside him. Puppet-like he followed Brendan into Madie’s room where Frankie and Allie moved aside to allow him the space to move closer to the bedside. Allie’s fingers worked their way into his free hand and though Deed knew his expression was stoical, inside he was crying. Crying the tears he should have cried for his mother and his father. Crying tears for himself.

*****

Deed found Sylvie and Joe in the family room. They were arguing. Sylvie was standing at the drinks machine. Sylvie sighed as she turned and saw Deed. “You've met the sisters then. Do you want a drink love?”

Deed shook his head. “How long have you two been here?”

“Not long. You were having words with Madie and getting to know the in-laws so we left you to it.”

Joe gave Sylvie a meaningful look. “Oh, I can’t help it Joseph. I’m just more optimistic than you are.”

In a gesture of mock contrition Sylvie handed Joe a coffee. He sipped at it. "Uurgh. This is swill. I'll go out and get us some proper coffee. I'll get you a sandwich Robert. You probably haven't eaten." Joe edged out of his chair. "What can I get you Sylvie?"

"Surprise me." Sylvie waved Joe off dismissively.

"You're as subtle as a brick through a window Sylvie. I'm leaving you two alone aren't I?" Joe smiled reassuringly at Deed as he shut the door on his way out.

Sylvie launched directly into her appeal. “The thing is love, I want you to start thinking more positively. It’s an uncanny world and all sorts can happen in it.”

Deed sat down so Sylvie wouldn't feel overwhelmed by his size. “Oh Sylvie, you and your infernal optimism. Three separate doctors have seen her and said the same thing — irreversible coma. The second they take those tubes out she won’t be able to sustain her own lung function. The family don’t have the kind of money to ensure she gets the right care privately.” Deed closed his eyes before he said the rest of what he felt he had to say. “And I don’t want to undertake the cost of private medical bills.”

“Robert lad, you don’t mean that.” Sylvie looked aghast.

“But I do. I do. I just can’t bear it.”

She was angry now. “You're just being selfish.”

“Damn right I'm being selfish. It's harder... harder on the living... just watching and not being able to make it right... to fix things.”

“But she's going to come out of it.”

Deed wanted to beat against Sylvie’s chest to make her understand how the endless hoping was tearing him apart. “You don't know that. You just don't know that. How can you look at her getting worse everyday and tell me she's going to make it? Have you had a message from beyond? Have you!?”

Sylvie was silent. She let her gaze drift away from Deed's beseeching look.

*****

Deed was only slightly aware of Madie’s siblings on the other side of the bed. He was more conscious of Joe, Sylvie and Father O'Malley outside the room, looking in through the cross hatched glass. Their feelings for Madie were a positive wave which he knew he should soak up. Sylvie had her palm pressed to the glass as though to push her love and loyalty into the room by sheer force.

The room was so still. Every sound seemed muted. The two nurses and the doctor worked in solemn tandem, not needing to speak. The more senior nurse muttered something at Frankie as she handed her the pen. And Deed saw Frankie’s fingers tremble with the enormity of the task being placed upon her. And how Allie rested her head on Frankie’s shoulder in tearful support and Brendan wept openly, with tears coursing down his cheeks. And Deed wanted so much to stride across to the group and add his own bulk as ballast. But his limbs refused to move and his mind screamed out his rejection of the inevitability of events.

As he turned towards the bed Deed let his eyes take in every last aspect of his Madie. His look was drawn to her lips. Though her face was pale they seemed tinged with a life of their own. Perhaps it was the pallor of her skin and the blue plastic of the breathing tube which accentuated them. Her lips seemed fuller than he remembered, as though they had been a bud and now they were coming into full bloom. He ran the back of his forefinger along the edge of Madie's bottom lip and thought about what it would be like when they removed her breathing tube. Deed imagined he heard how it would come away with a sucking sound. And he saw how her body would arch in the beginnings of a convulsion as her brain became aware of its waning oxygen supply. The doctors had explained how it would be a quiet slipping away, but he had seen enough death to doubt the veracity of their words. A lump lodged in his throat.

Then the senior nurse took up her position near the monitors and the doctor at the head of the Madie’s bed. They looked at each other and then at the siblings standing in a huddle. The family glanced over at Deed before leaving the room as a unit. He did not want to watch them go. He focused his attention on the medical staff.

With a nod to the nurse and swift practised moves the doctor removed the breathing tube and indeed, it did make the sucking sound Deed thought it would. But the beeping of the machine had gone silent and Deed realised the nurse had unplugged it at the wall. Better perhaps not to hear that horrible flat line beep that confirmed what everyone knew but did not want to acknowledge.

Steadying himself with a deep breath, Deed cupped Madie’s face in his hands and began by kissing each eyelid. He moved to the tip of her nose. Then he kissed the corners of her mouth. Finally he let his lips touch hers. Deed felt the kiss pull at him, rip at the inside of his mouth, burn into his throat. His eyes flew open and he pulled back from the kiss.
There's still power in your kiss. That's what I'm feeling isn't it? Maybe that's all it will take
.
I'll kiss the princess. I'll...
An idea was blooming inside his mind. The flash of it hurt him yet released him.
Are your eyes opening Madie? Tell me your eyes are opening. Tell me your eyes are clear and aware. Tell me you know what I'm thinking. Tell me you want me to. Tell me you're smiling up at me and clutching at my arm. Just don't leave me... don't leave me.
Tears blinded him.

Then again, leaning in, Deed finished the kiss he had started. He lingered over it, allowing the memory of their first true kiss to swamp him with remembered emotions, till he was feeling again the bodily sensations he had felt then: the way his skin seemed to ripple because of her closeness, how every inch of him tingled in anticipation, how he also felt a need to hold back, to stem the lava threatening to rush through his veins. And once more there was the warmth of her breath against his cheek; the press of her body against his shirt, the delightfully searing imprint of her hand against his flesh where she had managed to pull his shirt from his trousers. Deed was in that moment again, where he had feared their combined heat would ignite the world and leave them the only survivors on some craggy rock.

Deed drank up all the memories the kiss had to give. When it felt as though he had robbed Madie of every last breath in her body he pulled away drunkenly and staggered from the bedside. As he stumbled against the chair he was vaguely aware of hands reaching for him, voices calling but he ignored them, knowing with immediate and absolute clarity, what he had to do.

*****

Madie’s naked body was strapped to Terry’s weight lifting bench with a set of belts he had customised for just such moments.

Terry stripped methodically. He sat down in his father's 1950s office chair and slipped his shoes off.

The strap across her breasts was so tight it made her breath come in short sharp bursts. He knew the gag was enough to make her feel as though she could not breathe while still giving her room for air. Terry liked his victims to be conscious while he played with them.

He peeled off his left sock, stretched out the wrinkled fabric and rolled the sock before placing it in his left shoe. He repeated the process for his right sock Then he tucked his shoes precisely under the chair.