Sizzling (25 page)

CHAPTER
TWENTY

LORI DIDN'T REMEMBER anything about leaving the hospital or
driving home, but suddenly she found herself standing in the middle
of her living room. Reid was next to her, his arm around her waist.
He guided her to the sofa and urged her to sit, but she
resisted.
She couldn't think, couldn't move, could barely
breathe. It was as if her life force had drained away. She ached, but
the pain was so all-encompassing that she wasn't even close to tears.
It was as if crying were too meager a reaction to what had
happened.
Madeline was dead.
The sentence played
over and over in her mind, like a song lyric she couldn't escape.
With each repetition, her body tightened, as if preparing to be hit.
She ached from the inside out and knew nothing would ever be the
same.
Madeline was gone. Her funny, beautiful, perfect sister
hadn't survived the very surgery that was supposed to save her
life.
"What can I get you?" Reid asked.
She
shook her head, unable to answer him. Speaking seemed
impossible.
The front door opened again and Walker and Cal
came in, her mother supported between them. Evie had aged a lifetime
in the past hour. Lines pulled her face into a mask of grief.
Lori
crossed to her and hugged her close. Her mother's thin arms embraced
her.
"I can't believe it," her mother said quietly,
her voice thick with grief. "I won't believe it. She can't be
gone. She can't."
Lori agreed, but she couldn't defy the
truth. It nestled inside of her, a dark, heavy creature that stole
her breath. She was cold and shaken and knew there were a thousand
things she had to be doing. Only she couldn't think of a single
one.
The rest of Reid's family walked into the house. They
were quiet and uncomfortable, staying at the fringes of the room.
Lori knew she should say something— thank them or give them
permission to leave.
Before she could force herself to react,
Reid put his arms around her and her mother.
"We'll take
care of everything," he said. "Just hang on to each other.
That's all you have to do."
Lori nodded.
She led
her mother to the sofa where the older woman collapsed. Dani crouched
at her feet and took her hands.
"Can I get you a cup of
tea?" she asked. "Or coffee?"
"Tea would
be nice," Lori's mother said.
"I'll get it."
Dani rose. "Lori?"
Lori shook her head.
Reid
settled Lori next to her mother. Both women were pale with loss. He'd
never seen such a stark expression in Lori's eyes. Her pain was so
powerful, it was practically alive.
"Is there a doctor?"
he asked. "Someone who can prescribe something for you and your
mom?"
"What? I don't know." Lori shook her head
and started to stand up. "I don't…"
"My
purse," her mother said. "I have medication in there. The
doctor's name."
While Dani was off making tea, Reid found
Evie's purse and called her doctor. In a matter of minutes, Walker
had left for the drugstore to pick up the prescription.
Penny
walked out of the kitchen and crossed to him. "She doesn't have
anything to eat in the house. I have the stuff I made for our day at
the hospital, but that's not going to be enough. I'll write up a
shopping list for Cal, then stay long enough to fix a few things.
Friends and neighbors might drop off food, but we can't depend on
it."
Penny had always believed food was the solution for
every problem. It was one of her best qualities.
"Thanks,"
he said. "That will help."
"Good. Okay, let me
get the list going. Cal can shop, then bring the food here. Once
that's done, he can pick up Allison. Elissa took her and Zoe home."
Penny shook her head. "I'm sorry, Reid. For you, for Lori and
her mom. It's so awful."
He nodded, but didn't say
anything. There weren't any words that could make what had happened
all right. He hated what Lori was going through— what she would
keep going through. She and Madeline had been close. The unexpected
loss would be devastating.
Dani hung up the phone and waved
him over.
"I've talked to the hospital and I have the
information on when they're going to release Madeline's body. They
need the name of the funeral home. Not right now, but probably by
tomorrow. I also called my boss. He's given me today and tomorrow off
so I can stay here and make arrangements."
Reid leaned
down and kissed the top of his sister's head. Penny was great with
food and Dani could organize an army. Together they would all get
things done.
"Thanks, kid," he said.
"I
want to help."
"Me, too."
He wanted to
make things better, but how?
He felt a soft touch on his arm
and turned to find Lori standing behind him.
"We should
call some people," she said. "Friends and stuff. We have a
few relatives."
"I'll do it," Dani said gently.
"If you show me where to find the names and numbers, I'll make
the calls."
"Okay." Lori was pale and looked as
if she weren't quite sure where she was. "There will be a
funeral. There has to be."
"We'll all help with
that," Reid said. "We can take care of the details. You
don't have to do anything."
Her lower lip quivered. He
reached out and pulled her against him just as she collapsed. He
grabbed her, then lifted her into his arms and carried her into her
bedroom. From the corner of his eye, he saw Dani sitting next to
Lori's mother and putting an arm around her.
"She's
gone," Lori whispered. "I can't believe she's gone. It
wasn't supposed to be like this."
"I know. I'm
sorry."
He set Lori on the bed and stretched out next to
her. She curled up against him. He wrapped his arms around her.
"It
hurts," she said, her voice shaking. "It hurts so much. I
don't want her to be dead. I don't. It's awful and I can't
cry."
"You will," he told her, as he stroked
her hair. "You have plenty of time for tears."

* * *

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER, Reid drove back to Gloria's house.
Dani and Penny would sit with Lori and her mom for a while, so he
could take care of a few things. Then he would return to Lori's house
to do what he could there.
Anger grew inside of him. Anger and
guilt and the need to fight someone…anyone. But who? The only
person to blame was himself.
"You couldn't call?"
Gloria said when he walked into her room. "I've been waiting by
the phone. It's not as if I had anywhere to go, but I've been
worried. It's a complicated surgery and…" She drew in a
breath. "What happened? You look terrible."
He sat
on the edge of the bed and took Gloria's hand in his. "Madeline
died during surgery."
The color fled his grandmother's
face. In a matter of seconds she looked old and frail.
"No,"
she whispered. "No. That can't be. She was supposed to be fine.
She was supposed to make it. She can't have died. Poor Lori. And her
mother. They must be devastated."
"They are."
"That
poor child."
"She won't be coming into work for a
while. I'll try to pick up as much of the slack as I can. Sandy said
she'd fill in a little extra. Is that enough or do you want me to
hire another nurse?"
Gloria's eyes filled with tears. "No
one else," she whispered. "I'm fine. Getting stronger every
day. I'll be all right."
"I know you will be."
He leaned over and kissed her forehead.
"I want to help,"
Gloria said. "Do they need something?"
"It's
all taken care of. Dani is arranging the funeral and making calls to
family and friends. Penny's getting food in the house. Walker and Cal
are running errands."
"I want to go to the funeral.
I can make it," she added before he could say anything.
"Then
you should go." He released her. "I'm going upstairs. I
have to make some calls, but I'll be back down in an hour or so.
You'll be all right?"
"Go. I'm fine."
She
waved him away and he left. When he reached his room, he closed the
door, walked to the sofa and sank down. Only then did he let his
emotions loose. They swept over him, surrounding him, speaking the
truth in a volume he couldn't help but hear.
Madeline was dead
because of him. He'd killed her as surely as if he'd stopped her
heart himself.
He'd been so intent on proving himself by
finding her a donor. He'd been so damned proud of himself. He'd
wanted to be the hero and instead he was the reason Madeline had lost
the last year she was going to live.
She could have still been
alive today— living with Lori, talking, laughing,
being.
Maybe there would have been a cure, or a better donor. Maybe she
would have been ready.
He'd heard what she'd said the day
before the surgery. That she wanted more time. Because she felt
responsible for him going on television, she'd gone forward with the
surgery.
It was his fault. He had to go and try to fix things.
To show off. To try to make up for all the other screw-ups. But look
what had happened.
He'd ruined things when he hadn't been
trying and he'd made things worse when he'd been doing his best. He
couldn't win for losing.
He sat there for a long time, feeling
the anger and regret. Knowing that Lori could never forgive him for
taking the most precious part of her life and killing it. All he'd
wanted was to help the woman he loved and instead he'd destroyed her.

* * *

AFTER THE FUNERAL, Madeline's friends poured into Lori's house.
The small space overflowed with Madeline's coworkers and girlfriends,
people she'd known and touched in her too-short life. Lori greeted
them as they came in, accepting their condolences. Evie stood next to
her, but after a few minutes, excused herself.
Lori knew the
last few days had been incredibly hard on her. Her mother seemed to
have shrunk. She hoped that time would help, as it usually did, but
as she, too, was still in shock, it was hard to imagine ever feeling
better.
"I'm so sorry," Gloria said as she entered.
She leaned heavily on a cane and on Cal. "I don't know what to
say."
Lori hugged her. "You don't have to say
anything. Thanks for being here. But don't overtire yourself. You're
still recovering."
Gloria's eyes filled with tears.
"Don't you worry about me, child. I'm fine."
Lori
nodded, and Gloria and Cal moved on. A few minutes later, the last of
the mourners had arrived and she was able to walk through the
crowd.
She was amazed at the number of people who had shown up
to celebrate her sister's life. There was an equal number of smiles
and tears as friends recounted funny and touching stories about
Madeline's life.
She found Penny manning the kitchen,
organizing enough food to feed the city for three days.
"We're
good," Penny said as she looked up from a tray of corn cakes
topped with vegetables and tiny shrimp. "I have the food
together and Dani's handling the rest of it. I made some pretty
intense desserts. At times like these, sugar always helps, don't you
think?"
"It does for me," Lori said. "You've
been great. All of you. I don't know how to thank you."
"You
don't have to. You're one of us. Of course we want to take care of
you."
One of them? If only. But she didn't say that. She
thanked Penny again and returned to the living room.
Reid
stood by the makeshift bar set up in the corner. She crossed to him
and accepted a glass of white wine.
"You okay?" he
asked, then shook his head. "Let me rephrase that. Are you able
to handle all this?"
"There's not a whole lot for me
to handle," she told him. "Your family took care of
everything. I want to thank you for that. For being there for me. It
means a lot."
She couldn't have gotten through this
without him. He'd stepped in with Gloria, staying with his
grandmother for much of the day, then showing up here to be with her.
He'd spent every night since Madeline had died, holding her until she
fell asleep.
Part of her felt guilty for not being able to
give him more, but honestly, there was nothing left. Her emotional
insides were a gray, empty void. Eventually he would get tired of
that and move on, she thought grimly. Which meant she was looking at
even more pain.
She wanted to say something to him, something
that would keep him around until she'd started to recover, but there
weren't any words. Still, she had to try.
But before she could
come up with anything, a woman walked over and started talking about
Madeline.
"She adored you," the woman said, smiling,
but with tears in her eyes. "I still remember how happy and
touched she was when you invited her to come live here. She told me
she wasn't scared anymore. She knew you'd be with her no matter what.
She knew how much you loved her."
Lori nodded. Her eyes
burned as her throat tightened. "She was my sister," she
managed.
The woman gave a little sob. "Sorry. This has to
be ten times harder for you than for me and I'm barely holding it
together. I just wanted you to know that Madeline talked about you
all the time."
"Thank you."
Others
approached her with different stories. There were more kind words
until Lori couldn't take anymore. She escaped to her sister's room.
After closing the door and leaning against it, she realized she still
wasn't alone. Her mother stepped out of the small closet, a red
blouse over one arm.
"I remember when Madeline bought
this," her mother said, wiping her tears. "She had just
filed for divorce and she said she wanted to buy something cheerful.
But the blouse looked horrible on her and I couldn't seem to lie
about it. I remember us standing in my living room, laughing over the
fact that she couldn't even buy the right blouse." Tears fell
and she wiped them away. "She was always ready to laugh at
herself."
"I remember. She tried to pawn that blouse
off on me, but I told her there was no way it could look better on me
than on her."
Her mother sighed. "She was always a
beautiful girl. Even as a baby, she was lovely."
"I
know. She never took a bad picture. Even those horrible school
pictures turned out great. I hated that." Emotions swept through
her. She sank on the bed and clutched her sister's worn and tattered
teddy bear to her chest.
"I hated her," she
whispered. "God forgive me, sometimes I hated how beautiful and
charming she was. How everyone loved her."
Her mother sat
next to her and hugged her tight. "You hush right now. Don't
beat yourself up, Lori. You didn't hate your sister. Not ever. You
wanted what she had and there's a difference. You never give yourself
enough credit. I know I'm to blame for that and I'm sorry."
"Don't
be sorry," Lori told her. "It's fine. I'm okay. I just
wish…" She swallowed hard. "I wish I'd been nicer or
something. I wish she'd known how much she mattered to me."
"She
knew. Don't you think she knew? You asked her to come live with you
in her time of need. You opened your heart and your life. You were
saving money so you wouldn't have to work her last months. She knew
all that. She would have loved you anyway, but she loved you for
that. She respected and admired you. She told me."
Lori
felt her eyes fill and for the first time since hearing that her
sister had died, she cried.
Big, fat, hot tears spilled down
her cheeks. Sobs shook her body.
"I m-miss her," she
said, her voice thick and broken. "I miss her so much. I want
her back. I know she had to try with the transplant and I'll always
be grateful she died with hope, but, God, I miss her."
"I
know you do."
They held on to each other, connected by a
grief that seemed endless. Eventually the tears slowed. Lori wiped
her face.
"Mom, do you want to come live with me?"
Her
mother smiled at her. "I appreciate the offer, but we're both
too stubborn for that to ever work. But I would like us to be close.
We have each other and I don't want to waste a moment of that."
"Me,
either."