Skeletons of Us (Unquiet Mind Book 2) (37 page)

“I need you to give me time,” I choked out, “to figure out if I can do this.”

His face shuttered. “You’ve had four fuckin’ years!” he exploded.

I yanked out of his grasp. “I’ve had four fucking years,” I hissed, “but not by choice, Killian. It wasn’t me who wanted those four years. I’m asking for one fricking night to try and breathe without suffocating.”

Killian stiffened. “I suffocate you?” he asked slowly.

“Yes. No, I mean no. I just need quiet.”

“You’ve got quiet with me.”

I blinked at him. “Just give me some space, Killian.”

It was then the emptiness came back. The look that had been his mask in the ring, the one that had been his default face with everyone but me. It was devoid of feeling. Of anything really.

He nodded once. “Let me get you home. Then you got your space.”

I flinched at his voice. It was familiar. It was the voice I’d heard on that dock four years ago. The one that was resigned to good-bye.

“Whisky for breakfast? Shit, things aren’t well in casa Killian?” Lucky’s voice didn’t make Killian move. He didn’t even lift his head.

“Fuck off,” he growled.

Lucky didn’t do as requested. Instead, he slapped him on the back and sat down beside him. “Love you too, bro.”

He leaned over the bar and poured himself a shot. “Lexie didn’t like The Nutcracker, I’m guessing?”

Killian gave him a sideways glare.

“Okay, so we don’t like that name. Hold on, I’ll cross it off the list.” There was a pause. “Done.” Lucky’s face went serious. “Don’t worry, brother, she’ll come around.”

Killian didn’t say a thing, just went back to contemplating his whisky. He had dropped Lexie off last night without a word. He couldn’t speak to her. He couldn’t actually look at her. The pain was so great. He knew it hurt her, but he couldn’t help it. Fuck, if this was what she felt that day on the dock, if it was what she’d been feeling for four years, Killian had no fuckin’ clue how she’d even decided to give him a second chance.

One he was certain he’d blown.

“There a reason why Lexie came home last night and refused to talk to anyone?” Bull’s voice boomed in his ear.

“Came to the fight. Didn’t like it,” Killian told him.

There was a long pause. “Fuck,” Bull muttered finally.

Like Lucky, he sat himself down and poured a shot.

He silently downed it and glanced at Killian. “You know Lexie’s special,” he began.

Killian nodded. Of course he fuckin’ knew that.

“She’s not like any of these women.” Bull nodded to some club sluts hanging around after the victory party last night. Killian hadn’t felt very victorious. He’d shoved every one of them away who tried to sidle up to him last night. Their touch made his skin crawl, polluted it after Lexie had been all over him.

He drank himself into a stupor and had been slouched against the bar since he’d jerked awake.

Pathetic, really, but it was the only fuckin’ thing he could do. Lexie wanted time. It was the last thing he wanted to give her; he feared what time would do.

“Christ, she’s not even like her mother,” Bull continued. “She feels everything so fuckin’ deep it worries me sometimes.” He paused. “That’s why I didn’t like what you two had when you were younger. Because she felt it deep. All the way to her core. It wasn’t right. Or I thought so.” Bull looked at Killian. “Turns out I was wrong. Seeing you two now, seeing how quick you put the light back in her eyes, I know, in this fucked-up world, with all the shit Lexie’s had to wade through, it was the only thing that was right. She’ll realize that. Or I’ll make her realize.”

Killian blinked at Bull through whisky-drenched eyes. That was the longest thing he’d ever heard the fucker say. And shit if it didn’t rattle him to his bones.

Bull slapped him on the back. He nodded to the glass. “Easy on that shit. You’ll want to make it to Lexie’s show tonight.”

He left him contemplating his glass. He’d make it to Lexie’s show tonight. He had a promise to keep.

“You ready to go, dollface? We’ve got to go quickly before the babysitter finds out what she’s got herself into with two Williams boys. I don’t care if he’s brand new, Axel is going to be more trouble than Rocko, I can feel it. He hardly ever cries. No child is meant to be that quiet. It’s the calm before the storm,” Mom said from my doorway. “Plus, I want to be able to catch at least the first half of the show before my boobs explode and I have to come back here to my precious baby boy who I love very much.”

I jerked up from my perusal of my closet. “I’ll be two seconds,” I said. It was like a time capsule, containing all the clothes I’d left here years ago. I hadn’t packed much, so I was alternating between Mom’s closet and teenage Lexie’s.

She raised a brow. “Lexie, you’re not even dressed yet. That will not take two seconds. You’re a rock star. I have it on good authority rock stars take
hours
to get glam. You’re hampering our escape. If you don’t make it to this concert, you’ve only got yourself to blame. Actually, I’ve only got you to blame.” Her smile left her face after she got a proper look at me. “You want to talk about it?” she asked softly, seeing what had been on my face the entire day. What I’d tried and failed to hide.

She hadn’t been awake when I crept in last night, and both she and Zane had been surprised to see me emerge from my room, but they seemed to sense I didn’t want to explain, so they let it go.

Well, Mom had. Zane had frowned at me, kissed Mom and the boys, and then roared off on his bike. Three guesses to where.

I glanced at her. “I don’t know.” I screwed my nose up. “It’s complicated.”

Mom stepped forward to squeeze my hand. “Not two nights ago my girl told me it’s actually not that complicated. It’s simple. Sometimes we try and make something more complicated than it is because we’re scared of something being so simple. We search for the hidden catch. You don’t have to work that hard to be happy, baby doll. Just be.”

I glanced at my mom. “You’re happy,” I pointed out.

She grinned. “Every day I don’t think I can get any happier and every day I’m pleasantly surprised.”

“And Zane, despite everything, despite all that darkness he waded through, he’s happy too. And you still love him, even with that darkness.” It wasn’t really a question, more like an observation.

Mom squeezed my hand. “It’s because of that darkness that I love him, baby girl. Because people like Zane…” She paused, giving me a knowing look. “People like Killian, that inhabit true darkness, can show us how to shine the brightest.”

There was a long silence as her words sank in. Surprisingly, Mom didn’t fill it. Unlike Killian, she didn’t do good with silence. This time she sensed I needed it.

“I know what I want to wear now,” I said finally.

A grin tickled the corner of Mom’s mouth. “This conversation was really just about fashion? I totally thought it was deeper than that. Though some of life’s biggest troubles can be solved with a killer outfit,” she teased. She leaned in to kiss my cheek. “You deserve to be happy, baby. And despite how I’ve felt about him the past four years, so does he. I don’t think a person exists for either of you that can make that happen apart from each other. It’s that simple.” She paused. “Now I’m going outside to get the motor running so we can make a quick getaway when Rocko sets the house on fire.” She winked at me.

I turned back to my closet, her words echoing in my mind. My hands touched over rainbow crotchet fabric.

I smiled.

*****

“I know we don’t do covers anymore on account of having our own stuff,” I spoke into the mic, above the scream of the crowd. “But I haven’t written a song yet to say what I want to say tonight. So here’s one you all might know. It’s for someone who I write every word for. Who I sing every word to. Who brought the skeletons of us back to life.”

I closed my eyes and began to strum, the crowd screaming as I sang the first words of “No Matter What,” by Papa Roach.

I didn’t need to open my eyes to know he was watching, to feel his gaze. But I did. I had to. He was at the back. Even in the dim light, I didn’t have any problems finding his ice blue eyes. Even though he was dressed in all black, he didn’t melt into the background. Everything else melted around him until the room was empty and it was just me and him. Just me singing to him. It was that simple.

I was singing that song to him, wearing the same rainbow dress I’d worn on the best night of my life, trying to tell him that it was that simple. That years meant nothing. That all the other stuff was nothing.

I think he got it, because as the song began to trail off, his entire body jerked as if he’d gotten an electric shock and he pushed off the bar. I would have said it was impossible him to make his way through the packed crowd at Clay’s bar. We had sent a social media blast out an hour before we’d been due to go on. We’d expected a full house. What we didn’t expect was a line of people outside, screaming when we arrived. We didn’t expect them to test the capacity limits. So I would have thought there was no way for Killian to wade through the sea of bodies and make it up to the stage.

I would have been wrong.

Because before I’d even sang the last word, he was there, on stage in front of the screaming people. My words were cut off by his mouth. It smashed against mine the second he pushed my guitar over my shoulder and yanked my body flush to his.

The moment he had come on stage, the roar of the crowd had turned deafening. But as soon as his lips touched mine, it was gone. Like a switch was flipped, there was silence. There was only Killian and me. Only his mouth moving against mine, his body claiming every inch of me.

Too soon, far too soon, it was gone and the roar returned.

Killian rested his head against mine and eyed me lazily like we weren’t on a stage in front of a crowd of people.

“I love you, Killian. Always,” I whispered. I wasn’t even sure if he heard me. I couldn’t even hear myself overtop of everything. But his eyes flared, and then I was lifted and taken in Killian’s strong arms.

All my boys grinned at me as he carried me off the stage.

The roar dulled as Killian took me into the room we’d hung out in after our first show. He put me down, his face dark with desire.

“You had to do that in front of a hundred people where I couldn’t fuck you the moment those words came from your mouth?” he growled.

My stomach dipped. “I had to make a grand romantic gesture,” I replied, voice husky.

Killian yanked me to him. “Fuck, baby, I think that’s gonna be imprinted on my soul for the rest of my life.”

“Good,” I murmured against his mouth. “’Cause you’re going to be imprinted on mine for the rest of my life.”

He leaned forward so his lips brushed mine. “Gonna kiss you now, freckles. Gotta taste those words on your mouth.”

My heart soared as he propelled me back in time, and then his mouth was on mine and there was nothing but us once more.

Before I could do anything stupid, like beg him to fuck me against the wall of the room that would most likely be filled with people in the next few minutes, Killian stopped kissing me.

“Need to show you somethin’, baby.”

I grinned at him. “Me too,” I said grabbing his hand and trailing it up my leg.