Skulduggery Pleasant: Mortal Cole (16 page)

Skulduggery and Valkyrie drove back to Haggard in glum silence. It was dark again – they’d spent practically an entire day recovering from their injuries. Valkyrie’s parents were undoubtedly asleep by now, which meant she had missed her chance to spend Christmas Eve with them, and this put her in an even worse mood than before. That heartless, soulless reflection had been there instead, smiling its fake smile. She sank into her seat and glowered.

“How are you?” Skulduggery asked.

“Fine,” she muttered.

“You don’t sound fine.”

“I’m as fine as could be expected then, for someone who was in a fight in which one guy beat four of us at the same time, and then got away.”

“We were the ones who fled, actually.”

“You didn’t have to point that out. I could have done without you pointing that out. He killed Marr with a touch. We’d probably all be dead if he’d been paid to kill us.”

“That’s a possibility.”

“I don’t like the fact that there’s someone out there who can do that.”

“We’re not unstoppable, you know,” said Skulduggery.

“Sometimes we are.”

“Not tonight.”

“No, not tonight. I’m glad she’s dead. That’s probably really horrible, isn’t it? But I am. I’m glad Marr is dead.”

“She killed a lot of people.”

“Is that it, then? Is it over?”

“It appears to be. For now. Are you going to tell me what else is upsetting you?”

“What? Nothing.” He cocked his head and she rolled her eyes. “Fine. I missed Christmas Eve with my parents. Happy? This is my last Christmas Eve as an only child, and I wanted to bask in my parents’ love one final time.”

He sounded amused. “They’re not going to stop loving you just because you have a new brother or sister.”

“You don’t understand. When I was seven, Mum bought me a rabbit, Mister Fluffy. For two weeks, Dad paid more attention to that rabbit than he did to me. He played with it, he took it on walks, he practically tucked it in at night. And that was a
rabbit.
Imagine what he’s going to be like with a
baby.
”

“But after those two weeks, once the novelty wore off, he was back to normal, wasn’t he?”

“I don’t think it was because the novelty wore off. I think it was because he stood on Mister Fluffy.”

“Pardon?”

Valkyrie sighed, her head lolling back on the seat. “He stepped on it. Squished it. Squashed it. Killed it. Cut it down in its prime. It kicked the bucket, turned up its toes, shuffled off this mortal coil. It was… an ex-rabbit.”

“He’s a dangerous man, your father.”

“The baby better learn to dodge.”

The windshield wipers activated, and Valkyrie looked out at the swirling snow caught in the headlights.

“That’s pretty,” she said. She lowered the window and stuck her head out, getting a freezing blast full in the face. She brought her head back in, slightly dazed.

“Fun?” Skulduggery asked.

She brushed the snowflakes from her hair. “It lightened my mood. I still have tomorrow off, right?”

“That’s our deal.”

“No matter what happens, Christmas Day is off-limits. It’s a day for presents under the tree, turkey for dinner, and dozing off on the sofa while we watch Indiana Jones on TV.”

“Sounds lovely.”

“What are you going to do?”

“The same, except completely different.”

Valkyrie managed a smile. “I love Christmas. I’ll never understand anyone who doesn’t.”

“Plenty of people don’t enjoy Christmas. It can be a lonely time of the year.”

“But it’s when all the family gets together,” she said, speaking too fast to stop herself. Skulduggery dipped the headlights as a car passed in the opposite lane, then flicked them back up.

“Sorry,” she said quietly.

He turned to her slightly. “What for?”

“You know. The family thing.”

“Oh,” he said. “You mean because my family is dead.”

She winced. “Yeah.”

“You know, I’d completely forgotten about all that until you brought it up.”

She stared at him, horrified. They passed a sign for Haggard.

“I’m joking,” he said at last.

“Oh, my God. That was mean.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about enjoying something that other people don’t. Well, apart from torture, but that’s probably the only exception. You love Christmas, and
that’s wonderful. Keep in mind that not everyone does, but don’t let that take away from how you feel.”

“Wow,” she said. “It’s like you’re teaching me something and being all wise.”

“You are not easy to get along with,” Skulduggery said.

They got to the pier in Haggard and Valkyrie unbuckled her seatbelt. “Tomorrow is off-limits and everything, but… you’re still going to drop by, aren’t you?”

“Of course. I have to give you your present, don’t I?”

She grinned. “Yes, you do. Merry Christmas, Skulduggery.”

“Merry Christmas, Valkyrie.”

She got out, and ran home through the snow.

A
nton Shudder knocked on the door to Room 19 as he unlocked it. He waited a few moments, and then the door opened and the vampire looked out, wearing its human skin.

“Good morning,” Caelan said. “Did I… I’m sorry if I was loud last night.”

“Not at all,” Shudder said. “The walls are still sealed. No sound escapes.”

“I’m afraid I broke some furniture. The chain snapped and, well… I’ll pay for it, of course. Some of the walls are scratched, too.”

“We’ve discussed this. Snapping your chains or damaging the walls means nothing if you can’t leave this room – and once I’ve locked this door, you don’t even have the option. You’re safe in there, and everyone else is safe out here. You are a guest in the Midnight Hotel. You have no need to apologise.”

“Thank you. Where are we, by the way?”

“Scotland.”

“Are we scheduled to appear in Ireland today?”

“In just under an hour. You have business there?”

“Some,” Caelan said.

“I’ll let you know when we arrive.”

“Thank you, Mr Shudder.”

Shudder walked to the stairs, nodding to a guest coming the opposite way. He climbed to the second floor on his usual morning rounds. All but two of the rooms on this floor were occupied, but none of the guests were awake yet. He stopped outside Room 24, as he always did, and tested the handle. It turned, but didn’t open. Locked tight, as it always was.

Satisfied, he returned to his office on the ground floor. He busied himself with paperwork, barely noticing the location
shift. Had anyone been standing outside, they would have seen the Midnight Hotel suddenly come apart, and then sink into the earth within the space of a few seconds. For those within the hotel, however, there was a slight tremor and nothing more.

He reached for the phone and called the vampire’s room as another tremor passed, and the hotel sprouted and grew in a wood just outside Dublin. He told Caelan they’d arrived, and a minute later, the vampire left the hotel.

Shudder worked for another hour, then took the keys for the car he kept parked here and walked out. He needed supplies, food and cleaning materials. Also, some new furniture for the vampire’s room. And some decent chains.

The forest was chilled as he passed through the trees. Twigs cracked dully under his weight, his steps tossing wet leaves from his path. He got to the clearing beside the road that acted as the hotel car park, and stopped.

A man lay unconscious on the ground in front of him. Despite the cold, he was only wearing jeans and a T-shirt. He had tattoos and piercings.

Something caught Shudder’s eye, and he turned just as the Remnant flew at him. He stumbled back, tried in vain to stop it from prying his mouth open and slithering in. He gagged,
throat bulging as the Remnant forced its way down. Shudder fell to his knees, feeling it spread out inside him, rushing through his body, its darkness seeping into his bloodstream. The pain stopped. His fingers and toes were buzzing.

Shudder got to his feet. He looked over at Finbar Wrong, who lay unconscious in the wet grass and leaves. He remembered being Finbar, and he remembered all the things he’d seen in the vision. Before Finbar, Shudder had been Kenspeckle Grouse, and before that… Well, before
that
he’d spent a long time trapped in a room in the Midnight Hotel, with all the other Remnants.

Shudder took the key from the chain around his forearm, and walked back to the hotel to free his brothers and sisters.

T
here had been a time, not too long ago, when Christmas morning was a big deal. A morning when Stephanie Edgley would wake up and rush to her parents’ room, practically dragging them out of bed. Her father would go downstairs first, to check that Santa Claus was gone. When he gave the all-clear, Stephanie and her mother would hurry into the living room, and all three of them would dive under the tree, squealing with delight as each present was torn open. Her dad squealed the loudest, for some reason, especially when he got packs of brand-new socks. Her
dad
loved
new socks. It was almost disturbing how he looked forward to slipping each pair on.

Her mother found each and every Christmas morning hilarious. Some of Valkyrie’s fondest memories were of her mother, doubled up with laughter upon receiving her gift from her husband. Like the year she’d been given a hammer. Valkyrie could still see her dad’s face, proud that he had managed to get his wife a present without help from anyone, and then the look of puzzlement that crept over his features as his darling Melissa slowly collapsed to the carpet, laughing so hard she was completely silent.

Valkyrie hadn’t missed a Christmas Day yet. With all the time she spent away from home, she felt it was important to spend this day with her family, doing normal Christmas things like a normal daughter. Skulduggery would usually drive up in the evening, and she’d slip out to meet him at the pier. They’d exchange presents as the sea crashed beside them.

His presents were always much better than hers. Last year she’d given him a mug with a picture of Betty, a neighbour’s one-eyed mongrel (and officially
Ireland’s Best-Loved Dog
after she won a competition), printed on the side. Valkyrie feared she may have inherited her dad’s dreadful present-buying prowess, but Skulduggery didn’t seem to mind too much.

For so long, she’d been an only child at Christmas, and it was fair to say that she’d been a little spoiled by it all. But the idea that next year she’d have a little brother or sister made her smile as she lay in bed thinking about it. Having a kid around to get excited, to whoop and squeal like she had done, would ensure that Christmas stayed as special as the ones she remembered. They’d have to alter the routine, of course. The kid would have to wake
her
first, then they’d
both
wake their parents, drawing out the excitement, prolonging the anticipation. She couldn’t wait.

Her mother knocked on her door and peeped in. “Steph?”

“Mum.”

Immediately, her mother broke out into a smile and came in, her dressing gown closed over her round belly. “Happy Christmas, sweetheart,” she said, sitting on the bed and leaning down to kiss Valkyrie’s cheek. “Are you getting up? Desmond got impatient. He’s downstairs, waiting to check that Santa is gone.”

Valkyrie chuckled. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ve just been lying here.”

“Thinking heavy thoughts?”

“Thinking about the baby we’ll have around this time next year.”

Her mum grinned, patting her bump. “It’ll be fun, won’t it? You promise you won’t get jealous, now?”

“I think I can manage that.”

They heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, and her dad appeared in the doorway. “Hurry up!” he whined.

“Speaking of babies,” her mum muttered. She heaved herself off the bed and walked over to him as Valkyrie threw off the covers. Even as they were flying from her she remembered the massive bruises all over her body, and she yanked the covers back and held them tight against her.

“Didn’t see anything!” her dad cried, his eyes squeezed shut. “Didn’t see one little thing! Not one!”

Valkyrie laughed as her mum shooed him away. His eyes still shut, he allowed himself to be manoeuvred through the door.

“Please God,” she heard him say, “let the next one be a boy.”

Once she heard them on the stairs, she let the covers fall and examined herself. The bruises were angry purple and yellow and blue, but they looked more painful than they felt. She pulled on a T-shirt and grabbed her dressing gown, rooted out her fluffy bunny slippers and hurried downstairs, just in time to watch her father lunge into the living room.

“He’s gone!” he proclaimed. “Santa Claus has gone, and he left me presents!”

Valkyrie got clothes, and a little money, and a new music device that was smaller than her thumb. She opened an envelope and a card slipped into her hand. She frowned at it. “Gym membership?”

“For a year,” her mother said. “It’s the good place, beside the Pavillions. They have a pool, and a sauna, and you can take in one guest for free. And I
really
like saunas.”

“And I really like
pools,”
her dad smiled.

Her mother looked at him. “She can only take in one guest at a time.”

“I know, so what’s…? Oh. You mean
you.
So… what am
I
going to do?”

“You’re a big boy, Des, you can make up your own mind. Maybe you can stand outside and listen to the splashing.”

“I can listen to splashing in the
bath,”
he pointed out, somewhat sulkily.

“Excuse me?” Valkyrie said. “Um, the gym. Why?”

Her mother shrugged and smiled. “You’re working out
somewhere,
so we thought why not do your training where all the instructors know first aid and everything’s clean and nice?”

“I’m not
working out,
Mum. I’m… I play sports in school, that’s all.”

“What kind of sports?” her dad asked. “Badminton? Rugby? Cage-fighting?”

“Just sports. I run a lot. And swim.”