Sleepless Nights (The Donovans of the Delta) (18 page)

“The past still being between us. I can’t let you go; I
won’t
let you go. But I believe the only way to keep you is to face Claude.”

“I’m scared.” She squeezed her arms around his chest. “You’re right. It’s the only way. I’ve known it for a long time and simply didn’t want to face it. Today I was miserable knowing I had chosen the coward’s way out. Oh, Lord, Tanner.” She buried her face in his neck. “I was going to let you go rather than face the past.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No. When I saw you standing in the doorway, I knew I had to have you. Forever.”

He eased her out of his arms far enough so that he could look into her eyes.

“Everything will be all right, Amanda. We’ll make it work.”

CHAPTER NINE

They decided to drive to Fulton, Missouri.

Amanda made arrangements for her Christmas clerks to come in and help Maxine with the shop, and Tanner talked with his business manager in Dallas. Because Tanner was so frequently out of town making personal appearances, his corporations were set up to operate with a minimum of his attention. Business matters ran smoothly for them.

It was the personal matters that got out of hand. Both of them dreaded the confrontation with Claude, and they had vastly different ideas about how to handle the situation.

The night of the storm, Amanda and Tanner were in the kitchen discussing their plans. She stood at the chopping block dicing vegetables to stir fry while he worked at the sink washing spinach for a salad. Rain still peppered against the windows.

“I think we should call him.” Amanda’s knife lopped off the head of a fat carrot. “Let him know we’re coming.”

“No. He might tell us not to come.” Tanner ripped into the spinach. “We have to see him in person in order to get all this out into the open.”

“What if he’s not there?” Her knife clicked rapidly against the chopping block. Severed vegetables rolled away as if in fright.

“Doesn’t he run a newspaper?” Tanner attacked the spinach as if it were a threat to world peace.

“Yes, but. . .”

“Dammit all, Amanda, if he’s not in Fulton, we’ll find him.”

“How?” She brandished a carrot stick in the air. “Wave a magic wand?”

Tanner reigned in his temper. He’d come too far to let a foolish argument over Claude spoil everything. “Businessmen simply can’t disappear,” he said more calmly. “Their secretaries always know where to find them.”

Amanda abandoned her vegetables and flung her arms around him. “I don’t know why I’m letting a little thing like this get me so upset. I’m sorry, Tanner,”

“That’s a relief. For a minute there I thought you were going to beat me with that carrot stick.”

She laughed, squeezing him harder. “You won’t let anything happen to us, will you?”

“Never. We’ve come this far. Only a few more hurdles to go and we’ll be walking down the aisle and living happily ever after.”

Amanda went back to her chopping block. “Tanner, do you think we can live happily ever after on this?” She held up the pitiful remains of the vegetables. They weren’t diced; they were mutilated. “I suppose we’ll have to depend on your salad tonight.”

He grinned sheepishly. “This poor stuff?” He held up shred of spinach no bigger than a toothpick. “I guess I got carried away.”

“Maybe I have some olives and cheese in the refrigerator.”

“I need something more substantial for the task ahead.”

“Facing Claude?”

“No. Kissing and making up.”

They made quick use of Aunt Emma’s rosewood table and ended up eating at Doe’s.

 o0o

Later that night Tanner lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He was remembering Claude.

When they were six, they’d started school together. By the second week they were fast friends. It was an unlikely friendship: Tanner was big and brash and outgoing: Claude was small and studious and quiet. A frog was what brought them together. Tanner had caught the biggest bullfrog in his pond and brought it to school in his lunch pail. His intention was to take bets at recess on how far the frog could jump. He had his eye on a red wagon in Tudberry’s window. He could imagine himself sauntering up to Tudberry’s after school, his pockets full of money, buying the wagon. He knew just how it would feel when he whizzed down the hill in back of his barn in that new wagon.

But the frog had other ideas. Around midmorning it pushed open the lunch box lid and hopped out to investigate its new surroundings. Unfortunately it chose to investigate the underside of Miss Margaret Riley’s dress. When the teacher started screaming, nobody knew what it was all about except Tanner and Claude. Both of them had seen the frog leave the safety of the lunch pail.

The frog soon made itself known. Finding nothing exciting in Miss Riley’s bloomers—at least, that’s the way Claude later told the story—it hopped onto her desk. Fifteen little boys and ten little girls gave merry chase. It was Claude who helped Tanner corner the frog.

“Is this yours?” he’d whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Golly. He’s a whopper.”

“You won’t tell, will you? Miss Riley will wear my britches out.”

“Naw.”

When Miss Riley had recovered enough to question her pupils about the frog, Claude had stepped forward and told the biggest tale Tanner had ever heard. “I saw that big ol’ frog this morning down beside that little pond behind the schoolhouse. Seems to me it looked mighty bored. Matter of fact, it got interested in my reader and followed me to school. I saw it come creeping through our door a little while ago. Miss Riley, I guess that ol’ frog wanted to learn how to read.”

Miss Riley had been so enchanted, she’d forgotten about punishment. After that Claude and Tanner had been best friends. Tanner was the school hero, and Claude was the school storyteller. They’d made quite a team.

Later they’d both fallen in love with Amanda. It seemed that both of them noticed her at the same time. Until the seventh grade she’d been just another little redheaded girl with pigtails Suddenly she was the prettiest thing they’d ever laid eyes on—and both of them wanted to marry her. It took a fight in the dirt behind the cafeteria to settle the matter. Claude had ended up with a bloody nose, and Tanner had ended up with a black eye—and Amanda. After that the matter was settled. Amanda was always Tanner’s, and Claude was always their very best friend.

Until eleven years ago.

Tanner reached across the bed and touched Amanda, just to reassure himself. She was there, warm and soft, hips curved under the covers, outlined by the moonlight. Quietly he rose from the bed.

At times like this he almost wished he smoked. He looked at the bedside clock. Two A.M. The next day they’d be leaving for Missouri—a two-day drive. He needed his rest. But memories of Claude beat through his mind. The hammer blows wrecked his peace and destroyed any chance of sleep.

Dressing quickly in a sweat suit and jogging shoes, he eased out the door and down the stairs. He would run until he could regain some semblance of tranquility.

Then he’d be ready to face Claude.

 o0o

 Amanda woke with a start.

She’d been dreaming that Claude wanted to marry her again. She kept seeing him over and over, arms outstretched, calling to her—love, love, love. She sat up and brushed her hair back from her face.

“Tanner?”

Turning, she saw the empty spot where he had been. Panic seized her. Maybe it wasn’t a dream. Maybe Claude
had
come for her, and Tanner was gone again.

Her feet hit the floor running. Without even bothering to cover her nakedness, she raced down the stairs. “Tanner?” If he was anywhere in the house, he would hear her. She was yelling loud enough to alert the fire department all the way across town.

She flicked on lights as she ran. By the time she got to the kitchen, she was fully awake and feeling rather foolish. She’d been dreaming, and Tanner would never leave her. Hoping she hadn’t awakened the neighbors, she went back upstairs, turning off the lights behind her. With her sanity restored, she surveyed her bedroom. Tanner’s sweat suit and shoes were missing. She should have known. He always ran when he was disturbed, and certainly the prospect of facing Claude was disturbing—to both of them.

She put on her robe and walked to the window. The streets were dark arid empty. Pressing her face against the windowpane, she whispered, “Go with God, Tanner.”

Going back to bed was useless. She walked to her dressing table and sat down. All her Christmas cards had been tucked into the top drawer. She reached inside and took out Claude’s card. “Love, Claude,” it said. She pressed her fingers against the signature. Memories flooded through her.

The night of their senior prom, Tanner’s old Chevrolet had died six miles from the school gymnasium. Tanner had said it wasn’t too far to walk, and she had protested that she’d never make it in her high heels. Besides that, it started raining, not a gentle spring rain but an angry flood from the heavens. Just when they had resigned themselves to spending their prom night stranded in the car, Claude had come along. He’d bundled them into the backseat of his reliable Ford, and the three of them had gone to the prom together.

When Tanner asked why he had no date, he’d replied, “Why do I need a date? I have my two best friends. Anyhow, I’m too busy being your guardian angel to date.”

Claude had always been their guardian angel, transporting Amanda back and forth to Alabama to visit Tanner, watching over their romance with friendly benevolence, giving them moral support. Exactly when that relationship had changed, she didn’t know. The change had been subtle and completely unexpected.

She smoothed the card. There could be no going back. Claude would never be their guardian angel again.

“Mandy?”

Tanner was standing in the doorway. She hadn’t heard him come in.

“I couldn’t sleep.” She made no attempt to cover the card. From the time they’d made their commitment, she knew there could never be anything except honesty between them.

“Neither could I.” He came to her and put his hand on her shoulder. The signature on the card seemed to leap out at him.

She watched as he picked it up. He stood motionless, saying nothing. His hand tightened on her shoulder. The silence echoed with all the things they might have said. Finally he placed the card carefully back on the dressing table, signature up. His fingers bit into her flesh, but still he remained silent.

She spoke first. “At the time it didn’t seem necessary to tell you.”

“The card said love.”

“I know.” She reached up and squeezed his hand. “I don’t know what that means. This is the first time I’ve heard from Claude since the divorce.”

“He wants you back. Any man in his right mind would.”

She stood up and came into his arms. Pressing her cheek against his chest, she could hear the steady thrum of his heartbeat. Somehow it was reassuring to her. She’d always felt protected in Tanner’s arms.

“Let’s not make mountains, Tanner.”

“If I take you back to Fulton, I’ll be delivering you to him.”

She reached up and cupped his face. “Tanner Donovan, do you doubt my love for you?”

“No.”

“Do you doubt your love for me?”

“Never.” His grin was apologetic.

“Then nothing can come between us. Ever. We’ll face this together.”

He laughed exultantly as he picked her up and carried her to the bed. “Sometimes I get the blues, Amanda. The blues can make a man crazy.”

With the mattress pressing against her back and Tanner pressing against her thighs, she smiled. “I know a cure.”

He swept aside her robe. “That’s the best offer I’ve had today.”

Amanda began curing his blues.

 o0o

They left for Missouri at six o’clock the next morning. Both of them were groggy from lack of sleep but determined to be cheerful.

Tanner dragged out his repertoire of old football jokes and regaled Amanda all the way to Memphis. She laughed at the first twenty or so, but finally she could stand it no more.

“Tanner, if you tell me another football story, I’m going to turn blue in the face and faint and bash my head on the door handle and bleed all over the car, and we’ll never get to Fulton—let alone to the altar.”

He chuckled. “You laughed.”

“That was hysteria, not laughter.” She leaned her weary head against the back of the seat. “I may break out in hives. Why did we decide to drive instead of fly?”

“I think it was your idea.”

“No. I believe it was yours.”

“Are we quarreling again, Amanda?”

“Yes. If I weren’t so tired, I’d come over there and make up.”

“On the interstate?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “What can I say? I’m a wicked woman.”

She gave him a tired smile, closed her eyes, and fell fast asleep. She slept all the way to Little Rock. Then Tanner let her drive.

 o0o

They decided to spend the night at Cape Girardeau. They were both anxious and out of sorts.

“What if Claude is hostile when he sees us?” Amanda asked over the dinner table.

“Claude has never been hostile. That’s not his nature.”

“Are you defending him?”

“He was my best friend.”

“He was my husband.”

They glared at each other over their tough pork chops.

“If I discover Claude ever laid a hand on you, I’ll—”

“He never touched me. As a matter of fact, he was very good to me.”

“Amanda, you’re being totally irrational.”

“You’re just mad because I nearly wrecked the car.”

“That was my fault. I never should have let you drive. You were too tired.”

Big fat tears welled in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. “Tanner, I don’t want to lose you. This trip is making me crazy. Let’s turn around and go home.”

He came around the table so fast, the dishes rattled. “I can’t stand to see you cry.” He pressed his cheek to hers, then quickly took care of the bill and escorted her to their room.

Then he comforted her.

 o0o

They arrived in Fulton the next afternoon at five. A light snow had fallen, and the small town looked like it belonged in a Currier and Ives print. They drove past the campuses of William Woods and Westminster, which were still deserted for the holidays, and into the downtown area.