Sliding Down the Sky (15 page)

“Twist your arm sideways, at the same time, stepping away from me,” I instructed. “Come on – let’s try that part again.”

I pulled her closer to me again, and she let me. I could feel her eyes on me, but I was fully focused on her body position. I wanted her to feel safe, to have control. She deserved to be able to do her job without feeling like she was a target.

“Or you can do it this way.”

I swapped sides, taking her right elbow, then reaching for the prosthesis on her left arm. She pulled it away from me, but I didn’t let that put me off.

“I won’t hurt you,” I assured her. “I promise. You can do it with either arm, you don’t need to be able to hold him or hang onto anything, you just need to be able to push your forearm – either of them – against his – or hers. That’s it.”

She hesitated, and I took that to mean she understood. I gently took her left forearm in my hand and pulled it up and wide, pushing my arm away and making her take a step backwards in the process.

I held onto her arm, the prosthesis firm beneath my fingers, and drew it up between us.

“Will it hurt you, to use your arm like that?”

“I… I’m not sure. Maybe.”

I could see her reluctance.

“You’re gonna have to make that call yourself then, at the time,” I said firmly. “It’s completely up to you. Do what you can to keep yourself safe.”

She nodded, and I could tell she was already weighing up the pros and cons. Good. She had options, and options were empowering.

“This is good,” I said, indicating her arm with my eyes. “It’s not a weakness, it’s a strength – remember that. This is a weapon, so don’t be afraid to use it like one if you ever need to.”

She nodded dumbly, and I let her go. She didn’t back off like I thought she might. We were standing so close, I could see the little flecks of amber in her eyes. I gave myself a mental shake.

“Don’t forget to twist your body away at the same time,” I added. “And hit hard. You might only get one shot.”

She nodded again, wide-eyed.

“That should get you a few seconds, which is all you’ll need to get away. By that stage, someone else will be all over them. Leo, probably, or me if I’m around. Or anyone else who has a decent bone in their body.”

Her eyes burned into mine until I felt like I was talking too much. I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

“And if that doesn’t work, go for their eyes. If they’re that close to you, you should be able to get to the eyes easily enough. That tends to slow them down a bit.”

She didn’t nod that time, and I wondered if she had even heard me.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jesus, she smelt good. I didn’t know if it was her shampoo or her perfume, but there was a lingering scent of vanilla surrounding her. I was trying to keep things light, but with the way she was looking at me, it was damned hard not to just lean forward and kiss her.

Not the right time.

I took a step back, physically and mentally.

“You’re welcome.”

I heard voices and footsteps in the hall. She looked towards the noise, and as soon as she did, it was as if the connection between us had been broken. There was a sinking feeling in my chest, and the moment was over.

I walked back over to the couch and picked up my beer from the coffee table, taking a deep swig from the bottle. At the same moment, Jack and Leo came back into the room.

They were oblivious, still deep in conversation. I stole a quick glance at Sass as we both sat down again, and I caught her still looking at me, but neither of us said a word.

“That’s the thing with love – it’s going

to be wrong until it’s right.”

– Taylor Swift

Sass

We’d been open exactly one week, which meant only one thing. It was live music night. I thought about swapping shifts with Gemma, but that felt like cheating. I could do this. With Callum’s impromptu self-defence lesson swimming in my head over the past twenty-four hours, I felt like this was another kind of test, only this was a mental one, not a physical one. I really longed for some day in the future when getting through the day didn’t mean constantly testing and pushing myself.

Mind over matter, that’s all it was. I had to tell my mind that the band didn’t matter. I see-sawed between feeling on top of the world and feeling like I wanted to find a trapdoor, climb inside it and hide.

Luckily, it was just as busy as it had been on opening night, so that kept me occupied. That, and the fact that Callum had arrived shortly after my shift started and parked himself in the corner at my end of the bar, and he hadn’t shifted.

“I don’t need a bodyguard, y’know,” I said, trying to be funny.

He just smiled and raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, okay Xena. Maybe I’m just here for the beer and the music – ever thought of that?”

A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.

“You really know how to flatter a girl.”

His smile widened, and I escaped from his immediate proximity to go and serve another customer.

I could feel him watching my every move as I went about my shift, taking orders and steadfastly ignoring the band as they came on stage. I vowed I would not fall prey to another panic attack and leave Leo to clean up the aftermath. It wasn’t fair on him.

I kept repeating that to myself as I served customer after customer, trying to forget about Callum and the fact that he was in here alone. Again.

The music got louder, threatening to drown out the voices in my head. Leo kept one eye on me, and one on the bar. I didn’t know whether he was afraid someone would try to grab me again, or whether he could somehow see the struggle going on inside me as the band found their rhythm, but either way it wasn’t helping. Between the music and Leo, I was feeling decidedly claustrophobic.

In a futile effort to distance myself, I found my way down to the far end of the bar, where Callum was still sitting.

He leaned over the bar towards me, his eyebrows knitted together as he peered across at me.

“You okay?”

I nodded, giving him what I hoped was a casual smile. It didn’t feel casual, though. It felt tight and forced, and I could tell from his face that that’s exactly how it looked.

“Yeah. Can I get you another beer?”

He looked like he was about to say no, but then he changed his mind, draining the last of the one in his hand before pushing the empty over the bar towards me.

I reached for it, and our fingers brushed against each other. He fixed me with a stare that had me frozen to the spot. Suddenly, the long-sleeved, lightweight black shirt I wore felt like a winter coat. I could feel the heat crawling up my neck. I glanced down at the empty glass, both our hands still on it. I wanted to pull away, but something was stopping me.

His hand stayed put, and so did mine.

His skin was so much darker than mine – mine almost transparent by comparison. His hands were large and capable, practically dwarfing mine. For the briefest of moments, I wondered how they would feel on my body. A momentary lapse, but one that had my heart thundering in my ears.

My gaze swivelled back to his face to find that he was still watching me, his expression pure audacity, as if he was challenging me, underpinned with the same sensitivity I’d noticed in him the first time we’d met. He was waiting for me to make a move, so I did.

I pulled the glass out of his hand.

I thought I saw him smile as I turned my back on him and set about refilling his glass, which was more of a problem than usual because my hand was shaking so much. Despite my best efforts to the contrary, he had gotten under my skin, and it had terrified and excited me in equal measure.

He was a world of possibility at my fingertips, if only I dared to reach out and touch him. I wavered, standing on the edge of the cliff, waiting to see if I had the guts to take a step into the abyss. The very thought had my stomach churning. I wasn’t looking for this kind of attachment – in fact, what he was silently suggesting was the very opposite of what I thought I wanted. So why the hell couldn’t I get him out of my head?

While I weighed up the mess in my head, I went about the business of serving customers like a robot.

Was I really brave enough to do this? Could I survive it if it didn’t work out? Was I wasting my time? Was it too soon to be thinking about any of this? Was I ready for it?

The questions may have all been different, but by the time the band had packed up and Leo had begun wiping down tables, I realised that the answer to all of them was the same.

I had no idea.

I finished wiping down Leo’s end of the bar and glanced back at Callum, still sitting in the same spot at the far end. He caught me looking at him, but he didn’t smile. Instead, he got up, picked up his beer and made his way towards me. I was avoiding him, so he was going to come to me instead. I should’ve seen that coming. He was constantly surprising me.

The blood roared in my ears. I looked around, but Leo was cleaning tables and there were only a handful of people left, finishing up their drinks before closing time. I panicked, and the answer to the questions that had plagued me all night came rushing at me.

It’s too soon.

I dropped the cloth I’d been holding and made a beeline for the hallway behind the bar. My refuge, my sanctuary. I made sure to close the door behind me and leaned back against it for good measure, my heart thumping against my ribcage. I needed time, and I wasn’t sure he would understand why. My head felt like it was going to spin off my shoulders, and yet nothing had actually happened between us yet. It wasn’t a panic attack, not like the ones I was used to at least. It was more like stagefright, a desperate lurch in my stomach that made me feel sick.

God. I leaned my head back on the door and closed my eyes. I was a child. I was a thirty-one-year-old child.

Raised voices snapped me back to reality. A loud crash and more raised voices sent my heart sky-rocketing through the ceiling. Something was wrong.

I opened the door a crack and peered out to find that all hell was breaking loose. Callum was involved in a brawl with someone, I couldn’t see who. Worse still, it appeared as if he was coming off second-best. I stood there, frozen to the spot, as the chaos played out in front of me.

I searched the room desperately for Leo, eventually finding him as a chair went sailing over the bar, landing not far from me.

“Get back in there!” Leo yelled at me, pointing at the doorway I was standing in as he rushed over to Callum through the handful of guys who were just standing around, watching.

I wanted to, but I couldn’t even move. I just watched in horror as Callum went from doubled-over to barrelling straight at the guy, forcing him backwards and into a table, scattering the chairs either side as they ploughed into it, shoving it up against the wall. Leo grabbed the guy by the scruff of his neck and tried to haul him off Callum, but he was only marginally successful.

Callum was clearly not done, punching the guy in the side of the head just as Leo had managed to separate the two.

“Hey!” Leo yelled. “Leave it, for Christ’s sake!”

Finally, someone else weighed in to help, and between him and Leo they managed to separate the two of them. Leo struggled with the guy, hauling him across the floor to the front doors, although the guy didn’t make it easy on him, yelling obscenities, kicking and struggling the entire time.

“I’m laying charges!” the guy yelled, as Leo struggled to get him through the front doors and out onto the street. “I’ll be back!”

Finally, he was gone.

The guy holding Callum in a bear hug around his chest released him, and he stumbled forward, cursing under his breath.

It was like the Twilight Zone. One minute, everything was fine, the next, it was crazytown. I had no idea what had happened, I just needed to know that both Leo and Callum were okay.

It was the first time I’d been involved in anything like that for a long time. Back when we first formed Jaded, we’d played lots of bars, and where there were bars there were inevitably fights. But this was different. This was
our
bar, and Leo and Callum were right in the thick of it.

Leo came back into the bar and had a quick word with the guy who had been holding Callum. He shook his hand and saw him out, along with two other guys who had just stood by and watched the whole thing unfold.

“Leo?” I called, coming out from behind the bar and making my way across to him. “Are you guys okay?”

Leo locked the door behind them and leaned forward, hands on his knees, breathing out deeply.

“Yeah,” he said, standing up again. “Callum?”

Callum sank down into the nearest chair, holding his torso and breathing raggedly.

“Fine,” he mumbled, wincing as he sat a little more upright.

That was clearly bullshit. He had blood smeared over his cheek from his nose, and a cut opened up under his eye where a nasty bruise was forming. Judging by the way he was holding his arm across his ribs, I’d say he’d taken a real pounding in that area, too.

“You sure you’re okay?” I said, glancing over at Leo. “You’re bleeding.”

He frowned, reaching up to wipe blood from his face and check it on his fingertips.

“Shit,” he mumbled. “He got me in the face with his fat head as I was dragging him out. Asshole.”

I sprang into action.

“You,” I demanded, pointing to Leo as I went back to the bar. “Sit. And don’t move – either of you.”

I shovelled some ice into a clean cloth and draped a second damp cloth over my arm.

“She’s bossy, your sister,” Callum mumbled.

Leo huffed out a breath.

“You have no idea.”

“Your misery is everyone else’s entertainment.”

– Adam Duritz

Callum

My ribs were killing me, but there was no way I was gonna let Sass know that. I shuffled on the seat I’d fallen into, trying to get more comfortable, but moving hurt like hell. I winced, but rearranged my expression into something more neutral as she turned back to Leo and I, a cloth over one arm and an ice-filled one in her hand. She handed me the ice-filled cloth, but as I reached for it, she seemed to change her mind.