Sliding Into Second (15 page)

“We can’t do this now.” She closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath. Her lips were wet and her face was flush. “We’ll play later.”

He stepped back, taking in every inch of her. An overwhelming urge came over him. One he couldn’t halt if he tried. He had to tell her what he’d been feeling since that first night in his Manhattan hotel room. It wasn’t as if he’d ever stopped. Life went on while they were apart and he buried emotions that he had long forgotten, but they were always there. That was why he’d never given his heart to another. He couldn’t. It belonged to her.

“What’s wrong?” She looked down at her dress. “Am I disheveled?”

“Nothing.” He took her hand and blurted the words out before he really thought it through. “I love you. I can’t pretend anymore. I don’t think you want me to.”

“Nic,” she whispered. “I...” A small smile graced her face. Her gaze softened and she looked as though she might give in.

Finally.
“Are you ready to stop playing and admit what we both know?” he asked. “What we felt that night at your place?”

“No!” She let go of his hand and backed away from him. “This isn’t what we agreed on.”

Ah, fuck!
Why did he have to be in love with the most stubborn woman on the planet?

* * * *

“No feelings, Nicky.” She could kill him for pulling this now. Her family was in the next room, and she didn’t have time to protect herself from what he was proposing. “We agreed.”
Baby steps! That’s what I want.

“Do you think I’m a fucking robot? That I can do these things with you and not feel anything?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Why would you think that?” The anger in his voice increased with each word he spoke.

Because you left and didn’t look back.
“Because I can do it.”

“You’re a liar.” He pinned her against the wall with his body, wrapping his arms around her waist. “And a fool if you think I’m buying any of this ‘no feelings’ bullshit. I know you feel it.”

She shook her head as she looked down, trying to hold back the tears that wanted to spill.

“Look at me.” He took her chin between his fingers. “I played your game long enough because I was giving you your space and hoping that you would trust me. This will never just be about sex. It never was. If you can’t see that, then there’s no point in me staying.”

“Like I’m surprised that you would leave?” She didn’t mean that. It just slipped out, and now she couldn’t take it back.

“How many ways can I repent for that? How are we ever going to move forward if you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done?”

“Don’t you see? We can’t move forward. That’s what I tried to tell you that first night in your suite.”

“You’re wrong.”

He held her chin, but she fought to look away from him. If she connected with his eyes she would give in. She couldn’t allow that to happen. She wasn’t ready for that.

“Look at me,” he asked again, this time not waiting for her to comply as he guided her face up, her lips just inches from his, the warmth of his breath on her mouth. “You can trust me. Haven’t I proven to you how committed I am to us? How sorry I am for what I did?”

“I don’t want you to keep apologizing.” She moved out of his hold, creating some distance between them. The way he looked in his perfectly cut low rise jeans and his long sleeved, black t-shirt made him irresistible. She’d had a difficult time keeping her hands off him all night. “This isn’t about what happened all those years ago.”

“Bullshit.” He fisted his hands by his side. “You’re so wrapped up in what happened, you won’t give us a second chance. I don’t know what else to do.”

“Tell her the truth.” Rosalie stood in the doorway, her presence startling Sage. “Can’t you see you’ll never be able to start fresh if you don’t come clean and tell her why you left?”

“Rosalie,” Nic said. “This doesn’t concern you.”

“I’ve stayed quiet long enough.” She made her way into the room. “I had hoped that you two would be able to find your way back to one another, but my sister has hurt for too long. Keeping the truth from her isn’t working.”

“What are you talking about?” Sage said. “What truth?”

“Is everything okay in here?” her father asked as he and her mom joined them in the family room. “It sounds as if there is a problem.”

“We’re fine, Dr. Millan,” Nic said as he glared at Rosalie. “Please, let’s go to the living room. I’ll get the coffee.”

“No.” Sage stepped into the center of the room. “Something isn’t right, and I want to know what it is.”

“What do you mean, sweetie?” her mother asked. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Ask Rosalie and Nic. They seem to have a secret.”

“Sage.” Nic took her hand. “We can discuss this in private. Trust me. I’ll explain everything.”

Trust him? How was she ever going to do that if he kept holding back? “Will you tell me the truth when we’re alone?” She turned to Rosalie. “What have you been keeping from me?”

Her sister looked to her and then Nic. “I’m sorry, your way isn’t working. She can’t give in because she’s afraid. It isn’t right that we all know why you left her.”

“Rosalie,” her father said. “This is none of our business.”

“You know too, Daddy?” Sage had a bad feeling. “Someone better start talking.”

“Maybe we should leave you two alone,” her mother said. “Let them work it out.”

“Oh my God, Mom, you know too?” She pleaded with Nic. “Just tell me why you left me. You want me to trust you? Then you have to prove yourself.”

“Sweetheart, it was a long time ago. I was young and stupid. If I had to do it again, I promise you, I would do things differently.” He looked at her father. “What we did... What I did, I did for you. It seems misguided now, and I should have let you make your own decision. You don’t know how much I regret my choice in all of this. How I wish I would have stood up for you, for us.”

“Stood up to who?” None of this made sense.

“Me,” her dad said. “Nic did what I asked him to do.”

“What do you mean?” Sage asked. “What are you talking about?”

“Your dad asked me to go on the road without you,” Nic said. “I went to him and asked for your hand, but he made me see how irresponsible I was being when it came to you. I wasn’t being fair when it came to your future. I was so determined to succeed and I wanted you with me. I wasn’t looking out for you.”

“You wanted to marry me?”

“I wanted to start a life with you. I wanted to show you I was just as committed to you as you were to me. You were sacrificing so much to come on the road with me. I needed you to know how much that meant to me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She would have married him in a heartbeat. She didn’t need her father’s approval. If he had came to her first, things would have been much different.

“I wanted to do it right.”

“So you went to my dad?”

“He did,” Dr. Millan said. “And, of course, as a concerned parent, I couldn’t allow what he was proposing.”

“You couldn’t allow it? I was an adult,” she reminded him. “Living on my own.”

“Barely,” he said. “Once I explained to Nic my views on the subject, he saw things my way.”

“You intimidated him,” Sage said. “He was respectful of you. He always was, but you never showed him any respect.”

“Sage, your father made some valid points and I—”

“No, don’t do that. Stop trying to do what you think is right for me. Haven’t you learned anything?”

“I’ve learned a lot.”

She saw the remorse in his eyes. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to leave her after all, but still, how could he have just walked away?

“I shouldn’t have listened to your father, but it doesn’t mean his opinions weren’t logical.”

“What?” Sage couldn’t believe Nic would take her dad’s side. “We lost seven years. Why can’t any of you see the pain and the damage I’ve gone through in that time? I can’t even make a life with the man I think I want to be with because I’m so afraid he’ll leave again.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Nic assured her.

“I was trying to do what was best for you at the time,” her father defended. “I don’t regret anything. You ended up at Princeton, where you really wanted to be, and you’re a successful reporter. None of that would have happened if you had gone on the road with Nic.”

“How do you know what would have happened?” Sage yelled. “You didn’t give us a chance to find out.”

“Does it matter, Sage?” Nic asked. “We’ve found our way back, and if you could just let go of the past, maybe we could find a future. Isn’t that what you really want?”

“All those years, I grieved for what could have been.” She looked at the people who were supposed to love her. “I tried to get over you, but no matter what I did, my thoughts always came back to you. I wanted to know why you left me. What had I done to make you leave me? I was afraid to get close to anyone because I didn’t want that kind of pain again.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I made mistakes, but I don’t disagree with your father. I didn’t agree with his tactics, but if I had a daughter, I would probably do the same. You’re a smart, beautiful, and determined woman. You’re independent. Look at all you’ve accomplished in such a short time. I would have held you back while I was making a name for myself.”

“Maybe we should leave Sage and Nic alone,” her mother suggested.

Rosalie’s apologetic look made Sage even more upset. “You can work this out. I know you want to. Let go of the past so you have a clear view of the future.”

“Wait a minute.” Sage had a few unanswered questions. She turned to her dad. “Nic said he didn’t agree with your tactics. What did that mean?”

“I guess you’d have to ask him,” her dad said. “I didn’t always agree with his either.”

Her father never cared for Nic. At first, it was about the older boy from the wrong side of the tracks dating his daughter. When she left for Florida, that didn’t help matters, but when Sage thought she was pregnant, her dad lost it. Nic was never really welcome in their home after that, but her dad tolerated him for the occasional family visit when they were home from college. Her mother made sure of it.

“I’m willing to put it all behind us.” Nic inched closer to Sage, taking her hand in his. “I love your daughter. I never stopped.”

As upset as she was, Sage couldn’t deny her feelings for him anymore. Hearing him confess his love for her in front of her family made all the reasons she had been fighting him invalid.

“Maybe you’re right, maybe we couldn’t have made it work when we were kids. My life on the road was rough. Who knows if we would have survived all of that. Does it really matter now? We’ve found our way back to one another, and I’m willing to fight as hard as I have to this time. Dr. Millan, now that I’m older, I can appreciate what you tried to do for Sage. I get the feeling that you still don’t care for me, but I’m not going this time.”

“That’s not true,” her mom chimed in. “We see how good you are for our daughter.”

“God! You people still aren’t getting that this is my choice. You ruined what we had before.” She looked to Nic and then her father. “Both of you. I’d love to know what it is you did to make him run in the opposite direction. How did you get him to walk away so easily?”

“He had his priorities, didn’t you, Nic?” Her father shot Nic an intimidating glare that didn’t sit well with Sage. When his hand tensed in hers, she knew there was still more to this story. The reporter in her wouldn’t let it go.

“All you have to do is tell me the truth.” She turned to face Nic. “You want a future? You want me to feel? Then give me a reason to stay.”

“I want to start over,” he said. “These past few weeks have been the best of my life. All I ever wanted was to share what I have, what I accomplished, with you. Just like we talked about all those years ago. We didn’t do it like we planned, but this time can be better. The hard stuff’s behind us.”

“You’re still holding back.” How was she supposed to trust him when her instincts were screaming at her to get the full story? “You’re still not telling me something.”

“Sage,” her father said. “I’m not going to stand in your way anymore. You’re an adult, and you’ve more than proven how capable you are of making good choices these past few years. Listen to Nic. If you really want a future with him, forget about what happened in the past.”

“Oh, my, God!” She let go of Nic’s hand. “Did you pay him to leave me? Did you take money to go?”

She felt as if she might vomit. Could her father have paid him to leave? Worse yet, would Nic have taken that payoff? She could never forgive either of them for that.

“No.” Nic shook his head, looking slightly offended by her accusation. “Of course not. How could you think I would do something like that? Money never mattered to me. It was all about the game.”

“Right.” Sage couldn’t believe the night that started out with so many possibilities was turning into a nightmare.

“And you.” His face was tense as he paced the room. “I wish you knew how much it was about you.”

“How could she?” Rosalie, who had been suspiciously quiet, finally spoke up. “I’ve given you enough time to make Sage see what’s going on.”

“Rosalie,” her father warned.

“No, not anymore,” she said. “Sage won’t let this go, and if she can’t, she’ll never move forward.”

Rosalie was a hopeless romantic. She’d read too many love stories to have a firm grasp on reality. Sage wasn’t Cinderella and Nic was no prince. No matter how perfect Sage thought he was, he still managed to let her down.

“What you did back then may not seem like such a big deal now, and I’m certain Sage will get over it,” Rosalie continued. “But we can’t keep any more secrets in this family. It isn’t fair, and it’s still hurting Sage.”

Nic looked down at his feet. Sage wondered if he was now trying to avoid her after weeks of trying to prove himself to her.

“Nic, I know why you did what you did. Why you’re still doing it, but you can’t protect my family anymore. Sage and my dad are strong enough to survive this. It might not be right away, but if you ever want a future with my sister you better tell her why you left her.”

“She knows I did it for her.” Nic stood firm. “She finished college and did really well for herself.”