Sliver Moon Bay: The Looking (11 page)

‘What’s happened?’ This,
finally, from Lilian, who only just now appears to have noticed
this giant jellyfish spread over the sofa, filling up the space
between it and the table, and blocking the way to the fridge, the
bedroom and the exit. So I guess we’re stuck here and we’ll have to
hear her out.

‘Chris has been arrested.’

‘It was just an interview when
they came for him this morning. What’s changed?’

Lilian’s looking sharp for
once. She’s even asking the right question. I’ll bet she doesn’t
really want to know the answer. It can’t be good. I know I don’t
want to know. In my heart of hearts I know we don’t want to know.
But I’m ready.

‘It’s about Starling’s
dress.’

‘Yes.’ Lilian’s sounding flat
but impatient at the same time. Just spit it out, for Christ
sake’s, is what we’re both thinking.

‘There was blood on it.’

Oh, dear. This is going to be
hard. Lilian’s mouth’s gaping, with indignation, at this woman
who’s insinuated herself into our nightmare for no good reason.
Lilian’s fuming and her big wet circle of a mouth looks like a
fish’s, fresh out of water and conscious of her impending
death.

‘We. Know. That.’ Lilian nods
emphatically. ‘They told us the day the dress was found. Why are
you telling me this now?’

‘The blood is Chris’s.’

Okay. Okay. Okay. This is a
development worthy of our acknowledgment. I’m prepared to give it.
And here we go.

So what are you saying, Silly
Bitch? That Chris did something to his little girl? That he got
hurt while he was doing it? Seriously, woman, how dare you? Get the
fuck out of my house!!!!

Course, I say none of this. I
don’t have to. Lilian’s doing a good job of it herself. Silly
Bitch’s wriggling out of our caravan as fast as she can. Course,
you’d have to have been there to fully appreciate how that looked.
How long it took her to extricate herself from Lilian’s funky
breath which was right there in her blubbery dial; I swear it
singed her cleavage, but eventually Silly Bitch found herself doing
the Baldy, wobbling down the path as fast as her fat little legs
would carry her; and this without the kettle making an appearance.
Before the bend she stopped and looked over her shoulder, and we
locked eyes. Next thing she’s waving, at me. So I waved back at
her. She turns, waddles away, past the bend where I can’t see her,
disappears back into her own life. And I suddenly miss her.

Poor Amy. Poor Lilian. Poor
Chris. And poor me, having to deal with their shit. I wish Starling
were here. She’d make it better. Bearable. But that’s no longer my
world. We have entered the un-bearable now. At least I’ve got
Sleepy back. I go inside and curl up on the bed with him.

35

‘Lil’, I can explain this.
Listen!’

‘Can you, Chris? Can you? It’s
your blood! On her dress!’

‘Assassin bit me and I picked
up the dress and wiped my blood on it. That’s what happened,
Lilian. I swear that’s how it got there.’

There’s silence behind the
partition now. I know she’s instantly convinced he’s telling her
the truth. It’s not hard. It sounds like the truth.

‘Where did this happen?’

‘In his shed. I came by to get
some weed and Assassin ambushed me. I swiped him and he bit me on
the ankle.’

‘And you had the pink dress
with you? Why?’

‘It was already there. I picked
up the first thing I saw on the bench and used it to wipe the
blood. I hit at the dog with a paddle but I missed and he came at
me again so I ran out and he chased me. It was only later I
remembered I saw the pink dress in the shed and that I wiped my
ankle with it.’

‘And you didn’t think to tell
me that your father had our daughter’s clothes in his shed? You
didn’t think that was strange?’

‘I did think it was weird. I
went back and talked to Drake about it. He denied any knowledge of
it.’

‘And you believed him?’

‘I didn’t know what to think.
But I told him that if I saw him around the kids again I was going
to kill him.’

‘You should have.’

‘Lilian. He didn’t take our
daughter. You know that.’

‘I don’t know that!’

‘Come on, love—‘

‘If not him, then who? Because
somebody did take her, you realize.’

Lilian’s breathless shouts drop
to a whisper.

‘You realize what you’ve done,
don’t you.’

Lilian’s crying now. Sobbing
like Starling used to when something wasn’t going her way. She just
couldn’t deal with the frustration of it. But Lilian’s taking it up
a notch. She’s going to drown in snot soon if she doesn’t let up.
But she stops the waterworks quite unexpectedly.

‘I knew this would happen… I
knew it… I’ve always known…’

She trails off. I wish she
hadn’t cause I could have learned something. But she isn’t going to
say anything new.

‘Don’t do this, Lilian. We’ve
got to stay strong. Positive. Starling’s somewhere near. We just
have to find her. I promise you, I will find her.’

‘She’s been taken, I know she
has. She’s alive. I feel her, Chris. I feel her. She’s missing me.
She’s scared. But one day she’ll forget me. She’s so little it will
be soon. You know it will. You’ve got to find her before it
happens. You’ve got to find her, Chris. Please. Please.
P-LEEEEEASE!’

She’s begging, urgently, going
at it full speed, like a runaway train. He’ll need to give her more
medication cause she’ll go on like this forever. I know. I’ve heard
her. I’ve had to do it myself to stop her raving. At least Chris is
here to deal with her tonight. And I can go to sleep.

36

So Chris is now officially a
Person Of Interest. A. Person. Of. Interest. It sounds quite posh.
Like he’s done something of note. But he hasn’t. He doesn’t have it
in him. Not anymore. Ever since Starling was born, he’s turned into
a big softie. Couldn’t even beat up his old boss when he sacked
him. But Detective Martin still wanted to talk about that. He’s
been snooping around our past, sticking his nose in and getting
nowhere still, says Chris who has now lost all confidence. It’s so
obvious that the big town detective is completely on the wrong
track here, even I can see that. Thank God for Captain Josh though.
He’s been chipping at it steadily, coming in at odd hours, telling
us where he’s at, some of it, anyway. The bit that has nothing to
do with Chris, or Drake, or anyone else who’s being looked at in
the community. Which is just about everyone. And still, nothing.
But Captain Josh will not give up. He’s been chasing cars,
following up reports of suspicious vehicles that were spotted in
the area before the fire. One car in particular has been mentioned
by a few locals. It’s a dark green sedan, alternatively described
as a late model Toyota, an old Ford or even some type of small
Japanese hatchback. Go figure. But they all said it was green.
Dark, forest green. So it would blend in where we live. Okay. So
maybe somebody was spying on us. If they did a good job we wouldn’t
know, would we? Cause we wouldn’t have noticed anybody snooping
around, watching us as we went about our day, is the general
consensus in town. The pub’s full of it, now that the green car
theory is out there. Except they don’t realize that we would have
noticed. I would have noticed. I had old Drakey on my heels day in
day out, so I was on the lookout for a covert operation of this
kind. And I wasn’t the only one. Chris was always checking, too. He
used to run around Sliver Moon Bay, taking pictures, in town, at
the harbour. Checked everything before deleting the lot. So he
would have known, he would have noticed someone new, especially if
they were snooping close to the house. So this theory just doesn’t
make sense. I know it. Chris knows it. Lilian knows it. But we’re
desperate and I think this stream of consciousness is taking hold
over us cause Chris is convinced that someone was watching.

Funnily enough, the cops are
keeping quiet about Chris’s blood on Starling’s dress. There’s not
a peep about it on the news. They’re keeping it quiet and everyone
else who knows, which is really only us and Amy, have been sworn to
secrecy. We won’t say and Amy’s not a gossip. Hasn’t that many
friends to gossip to, I guess. Another thing to like about her. She
has been good. To me and to Lilian, despite the fight we had after
Chris’s arrest. She’s got over it, clearly, cause she helps me at
school, with work and social. Interactions. She doesn’t mind if I
come by at lunchtime and sit with her. She has not sent me away
once, which is new. Cause if I’d done this before Starling went
missing, she would have sent me back to sit with my peers. Yeah,
like that would have happened. So now there’s less pretence between
us. It’s like she’s cottoned on to who I am. The bit I show her,
anyway. So it’s all going good.

Of course, I miss Starling
dreadfully. In all honesty, unless you’ve been in this situation,
there’s really no way you can understand how bad this feels. So I’m
not even going there. Trust me. It’s fucking awful.

37

Another month goes by. And
we’re still at the same place. If anything, things are worse. Cause
there’s been no progress. The dark green sedan is long gone. No
clue who was in it. Supposing it’s even relevant. Chris is still a
Person Of Interest. A POI. But that’s just a label. Cause nothing’s
been done. He’s been going to work, coming home, roaming the hills,
with his phone at the ready. So what is he doing?

Lilian is losing her marbles.
Patience too and her long-standing battle with addiction which is
clearly rearing its ugly head. But there’s nothing we can do.

I go to school, do my shit. In
the afternoon I go to the beach. Starling is not there. But I’m
looking. All places. And Lilian will be too, I feel. Very soon.

38

Then, a piece of news.
Detective Martin is packing up shop. He’s going back to the big
city. To look for some other children, who just might be easier to
find. And the investigation is now officially handed over to
Captain Josh, who will continue to. Chip away.

Me and Chris are handling this
news. Lilian isn’t. She has another meltdown. It’s almost a
positive thing. At least she’s roused herself. She got out of bed
and screamed, oblivious to everything, even me standing right
there.

‘I don’t want to be here! I
don’t want to be here! I don’t want to!’ She’s tearing at her hair,
what’s left of it, and she’s doing a dance. She’s no sense of
rhythm. It breaks my heart, this horrible I don’t know what, but
I’m determined to be strong. Cause somebody has to be.

It turns out Chris is on the
same wavelength. I’ve no doubt his heart is breaking but he steps
up. He gets hold of Lilian, holds her, hugs her to him. She bites
him on the shoulder and he pushes her away. She looks at him with
blood shot eyes; looks like she might jump him. But Lilian’s no
Assassin. She has no staying power. She collapses over the kitchen
pull-out and Chris picks her up and places her on the bed. It’s
over for now. She’ll sleep. I won’t. I’ll be up all night, thinking
about her and Starling. So will Chris. And Chris will drink.

Oh, yes. He will drink as he
often does now. Sits in the truck with a bottle, looking at the
house, drinking. For hours, thinking about her, how she trusted her
daddy and how he failed her, and he’s probably blaming himself. And
so he should be. Lilian blames him. I blame him. But only because I
miss her so much.

39

‘Lilian. Lil’… you azleep,
h-honey?’

Oh, no. Chris’s slurring. He
has been out there and now he’s crawled back in. He wants to be a
husband now. This isn’t going to go down well.

It doesn’t. Lilian’s conscious,
for once. It’s the next morning and her magic pills have worn
off.

‘Fuck off! Don’t even think
about it, you pig!’

She’s really vicious. So is he,
by the sound of it. It’s a good thing it’s a school day cause I
really wouldn’t want to be here. With them.

There’s some tussling going on
over there. I cough and the tussle stops. It’s my trick. It works a
treat, even on these destroyed individuals I’m lumped with. It’s so
disrespectful, this type of behaviour I’ve had to put up with.
I
so miss you, Starling. They would have never behaved like this when
you were here.

Then the tussle begins again.
But he’s not going to get his way. She slaps him. She. Slaps. Him.
The bed creaks and Lilian’s out. She’s padded across the five
elephants separating us and she’s hopped into bed with me. And
Sleepy. She holds us tight. It’s delicious. I feel like a little
girl. So wanted. So needed. So adored. It’s a lovely dream. Almost
as good as when Fairy used to come to see me. But it doesn’t
last.

The curtain separating my
bedroom from the kitchen is pulled aside and there’s Chris swaying
in the doorway, looking at us loved up in each other’s arms. He’s
the odd one out now.

‘I wish it was you.’

He’s looking straight at
me.

‘It should have been you.’

He turns and leaves us. Five
elephants’ worth and the bed at the opposite end of our fucked up
world creaks. The monster’s lying down. Alone. Forever. Cause
Lilian will not lie in there again.

40

She’s not forgiven him for what
he said to me. And there’s snow on the ground now so it’s been a
while. We sleep in my bed, he sleeps in theirs. But he’s not around
that much. He works a lot more now. Goes out of town, looking. For
something. A clue, perhaps. The thing is we don’t know. He doesn’t
tell us but he’s gone most days. Sometimes even nights. We don’t
know where he’s staying when he’s not home. Lilian keeps company
with her magic pills so she’s only vaguely interested. But it’s not
good for her. I have to get her out of this.