Slow Ride Home (The Grady Legacy) (30 page)

“Shit. It’s all happened so fast.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I want to see you again. But it’s going to be difficult if you’re in Houston and I’m here.”

Tears welling in her eyes, she shook her head. “I wouldn’t trade this last month with you for the world, but I can’t give up my job. Kathy went out of her way to get me hired when she heard how Lewis’s father was blocking me in New York. I can’t just walk out on her.” It wasn’t a total truth, but loyalty was a reason Ben would understand.

“So what happens to us?”

Pain raw in her chest, she forced herself to stay collected, off-hand. “We stay in touch? It’s not like we can’t call each other or see each other from time to time. Have a long-distance relationship—people make them work all the time. Look at the soldiers who are deployed overseas for months at a time.”

“Months?” he repeated. “I don’t want to go months without seeing you.”

“I’m not saying we won’t see each other for months.” It wouldn’t be at first, but it wouldn’t be long before he canceled out on a visit, or she did. “We’ll have to work it around our schedules but we’ll still be able to see each other.”

The knowledge that one day he would meet someone else would be a wound that might never heal.

“I want to be more than friends with benefits. Not that I mind the benefits, mind you,” he said with a quiet intensity.

She’d heard that tone before. When he was determined to get his way and would move Copper Gulch stone by stone with his bare hands if he had to. Or could get her efficiently tied to his bedposts. She loved that voice, filled with commands.

“I figured I’d have longer to romance you.” His heavy-lidded glance set her body tingling in all the right places. “Give you more of a reason to move out here.”

God, he was so sweet. And having to walk away again didn’t hurt one bit less than it had last time. “I’d like that, but our lives are going in two different directions.”

“Says who?” He trapped her against her car, heat radiating from his body, a hint of soap and some other manly scent she recognized as his shampoo filling her senses. “Haven’t we proven that we’re still good together?”

They had. Far too well. Her throat closing up, she stared at the Bull’s Hollow logo sewn on his shirt pocket. “You’re a rancher, Ben. You need a woman who puts ranch life first, a woman who wants six kids who can help out with the chores so you don’t have to pay someone. You need someone who can devote herself to Bull’s Hollow twenty-four/seven. But if I’m working, if I have to work until eleven at night, my job’s got to come first over staying home to help nurse a sick calf. I’ve worked too hard to pass the bar to give up my career.”

“I’m not asking you to give up anything. Most ranchers these days can’t support themselves just from their cattle. I can’t tell you the number of ’em that I know who work full-time jobs in town and come home and do their chores at night. But you won’t have to do that. We’re a big enough spread that we can handle it, the way we’ve handled the chores without you pitching in all these years.” He lifted her chin so she had no choice but to meet his gaze and see the love and compassion in his eyes. “You realized you’d lost a part of yourself. And now you’re runnin’ scared.”

“I’m not scared,” she whispered, her heart aching

“Yeah, you are.” He brushed his lips over her forehead in a gesture so soft she had to blink to stop the tears from falling. He swiped a thumb beneath one eye and caught the moisture she’d been unable to stop. “See? You don’t want to leave either.”

“We can still be friends,” she said, her voice shaky. How could he not see she was walking away for him? Because he needed more than she could give him. “I like who I am. I don’t want to change for anyone again.”

“Yeah, see, that’s the thing. I’m not asking you to change. I like you just the way you are.” He rubbed his thumb over her lips. “I meant what I said that night. I love you. I’m not asking you to say it back yet. I just need to know there’s hope that maybe one day you will.”

I
want to
,
but I can’t.
“I just don’t see how we can make it work.”

“And I have no doubt we can.” His expression shuttered, as if he’d made a decision.

“Please, just give me some space. That’s all I’m asking.”

He dropped his hand and stepped back, shoving his hands in his pocket. “I’m not going to beg. You go back to Houston and figure out what you want. And when you do? You know where to find me.”

With that, he walked to his truck and drove away.

It had to be done, she told herself as she climbed into her car. It was better this way, for herself, and for Ben. She knew it was coming—after all, she’d promised herself she’d never let Ben Grady into her heart ever again. So why the hell did it hurt so much?

Chapter Twenty

Allie parked her car in her parking space in SSTG’s parking lot and rested her head against the steering wheel. Between the bumper-to-bumper traffic, the jerk who’d cut her off at the Starbucks drive-thru and the other jerk who’d swerved into the space between her and the car in front of her then slammed on his brakes, she didn’t know how the steering wheel was still intact. Much more of this and her doctor would be prescribing her blood pressure medicine.

A knock on her window had her raising her head to find Kathy outside, looking at her with a worried expression. “You all right, hon?”

Allie grabbed her laptop case from the passenger seat and gestured to Kathy to step back so she could open the door. The midsummer heat slammed into her, immediately frizzing the hair she’d spent far too long straightening. So much for that expensive product that promised it could hold up to any humidity. “Traffic was a bitch today, that’s all.”

“Welcome to life in Houston.”

They walked across the parking lot, the heat turning the asphalt soft beneath her heels. “Do you ever get used to it?”

“Yeah, but you won’t realize it until someone flips you off for doing the same thing someone probably did to you today.” Kathy glanced sideways at her as she held open the door and let Allie into SSTG’s building. “You missed Joe Watson’s party on Saturday. You drive up to your cowboy’s place?”

“No, that’s...over.” In a desperate attempt to keep her mind occupied and off how much she missed Ben, she’d spent the weekend scouring potential stables for the horse she planned to buy. Which just reminded her of Ben even more.

“Yeah, I thought something was up the way you’ve been avoiding me.”

Shoot, she’d managed to avoid any detailed discussions on the subject by burying herself in work. “I’ve just been busy, that’s all.”

Instead of diverting to the left and her office, Kathy tagged after her through the myriad of cubicles. “What happened? D’you realize he was an asshat? That happened to a friend of mine a while back. She’d always thought she’d love to get back with her high school sweetheart. Right up until they met at their high school’s twenty-fifth reunion. Then she realized he was a smug, egotistical misogynist who she wanted to deck instead of nail.”

“Ben’s a nice guy. He’ll make someone a fine husband.” Didn’t that tear out her heart even more? “But I’m a lawyer and I like my job. I’m not a good candidate for a farmer’s wife so it wouldn’t have worked out.”

Kathy’s eyebrows had both raised. “The bastard expected you to give up your career? Good for you for dumping him!”

“No. Ben didn’t expect me to give up my career. He wanted me to keep working if that’s what made me happy. He said they’d done without me for years, so it wouldn’t be any different, but I told him that pretty soon I’d be out in the barn in the middle of the night nursing some orphan calf or we’d be fighting because I didn’t get his laundry done since I had to work late that night. Or that I didn’t want six kids and—”

Kathy snorted. “He wanted six kids? In this day and age?”

“No, he didn’t say he wanted six kids.”

“He doesn’t want you to give up your job and doesn’t expect you to help out around the farm and doesn’t want six kids, and he loves you but he’s not a catch...why? Because I’m foggy on the whole issue of why you’d dump a guy like that.”

Because I love him just like I did before and I’m scared of losing him again.
Because I’m afraid of getting hurt again.
Or worse
,
hurting him.
Shit. “I know it sounds stupid, but trust me, I did the right thing.”

“Stupid, no. What’s stupid about turning down a guy who loves you and wanted to keep seeing you? Who is so loyal to his family, to a brother he didn’t even know he had, he was willing to give up a third of his ranch to make sure that brother was part of the family?” Kathy squinted at her. “Hell, I think I should be thanking you for dumping him. I’m gonna drive up there myself tomorrow and see if he’s open to a little cougar action.”

Oh, God. She slumped in her chair and clamped her hands to her temples. “I didn’t dump him, all right? I said my career was here, and we can still see each other—it’s only a five-hour drive.”

“The old friends-with-benefits speech? That’s not even a very nice way to dump a guy because if they are doin’ something wrong, they can’t fix it for the next woman, can they?” Kathy snorted. “Not that you really should care about the next woman, but it gives the rest of us a chance if the asshats know what they have to change, now, doesn’t it?”

As if she sensed Allie faltering, Kathy swooped in for the kill. “Do you love your cowboy?”

“It’s too early to say if it’s love yet.” Except she knew. She loved him. Which was why walking away, staying away had felt like someone had ripped open her chest.

“You know my momma married Daddy after they’d known each other just six weeks and they stayed together fifty-seven years. If it’s right, you know it. I suspect you know it already too.”

“What if it doesn’t work? I don’t have a great track record.”

“Trust me, Lewis wasn’t the right guy for you. Wasn’t the right guy for most women. And the bastard proved it when he cheated on you and expected you to smile and pretend nothing had happened. But one rotten apple doesn’t rot the whole barrel.” Kathy pursed her lips and stared at Allie’s purse. “Not at first anyway. And even then you can take a couple of the overly ripe ones and make a damned tasty apple pie from them.”

“Oh, God, Kathy. Just stop with the food metaphors already.”

“So you’re just fixing to hide away, working here until you’re a crazy cat lady?”

“No.” She ducked her head hoping Kathy wouldn’t see the heat rising into her cheeks. She’d fallen in love with the cutest little kitten at the last stable she’d visited and had asked them to hold it for her once it was weaned.

Kathy stopped. “I know I offered you this job, and I should fight like hell to keep you, but I’d like to think I’m also your friend. And I have to tell you, you’re making a big mistake. You found someone who loves you, who you love but you’re afraid you’re going to lose him, or that he’s going to hurt you like that cheatin’ ex of yours did. Well, guess what? You’re already hurt. And this time you haven’t got anyone else to blame but yourself.”

Was she being a coward? She’d claimed she was a realist. Was staying where she was, doing a job that she tolerated simply to avoid the possibility of being hurt in the future?

She’d lived in Houston a year now. How many other jobs had she applied to since she’d arrived? Not one. She’d explained it to herself as being loyal to Kathy for giving a job to a friend of a friend. She stared at Houston’s skyline, the hum of traffic—brakes and horns, the air heavy with smoggy humidity and wondered why she was still there. She’d hated living in New York with Lewis, longed for open spaces. A field or pasture to ride across. A horse of her own. And someone she could trust. Someone who trusted her.

Ben.

Oh, damn. Kathy was right. She’d made a huge mistake. He’d offered her exactly what she wanted and she’d blindly walked away.

But mistakes could be fixed.

She pressed her hand against her mouth and laughed at the solution she’d failed to see all along. It might take a few phone calls, and maybe a bit of pressure. But she had friends in the right places.

Her heart soaring for the first time since she’d driven away from Bull’s Hollow, she pulled out her phone and found the number she needed on her contact list. So much for getting any work done this morning. Maybe permanently. If only Sheri would answer the phone.

* * *

“And on this page I’ll need you to initial here, and sign here and put the date there.”

Ben signed at the spots Randy pointed to.

“You heard from Allie?” Randy asked when Ben turned the paper back to him. interrupting Ben’s ruminations.

“Not in the past week.” The call he’d made to her place last night had gotten him an automated recording telling him the line was out of service.

She’d asked for space, and that was the only thing stopping him from getting in his truck, driving down to Houston and barging into her office, demanding to see her.

“Sorry, son. I know you loved her, but sometimes love works in weird ways, and there’ll be someone else waiting around the corner.” The intercom buzzed interrupting them. Randy frowned and checked his watch. “Well, I’m sorry to have to hurry you along, but I have another appointment coming in. Tell you what, let’s take this out to Sheri and she can get your photocopies for you.”

He followed Randy to the reception area. Except Sheri wasn’t alone. A tall redhead stood in front of the receptionist’s desk, and not just any redhead, from the shape of her ass and the fancy updo.

He was torn between blurting out “what the hell are you doing here?” and grabbing Allie and hanging on tight... Ah hell, no contest.

He pulled Allie against him. She smelled of coconuts, and the scent had his body relaxing against her. Well, part of his body relaxed, but a certain part of his anatomy got damned hard. Why was she here and not out at Bull’s Hollow? Had she already been to the ranch and they’d told her to come here? Had she come to tell him she’d figured things out and wanted to...what? Drive up from Houston more often? The hope that had moments before soared plummeted.

He stuffed down his dreams into a dark place in case she was about to tell him she was breaking things off entirely. Especially after his stunt of just walking away. He’d been ready to go into Mudslinger’s field and let the ornery old bull have at him after he’d realized what an idiot he’d been and returned to the parking lot, only to find her gone.

His chest freezing in fear, he pulled away, stepped back. “What are you doing here?”

“I work here now.” There was this quirky expression on her face, like she was enjoying teasing him. “I quit SSTG last week.”

“What?” he asked. She’d quit her job without telling him? What the hell did that mean?

She bit her bottom lip, something she only did when she was very nervous. “I made a mistake. I ran when I should have stayed.”

His brain couldn’t catch up with her original statement. “You work here. Which means...you’re not living in Houston anymore?”

“No. You see, the man I love lives in Carter Valley. Living in Houston made having a relationship with him too difficult.” She stepped closer and caught his face between her palms. “I love you, Ben. And that scared the daylights out of me.”

He searched her eyes, those beautiful amber eyes that didn’t hold a hint of teasing. Joy shot an arrow that shattered the walls he’d built, walls that tumbled down stone by hard-built stone. “I know you were scared. That’s why I knew I couldn’t push you. If I did, I’d lose you again.”

“You haven’t lost me. In fact, you helped me find me again.”

“I never thought you were lost.” His voice cracked so he cleared it. “You’ve always been the woman I love.”

“So I found myself wondering how I could make the best of both worlds. Live near you, and still practice law. And then it occurred to me.” She trailed her hands from his jaw down his neck until they rested on his shoulders, a fine tremor running through them. “I remembered how Randy had said that his partner had retired, and I thought, hey, maybe he needs someone to help him. Turned out I was right.”

The lightest heat of her hands set his body aflame but he held himself in check. “You gave up your job with SSTG?”

“Yup.”

“And your condo?”

She nodded, excitement lighting her face. “I didn’t know if you’d want me to move in considering...well, considering, so I’m staying at Randy’s sister’s place until I find somewhere of my own.”

Which meant she’d only be fifteen miles away. Still too far. “I happen to know a place you could move into. A great big farmhouse. Screened in veranda with rocking chairs in front. Hot tub in the back.” You in my bed. Every night.

“I figured you’d say that, and maybe one day soon, but not yet.”

Not a yes, but not a no either. “We had some ranch hands leave recently so I have a couple of spare double-wides you could choose from.” He rested his hands on her hips. “We could work out a barter system for your rent.” He knew what she’d think he meant, so he hurried to add, “Maybe you could exercise the horses for Gabe on the weekends? Take one or two out riding in the evenings. If you have time.”

Her lips pursed as if she were thinking about it, but laughter danced in her eyes. “I don’t know. Last time I went riding someone implied I needed more practice.”

“I said I was surprised you didn’t insist on a more spirited horse.” For the first time since she’d left the month before, hope set his blood zinging. “But either way my idea gives you a lot of practice, doesn’t it? It’s a win-win for us both.”

“Us both? How do you win, cowboy?”

“Because you’re back in my life.” He cupped her face and rested his forehead against hers. “And I intend to prove to you every single day that you can trust me. That we’ll make a great team. Is it a deal?”

“Deal.”

* * *

One week later

Allie pulled her car in front of the Bull’s Hollow trailer to find Ben standing on the stairs where he’d been that first day she’d arrived. Her pulse sped up to see him wearing the same hat and same pair of dusty chaps. Though she’d never admit it to Kathy or anyone else, she’d convinced him to wear nothing but his chaps for her three nights before. Of course as part of their negotiation she’d had to agree that turnabout was fair play and tonight it was her turn to go bare-assed in leather.

“Hey there, cowboy. What’s with the cryptic message?”

He sauntered down the stairs to meet her halfway and swung her into his arms, planting a long and deep kiss upon her, leaving her no doubt of his love. Or his lust. “I missed you.”

“You just saw me this morning.” She snatched his hat and clamped it on her own head only to have it slide down over her eyes. “You’ve got a big head, you know that?”

“Only when you’re around.” He pressed his erection against her.

“Later,” she whispered, aware that Gabe and Jake were standing at the stable door watching them. “Now,” she said louder, “what was so important I had to leave the office early?”