Slow Ride (Riding with Honor) (11 page)

“Gretchen!”
she and Lilly said in unison.

“Gretchen, do you remember the first day of class when you were angry and you told the other teachers they should leave the classroom?”
she asked.

“Yes…”
she said nodding

“You didn’t like it that they were being nosy
, did you?” she asked.

“They didn’t need to be there!” Gretchen replied angrily
, clearly remembering the incident.

“Exactly, but by listening in when other people don’t know it, aren’t you doing the same thing?”
she asked.

After some thought, Gretchen said
, “Sorry, Miss Atkinson, I won’t do it again.”

Lilly’s head whipped around to stare at her.  “Apology accepted
,” Dana said.

It was all she could do to be the adult and not pump the child for more information on what
she overheard.  Her heart seemed full to bursting. 
Could he really be in love with her?
 

Why else would it matter what she thought of herself or how long her hair was?  Why would he have tracked her down at her apartment yesterday?

As they pulled into the driveway she noticed another older model car parked alongside the street behind hers.  Tommy and another woman stood on the porch clearly arguing.

“What is
she
doing here?” Gretchen asked from the back seat.

“Who is that?” Lilly asked
.

“That’s Daddy’s old girlfri
end…from before the last one.” she replied.

Peering out the window, Dana could tell that Tommy was upset by the argument he and the woman were having
from the way he stood. 

As they
all got out of the car and headed towards the porch, Bobby stuck his head out the front door to the house and said, “Gretchen, Gran wants to see your haircut, better hurry up she’s all worried you look like a boy.”

As Gretchen ran up the steps towards Bobby, the woman tried to side step Tommy and called out to her
, “Hi, Gretchen, remember me?”

Dana couldn’t help but notice how haggard and…
old
… the woman looked.  Bobby touched Gretchen on the back trying to move her into the house as quickly as possible.

“I’m your mommy
, Gretchen!” The woman sobbed as Gretchen went through the doorway.

“Casey, I want you out of here!  Now!” Tommy yelled.

“I’m their mother, Tommy!  You can’t keep them from me!  We can fix this…do things right…be a real family.  I haven’t had anything in more than a week…I swear.  I’m doing it, cold turkey,” she sobbed, “Please, Tommy.”

“This is bullshit!  I thought you said I had custody…” Tommy said
, sitting across the table from Gran and Becca.

“You have
temporary
custody, Tommy.  The preliminary hearing is on Friday morning and the actual custody hearing is in two weeks.  I don’t think you have anything to be concerned about.  She is the birth mother and can always
file
for custody but I seriously doubt she will get anything more than supervised visits any time soon,” Becca said.

“Supervised visits?”
he said appalled. “Are you fucking kidding me?  She’s a strung out bitch who has never shown a
bit
of interest in either one of them…ever!  My God!  The woman left her sick infant in the hospital because she needed a fix!”

“You have nothing to worry about!  Supervised visits are the worst case scenario.  Most likely she’ll get nothing until she can prove that she is clean and can stay clean.” Becca said
.

“You have a stable home, can provide for them and have custody now…the chance of any
judge over turning that just because she is the birth mother is very unlikely.  We have several people lined up to be character witnesses for you…so stop worrying!” she finished.

“What about Dana?”
he asked.

He hadn’t seen or spoken to her since Gretchen’s birthday party more than a week ago.  She had taken one look at Casey and left…never looking back.  He couldn’t blame her really…a loser like Casey would make anyone seriously reconsider.  To anyone who didn’t know her Casey gave off one hell of a sob story and people seemed to buy her shit…hook, line and sinker.  He knew better. 

He’d tried calling and even went to her apartment that weekend but she had been gone.  Then on Monday morning he had taken Gretchen to school only to find she had quit her job.

Gretchen was pissed at the world over losing Dana and blamed it on Casey who she swore was not her mother and never would be.  He’d tried to explain about Casey
, but she’d refused to even listen to what he had to say and it had ended badly, complete with temper tantrum and an early bedtime.  He hadn’t tried again.

He despised Casey and would just as soon castrate himself than ever touch her dirty butt again… What the hell had he ever seen in her and what possessed him to do it
twice
? 

If not for Melody and Gretchen he would check himself in for a mental evaluation.  He was so ashamed of how his life was turning out he couldn’t even visit his mother on the anniversary of her death.  He wasn’t sure just how much more he could take.

“I will subpoena her if I have too and force her to testify,” Becca said quietly.

God he hated the thought of forcing her to be involved in
something which she obviously didn’t want to be a part of…but his girls had to come first.  Always would.

The only bright spot in this whole cluster fuck was that Melody was almost up to three pounds.  The nurses
, hearing of his custody situation, had informed Doctor McGinis that they felt it best to keep Melody until she reached five pounds. 

They’d done it to ensure that she was securely within the confines of the hospital until after the hearing was over.  Those women deserved a medal and he owed them a debt he could never repay.

“Still nothing from her huh?” Gran said.

“No, she’s gone.  Women don’t much like dating a
man
with baggage either Gran…it’s not just single mothers...” He said.

God he missed her
…Gretchen missed her… hell even Melody seemed to miss her.  Despite the drugs being out of her system and her daily improvements…sometimes even his best efforts couldn’t seem to console her.

Dickie, Bobby and Lilly came in from the garage.  Gran smiled at them and then said
, “I would pay that bitch off if I thought it would make her leave Tommy.”

Tommy could only stare at her as did the others.  He’d known her since he was ten years old and never
once
heard her cuss even though she was surrounded by it daily. 

The silence was broken by Becca
, who giggled and then broke out into a full blown laugh.  Dickie soon followed suit and the rest laughed as well.

After collecting herself Becca said
, “The sad part is that it would probably work.”

“I’m not going to jail over her though…I’ll just bide my time.  What goes around comes around
,” Gran said with a stiff nod of her head.

“It wouldn’t be illegal necessarily…depending on how it was done…but would definitely be immoral considering we all know where the money would go…” Becca said with a serious tone.

“Well enough of the pity party… how about one of you boys run up and get some steaks and we can throw them on the grill later.  Lilly, Becca and I can throw together a salad and some baked potatoes for dinner.” Gran said.

“I’ll go
,” he offered. “I will stop off and see Melody on my way instead of running all the way back over there later.”

He tied his guitar to the back of his bike and headed for the hospital.  He’d been diligent about keeping the morning, lunch and evening visits that he and Dana had started those first few days when it had been touch and go. 

Melody looked more like a normal infant every day.  Now that she was filling out she had become the queen of the NICU.  Once she no longer required the feeding tube the nurses had caught him one night to show him video they had captured of Melody humming to herself. 
A girl after his own heart.

As he buzzed in to the NICU and stopped to wash his hands at the sink
, he watched as one of the nurses exited the NICU area.  She caught sight of him and then turned around heading right back inside. 

Finishing up
, he headed down the hallway and through the window he saw Dana holding Melody with one arm while her free hand covered her face. 
Classic sign of being busted.

How long had she been coming here without him knowing?  The nurses had kept it from him, hadn’t said a thing and he had told them she wouldn’t be coming anymore.  They hadn’t said a
word.

As he entered the NICU area the nurses headed over to the far side to give them privacy but he knew they were listening…waiting to see what he would do or say. 

He could flirt like a professional but when it came to saying how he felt…he was more like a class A idiot.  Music had always been his way of expressing himself.  It would have to do now.

He pulled the stool over and positioned it directly in front of her.  Her eyes filled with tears and she looked away from him but didn’t say anything.  He sat down on it and just drank in the sight of her.

“I thought it best if I just bowed out gracefully.  There are so many kids in broken homes…if there is any hope for you and their mom…I would want them to have that.  I had the benefit of a traditional home with both my biological parents and I thank God for them every day.”

“I don’t want her
, Dana…and she doesn’t really want me.  She’s miserable…and she wants everyone else to be just as miserable…even her own kids…and especially me,” he said.

“Tommy… I know you think that now because you’re angry and hurting but have you even considered it?  Don’t you think someday these girls will grow up and want to know her or at least know about her?  She is right…
she
is their mother,” she said.

“No
, Dana…I know what is best for my kids,” he replied.

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Melody began to fuss.  Pulling out his guitar
, he sang ‘Accompany Me’…an old Bob Seger tune.  It seemed to say what his words could not.  When he finished he looked up and tears were streaming down Dana’s cheeks.

“Please take her
,” she said.

S
etting his guitar aside he bent down and picked up Melody and settled her against his neck as Dana swiped at her tears.  After she got herself together, she stood and walked over to him.  She placed a kiss on Melody’s head and then looked at him.

“I can’t do this right now
, Tommy, I’m sorry,” she said.  Then she kissed his cheek and headed for the door of the NICU.

“The preliminary hearing is this Friday at nine in the morning if you’re interes
ted,” he said to her retreating back.

She paused for a moment and then walked out
without looking back.  He wanted to chase her down and make her see reason.  Casey was never going to change. 

He couldn’t fathom ever entrusting a small animal to her care, let alone his girls.  If only Dana could see that and understand…it was her he wanted…and that
she
was best for the girls.

He stayed for a little while and rocked Melody until she was asleep and then had the nurse take her.  He headed to the store for Gran but had to pull over before getting there to get himself together.  This was
slowly killing him.

Dana sat in her car in the parking garage of the hospital and sobbed.  She
needed to believe she was doing the right thing…but giving them up was eating a hole through her heart. 

Tommy’s song had given her hope where there was none…she knew better.  For her to win and be with him…it felt like the girls would lose and she couldn’t do that to them.

The woman, Casey, had seemed sincere as she’d begged Tommy to try again and to allow her a chance with her children.  How could she not give Gretchen and Melody an opportunity to know the woman who had given birth to them?  Give them all a chance to be a family.

She’d called her parents that Sunday following Gretchen’s party and talked to them both for nearly two hours.  She told them about the girls and Tommy and how she felt about all of it. 

As they always did they just listened and told her to follow her heart…do what she thought was right.  For the first time in her life she had wanted them to tell her
exactly
what to do in this situation.

Then she had called Anita and quit
, explaining that it would be too painful to work there seeing Gretchen every day.  Anita had said she could still use her as a referral and to keep in touch. 

That Monday she had looked into classes at the local community college but her heart wasn’t in it yet.  She had money in savings and could stand to be off work for a while.  She knew she couldn’t nurse her broken heart forever but right now life was just too painful.