Slowly We Trust (9 page)

“I missed you.” She held my gaze for a few seconds.

“So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, how about we just . . . be us? No definitions. Just doing what we were doing? What do you think?”

I thought it was probably as good an offer as I was going to get. And if it meant I could see her, then I was all for it.

“I’m in.” She finally smiled, and my chest expanded and I felt like something heavy I’d been holding onto for the last week had vanished.

“Great. So, um, I’ll see you for dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m going over to Lottie and Zan’s so she can cut my hair. It’s gotten a little out of hand.” I pushed it out of my eyes.

“Don’t cut it too much. I mean,” she said, blushing a little. “You can cut it if you want. It’s your hair.”

“Are you saying that you like it long? Because I would also tell you that I love your hair long.” I couldn’t believe I’d used the L word, even if it was just about her hair.

“I know,” she said.

Someone cleared their throat behind me and I looked over my shoulder to find Simon holding up two sandwiches and wearing a sheepish look on his face.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he said.

“No, it’s okay. Would you like to join us?” I said to Audrey.

“Sure. That would be great.” Simon put both his hands up to stop us from walking toward him.

“Hold up. I need to know what the situation is between you two. Because it changes more than Prince changes what he wants to be called.”

“We’re the people formerly known as Will and Audrey,” I said with a serious face. Audrey nodded.

Simon glared, but turned around and walked toward an empty table in the little café.

“Shall we?” I said gesturing toward the table.

“We shall.”

He looked so good when I saw him. There was something about a guy after he’d done something physical. One of those primal things. Of course, he looked glorious while sweaty whereas I just looked gross.

Oh well. I was just glad to see him.

After we decided that we were going to just
be
, we all sat down and had lunch. It was hard at first, but once we started catching up on what we had missed in our week of, whatever that was, it was like slipping into our former selves.

Reading between the lines, Will had had just about as terrible week as I had, and I caught him kicking Simon under the table when he tried to elaborate on Will’s mood.

“So, I’m going to go and grab a shower, because I seriously need one,” Will said.

“Agreed. I mean, I also need a shower,” I said. My eyes met Will’s and we both smiled in unison.

“And I think that is my cue to excuse myself to see my boyfriend and let the two of you have a moment. William, Audrey.” Simon bowed and grabbed our trash before taking both rackets and strolling out the door.

“That was subtle,” I said.

“Yeah, he doesn’t really know how to do subtle,” Will said. I’d completely forgotten that I’d left my things in the locker room, so I went back to grab them and then Will and I walked out together. I wished I could have had the shower before spending time with him, but it couldn’t really be helped now. I just hoped the wind didn’t carry my smell in his direction.

“So I know we’re going to just . . . do whatever now, but what exactly does that mean? Does that mean we can, uh, have physical contact?” I knew exactly what he was asking, but it was cute watching him squirm. I shifted my gym bag on my shoulder. I’d never really been a workout girl, but I’d started taking a few Pilates classes to try to take my mind off Will. Guess I didn’t really need to do that anymore.

“How about we just see what feels natural? We’ll make things up as we go along.” Honestly, I had no idea what we should or shouldn’t be doing. Like I’d told him, I was making this up as I went along. I couldn’t get rid of Will and I couldn’t just be friends with Will and I couldn’t really be with him.

This was about to get complicated.

“So, how does this feel?” he said, taking my hand and entwining our fingers. I hoped my hand wasn’t sweaty.

How did it feel? Right. Safe. Perfect.

“I guess this is okay.” I was glad he couldn’t feel the heat radiating up my arm from where our skin made contact.

“Okay is good.”

“It is.” For now.

“Is this okay?” Will said breathlessly a week later when his hand had started making its way up my shirt as we lay on my bed. I wasn’t really sure how it happened. One minute we were watching a movie and the next we were horizontal and I was trying to remember if I’d worn cute underwear or not.

“Um, red light,” I said, despite my entire body screaming at me to shut up and let him continue what he was doing. I wanted it, wanted him, but having sex with Will right now wasn’t a good idea. It was the opposite of a good idea.

As soon as the words left my mouth, Will withdrew his hand and sprung away from me as if I’d caught fire, a look of terror on his face.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have . . .”

I waved my hand.

“No, it’s not completely your fault. I guess we just sort of got caught up in the moment.” More like ensnared in the moment.

“I think I should probably sit over here,” he said, sliding down to the opposite end of the bed. Part of me wanted to protest and make him come back over and continue with what he’d started, but I moved away from him instead.

“Okay,” I said, turning my attention back to the movie. I’d completely forgotten what we were watching, but it took five seconds to realize it was one of the Star Wars movies. Somehow Will had convinced me to watch them. Again. My one caveat was that he had to watch all the Harry Potter movies with me.

“Aud?”

“Hm?” I could feel Will’s eyes watching my face.

“Will you come to the party with me tonight? I know it’s not really your thing, but it will be a lot more fun if you’re there.” Sometimes it astonished me that two such different people as Will and me could find common ground. He made interacting with just about anyone look effortless. He had such an easy smile and could talk to anyone, whereas I seemed to forget how to talk and spent most of the time in a corner.

I knew about the party way before now, and I’d already agreed to go with Lottie and the other girls, but I couldn’t say no to Will. Well, at least where a party was concerned.

“Sure, I’ll go with you.” He smiled so brightly, but then suppressed it. I bit my lip and pretended I didn’t notice.

“Great. So I’ll pick you up around seven?”

“Sounds good.” He brushed his still-long hair back from his eyes. I guess he’d taken me seriously about not cutting it all off. My fingers twitched, remembering how it had felt to be touching that hair only a few minutes before. For a guy, he must have used good conditioner.

We watched the movie in silence, which was odd for Will. He loved to talk during movies, but I didn’t mind, especially when he got so excited about something he’d seen a million times.

He was thinking hard about something, and I hoped it wasn’t the fact that I’d told him to stop when we’d been making out. It definitely wasn’t because Will was a bad kisser.

I knew from reading between the lines, and from what Lottie had told me, that he had had a lot of kissing experience. I was very glad of this experience and chose to ignore the fact that he’d used them on girls who weren’t me. He had a set of lips and he knew exactly how to use them.

After a few more minutes of Will’s silence, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“What are you thinking about?” I turned my body so I was facing him.

He kept his eyes on the television screen.

“Nothing much. Just have a lot of homework. I really shouldn’t have made that resolution about my GPA. It’s hard enough keeping up with you without worrying about my grades.” What the hell was he talking about?

“What do you mean by keeping up with me?”

He finally looked at me.

“I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you’re very intimidating, Aud.”

He was so serious it made me snort.

“No, you are,” he said as I shook my head. “And the best part is that you have no idea.”

Someone had told me something similar once. As soon as I touched the edge of the memory, all kinds of things flooded forward. Things I definitely didn’t want to think about when I was with Will. I pushed them aside, but I knew they would be back later. They always came back.

She was being . . . more difficult to figure out than normal, which was definitely saying something. I spent a lot of time sitting around and dissecting our conversations.

At least she’d agreed to go to the party with me, even after I’d gotten handsy and she’d told me to stop. I kind of wanted to die of shame, but she seemed just as embarrassed as I was.

“Just give her time,” Lottie said.

“She’ll come around. She can’t resist you. I can barely resist you,” Simon said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

I ignored the second part of what he said and tried to focus on the first part as I grabbed my keys to go pick Audrey up.

She didn’t look any different than usual, but still. Seeing her took my breath away. Sometimes I couldn’t even believe that I was lucky enough to exist in her presence. As if she was some sort of royalty, or a goddess.

“Hey,” I said as she pulled herself up into the truck. I didn’t think this was technically a date, so I didn’t get out and open the door for her. I’d debated on whether I was going to do so or not for at least an hour, which was pretty pathetic.

“Hey. You look nice.” Instead of one of the nerdy/band shirts that I usually wore, Lottie had forced me into a fitted black t-shirt and the nicest pair of jeans that Mom had bought me when we’d gone back-to-school shopping.

“Thanks, so do you.” She looked more than nice, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I wasn’t her boyfriend.

“Everyone is going to meet us there,” I said, just because the silence felt awkward.

She just nodded and stared out the window. Clearly, her mind was occupied with something else.

“Everything okay?”

“Hm?”

I repeated my question.

“Oh, yeah. Fine. Just thinking about homework.” Hey, I gave it a shot. I had a feeling she would lie to me. I knew her well enough now to know the change in her voice when she lied.

“I like your new earrings.” She’d gotten second holes done and I kept getting distracted by the new bling in her ears.

“Thanks.” I waited for her to elaborate, but she didn’t.

I didn’t say anything else until we got to the house where the party was being held. It wasn’t technically a frat house, but a lot of guys who wanted to have the fraternity lifestyle lived there, so it was an unofficial house. I had a few of the guys in my classes, which was how I’d even known about the party in the first place.

I texted Lottie as I crammed my truck into a spot near the back of the lot behind the house. I didn’t see her car yet. She messaged back that Katie’d had some sort of wardrobe crisis and they were on their way. Figured. Katie was constantly having wardrobe crises.

“Guess it’s just you and me. Do you want to go in?” My truck’s heater was a piece of shit and she was clenching her hands together.

“Yeah, sure.” I escorted her across the icy parts of the parking lot, both of us laughing and agreeing if one of us went down, we were both going down.

Finally we made it to the front of the house, where the porch pulsed with a bass beat that moved from our feet up through our bodies. I used to love parties like this, but I’d actually been hoping Aud and I could talk tonight. Guess that wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d thought.

I could feel her getting tense next to me, and I wondered why she’d agreed to this if she felt so uncomfortable. Once again, I had no idea what was going on in her head.

As soon as we got through the door some of my friends spotted me and came over. Judging by the smell on their breath and their glassy eyes, they were already several drinks in. Not that long ago, I would have been jealous.

I had a red cup shoved in my hand and Audrey did too. I tried to introduce her, but I didn’t know what to introduce her as, so I just went with, “this is Audrey.” I wasn’t real close with a lot of these guys so this was the first they were hearing about her. That didn’t stop them from giving me suggestive looks and trying to tease Audrey. She took it in stride and sipped from her cup, but I definitely caught her making a face as she swallowed.

I was beginning to regret bringing her and wishing Lottie was here so she at least had another friend to talk to (other than me) when someone called her name from across the room.

“Audrey!” It was a guy I’d never seen before and the second she saw him, all the color drained from her face and the plastic cup fell from her hand and splattered on the floor.

This wasn’t happening. Couldn’t be happening. I saw him about a half second before he yelled my name. My brain hadn’t even registered who he was.

I could feel Will watching me freak out and I felt the cup slip from my hand, but I couldn’t move to do anything about it. I wanted to run. Really did. But that wasn’t possible.

He made his way through the crowd. He was just as good looking as he’d been in high school, which was the last time I’d seen him. Junior year, specifically, when he’d tried to come and speak with me, but I’d avoided him. Right before I’d transferred to another school. Mostly so that I didn’t have to speak to him again, or see him again, or explain anything.

Finally, he reached us at the same time that he noticed I was standing next to Will.

My voice stuck in my throat.

“Hey, long time no see. I didn’t know you went here.” I didn’t know he did, either. It was one of the downsides of deleting all your social media accounts and transferring schools without a word.

My stomach started churning with memories and I finally found my voice.

“Hi, Eddie.” His dark hair was longer than I remembered, and he might be taller, or maybe my memories were faulty. That was a possibility.

I could feel Will twitching next to me, dying to know who the hell this guy was. That was a question with a complicated answer that very few people knew about.

“So, how have you been?” Eddie said, flicking a glance at Will, but ignoring him.

“Fine,” I said, shifting from one foot to the other and resisting the urge to start playing with my hair. “Um, Will, this is Eddie. We went to high school together. This is my friend Will.” Friend was the easiest way to describe Will right now.