Smart, Sexy and Secretive (8 page)

He pulls his head back, his
chin pushing toward his chest as he looks down at me.
What kind of party?

The really fancy
kind.

His gaze shoots toward his closet, and
I can already see him trying to plan.

My mom said she would send
clothes for both of us.
I hold my breath
waiting for his response.
I need clothes
too.

Is it important to
you?

Is it? No.
It’s important to my father. I have to go. And if
you don’t go, I’ll be stuck with Trip all night.

I can see the look in his
eyes when it’s settled.
I’m
going.

You don’t have
to.

I’m going.

He motions for me to come back out and
join his brothers. I push back my fears about tomorrow. I grab his
elbow as he walks by me, pulling him around. He wraps his arms
around me and I think I’m going to get a quick hug, but his hands
slide down over my ass and he hoists me up. I wrap my legs around
his waist as he pushes me against the wall.

“
Wow,” I breathe. But he
can’t hear me. His lips touch mine, kissing me hard, like he didn’t
just spend last night in my bed. He licks into me, and I slide my
tongue against the soft rasp of his. He steals my wits with every
kiss. With every touch, he takes my breath.

He lifts his head and brushes his nose
against mine, back and forth in little sweeps.

His arms are braced on the wall beside
my head, and I turn to press my lips against the tattoo on his
inner forearm. It’s the tattoo I drew, and it represents so much
about our love for one another. I drew the guitar with the broken
strings, shackles, and thorns when I was lost. And Logan added the
keyhole to the center. He unlocked my world. And I’m not lost
anymore.

I tip his face to mine so he can see my
lips. “Let’s skip the party,” I suggest.

He heaves a sigh. “We can’t.” He
presses his face into my neck and inhales deeply. Then he unhooks
my legs from around his waist. “They rented a movie.”

I can just imagine car chases and guns.
They are boys after all. “My kind or your kind?” I ask.

“
There are no gender
delineations here,” he teases, shaking his finger at me. He takes
my hand and pulls me out of the room. Paul is in the lazy chair
with Hayley in his lap, reading a book, and Sam and Pete are on one
of the sofas. Matt is alone on the other, so I sit down beside him
and lean into his shoulder. He reaches up to tousle my hair and
smiles at me.

“
I’m glad you’re back, kid,”
he says. I lean more heavily into him, and he lifts his arm to the
back of the sofa so I can nestle into his side. I breathe him in.
He’s so much softer than Logan. But the cancer took its toll. He’s
lost weight, and he has dark shadows beneath his eyes.

“
You sure you’re okay?” I
whisper to him. He looks down at me and tweaks my nose as Logan
pulls my feet into his lap.

I lay my head on Matt’s thigh and he
leans down to whisper to me. “Quit worrying about me and enjoy
being back.” His hand strokes absently down the length of my hair
as someone presses “play” to start the movie. I love this gentle
giant.

The movie starts, and it’s not a
thriller or a car chase. There’s no shooting. It’s a love story. My
eyes well up with tears, and I scrub them on Matt’s leg.

“
There’s no place like
home,” I say quietly.

***

I wake up to the feel of being hoisted
in the air. I reach for Logan’s neck, and he chuckles. “I got you,”
he says to assure me.

“
Don’t drop her,” Matt
warns.

“
I let you snuggle with her
all through the movie,” Logan complains. But I can tell he’s not
angry. “But she’s
my
girlfriend. And I’m not going to drop my girlfriend.” He nods
toward Matt’s room. “You going to bed?” Logan asks.

Matt stretches and groans. “In a
minute.” He stretches his leg out in front of him and wiggles his
feet. “My fucking leg’s asleep.”

“
That’s what you get for
stealing my girl,” Logan scolds.

Matt laughs. “It was fucking worth it.”
He calls to me, “Love you, kid!”

“
Love you, too,” I say back.
Matt’s voice is playful, but he means it. He does love me. I’ve
become the honorary sister he never wanted. Or at least that’s how
I see myself. I hope he sees me the same way.

The lights flash, and Logan looks back
over his shoulder. His brothers do that to get his attention when
he’s not looking. “What?” Logan asks. He hoists me
higher.

Paul points toward the drawer full of
condoms and arches his brow. It’s a house full of men, and they
have a kitchen drawer full of condoms. It works for them, but heat
creeps up my face when Paul points out that Logan needs to get
one.

“
Be right back,” Logan
says.

He carries me into the bedroom and
pulls back the covers. “I need to go talk to Paul,” he says. He
bends down with the intention of kissing me.

“
To talk about condoms?” I
ask.

He grins. “Among other
things.”

“
What other
things?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. But he has
that look on his face like he needs to talk to me.” His lips brush
mine quickly. “Be right back.”

He walks out the door, and I can’t be
angry that Paul is trying to keep Logan safe. It’s what he
does.

Logan

I’m pissed that Paul made Emily feel
uncomfortable, but I try not to let it show as I walk into the
living room to find him. He’s sitting on one sofa and Matt’s on the
other. “I don’t need a condom,” I blurt out.

Paul’s brow lifts. “What the fuck?” he
says. He shakes his head. “Go get a condom. Don’t be
stupid.”

“
I’m not stupid,” I say. I’m
not. I’m really not. Am I?

Matt heaves a sigh. “You should ask why
he thinks he doesn’t need one,” he says. He shakes his head like
we’re both the worst kind of stupid.

“
Why do you feel the need to
pry?” I ask. I’m twenty-one fucking years old. I’m not a
child.

“
That’s what I do,” Paul
warns. He pats his chest. “I fucking care about you,
doofus.”

Matt coughs into his fist. “So, why
don’t you need a condom?” he asks gently. He holds up a hand to
stop Paul’s upcoming tirade. “I’m sure there’s a good
reason.”

I scrub a hand down my face. She
wouldn’t like me discussing this with them, but they’re not going
to shut up about it until I explain. “She’s on the pill,” I
hiss.

Paul laughs and points toward his
bedroom. He put Hayley to bed when she fell asleep, a few minutes
after the movie started. “So was Hayley’s mom. And look where that
got us.” I open my mouth to speak, and he holds up a hand to stop
me. “I love that little girl more than anything, and I don’t regret
one thing about the way she got here, but the pill is about
ninety-four percent effective, dumbass.” He throws a pillow at
me.

“
I’m going to marry her,” I
say. It’s like I have diarrhea of the mouth.

“
You better,” Matt
murmurs.

“
I will!” I shove him in the
shoulder. “I have to win her father over first, and then I’m going
to marry her.” So there.

“
Does she want kids?” Matt
asks. He would ask the difficult questions.

“
She’s afraid she won’t be a
good mother,” I admit. “But she’s wrong.”

“
What’s she afraid of?” Paul
asks.

I can’t tell them about her not being
able to read well. Her dyslexia makes it really difficult for her,
and she has trouble even with simple sentences. “She just has some
fears is all.” It’s not my secret to tell. Even to them.

Paul is like a dog with a bone. “You
want to finish college, right?” he asks.

I want a cigarette. I quit smoking when
Matt was sick with cancer, but I still want one at times like
these.

I nod.

“
Then go get a fucking
condom.” His eyebrows draw together sternly. “Fuck. You’ve been
doing it without one.”

I bite back a growl. “She’s on the
fucking pill. Quit being such a dick.”

“
If you don’t use one, you
have about ninety-four percent chance of finishing college. A
ninety-four percent chance of getting a good job that will impress
her father and keep her comfortable. A ninety-four percent chance
of
not getting her fucking
pregnant
!”

“
Ninety-four percent is
worst-case scenario.” I am a rational adult. Right?

Paul growls and yanks at his short
hair. “Listen to me,” he says, leaning forward. “I know you love
her, and, hell, I love her too. And Matt would throw you off a
bridge if he thought he could have her.” Paul chuckles and a grin
he doesn’t want tips his lips.

“
Ew,” Matt complains. “I
don’t like her like that.” He points a finger in my face. “But I
will throw
you
off
a bridge if you hurt her.”

I shove his hand out of my face. “I
wouldn’t hurt her for anything.” I clutch my fist to my chest. “I
felt like part of me was missing when she was gone.” I shake my
head. “I swear to God, I am not sure I could live without
her.”

I look toward my bedroom, and my world
settles knowing she’s in there waiting for me.

“
You’re not going to listen
to me, are you?” Paul asks.

I see my door open, and Emily stalks
out. She’s wearing my shirt, and it comes down to her knees. She
stomps into the kitchen, and I see her lips moving, but I can’t
catch a word. She goes to the drawer, takes a handful of condoms
and carries them back to the room, mumbling to herself the whole
way. When she gets to the door, she holds them out like a prize and
says, “Do you think this is enough?” Then she goes into the bedroom
and slams the door behind her.

“
Well, I’ll be damned,” Paul
says. He drops back heavily against the couch. “I didn’t mean for
her to hear me. “Why is that she always hears me when I don’t want
her to hear me? Fuck,” he breathes.

Matt’s doubled over with laughter.
“That was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” He points at Paul.
“She’s so pissed.” He shoves my shoulder. “You’ll be lucky if you
get laid at all.” He laughs like hell. I can’t figure out what’s so
funny. They probably just ruined my night.

“
You are not amusing,” I
say. But a grin tugs at my lips, too. Damn, she was pissed. But she
just solved my problem. “Now we have condoms. A lifetime supply.
Are you happy?”

Paul snaps at me, “I would be happy if
you’d use them.” His face softens. “I am just trying to take care
of you. I would do the same thing for Sam or Pete or
Matt.”

Matt nods dramatically at me. “We’re
all subject to the condom talk. He brought one to me in bed one
time when he realized he didn’t see me go to the
drawer.”

“
And thank God for that,”
Paul bites out. “Because if you’d gotten April pregnant, where
would you be now?”

Matt sobers. “I’d be a fucking father.
Which is something I’ll never be.” He lumbers to his feet. “I’m
going to bed now,” he says. I can feel the weight of his heavy sigh
as it settles around the room.

“
Damn, now you make me wish
I’d let you get her pregnant,” Paul says.

Sometimes we forget how Matt’s life has
changed. He may never get to have kids. He may not even get to have
a life. His future’s undecided. But then, none of us have a
predetermined life span. His is just more precarious.

Paul grabs the tail of Matt’s shirt.
“I’m sorry,” he says when Matt looks back.

Matt squeezes his shoulder and grins.
“Why? Did you give me cancer? No. Cancer is the only one I blame.”
He grins at me. “Now go get Emily pregnant, Logan. Hurry the hell
up.” He slaps his hands together. “Chop, chop.”

“
You sorry fucker,” Paul
says. “If I didn’t love your sorry ass so much, I’d have to hate
you.”

Matt looks down at his watch. “Time’s a
wasting,” he warns.

I laugh. I can’t help it. The look on
Paul’s face is priceless.

Paul swipes a hand down his face again.
“Just be careful,” he says. “Be careful.” He shakes his head like
he has more to say but now he’s talked out.

I lean over and bump fists with him.
“Thank you,” I say. “I love you.”

“
Yeah, yeah,” Paul says,
swiping his hand through the air as though he wants to erase our
conversation. He looks defeated, and I don’t want him to feel that
way. Matt closes the door to his room, and I sit down across from
Paul.

“
I’ve never felt like this
before,” I say.

“
I know,” he admits. “That’s
what worries me.”

“
She’s the one for
me.”

“
I know.” He’s quiet,
contemplative.

“
I’m afraid,” I blurt
out.