Smash Into You (19 page)

             
I scrambled to get up, but realized we needed a light of some kind. I searched and found a small pen light on the desk. I groaned, but took it anyway. It was better than nothing. I held it in my teeth, pushed off the chair, and used my arms to pull me up, but my strength was nil. I made it, barely, and rolled onto my back, my legs still hanging out the hole, my head aching. I took a deep breath and sat up. Tossing the panel back over the hole, I bent on my knees panting for a few seconds to catch my breath as I shined my light, looking for...something. I couldn't stop. I couldn't let Marley down again.

             
If that little boy hadn't told us about it, we would be dead right then.

             
I pushed between them to get to the front and find a way out. There was nothing up there but ductwork, insulation, panel and fuse boxes, and the air conditioning units. We crept through the space, ducking for bracing boards and wires. There were still no windows, but I knew there had to be a way for the air to escape through there. I searched the deck and ceiling for any creases or cracks that would mean a door or panel of some kind, or access to the top floor where we'd originally come in at, but found nothing. When a scream from the back of the group shot out, I knew it was too late.

             
The fire had reached our level.

             
The women scrambled our way, corralling the children, but there was nowhere to go. We had escaped the fire in the hall only to be handed hope that had nowhere to take us. The adrenaline left me in a rush and I knelt down, unable to stand any longer. I thought Marley was going to be angry and yell for me to get up, but she didn't.

             
She knelt beside me and pulled my head into her lap. She looked at the back of my head and cried softly when her hand came back with blood on it. She stroked my hair as she said, "You did everything you could. I know you're tired. Go to sleep, Jude. When you wake up, you'll see your mom. And I'll see mine."

             
I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say. I lay back and prayed for sleep. She whimpered and rubbed my forehead with her palm and I wrapped my arm around her middle, pressing my face to her stomach to offer her my own comfort.

             
Over the roar of the fire creeping toward us, I heard a siren. A police siren. If I could hear it, then there had to be a hole of some kind in the structure for the sound to come through like that.

             
I sat up, looked toward the sound, and saw the edge of a grated duct or vent above our heads. It wasn't huge, but I knew a body could fit through there. I got up, my vision swimming, and crawled over to it. I stood. It was in the highest part of the ceiling and wall. It was welded to the metal frame and all painted with the industrial paint in the same color.

             
When I pushed on it, nothing happened.

             
I reared back, checking to make sure no one was directly behind me, pulled the gun from my shoulder, and started firing. The shots went everywhere because I was so disoriented, but the bullets ran out and it got the job done. The grating of the vent had bigger holes to weaken the frame. I took the butt of the rifle and banged it over and over and over in the center, hoping for it to give way.

             
I was so angry that I wasn't strong enough right then to do what needed to be done. I yelled, screamed in anger, and with one final blow the grate showed pity on me, letting go and falling out the other side. I looked back to the group. They were yellow in the glow of the fire, dirty and coughing.

             
The grate didn't give us any light, but I figured it was night by then, so I beckoned Marley's boy to me and somehow managed to hoist him onto my shoulder. He looked out, gripping the edge. "What do you see?" I asked.

             
He stuck half of himself through the hole and the rest of him disappeared.

             
Marley screamed, but I saw a spotlight, or helicopter light maybe, sweep across the opening and a face appeared. His helmet wasn't on, but I knew he was a fireman. I didn't even think. I grabbed the closest pregnant woman to me and made a step for her with my linked fingers. He helped her out, but it was slow going trying not to hurt the babies, unborn and born ones. 

             
Marley was next and I took her arm, but she snatched it away. "If you think I'm leaving you, you're crazy."

             
She coaxed the children to the wall so we could help hoist them up. They weren't so bad and Marley and I got them all out. The fireman asked how many more and I told him. He yelled something down to the other man and they switched places. Then he beckoned the next woman to him.

             
I tried to help her, but my body just wouldn't let me. Every time I used force, my head pounded and it felt like I was going to pass out. So I did the only thing I could think of. I got down on all fours and let them step on my back to hoist themselves up. Marley helped steady them as they were taken from the window.

             
I held on, I tried to think, and wondered if this was the way my mother had escaped. The fire got closer, taking with it all the insulation in a quick puff. The wires bent and curved, dancing in the heat. The women were almost clear, but the fire was so close that my face burned from the heat off it.

             
Marley jerked my face up, her own face scared and red. "Jude!" she screamed. "Get up!"

             
"I have to help them," I muttered.

             
"They're all gone. You saved them all, baby. I've been trying to wake you up for minutes now." Her tears made me ache. "Please get up. Why aren't you talking to me?"

             
"I am," I answered, but even I couldn't hear it. "I am," I said louder and she gasped happily.

             
"Let's go, now. You're awake. Just get out the window and they'll help you down and it will all be all right."

             
It was at that moment that all my clarity slammed back into me. The window was too high. She was shorter than I was and there was no way she'd get herself up there for them to help her out. She was trying to get me to go first, but there was no way in hell I was leaving her behind.

             
I knew she was going to fight me so I had to do it quick. I knew I'd only have one shot at it. So I kissed her, knowing it would be the last time. I framed her face with my hands and let my thumb travel down her nose one more time. When I heard a huge chunk of the floor cave in behind us, I went for it.

             
I bent and put her butt on my shoulder, hoisted her right to the window and felt all my relief as she was taken from my hands. I heard her screams, her begging me not to, but I had to. I had to. I couldn't let her down again.

             
I fell to the floor, unable to hold myself up and her cries for them to get me out drifted away. I heard them tell her the place was going to come down…

             
I was glad when my ears started ringing, because her crying for me broke my heart. I felt the floor on my face and was shocked at how hot it was. The ceiling on my right sagged and groaned before caving and shaking me where I lay. My eyes tried to fight it, to stay until the last second, but my body had a different plan and took me away.

             
The last thing I remembered before darkness was the lick of flames on my calf and a moment's pain before it was all sucked away to nothingness.

SEVENTEEN

              Mom baked actual cookies that day. I remember that it was weird because we always ate cheap veggies and stuff like that. Cookies never made the cut.

             
"What's the occasion?" I asked and hopped up on the counter with her.

             
"I'm just celebrating something." She looked at me and her smile was small but genuine as it always was. She was probably celebrating me finishing school for the year, I had thought. She homeschooled me since I was four and she was more excited than I was for the break. We didn't break for summer though, like other kids. We took a break in the fall. It was her favorite time. We'd go drive and she'd force me to look at all the leaves changing into a hundred different colors. I hated it then, thought it was stupid. But back then, gas was only a dollar a gallon and it was the cheapest activity we had.

             
Then she'd stop, and if we were in a state with mountains or peaks or valleys, we get out and look out at it. She'd get the small smile that she wore now and we'd sit and talk about her when she was a kid.

             
But now, I really wanted to know what that smile was for. "Really, Mom. Spill. What's going on?"

             
She took a deep breath and put her hands on my shoulders. "Today, ten years ago, was the day that I gave you your freedom." I gave her a curious look, not understanding. She leaned in and kissed my forehead. "And you're going to do great things with this life. I just know it."

             
"Ah, come on, Mom."

             
"You're going to laugh, run for fun and not because you have to, you're going to eat cookies for no reason at all, find a job you love, a girl who adores you, friends who deserve you, a house that you can stay in forever, and you're going to love, baby. You're going to love with all that you are, down into your soul."

             
She cried and once again, my ten-year-old self didn't get why it was all so important. She had been celebrating the day she escaped the facility, the day she set me free. But the me
now
understood and I'd never, ever wanted my mom to be there with me more than right then.

             
Thank you, mom, for loving me enough that you fought for me.

             
I felt a tear slide from my eye and a cool hand wipe it away. "Jude," someone whispered in my ear.

             
I recognized the voice immediately and knew this wasn't a dream or heaven. It was real and my girl had found a way to save me. I opened my eyes. The lights were already turned down to a soft glow and there she was.

             
"Hey, sweetheart," my raspy voice told her.

             
She burst into this half cry, half laugh thing and laid her forehead on mine as she refused to release the death grip on my hand. "Jude Ezra Jackson," she whispered. "You came back."

             
"I'll always come to you. How quickly you forget." I touched her hair, weaving my fingers into it to anchor her there. "Wow, you're so soft."

             
She leaned back a little and grinned, her cheeks stained with tears. "You are so not hitting on me right now."

             
"But I am," I told her, my voice sounding more clear. "Kiss me, sweetheart. I missed you."

             
She leaned in and let her soft lips touch mine in several caresses before she gave me the full pressure I craved. She kissed me once and then spoke angrily against my lips. "So, my life is worth more than yours, huh? You can just make the choice for me that I'm going to live and you aren't?"

             
"I couldn't let you down," I told her. "And I couldn't watch you die. And I couldn't let someone so beautiful inside out be taken from the world if I could stop it." She sobbed against my mouth, but I held tight. "And I wouldn't let your mom's sacrifice for you be all for nothing."

             
"Yeah? What about your mom?"

             
I smiled and touched the scar on her lip. "My mom would have wanted me to sacrifice anything for the girl I was in love with."

             
I could see the dam bursting in her, so I gently tugged her closer, pulling her onto the bed with me on her side so I could feel her everywhere, the blanket the only barrier keeping me from her. She slammed her mouth on mine and that was all I needed; the thumbs up that she was OK.

             
One of my calves was all wrapped up in gauze and hissed with a sting when I wiggled around, but that didn't stop me from putting my good knee between hers and letting my hands take a tour. When my palm reached just under her behind, I was heartbroken she wasn't in her shorts. Her skin called to me and I answered.

             
I gave her all that a man could give her in a hospital bed with wires coming out of every limb. And she gave it to me right back.

             
Somewhere in the middle of all those tugs and moans and kisses, that was the most killer make-out session I'd ever had, she said, "I fell in love with you a little the first time you let your thumb drift down my nose in that bar." I demonstrated since I loved doing it so much. "And I fell in love with you a little bit every day since then." She smiled and put my hand over her heart. "It's so full, it hurts."

             
The nurse was mighty upset to find us a few seconds after that statement on the bed that way. I secretly thanked her, for she may have been the only thing keeping Marley's virtue intact on that hospital bed.

             
I knew the promise of what was to come was going to be incredible.

             
She sat back in the chair and let the nurse do her job, but flat refused to relinquish my hand. The nurse said that only family was allowed in during exams and after hours.

             
"She is my family," I said sternly and looked at Marley's blue eyes with nothing but love for her.

             
I knew hospitals were bad for someone on the run, but if Marley brought me here and was calm about it, then all must be right in the world again. I didn't freak out. I trusted her and just welcomed the
being alive
part.

             
Marley was in green scrubs. She said she had showered there and everything. Not just because she had nowhere to go, but because she wouldn't leave my side. They tried to make her leave several times, but she just ignored them and they eventually left, she said. I smiled at her, my fierce girl.

             
Later, Marley finally brought it all up and told me that the police had arrested every person that left up the stairs that day that they could find based on witness testimony and the fact that all those women and children were trapped by them. Oh, and arson as well.

             
The suit was one of them.

             
She said the news said that evidence would have helped and not all charges would stick without it, but at least the company was toast and the murderers in custody.

             
I sagged in relief. She told me that it was going to be a big stink, the media was involved, and no one in the company was safe, not even the New York office that claimed to know nothing.

             
The BioGene stock plummeted.

             
I'd been in the hospital for only two days when I woke up. After I hoisted her up to the fireman, she said she threatened to dis
member
him if he didn't help me. So when he called down to me and got no answer, he hoisted Marley back down into the window and she wrapped a harness around me. They pulled me out and then sent the harness down for Marley, too. The access vent we escaped from had been located over the loading dock, an alcove dipped into the ground two stories below. Not seven minutes after the ladder was lowered and everyone was being cared for, the building collapsed.

             
I hated that we'd lost all that evidence. And the stuff about her mom and mine. I…wait.

             
"Where's my clothes?"

             
"Uh…" She looked around. "Under here." She pulled the
Personal Belongings
bag from under the bed and set it on my stomach. I used the button to sit up and dug through the bag to my pants pocket.

             
I grinned as I pulled the USB memory stick out. "Looky, looky."

             
She gasped. "Is that…"

             
"Yep. I copied everything that looked important from the computer for a rainy day. And I think it's pouring."

             
She laughed and kissed me. I sighed, feeling lighter than ever. "I'm so…happy right now. I just wish we could have gotten to at least look through our moms' files and stuff. But it's all gone." I twisted my lips. "All burned up."

             
She bit into her lip. "Well, I have a bag of my own." She plopped a bag that matched mine on my lap and pulled out the folders that I'd given her to keep.

             
My mouth fell open.

             
"They were in the back of my pants waistband the whole time, safe and sound."

             
Wow…a piece of my mom was right there in front of me. A piece of her history and her life, even though it was those bastard's notes…it was
my mom
.

             
We spent the entire night going through it all. We laughed, we cried—yes,
we
cried—and we got a slice of the closure we so desperately wanted. No, we couldn't bring them back, but we could remember them the way they were meant.

             
It didn't say exactly why they'd gone into the program, but from what we could gather it was some kind of vitamin they offered them and free medical care for them while they were pregnant. But the catch was they had to stay at the facility and be monitored during the pregnancy. It didn't take them all that long to figure out something was screwy when they didn't let them leave the room and began drawing blood every day.

             
Every. Daggum. Day.

             
The notes told us what they asked them, what they talked about, how many days they cried versus how many days they were silent. It talked about how the vitamins made the male growing in patient C bigger and the patient experienced no morning sickness. The female growing inside patient F had a stronger heartbeat than the rest and she kicked more often, and also caused no morning sickness for the patient.

             
My mom was passionate in her anger where Marley's was more reserved and just didn't understand why they picked her. My mom demanded to be released and had to be strapped to her bed on several occasions because she kept attacking the doctors. Marley's mom got to a point where she flat refused to acknowledge them when they came into her room. They both rebelled in their own way.

             
The notes just stopped for them both after a while. No explanation as to why except one word—rogue. Their termination date was the last thing listed.

             
In my mom's file was a disc. There wasn't one in Marley's and I could tell she was disappointed. I wasn't so sure. We had no idea what was on it. It might be something that we didn't even want to see. We got one of the nurses to let us borrow her laptop to put it in and see what was on it. I expected files of tests they performed, since there was no label on the disc, but when we put it in, a video popped up. I pressed play and there she was. I couldn't stop my gasp as I watched my mom sit on her bed, her belly pregnant with me, and she always kept her hand atop it, as if to protect me.

             
It was weeks of footage, but only an hour a day. It was random. Sometimes there would be a doctor asking questions in the room, sometimes she would be alone and the hour would pass with her sleeping. Sometimes she mumbled or whispered. I fast-forwarded it when her lips weren't moving to when they were. I heard her tell a doctor that she was starting to have Braxton Hicks contractions. Marley explained that meant practice contractions. Her body was preparing to have me.

             
The doctor left. She covered her belly with both of her hands and started to cry. I covered my mouth with my palm and started to turn it off, unable to watch my mother suffer anymore, when she started to whisper again. I turned it up as far as it would go, and we heard my mother's whispered promises to me, her unborn son that she had already named Jude.

             
She had been talking to me all those times she'd been mumbling. She said them so softly, like these words were just for me and not for them if they had been listening.