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Authors: Kirsty-Anne Still
“Is that why Zane is here?” Enzo asks, and I feel myself harden with shock.
“You knew?” I asked, looking in horror at my brother. “You fucking knew he was here and decided not to tell me that one really important piece of information?” I shrug him off, and I feel all eyes on me all at once. I push myself up and away from Enzo’s embrace.
“He reached out to me, Lia,” Enzo begins, trying to defuse my mounting hurt and anger. “Don’t hate me for not stopping you from seeing him. You needed to. I will stick by that. Be angry with me all you like, but I saw how he got you when you were together.”
“But you didn’t see how he broke my heart again,” I say, and I feel my eyes water. I’m hoping I can pass this off as my dance with death, but I know Enzo will have me pegged. “You don’t get to play with my life like that!” I say and I bow my head. What the fuck is happening with my family? I feel my head begin to swirl at a dizzying pace.
“Lia,” Enzo says reaching for me.
“Don’t touch me!” I shout at him, jumping away from him. “I’m the one blamed for this family becoming corrupt, yet you let him walk into this family and want a part of it! A man who I was supposed to kill and you let him walk in here like he can ever be one of us.”
“He can be,” Carlo steps in, defending their actions. “He killed one of the security details to get a final meeting with Papà. He couldn’t ignore it when Zane used force.”
“Then he’s a stupid bastard,” I mutter and start to move so I can get up onto my feet. My flight or fight defense has gone into overdrive.
As I begin to stand, stabilized by Enzo and Manuel, I notice my father and Zane's figures approaching fast. I cannot be dealing with this, so I shake my brothers off and begin to head toward the house. I stop just in front of Giovanni, my anger so ravenous I fear I’m going to start breathing smoke soon.
"You even fucking dare to try that again and I will make sure Bruno buries your balls so far down your throat that you'll end up shitting them for a week." I notice the fear ignite slightly in his eyes at the threat of Bruno, and I'm pleased that his name holds so much power. "You never get to touch me."
“You can’t stop me,” Giovanni remarks, a smirk on his lips.
“I could castrate you quicker than you could draw breath,” I mutter, making sure my eyes show how intent I am to follow through on that. “Don’t cross me, Gio. I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty now.”
“If that’s the case, Amelia, we could be in for the perfect partnership,” Giovanni states. Now suddenly, he looks cocky. “I’d help you get that piece of shit out of the family.”
“Nice try,” I scoff, beating away any and all intention he might be thinking up. “But I still hate your fucking guts.”
I go to leave but find myself met with my father and Zane. Both carry on walking toward us, looking at me like something crazy has happened as I stand dripping wet, nearing my boiling point.
“What’s going on down here?” my father asks, finally crossing the distance toward us.
“Your golden son over there just tried to fucking drown me!” I tell him, my voice tense and struggling after the influx of water it was subdued to. “Apparently, Zane’s sudden want to be a part of our family is not just a ludicrous thought to only me.”
“Well, let’s have a family meeting and hash this out,” my father declares. “I truly believe Zane will be a powerful addition to the family, but I won’t have him starting on these sorts of terms. So, let’s have a meeting and work out the bad blood.”
“I think we stopped having those the moment you shoved me into a car and carted me off to Italy without a meeting.” I step around them, preparing to leave once again. “You’ve all clearly had some input in this already, so keep it that way and I’ll be waiting on the sidelines whenever you need me.”
With that said, I start to head up to the house, still coughing beautifully and with a demeanor so dark it's casting a storm around me. I don’t want to deal with my family for the rest of the day, and that includes Lorenzo. Sorry for him, but he decided to follow me home at the wrong time.
“Amelia, hold on!” Zane’s voice shouts from behind me, and I hurry my steps.
“Fuck off,” I state and continue my march up into the house. “Your business isn’t with me. It’s with my father and the Dio Lavoro.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Amelia,” he argues, still following behind me. “I’m here for you. I wouldn’t be doing something so stupid if it wasn’t for you!”
“Then do the right thing and leave,” I tell him, continuing through the house. “Take whatever opportunity you have and just leave, Zane!”
“I can’t!” he bellows, and I do stop. If he’s willing to execute a fight, I’m willing to listen for the moment. “I spent every day regretting what I said. I was lashing out. I sabotaged our chance, and I regret it. Before, when I let you go, I just let you go and took whatever life threw at me, like it was some well-deserved punishment.” He’s a desperate man. Even more desperate than ever. He’s not using charm or our sexual chemistry to lure me in. He’s laying himself bare for me. “But I can’t do this life without you, Amelia. I can’t. It’s impossible. I ran like you told me to, but it was so lonely, and I can’t live with half a heart. Not after you taught me how to love so wholeheartedly.”
I cross the way toward him, seductively placing my hand on his neck and chest, reining him in to a false sense of security. I want him to think I’ll go easy, that I’ve caved to him, but I’m far from that. “You should have thought of that before you gave me the shove. Things have changed too much now. You wanting to join us is only the beginning. I can’t be what you want anymore, Zane. I said it once, but that girl is definitely gone.” I look up at him, my fingers bent so my nails dig into his chest. “Your words to me were ‘
you aren’t even someone I can trust sleeping next to anymore
’, but it’s okay, Zane, really. I’ve learned to live with the monster I’ve become, the one you only helped me to realize I am and if anything, I am a worse monster than I ever was.”
I push away to leave as he begins to growl and I allow him to sit with the fuck-up he helped to create.
“You can’t go, Amelia.”
“What are you really doing here?” I ask him, stopping at the foot of the stairwell. I turn back, my hand on the banister. I can feel how tense I’m becoming as my knuckles begin to whiten with my tight grasp around the wooden beam. “Because, if I remember correctly, what we started was never destined to go anywhere. Wasn’t that what you said?” I see him struggling with the truth of his own words, and I’m the one who had to live with those words burrowing into my soul. “I changed because I saw that you had lost all hope in me that night, Zane, and if the man I loved could do that, why would anyone else have hope in me?”
I turn and rush up the stairs, unable to continue this. I want to get changed, find something to eat, and forget this day even started. I hurry, even when I hear my family and Lorenzo enter the house once more and I hear Zane’s steps behind me. Clearly, he hasn’t finished what he needed to say and he won’t be saying it with an audience. As I enter my room, I throw the door backwards, hoping it will slam shut, but I’m disappointed when I hear Zane stop it.
“That’s the thing you don’t understand, Amelia. I love every tainted shade there is of you. It consumes my every waking moment. Walking away once nearly killed me. The second time, well, I’m pretty sure this is my only salvation from that.”
I scoff incredulously. “Selling your soul to the devil is your idea of salvation?” This time I laugh at him. I mean a full belly laugh that nearly has me doubling over at how ridiculous he sounds. “I thought I was stupid for ever letting you have a second chance with me, but you just proved you’re the biggest idiot out of the both of us.” I walk up to him, fueled and propelled solely by the anger he riles in me. “You’re gone in the head, you know that, right?” I poke my finger at his head, trying to execute my point with a sly bit of sarcasm. “Completely psychotic.”
His hand flies up, grabbing onto mine, and I feel a bolt of sparking electricity begin to flicker. “That must mean I fit into the family pretty fucking well then, doesn’t it?”
I shake him off in order to walk away and I take the towel from my bed and begin to scrub at my hair, trying in vain to dry it. I rub too hard, setting the roots of my hair alight with pain. I stop, slumping my shoulders, and drop my hands, towel and all. I turn back to face him. He hasn’t moved, he just stands before me in dark distressed denim jeans, those formidable Army boots, and a simple grey shirt. A look that could render me weak kneed with the right expression. I allow my defenses to drop and just want some sort of truth.
“Why are you really here?” I ask him that one question again; my tone lowered and, if I have to admit, quietened some. His presence weakens me. I haven’t the strength anymore where he’s concerned. My facade shatters before I have a chance to execute any forms of self-preservation. I just want the whole truth, not parts of it. “You wanted to bring the Abbiatis down at one point. Now, you want to be one. Please, don’t be here if it means you’re going to win us over to destroy us.” My eyes water as panic floods my entire being. No part of me is saved from that heated rush of terror. “Don’t make me fall for you again only for you to rip my heart out again.”
“Oh, Amelia,” he whispers and takes a step forward, but I’m forced to put my hand up, stopping him from moving. “I’m here for you.” His statement is riddled with utter seriousness; and his face shows the same ounce of honesty. “I allowed your family to destroy how I felt for you, so I decided instead of fighting against them and, ultimately, you, I’d give it all up for you.”
“But you love your job,” I state, wary of him and his real motives.
“Not as much as I love you, though.” I can see he’s not giving up, but I’m not willing to give in this easily. “What will it take for you to believe me?”
“Murder,” my father’s voice penetrates the room, breaking our moment and shattering it to pieces. “I need solid proof before I let you into my family and back into my daughter’s life. I need the trust to build between us and I need to see that saving your life was worth it.” My father’s face is shadowed with hints of his devilish demeanor, but he’s yet to let the entire mean strike come to life. “If you fail, Maverick, you’ll regret ever meeting Amelia. Mark my words.”
As my father leaves, I look at Zane who looks like he’s just been doused in icy water. He looks at me and I can see that he doesn’t believe he’s just been presented with his initiation task. And as much as I want to stop this anarchy from being bestowed upon Zane, I say the one thing that shows I’ve changed into the devil’s advocate for good – “Murder, it is.”
“I’ve found Zane’s first opportunity for initiation.” My father breaks the silence – albeit speaking to me through the daily tabloid, but still, my perfect morning bliss was just ruined. When I don’t reply, he lowers the paper before folding it back up and placing it down onto the empty table space beside him.
“What’s that?” I ask. I deliberately stab my fork into a chunk of melon and look at him before I take a bite.
“You’re testing me,” my father comments dryly as I begin to eat without the others arriving first.
“And they’re testing my hunger,” I state and eat the rest of the fruit.
I know I’m being disrespectful, but I’ve been up since the crack of dawn pacing, and I cannot stand to wait any longer for them to arrive so I can eat. It’s our usual tradition to wait for everyone before we eat, but I’ve not had to deal with tradition for a long time, so this is all too foreign for me. However, as I continue to eat my way through the fruit salad before me, I can feel my father’s eyes burning fiercer into me. I take a few more mouthfuls before I cave and say something.
“Look,” I say, dropping my fork into my fruit bowl. “What’s happened between us isn’t just water under the bridge, Sal. It’s far from that.” I can feel my throat begin to close with rage. It’s as if my body’s trying to save me from saying something I’ll regret. “If you can remember, I found out your dirty little secret. You led me to believe that I was killing people who threatened the family, but a good ninety percent didn’t. You exploited me and that to me is unforgivable.”
“Breakfast table politics going on already, I see,” Carlo states as he finally walks into the room dressed in nothing but slacks. Manuel trails not far behind him.
“Ah, tension with my toast,” Giovanni comments entering after. “This, I haven’t missed.”
I roll my eyes and reach for my coffee. If I’m going to have to deal with that idiot, I want to have a sufficient amount of caffeine circulating in my veins. Right now, my irritation with him is soaring, and I can see us clashing before everyone’s settled.
“I thought I’d get our guests up and wait for them,” Enzo mentions as he comes into the room, Zane and Lorenzo trailing behind him. “Seems we almost missed the best stuff.”
“Your sister decided that she couldn’t wait,” our father announces, sitting back and offering me a pointed look.
“I heard you go out at barely six AM, Lia, what was with that?” Enzo jumps in.
Apparently, my sleeplessness was noisy.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I comment nonchalantly and go to stab some more fruit. “Guess my body’s not caught up on the time differences.” I can feel Zane’s eyes on me, and from my peripheral, I can tell he has a worried expression on his face. I want nothing but to enjoy the concern he has for me, the proof he cares, but I’m still pissed at the turn of events. “Now, are you going to stand or sit and eat?”
I hope to God that Manuel will come and occupy the seat to my left and Enzo will do the same on my right. However, just as my luck would have it, I am stuck between Zane and Lorenzo. I reach for my cup of coffee again and drain the entire contents in one swift gulp.
“Buongiorno, Bella,” Lorenzo greets, leaning in to kiss me.
I move my head, making sure he catches my cheek and then I push him off. In response, I hear Zane growl, especially as Lorenzo doesn’t relent. His hands become clingy as he puts his arm around my chair, trying to keep our proximity closer, but I put a hand square to his chest and push him away.
Tension with toast
, I think wryly. Sometimes I hate agreeing with Giovanni.
“Need a refill?” Zane asks, reaching for the pot of coffee to pour himself a cup.
I nod and swallow the hot liquid and set my cup down. “So,” I pipe up, watching carefully as everyone looks at me. “Zane’s first job,” I trail off, leaving my sole attention upon my father. “What is it?”
“Do we have to discuss this over breakfast?” my father asks, backpedalling on his comment from earlier.
“We used to,” I counter, pursing my lips with impatience. I raise one eyebrow and shift so my weight is more forward than before. I place my elbows onto the table, situated on either side of my bowl of fruit, and I clasp my hands together as I stare directly across the table to my father. “I’m curious, so enlighten me,
Papà
.”
I see the exasperation flame across his face. He wanted me to call him Papà yesterday, but I’ve only used it laced with sarcasm, and apparently, that isn’t what he wanted either. I feel the niggle of delight as I watch him wage an inner war with the need to punish me and the need to deliver the game plan.
It’s good to see that he picks the latter.
“Don Carmello is waiting on his money,” my father begins casually, “while I’m waiting on a delivery of my diamonds.” My father takes his sweet time to butter some toast before taking a large bite and narrowing his gaze upon Zane. “He won’t bring them here so I’ll take the money wager to him. Which is where you come in, Zane. Job number one starts today.”
I sit back and look at Zane, feeling myself smirk at the terror he’s trying to disguise as amusing. Welcome to the family, Maverick. There is no slow pace in a mafia family, and he needs to learn that quickly.
“Don’t look so smug, Princess. You and Carlo are accompanying him on this,” my father states. He has completely annihilated my entire mood with one swift sentence. “It should be a quick job without any hiccups, but Carmello always had a thing about you, so you’ll be a good buffer for him to lose those diamonds for a small sum of money.”
I furrow my brow quickly. “If he’s getting money, why will he care if I’m there or not to buffer this,” I question, not sure I’m grasping the loophole.
“Because he’s been undervalued for them,” my father remarks and the wickedness that overcomes his entire demeanor tells me that he has conned one of his own. “We agreed on the same dealer to value them, but I paid him handsomely to drop it a few grand. To make up for it, I promised you’d be along for the pickup.”
“And the need for Carlo?” I ask blankly.
“He’s not as threatening as Enzo or Giovanni,” my father quips, cracking a smile at his own ounce of humor. “Now, Zane, I know it’s only been a day since you entered the family, but I don’t like to drag these sort of things out. If this goes well, you could well be on your way to full initiation.”
“I still think this is a farce,” Giovanni grunts, slamming a fist onto the table. “He walks in here after one pathetic kill and suddenly you trust a cop. We saw what he did to Amelia. Drew her in, gained her trust, and tossed her aside. What’s to say he’s not lying to us all? At least Lorenzo is part of the Dio Lavoro.”
“Billy has very much said Zane’s resignation is old news now,” my father responds, sitting up a little straighter, annoyance exuding from him. “He dropped out of the job and hasn’t applied elsewhere. The case file on us disappeared, and he made sure the blame wasn’t pointing at him. The internal investigation doesn’t even suspect him.”
“But they will when they find out he’s hanging around with us,” Giovanni states. I can see he will try just about anything to get Zane out of the house again even if our father doesn’t want that. “It’ll look bad for us to have a cop on our side.”
“Will it?” my father asks, cocking a brow. Billy hangs around with many of the crime families in Manhattan; he’s the perfect inside man. “And since when did we have a less than quiet appearance around town?” my father asks, his tone darkening toward to Giovanni. “We don’t welcome attention unless entirely warranted, Gio. No one will know he’s one of us unless one of us snitches.” I didn’t think it possible, but my father’s glare upon Giovanni intensifies. I’ve never seen him look so livid toward Giovanni in all my life. “And we know what happens with a snitch.”
“What does happen to a snitch?” Zane stupidly asks, his voice weakening with worry.
“Why, are you one?” Giovanni snarls across at him. “The last guy got torn apart by dogs after coughing up the names of the guys who got you shot, Maverick. There was a guy set on fire, too.”
I see Zane begin to visibly pale, and I decide to interject. “Let’s not discuss death and gore over breakfast. We all know how no one likes a snitch, but the details can be saved for after we’ve eaten.”
“No, I’m good,” Zane chokes, reaching for a glass of water. “I think I get it.”
“He can’t even deal with a bit of gore,” Giovanni begins to chortle. “What sort of pansies are you letting into the family?”
“Giovanni!” my father bellows, slamming both fists down onto the table and standing up. “You have written Zane Maverick off from the first day your sister brought him into the family, but he is here to serve a purpose now. Just because you don’t mind killing or mocking people doesn’t mean we all do. Your baby brother does just fine without killing.”
“That’s because he’s the gay boy of the family,” Giovanni mocks, shaming Manuel.
“Get out of my sight or so help me, Giovanni,” my father grinds out, his jaw clenching so harshly the veins in his neck are standing out. “Everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves to me. I get the final say.”
Giovanni goes to leave, clearly in a foul mood now that a man he dotes upon has put him in his place. But I can’t help but have the final say.
“Oh, and Giovanni?” I call out politely. When he turns, I smile sweetly as I speak. “Call my brother a gay boy again and all those pretty threats will be closer than ever. You can push me all you like, but start to target Manuel and I won’t care how much it hurts. I will make sure you feel every bit of pain I am willing to inflict on you. It doesn’t do you much justice that I have my own grievances against you that will stop me from going lightly.”
“Whatever, this family is a mess.”
I sit nodding as he storms from the room. For once, I’m entirely on Giovanni’s side. However, I stop when I turn my head and find my father staring at me. His eyes are so venomous now, I wonder what it would take to find the antidote.
“The meeting’s at ten AM. You best go get ready,” my father announces and stands up, tossing his napkin down onto the plate before him. “I have other business to attend to. Make sure this goes smoothly.” He starts to leave, speaking as he does so. “The car will be waiting for you in forty minutes.”
“He’s pissed, isn’t he?” Zane asks me quietly, leaning in toward me.
“Oh, yeah,” I mutter, throwing my fork down. “I’m going to get ready. Be ready, Zane. This is your first chance to prove your worth.”
I saunter out of the dining room and leave them all to it. I head to my bedroom and go straight to my bathroom. Once in, I lock the door behind me and start the shower. I undress while the water heats up and make quick work of hopping under the pouring water. I wash myself quickly and allow the water to soak through my hair. I know if I stay in here too long, my thoughts will run wild, each vying for freedom. I grab my shampoo and quickly lather my hair up before rinsing it all out under the shower. I feel like I’m rushing everything, but if Zane is to make a good impression, it means Carlo and I cannot slack and be late. Being given limited time does not help my nerves to do so.
When I leave the bathroom, steam billowing in my wake, I go straight to my dresser and pull out the first matching lingerie I find. I have no idea what I’m going to wear, but I need to get my hair dried and my make-up applied. Picking out a killer outfit should be the easy part. With a towel wrapped around my hair, I drop the one from my middle and use it to dry my body. I hear people speaking outside of my bedroom so I wander over and lock my door. I hear the muffled voices of Enzo and Carlo discussing this little mission and they seem very positive about it – at least someone does!
Approaching my bed, I quickly put my underwear on and head for my vanity to dry my hair. As I do so, I wonder what Zane is doing. Is he pacing manically, gearing up to be a tough guy? Or does he want out already? I don’t spend an eternity hoping to dry my hair, I leave it to dry partially natural so my natural curls will work their magic. Again, my thoughts go back to Zane, and I wonder how he’s preparing for this. While I’m applying foundation to my freshly moisturized skin, adding eyeliner and mascara, drawing around my lips with a red lip pencil only to fill in the rest with red lipstick, what is he doing? How well is he prepared for what he’s being asked to do? He’s been asked to take on a tremendous task that all of us, apart from Manuel, have been entrusted to do in our lives. He is being asked more than one of our own.
I sigh, unable to answer any of the questions that feed my curiosity, and as I pucker my lips and look at my complexion, I realize it’s something I’m just meant to find out. I cast my eyes to the clock on my wall and realize I have only ten minutes to find an outfit and really perfect my look.
Leaving my room, I head to the door beside my bed and find myself standing in my large closet in nothing but sheer, black underwear. I’m staring at the vast majority of my clothing when I hear a rap on my bedroom door. I huff and stomp my way to the door to see who’s there. We were given half an hour to get ourselves ready to leave for the swap, and I’m nowhere near more ready than I was ten minutes ago.
“What?” I ask as I swing my door open.
“Oh, wow,” Zane gasps as he looks down me. I then see him smirk, rubbing his jaw as he does so. “You’re going to be the absolute death of me if you continue to dress like that.”