Smirke 01 - An Unlikely Hero (26 page)

“Don’t change
your mind. I love you. I’m trying to protect you.”

Joan’s mouth
slowly fell open at the magic words, “You love me?”

“Of course I
love you. We don’t have time for this, it’s almost twelve.”

“Can we visit
London in disguise? That would be a great adventure.”

“We’ll discuss
London later; we’re running out of time.”

“Very well, I
accept your offer to take me to London in disguise; what am I
supposed to say now? In sickness and in health…to love, I adore my
Mr Smirke. Till death us do part…according to God’s holy ordinance;
and thereto I plight thee my devoted troth.”

The Vicar
rolled his eyes, “Loose your hands…now Mr Smirke, lay your ring
upon my book…”

“Ring? I
forgot to get a ring? I can’t take much more; I need to marry her
today!” John’s eyes filled with horror as he contemplated facing
another night on the sofa and another day when his beloved could be
kidnapped and carried off to Gretna Green against her will.

Joan
impulsively kissed John’s cheek as she untied the red ribbon in his
hair and put it on the open book, “You shall tie me to your heart
Mr Smirke. There’s no law that says we can’t have a ribbon ring…is
there Vicar?”

“Not that I’ve
ever heard; your ring Sir.”

John took the
red ribbon, wrapped it around her fourth finger and tied a bow,
“God is too good to me…with this ring I thee wed, with my body I
thee will most certainly worship, and with all my worldly goods I
thee endow: In the name of the Father, and the Son, and of the Holy
Ghost. Amen.”

“Now if you’ll
stop kissing and kneel down I’ll finish…”

“I can’t
kneel; just get on…” John’s brothers took him each by an arm and
dropped him on his knees. “Ouch! Oh my aching rump…you heartless
wretches…stop laughing, I’m not married yet.”

“Let us
pray…”

John forgot
his aching rump and cold knees as the woman kneeling next to him
started to shiver. Without thinking, he struggled out of his coat
and wrapped it around her shoulders, winning a silent adoring gaze
for his sacrifice. Focused on the ill-fitting yellow dress and the
fresh bruises on her face, his fury against Neilson was rekindled,
“Where’s your pink dress?”

“I tore it up
and wove it into a rope so I could escape. I was nearly out the
window when that brute stopped me.”

“If you will
both now join hands together and say…”

“You were
going to climb out of a window in your chemise? Are you mad?” The
words rang all the way to the back of the church where Lyndhurst
clenched his teeth. Neilson was going to regret giving into
temptation.

“No, I love
you. I had to escape…if I fell to my death at least you would have
known I tried to get away.” John Smirke stared up at the ceiling of
the church and muttered a petition for strength. He glanced back at
the large innocent blue eyes and forgot he was angry.

“Those whom
God hath joined together let no man put asunder…Forasmuch as Mr
Smirke and Miss Lark have consented together in holy Wedlock, and
have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto
have given and pledged their troth either to other, and have
declared the same by giving and receiving of a ring, and by joining
of hands; I pronounce that they be Man and Wife together, in the
name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”
The tolling bells announcing the mid hour of the day, drowned out
the Vicar as he started to read the next blessing before giving up
and closing the book as the wicked John Smirke dragged his giggling
bride to his heart and claimed her lips.

The Smirke
family’s cheerful banter stagnated as the Duke of Lyndhurst
abandoned the shadows and slunk up the aisle like a half starved
black cat, too proud to acknowledge the dismay caused by his
presence. He stopped behind the kissing couple and grimaced at the
sour taste of envy as he leaned on his swordstick, “Should I say
congratulations or commiserations?” The deep hypnotic voice
penetrated John’s pleasure starved senses and painfully jerked him
to his full height. Finding her own feet, Joan squeaked as she was
roughly shoved behind her husband’s back in a symbolic gesture of
protection. Lyndhurst ignored the pretty blue eyes peering
triumphantly over Smirke’s linen shoulder and sneered into two
black pools of fear. “She’s a maddening chit, but you will treat
her more precious than your own flesh or face my wrath. Mrs Smirke;
knowing your groom, I’m afraid I can only wish you early
widowhood.”

“Lyndhurst?
What do you care? And what the devil are you doing here?”

“Seeking
redemption; what else would I be doing in a church?”

Joan tugged
her husband’s ear, “Mr Lyndhurst is my fairy-godfather. He saved me
from two evil rats and drove me to the church in a magical
pumpkin…”

Lyndhurst’s
thin lips twist with grim humour, “More like,
fairy-devilfather.”

Joan ignored
the cynical words and pressed her cheek against John’s shoulder,
“He appeared out of a cloud of smoke like a bewitched hero and
threatened to poke out their eyes if they didn’t let me go. I think
he wanted to…”

“Poke out
whose eyes, what are you talking about?”

“Your bride
was dragged into The Hell-hole by several uncouth gentlemen who
fancied a new toy. I merely pointed out that that the young lady
didn’t wish to play.”

John sighed
with relief and kissed the hand on his shoulder, but the pleasant
sensations in his chest were tainted by the horror at finding
himself eternally indebted to the Devil’s Corpse. He stared at the
pale blue cravat knotted around Lyndhurst’s neck and swallowed a
string of curses, “I owe you my life.” The brittle words shattered
over the flagstones.

“Keep your
life Smirke, my soul is black enough without your sins. Madam…”
He inclined his head to the eyes peering over John’s shoulder, “I
wish you much happiness and whatever it is you desire. I hope one
day you’ll understand who I really am.” The Duke of Lyndhurst slunk
out of the church with a burning need to hold his only friend for
comfort. Within minutes of realising he had a daughter she’d become
the legal property of John Smirk. Lady Pelham’s revenge was
complete.

John forgot
about the ugly man and turned to embrace his bride. John pressed
his lips to Joan’s cheek and breathed in the warm feminine scent of
heaven, “I couldn’t bear to lose you again.”

Joan felt her
feet leave the ground as her husband pressed his wet eyes into her
bare shoulder, “Don’t cry Mr Smirke, the day or at least the
morning has a happy ending. You won’t have to sleep on the sofa and
I’ll be able to kiss you awake in the morning. Mr Neilson didn’t
hurt me very much, but I can still smell him on this vile dress.
Please take me home Mr Smirke, I need to take it off. It’s making
me ill.” She shivered as soft lips caressed her throat before tight
arms set her back on her feet.

John loudly
sniffed back his tears, “As you wish Mrs Smirke.” He turned his
lips to her ear to whisper, “I shall dispense with the maid and
kindly undress you myself.”

Joan was
giggling into her husband’s shoulder when James stepped up to the
couple, “I hope you’re not going to stand there kissing her all
day, I’m hungry.” He kissed Joan’s cheek and laughed at John’s
scowl, “Welcome to the family.”

Smirkes
huddled around the newlyweds kissing Joan. “Stop kissing my wife
and stop winking at me as if you all have some sort of eye disease.
Cosmo; kiss my wife one more time and I’ll punch you.”

“You’d have to
catch me first. I’ll wager anyone all my Christmas money, with his
sore rump, Uncle John couldn’t catch me if I hopped away on one
leg. I should imagine later this evening he’ll have reason to curse
his poor horse again.”

“Are you going
to control your wretched son or do I have to teach him some
manners?”

“Cosmo, stop
t-teasing your uncle; he’s had his heart b-broken this morning.
When you discover you love a woman and minutes later learn you
might never see her again; then you c-can make sport of him.”

John put his
good arm around Joan and pulled her towards the door away from his
beautiful nephews all loudly daring each other to kiss Joan on the
lips, “I’ve had enough. I’m taking my wife home before she catches
a cold or some vile disease.” Mocking laughter followed the
newlyweds into the carriage. John was contemplating a pleasurable
drive back to his brother’s house when the carriage rocked and the
twins climbed in followed by Cosmo, Robert, James and Agnes. With a
sullen sneer, John watched his cheerful brother put an amorous arm
around Agnes and belatedly caught Cosmo’s puckered lips resting
against Joan’s cheek. “Stop kissing my wife! Joan come sit over
here on my other knee away from your childish nephews.”

Joan happily
complied causing her husband to wince as her weight strained his
rump muscles, “I think Cosmo and Robert are sweet. If I were two
years younger…” The two young men flushed pink with pleasure and
elbowed each other into silence. The carriage jolted the occupants
until at last it shuddered to a stop and a footman could be heard
jumping down to unfold the carriage steps. Joan smiled at her
husband’s jealous scowl and pinched his cheek.

His teeth
chattering from cold, John watched Joan run into the house still
wearing his coat. He elbowed his snickering nephews out of the way
and rubbed his backside as he painfully followed. She was waiting
for him at the foot of the stairs with a shy smile. He wiped his
sweaty palms on the seat of his trousers as his chest throbbed with
pleasure, “Allow me to escort you to our room, Mrs Smirke.” John
was within inches of his wife’s outstretched hand when his crooked
smile twisted with fury as both of his large brothers each gripped
one of his arms and kept him from his bride.

“Mamma! Tell
them to leave me alone.”

“Agnes and
Mamma will assist Joan. You’re going to soak your rump and wash the
snot off your face.”

“Mamma…I don’t
want to bathe.” Joan watched dumfounded as her husband was forcibly
dragged past her up the stairs.

“We all know
what you want Jean Sébastien, but you first need a hot bath.”

Joan blinked
away disappointed tears as her new Mamma firmly led her after the
struggling trio, “I don’t think he needs to bathe; I like how he
smells…Mr Smirke…”

“Joan!”

“You c-can
have your wife after you’ve scrubbed up.”

“I want her
now.”

“You’ll feel
b-better after a b-bath.”

“I’ll feel
better after I rearrange your teeth. Let me go…Joan. Help me!”

“Agnes he
needs me.”

“You don’t
want to bed a pleasure starved rakehell with snot on his face.”

“I suppose if
you put it that way…” Joan was gently pushed into her room muffling
John’s angry curses on older brothers.

The French
ormolu and marble mantel clock finished striking two as John opened
Joan’s door and slammed it behind him. His swollen red eyes darted
from the large fire to the empty bed in panic, but his tense
shoulders relaxed as a fluttering hand sporting a red bow beckoned
him towards the window seat. Glowing in cream and gold silk, Joan
sat enthroned behind a table barely large enough to hold the tea
service. John’s crooked smile at his wife’s low décolletage
faltered as a hand knocked on the door behind him. He turned and
yanked it open to find Cosmo and Robert half way down the hall
snorting with laughter, “Stay away from my door or I’ll…I’ll tell
your Papa and he’ll whip you.” Cosmo blew his uncle a rude
raspberry before disappearing from sight. John turned the key in
the lock and marched across the room as his blushing bride eyed him
over a small custard tart.

“Ah Mr Smirke,
you look like a fairytale come to life…The Red Prince. I don’t
believe there is such a fairytale, but I could write one for you…
Once upon a time there was a lonely Princess who longed to be
loved…I smell lemons.”

John slid onto
the window seat and carefully crossed his knees, “My thoughtful
brothers decided that you’d have your very own devil in red. The
beastly tyrants wouldn’t give me a shirt until I put on my
stockings, knee breeches and shoes.” His tone dropped to a hoarse
whisper, “I’ve never seen such artful perfection…you ravish
me.”

Joan blushed
at her husband’s smouldering gaze, “Is it very wicked for a woman
to admire her husband’s legs?”

John swayed
towards his bride, “It must be; I like it.” John was savouring
Joan’s custard flavoured lip, his hands blindly groping for her
waist when swift uneven pounding on the door pinched his excited
nerves and severed him from pleasure. Jerked back to his side of
the window in a temper he roared at the door, “Go away Cosmo or
you’ll get a lump of coal for Christmas.” The knocking continued
accompanied by deep muffled snorts of amusement. “Go away!” John
leapt to his feet and hobbled for the door. Three more knocks and
footsteps thundered away down the hall. He yanked open the door in
time to see his brothers disappearing down the stairs, “Father
should have sold you both to the gypsies.” He relocked the door and
stomped back to find his bride finishing a sweet biscuit. “I should
have been an only child.”

“Being an only
child is boring and lonely. I’m so excited to be your wife…we’re
going to have countless adventures. You don’t regret falling in
love with me do you?” John forgot he was angry as he slid back onto
the cold window seat. His heart purred in contentment as he leaned
towards the cornflowers adoring him from under long lashes.

“Do I look
like a man with regrets?”

“No, you look
like a man who wants to…” John leaned across and explored his
wife’s breastbone with his lips.

“Oh. Mr
Smirke.”

“Call me
John.”