Smoke and Fire (28 page)

She shook her head, trying to think of a way to reword her thoughts. “Not at all. You could've wiped us out thousands of years ago. You didn't.”

“You worry we'll have no choice, leaving us only one option—showing ourselves to the world,” Con stated.

Kinsey swallowed before she nodded. “How long do you think the Kings will remain on Dreagan unable to shift or fly? I see Ryder looking out the window to the sky all the time. Same with Thorn and Dmitri. They don't even know they do it. There is a longing within them, a yearning they're having to control.”

“They've no' had to control that yearning in a very long time.” Con blew out a breath. “Aye, Kinsey, I've seen what you've seen. Your worry is one of my own.”

A slight frown lined Ryder's brow. “We're all doing fine. We've been in this situation before. We'll get through this one.”

“This isna like before,” Con said. “And I know none of you are fine. The episode this morning proved that.”

Episode? Kinsey saw the look pass between Con and Ryder. Something had happened involving Ryder. She wanted—no, she
needed
—to know what it was.

“This isna the time for this conversation,” Ryder said, his voice pitching low in warning to Con.

If Kinsey waited, chances are Ryder wouldn't tell her what had happened. Now, with Con, she might have an ally. “Since you and Con know what occurred, it's me who you don't want to find out.”

“Kins,” Ryder began before he blew out a breath. “It's nothing.”

“Then tell me,” she pleaded. She wasn't sure how she knew that it was important. Maybe it was the way Con spoke about it or how Ryder wanted to quickly discard any mention of it.

It might have been three years since she and Ryder were together, but she realized he was still very much the same man she remembered. Whenever he didn't want to talk about something, he pretended it didn't matter.

“You used to do this,” she said. “Whenever I'd ask about your family or your past, you would pretend that it was no big deal and change the subject. Remember the times I caught you staring at the night sky? I'd ask what was wrong. You would tell me you were just fine. But you weren't. Just as you aren't now.”

Ryder briefly closed his eyes. “All of us go to the mountain to shift from time to time. We need to feel our true forms.”

“Do you go every morning?”

He shook his head.

But this morning, after a night in her bed when she said she wasn't sure if she could forgive him? Did she send him to the mountain? Did her words cut him that deep?

She could barely draw in a breath at the thought. Kinsey didn't want to hurt him. One night in his arms and everything changed.

No, that wasn't true. She'd always been in love with him. Her anger had carried her through the last three years, but as soon as she saw him, she was his once more. She just hadn't been able to admit it.

Until now.

“Things aren't all right, Ryder,” she said and walked to him. She put her hand on his chest, over his heart. “You and the other Kings have been in control for a long time, but Ulrik has changed the game. It's okay to admit it.”

Ryder's gold, green, and blue eyes held hers. “Nay, it's no' all right to admit.”

“You can't tackle a problem properly without at first admitting there is a problem.”

“We all know who the problem is. Ulrik. The Dark,” Ryder stated angrily.

“And your problem? What's bothering you?”

He made a face. “I doona have a problem.”

“We all have problems. You're a Dragon King. You can admit your problem.”

Ryder started to turn away, then stopped. “You! You, Kinsey Burns, are my problem. Because I can no' have you.”

 

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Kinsey had feared she was what bothered Ryder, but to hear it from his lips. And the way he said it—as if admitting it was the last thing he wanted to do.

The longing in his voice nearly broke her. She stared into his hazel eyes and melted. With thirteen simple words, he blasted his way through the walls around her heart.

And it scared her as nothing else could.

Her heart and soul were fully exposed, as if she were standing naked in the hallway. Ryder watched her with expectation and hope. Everything she wanted was right before her. She just had to have the strength—and guts—to take the chance again.

She knew Ryder's secrets now. For three days she'd lived in his world.

Because I can no' have you.

Kinsey wanted to rest her head on his chest and wrap her arms around him. She wanted to lean on him once more and let him shoulder her troubles. She wanted to know that he would be with her each morning when she woke.

She wanted the dream she'd once had with Ryder. She wanted it all.

He moved closer to her until their bodies were nearly touching. “Tell me you doona want me. Say the words, Kins, and I'll never bother you again.”

Was he serious? As if she could say them. She couldn't have said them the day she arrived at Dreagan, and she certainly couldn't now.

“I can't,” she whispered.

He dropped his chin to his chest and sighed, a pleased look passing over his face.

“Perhaps the two of you could continue this after dinner,” Con said.

Kinsey had completely forgotten Con was there. She'd been so absorbed with Ryder that everyone vanished.

Ryder smiled as he lifted his head. “I agree. We've already kept the others waiting too long.”

Kinsey found herself walking between two very handsome Dragon Kings. A few days ago, it would've been disconcerting. Now, it just seemed like an everyday occurrence.

They got a few steps from the painting before Con said, “I'm pleased you didna think I looked too aggressive.”

Her feet halted as she stared after Con entering the arched entryway to the dining room. Con. The gold dragon was Con? Why hadn't she thought to ask who it was?

“I was going to tell you it was Con when he walked up and shook his head to stop me,” Ryder said.

Kinsey looked at him and laughed. “At least I didn't say something stupid.”

“You said everything right. Con is warming to you.”

“Right,” she said with a snort. “I don't think Con warms to anyone.”

Their conversation ended when they walked into the dining room. The room had an even more inviting and warm look than the rest of the house, if that were possible.

The table was a rich dark brown with years of use evident in the markings. It only made the table more beautiful, in her opinion.

The legs of the table were carved into dragons and it appeared as if the table rested upon the shoulders of the dragons.

“Dragons holding up the world,” Kinsey mused. Art mimicked real life. She wondered if the Kings even knew it.

Ryder leaned close. “What?”

“Nothing,” she told him as he guided her past chairs already filled to two empty seats across from each other.

Kinsey was seated beside Lexi on one side and a handsome man with impossibly long black hair and eyes the color of champagne on the other.

Grace sat across from him and winked at Kinsey before grinning like a fool at the man. “This is Arian,” Grace said.

Kinsey nodded at him, and was greeted with a smile.

“I've heard a great deal about you,” Arian said. “I'm glad you could finally join us.”

“Me, too.” What else was Kinsey supposed to say? Her parents' entire house could easily fit inside the dining room it was so large. And she didn't even try to introduce herself to everyone. There were too many people, and she'd never remember their names.

But they were all looking her way. It was like being under a microscope. She understood their curiousness, because she felt the same about them. Thankfully, everyone was pleasant, offering smiles and waves when she looked their way.

Once Con took his seat, there was a moment of silence. As if on cue, everyone reached for a dish and then passed it to the right.

It wasn't long before each dish had passed before Kinsey—and there were many. She chose her food and set about eating, listening to the many conversations around her.

“We're getting close,” Ryder said to a man on the other side of Arian.

“Can you work faster?” the man said.

Thorn grunted next to Ryder. “You're welcome to join us anytime, Laith.”

Laith laughed. “I've got a pub to run, remember?”

A pub? That shouldn't surprise Kinsey. They did sell the finest Scotch in all the world. Why not own a pub? She was beginning to think there wasn't anything Dreagan didn't have its fingers into in some way.

Lexi leaned over and asked, “You overwhelmed yet?”

“Does it show?” she asked, praying she appeared as calm as she wanted to.

Lexi grinned and took a drink of wine. “Not at all. You're doing a good job. I think the first time I sat at this table I'd been at Dreagan a month.”

A month?! And Ryder had only given her a few days?! Kinsey was going to have a serious talk with Ryder when they were alone.

“Even during that time I'd met over half of everyone,” Lexi continued. “Still. It was a tremendous amount. You're doing terrific for only a few days.”

Kinsey smiled tightly at Ryder. “I think I'm going to kill him.”

Lexi laughed so hard she had to cover her mouth with her napkin. “I'd like to see that.”

“Be at my room at midnight.”

Lexi elbowed her with a wink. “You do know that's Ryder's room?”

Oh my God! What else was she going to learn? Maybe she shouldn't ask that. It was tempting the universe to throw something else at her.

Lexi turned to the woman on her other side and began talking, leaving Kinsey to once more eavesdrop on other conversations.

A few minutes passed before Arian looked at her and said, “How are you finding things at Dreagan?”

“Beautiful, intriguing, magical, and welcoming.”

“You sound surprised at the last part.”

She looked into his champagne eyes and nodded as she swallowed her bite of food. “I am. I'm not sure what I expected when I arrived and realized this was where Ryder lived.” She glanced at Ryder to find him deep in conversation. “When I understood I was surrounded by Dragon Kings, I imagined…” She stopped, unable to find the words.

“The worst,” Arian supplied for her.

Kinsey set down her fork and wiped her mouth with her napkin. “Yes. I do believe I did. Though, until I prove my innocence, I'll keep expecting the worst.”

“Ryder willna allow anything to happen to you.”

Arian said it with such conviction, as if everyone could see it but her. Kinsey put her hands in her lap and looked at her plate. “Why do you say that?”

“Open your eyes, Kinsey. It's right there for you to see, if you'll allow yourself.”

She turned her head to him. “I assume you know my past with Ryder.”

“I do,” he said with a bow of his head. “Doona consider us gossiping about you, but rather a group worried about one of our brothers.”

She raised her hand to stop him. “Of course. There's no need to explain. You're a family, and families protect their own. The thing is, I thought he was The One.”

“And now he's no'?” Arian asked with a frown.

Kinsey glanced around the table at all the faces talking, laughing, and enjoying life. “He left me.”

Arian blew out a breath. “Can you no' forgive him?”

She didn't know why she felt the need to confide in Arian. Having only just met him, she shouldn't be telling him anything, and yet she opened up to him. “I'm afraid to.”

“You're afraid he'll hurt you again, aye?”

She nodded.

Arian shifted so that he was turned toward her. “Ryder is a good man. We all make mistakes. Immortality doesna mean we're perfect. In many cases, we make more mistakes than mortals.”

“I couldn't handle another heartbreak like that.”

“I was never in love before my Grace, so I can no' pretend to know what you're feeling. Although, I can tell you that you're no' the only one sitting at this table who's been hurt in the past. There's Sophie, who was hurt terribly by the man she loved.”

Kinsey looked down the table to the left to see who Arian was looking at. There was a redhead with a vibrant smile who gave a nod to them. Kinsey looked at Arian. “So she forgave him?”

Arian made a face. “In order to move on with her life she did. It also gave her the power to love again with Darius.”

In other words, there wasn't a soul at Dreagan who was in her same predicament. No one could begin to understand her worry about trusting someone who had ripped her heart out before.

“Everyone deserves a chance,” Arian said. “Con's giving you one because Ryder asked. Consider giving Ryder another chance. You just might be surprised.”

By the time dessert arrived, Kinsey was more confused than ever. Her emotions were all tangled and mixed so she didn't know where one ended and another began.

She wanted to be with Ryder, but the fear stopped her cold. The past three years had been the worst of her life. Lonely nights, lonesome holidays, and empty relationships that went nowhere.

They—whoever the hell “they” were—said that whatever didn't kill you made you stronger.

Kinsey wasn't so sure of that. She felt trampled, crushed by all she'd endured. Yes, she'd survived because a new day dawned and she had to work to pay her bills. So she got up, showered, dressed, and went to work.

At least there her mind was mostly occupied. It was after work when she had to think about dinner that got her. All her friends were in relationships, and she hated being the third wheel, so she never went with them.

Grocery shopping for one was miserable, but worse was when she went to the movies by herself. She hadn't thought it would be a big deal. It's not like she ever talked during a movie.