Smolder: The Wildwood Series (16 page)

A sharp pain pierced her chest and she took a deep breath. “Lane, I don’t kn—”

“Listen. I don’t want to leave you like this, but I—” He shook his head once before he slipped his hand beneath her chin and tilted her face up. “I have to go.”

She nodded, though she wanted to beg him to stay. And begging so wasn’t her thing. This is what he’d reduced her to—a beggar. “Of course you do.”

Her cool tone did not go unnoticed. He watched her carefully. “It’s like this a lot with me. Having to leave all the time. The job comes first.”

Oh, that just infuriated her. “I hope you and your job have a wonderful life then,” she practically spit out. “I’m sure you and your job will have a
lovely
marriage. I can only imagine how fulfilled you’ll be when you go to bed alone every single night for the rest of your life. Lonely and sad but always with that beloved
job
.”

He flinched, taking a step back. “What the hell’s got you so mad?”

“You!” The word shot out of her lips like a bullet. And she wouldn’t doubt she’d made a direct hit, what with the wounded look on Lane’s face. “You make me insane. And I don’t mean that in a nice way. More like a cruel-and-unusual-punishment-type way. You play tug-of-war with my heart constantly. You screw with my head, you mess with my emotions, and I can’t take it. You want me, you don’t want me. You kiss me, you fuck me, and then you shove me away like I have a disease.” She hesitated, unsure if she should say it or not. Screw it. “I don’t know if I can keep going on like this.”

“Are you saying this is it? That we’re through?” Why in the world did he sound almost . . . hopeful? She should hate him forever for this.

But she couldn’t. And there was more there than met the eye. “Would that actually make you happy?”

“No,” Lane finally said. He took too long to answer, yet only a few seconds had passed. That there was still a slight hesitation on his part proved he wasn’t ready. For her. For a relationship.

Maybe he’d never be ready.

She was beyond ready. She wanted more. She wanted Lane. But she was done chasing. Done looking like a fool. “I think it might.”

“If you really stand by that statement, you don’t know anything about me,” he said, sounding hurt.

Great. Welcome to the club.

“You’re right. I’m confused. I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, Lane. I don’t think I ever have. You keep your secrets close to your chest. You don’t allow anyone in, but why? Are you that scared of getting hurt? Or what? Of having a great time?”

“Life isn’t just one big great time, Dee.”

“Life is what you make it,” she pointed out. “If you’re miserable, it’s miserable. If you’re happy, it’s . . . happy.”

“You make it sound so simple.” His voice was small and he glanced toward the fire once more. The plume of smoke looked thicker already. “Shit, Dee. I really have to go.”

“Go,” Delilah told him and he met her gaze once more. “Be careful.”

Come back to me safely. Don’t do anything crazy. You’re everything to me. I love you.

But she said none of those things. She didn’t try to stop him. She didn’t ask for a kiss or words of reassurance. She didn’t ask for him to text her later.

Instead, she gave him a little wave before he walked away, but he never even noticed. He was already gone, his radio crackling to life, his strides long as he headed for his car. She was already forgotten as he left her behind.

Left her alone.

Would this be her future if she tried to stick it out with Lane? Always coming in second to his job? God, she hoped not.

But she had the distinct feeling that was all she’d ever get from him.

Chapter Seventeen

L
ANE TRIED HIS
best to stay focused on the task at hand but it was damn hard. His mind kept wandering back to Delilah. He’d gotten the vandalism call with the familiar address and his first instinct had been to ignore it. She was making shit up to force him to come see her. He’d felt it in his bones.

But the more he’d thought about it, the more he’d worried. What if someone really had vandalized her studio? What if some creeper was stalking her? Or wanted to rob her? She never locked that damn front door, and that frustrated the hell out of him. Why didn’t she listen?

He’d broken down and rushed over to her studio, only to discover that her vandals were true bandits—in the form of pesky raccoons. She’d looked so happy and pissed to see him, so fucking gorgeous and sexy in her bright pink tank top and black shorts—way too much skin on display. Just looking at her sent his pulse racing. Seeing her after going without for a solid week had just about brought him to his knees. She slayed him dead with just a look—that flash of anger in her gaze—the sound of her voice, the scent of her skin. Avoiding her hadn’t worked as he’d hoped. How could he believe he’d get over her? He had it bad.

So fucking bad for her.

And he was helpless to stop it. Hell, for once in his life he didn’t
want
to stop it. He hadn’t realized how much he missed her until he saw her earlier. Panic had set in after she left his house last week. He didn’t like how she always tried to sneak out. What did that mean? Was this just a casual thing for her? Hell, that’s what he’d claimed he wanted, what he’d
told himself
he wanted.

But he wasn’t being honest.

When it came to Delilah, he always wanted more. He just wasn’t sure how to get it. How to ask for it. How to keep it.

Keep her.

Especially after everything she said. Deep down, he was terrified she was being honest. Would she give up on him? She should. He’d pushed her away so many times. He’d never played fair with Delilah. She deserved more.

But damn it, so did he. Why the hell did he always have to hide his feelings? Why couldn’t he just open up to her?

He sat in his patrol car at the base of the road that led up to the ridge that was currently on fire, blocking all incoming traffic until someone came to relieve him when his shift was over. Residents who had houses on the ridge had been mostly evacuated as the fire had grown to fifty acres in an alarmingly short time. The flames were aided by the fast-blowing wind, the low humidity in the air, and the afternoon’s high temperatures. If the fire crews couldn’t get a good handle on this fire quickly, it could get out of hand.

And that was the last thing they needed.

The land and surrounding vegetation were dry. There were a lot of dead trees mixed in with the live ones on the mountain ridge. Which meant plenty of fuel to keep the fire going for a long time. Everyone had been nervous last fire season because of drought conditions. This year was even worse. The mountains that surrounded Wildwood could go up in flames and smoke very easily.

Lane didn’t really like entertaining that thought. No Wildwood resident did.

Holden’s engine was at the fire; he’d seen it come through earlier. West was off duty but had texted Lane that he might end up coming in and covering at his station if necessary. Lane had called for assistance and had one deputy keeping watch in town while another was patrolling the area, looking for anything suspicious. The word
arson
hadn’t been uttered yet but Lane wasn’t going to let his guard down. Better to be cautious and on alert.

That’s why he was the one who was sitting here, blocking the road. The theory was that arsonists loved to return to the scene of the crime to watch their fire grow. The only way in and out was Ridge Point Road. They’d have no choice but to pass his patrol car.

A red Cal Fire SUV pulled up alongside his car, and the driver’s side window rolled down to reveal Josh, the arson investigator. Josh scowled at him, and Lane scowled back, finally rolling down his window when the guy didn’t seem in any hurry to move.

“What are you doing here?” Josh asked.

“Keeping the citizens of Wildwood safe,” Lane retorted. “What are you doing here?” If the investigator was here then something was definitely up.

“Thought I’d check this one out. Fairly certain it wasn’t started by your resident arsonist, but better safe than sorry, you know?”

Lane did know. And he sort of hated that they were on the same page. “How did the fire start?”

“Not sure yet. I’ve heard a few stories. Nothing concrete.” The asshole smirked, clearly getting a thrill out of telling Lane squat. “Guess I’ll talk to you later.” Josh rolled up his window and took off up the road.

Lane muttered a few choice words under his breath, shaking his head. He didn’t like that guy. Worse, he didn’t trust him either and he was pretty sure the feeling was mutual. Lane wanted to help and the guy refused him every chance he got.

It sucked.

Frustration had been the name of the game so far this summer. He had been frustrated with his brother coming back home, though now he was glad to have West around. He’d also been frustrated with his feelings for Delilah, frustrated with his mother, his father . . . The only thing that didn’t drive him batshit crazy was his job.

And if he was being truthful with himself, Delilah didn’t drive him crazy either. Well, she did, but not in a bad way. He needed to be honest with her, but that was easier said than done. Besides, he wasn’t sure how he could make it right between them again. Maybe he didn’t need to tell her with words how much she meant to him. He could show her just how much he needed her . . .

Damn it, he should just tell her. He cared about her. He—he loved her. He was in love with her. Had been in love with her far longer than he’d ever care to admit.

But what if she turned him away? What would he do then?

His phone rang and he glanced at the screen, surprised to see it was Wren calling. “What’s up?” he answered.

“Where are you?”

“Uh, working?”

She made an irritated sound. “I know that, but I haven’t seen you around town this afternoon.”

God, did they all keep tabs on him or what? “I’m at the bottom of Ridge Point, blocking the road because of the fire,” he explained.

“Oh. Were there evacuations?”

“Yeah, voluntary only right now but that could change. The fire is growing at a pretty rapid pace.”

“How awful,” she murmured.

“Yeah, so I can’t really talk.” He could, he just didn’t want to talk to Wren. She rarely called him so he figured he was in for something. “So what’s up?”

“Preliminary results are in from Mom’s series of tests.”

He held his breath when she hesitated, saying a quick prayer that everything was okay. “Yeah?”

“They believe it’s a thyroid issue. Nothing too serious, but they’re going to want to conduct more tests and her doctor recommended she see a specialist. She’s supposed to set up an appointment and I told her I’d help her.”

Relief hit him so hard he literally felt weak. “That’s good then, right? She’s going to be okay?”

“It’s good. She’s going to need to be put on medication but she’ll be fine.” He could hear the smile in his sister’s voice. “I wanted to let you know so you could stop worrying. And warn you that Mom is hell-bent on making that family dinner happen. Did you ever ask Delilah to go with you?”

“No.” Felt like a real jerk for that too. “We haven’t really been speaking lately.”

Wren blew out a harsh breath. “I usually try to mind my own business when it comes to your love life, but that’s one of my best friends you’re messing with. And I don’t like it.”

He steeled himself, prepared for the tongue-lashing Wren was so good at giving. “She’s a friend to me too, Wren. You know this.”

“I do, but you two crossed over the just-friends line a while ago. Don’t bother denying it. I think she’s in love with you, Lane. She has been for years.” She paused, letting her words make an impact, which they did. It was like his insides had just been stomped on. “If you don’t feel the same way, stop stringing her along. She’s a good girl. She has a lot to offer. If you’re not going to take her up on it, let her go so she can find someone else who deserves her.”

His heart felt like it was cracked wide open. He couldn’t imagine letting Delilah go. Not now. Not . . . ever. “Are you saying I don’t deserve her?”

“No. You are.”

D
ELILAH PACED THE
short length of her living room, anxiously awaiting Lane to show up on her doorstep. It was just past eight fifteen and he’d texted her over an hour ago, saying he wanted to come over. Of course, she’d agreed. She always agreed when it came to Lane.

He was her biggest weakness. And her one true . . .

Love.

She’d worried about him all afternoon, despite her anger. The fire up on Ridge Point Road had grown all afternoon and was now burning over one hundred acres. More engines had been called in and West had gone back to work about an hour ago. Harper was keeping her informed and she appreciated the gesture.

Though really Harper had called to express her worry for West and how sometimes she really hated his job. Delilah had reassured her that West would be just fine but secretly, she could relate. They might live in a small town where nothing much seemed to happen, but Lane put his life on the line every single day when he went into work.

And it freaked Delilah out.

If they were ever to become something serious—
keep dreaming!
—would she be able to handle his job and the stresses that came with it? What if he ever got hurt? Just thinking that way left her short of breath. She couldn’t imagine something actually happening to him . . .

There was a knock at the door and she rushed to answer it, relieved to find Lane standing in front of her in one piece, looking beyond handsome in a pair of jeans and a dark gray polo shirt. His hair was damp as if he’d just come out of the shower, but his eyes were tired. He looked like he wanted to collapse into bed and sleep for the next twelve hours.

“Hey,” he said, his gaze roaming over her appreciatively. She’d worn a strappy sundress she knew he’d like. “You look pretty.”

Pleasure at his words and the look in his eyes made her stand up straighter. “You look good too, though a little tired.”

“It’s been a—hard day.”

She wanted to wrap him in her arms and offer him comfort but she restrained herself. She should still be mad, not wanting to take care of him. “What’s going on with the fire?”

“They’re having a hard time getting a handle on it. The weather doesn’t help matters.” He grimaced. “They’re starting to think it’s arson after all. Whoever’s doing this is getting out of control.”

The restaurant fire was bad enough. That had put people at risk. But this new fire had the potential to put hundreds of Wildwood residents in danger. “That’s awful,” Delilah said softly.

“I know. It’s bad. But it feels like everything’s been bad lately.”

“Oh, come on. It hasn’t been
all
bad.” If he was implying their getting together was part of the bad in his life she might sock him.

“No, you’re right. It’s just been a little rough.” He smiled sheepishly. “Okay, a lot rough.”

And who was at fault for that? She decided not to call him out on it. “Where did you want to go to eat?”

“Would you hate me if I suggested the BFD?”

She almost suggested going somewhere else but she realized that by showing up at the Bigfoot Diner, they would be among locals. Yes, the tourists loved that place but so did the residents of Wildwood. If they showed up together, they were definitely going to stir up some gossip.

“We can go there,” she said slowly. “If you want.”

“I do. I’m starving. Though I also . . . we should talk first.” The look on his face terrified her. He wasn’t going to give her some
we should just be friends
speech, was he? They were too far gone for that. No way could they go back to being only friends. She was in love with him. She
loved
him. Wanted to spend her life with him. Fine, his job scared her but what was even scarier? The idea of Lane not being in her life at all.

No way could she let that happen.

He needed to apologize though. Tell her he was sorry for being such a world-class fuck-up. For always pushing her away.

“Well, come in then.” She opened the door wider to let him in, proud that her voice wasn’t shaking and that she appeared perfectly calm. He walked inside and she shut the door behind him, about to offer him something to drink when he swept her up into his arms and kissed her thoroughly.

So thoroughly, she was left breathless.

“Sorry. Had to get that out of the way,” he said once he came up for air, not sounding sorry at all. He released her and she practically stumbled out of his arms, feeling like a fool.

“Um, yeah. That’s fine.” It was more than fine. Ugh, she should’ve shoved him away but that proved impossible. With the kiss he just laid on her, she couldn’t believe she was still standing. And somehow he’d moved so fast he was already sitting on her couch, patting the empty spot beside him, indicating he wanted her to join him.

Delilah went to sit on the couch, not as close as she wanted because she needed the distance to keep her head straight. If she snuggled up next to him they’d start kissing again. And kissing led to touching and touching led to sex. And while she’d love to get naked with him, getting naked wasn’t going to solve their problems. They needed to clear the air first.

He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he stared straight ahead. Almost like he couldn’t look at her. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m sorry I stayed away from you for the past week. I was going through some shit and didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”

“What sort of shit?” she asked softly.

“Panic. Worry. The usual.” He turned to smile at her, looking the slightest bit embarrassed. “My feelings for you confuse me. They always have.”

“Why?”
Oh, God.
She braced herself. This couldn’t be good.