Snatched (6 page)

‘The neighbour seemed to be a cinema buff,' Lepage said tritely. Safe triteness was what he yearned for.

‘“Keeper of Art at the Hulliborn, Dr Youde, told our reporter that international criminals were always on the lookout for especially attractive and valuable works. ‘The El Grecos would be an obvious draw for well-informed gangs all over the world,' he stated. ‘We have always known this, yet it is the inescapable duty – and, indeed, privilege – of a museum such as ours to display great treasures for the public's pleasure, despite risk. Why else do we exist?' Dr Youde also said there were many of these gangs and that one might have a ‘Fatman' as a member. He pointed out that thieves were known to wear black so they would be less obvious at night. He stated that thieves interested in art would naturally appreciate the uses of colour. ‘I don't know how many were in this particular gang,' Dr Youde said, ‘but there are normally at least eight. It is not uncommon for a woman to be included, and these can be as ruthless as any of the men, often more so. A woman might even be the leader,' he concluded.”'

‘Perhaps it will be in
The Times
and we'll get something a bit more accurate,'
Lepage said.

‘Of course it won't be in
The Times
.
It all happened too late at night for the nationals. Anyway, what's inaccurate in the
Messenger
?
You were in the museum late, yea, doing … well, doing whatever you are supposed to have been doing. That's right, isn't it?'

He rolled out of bed. She'd use anti-educated pronunciations like that ‘yea' sometimes to show she knew low life and considered Lepage part of it. Julia gave him another extract from the
Messenger
: ‘“Dr Youde said it was significant that the thieves had taken only the El Grecos and the Monet, which were ‘easily the most valuable works in the museum'. He declared that this ‘gave the lie' to those who had ‘malevolently' raised doubts about the authenticity of the El Grecos. ‘Thieves of this status and experience don't steal rubbish,' he said.”'

The bedroom telephone rang. Penelope Butler-Minton, Flounce's widow, spoke: ‘George, I found your number in Eric's old address book. I just wanted to say how touched I was by the reference in the
Messenger
this morning to your continuing feelings of contact with him. It's something I understand so well. Those fool journalists refer to it as an eccentricity, because that is the first damn cliché they come to in their mean little workaday store. But we know differently.'

‘So true, Penny.'

Julia heard the name, performed a little bow and left – to make the breakfast tea, he hoped.

Lady Butler-Minton said: ‘I feel continuously in touch with dear Eric – am ever aware of his damned festering nosiness and strength.'

‘Exactly,' Lepage replied.

‘You, too? Yes, you, too, look for help? Eric would have known how to deal with your troubles now.'

‘I'm sure of it.'

‘He never knuckled under. For instance, I mention that creepy Mrs Cray and the haversack straps.'

‘True.'

‘He would have seen the perils that touch the Hulliborn – the government's fluorescent contempt for its greatness and standards. And for
all
greatness and standards, save those of commerce. “A pox on cost-effectiveness,” Eric would have cried. Oh, a rampaging idiot and jerk at times, yes, but he would not allow problems to crack him. He reckoned there was an ancestral line between him and that indomitable Norseman Eric the Red, though, of course, he disliked what had happened to the word “Red” in our time.'

‘“Indomitable” is so correct, though.'

‘A rare, unconscionable man, George. As I read the
Messenger
just now, I was inevitably reminded of the occasion when he, too, was working very late at the Hulliborn, and some young woman's father and mother arrived with a quite large and angry posse of supporters, several carrying baseball bats and flails, claiming Eric had done a Svengali on the girl and had her in the building at that moment. She was a research assistant of some sort, and Eric had helped her along in that patient, painstakingly libidinous fashion of his – you know the process. Well, clearly you do. But Eric was able to turn that quite unpleasant, in fact, potentially ugly, incident to glorious advantage for the Hulliborn.

‘It was always his belief that a difficulty could be transmuted into a plus. In almost the best sense he was an opportunist. He'd mention that situation in the Old Testament where people couldn't get in or out of Jericho because of its terrific wall, and then, on the seventh day of walking around it blowing trumpets, and now, also, shouting, the wall fell down flat because of noise-assault. And the besiege group were able to walk in and kill everyone, man, woman, young, old, plus ox, sheep and donkeys. So, where you'd had an impasse because of the wall, you not only had a solution when it fell down, but also the extra boon of all the slaughter. He had a fascination with walls, didn't he, and he'd have loved to see the Berlin one taken apart.'

‘I do vaguely recall that baseball bat situation,' Lepage replied. Yes, there was Flounce's own account often told by him with many a chuckle in the executive dining room. Security had managed to keep that group of avengers at the Hulliborn main door, but after a while Flounce, disturbed by their shouting, had come down from his suite and invited them in. After his denials of polluting the girl, he had insisted they all search the museum for her together. Gradually, he had turned the occasion into a kind of educational tour, graced by his personal commentary. This had lasted five hours and took them almost until morning opening time. Certainly, it was daylight before the party escaped, and by then some men had worried about being seen with offensive weapons. The girl was not found.

Her mother had grown so fascinated by Flounce that she persuaded her husband to make a heavy contribution to the Hulliborn Building Fund. Flounce's gorgeous arrogance, learning, charm and sombre handsomeness, despite the scar near his eye – or, possibly, that handsomeness augmented and made more interesting by the scar – all these no doubt helped captivate the woman. At the conclusion of the trek, Butler-Minton had urged them to come with him for a repeat saunter through Geology, because he'd missed out a few pre-Mesozoic rocks, but had grudgingly consented to their leaving once he had the cheque.

This was probably the first time the Preservatives cupboard in Birds had been turned to emergency use, and probably Nev had remembered it from Flounce's account, accounts, of the night. Flounce had hidden the girl in there and then marched the seekers everywhere else in the building. While he and the rest were immersed in a forty-minute, two-part video on ancient tombs, the baseball bats and flails laid aside, the girl had let herself out of the cupboard, dodged Security, and got a taxi home to bed. Flounce said that as she dressed in the dark she accidentally knocked over a bottle of dye on one of the shelves and was splashed by its contents. As a result, the colour of some body hair was permanently changed to that of the Arctic tern's plumage: grey-white, but a
lively
grey-white, not an age sign.

The girl's mother, obviously still impressed by him, had telephoned Flounce several times over the next few months, suggesting a meeting to discuss the Mesozoic rocks, but he had been able to discourage her, without in the least giving offence, or so he maintained, citing pressure of work and a 1957 loin injury received in Ethiopia. ‘Get this, Lepage: one should always strive not to be rude or cold to people, and especially not to frantic, sex-starved old boots,' Flounce had said. ‘It was a
Lolita
situation, wasn't it – the mother assuming in her need and foolishness that I could be interested in her, rather than the daughter?'

‘Victory out of seeming setbacks,' Lady Butler-Minton said on the phone now. ‘Opportunism, yes, but occasionally a justified, worthwhile opportunism, not something cheap, shallow, and furtive – though he could certainly do it that way, too. An all-rounder. I know you have learned and will learn from him. He had a great belief in you. Always said you were … what was the word? Ah, yes,
sturdy
.
I'm sure that was it – sturdy.'

This wasn't the term that Lepage remembered as most often on Flounce's lips to describe him, though the core sound came close. ‘Thank you so much, Penny,' he said.

Julia returned with the tea tray.

‘I still talk to Eric every night,' Lady Butler-Minton murmured, ‘usually in the gym. I do a couple of snatch episodes with the weights, then rest and perhaps ask his views on matters general, discuss old times – topics such as those absurd Harvard people in 1971, or the dear Wolverhampton rat trainer, or Mrs Cray and the windsock. It's nice to realize I might not be the only one in touch with him like that, George.'

‘Indeed you're not.'

‘The past is alive, though I'm sure I don't need to say this to a museum Director.'

‘Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I even try to deny it.'

‘You mustn't, George. You can't. It's part of us. It activates us. Eric always used to maintain that Henry Ford was misheard when he supposedly said, “History is bunk.” The actual words were, “History is spunk.”'

That might have some bearing on Neville's flourish in the medieval tableau. ‘So thoughtful of you to call at this tricky time, Penny.'

‘What was all that about?' Julia asked when Lady Butler-Minton had rung off. She discarded the ghastly housecoat on a chair and began to dress.

Lepage poured the tea. ‘Just encouragement, commiserations, triumph out of setbacks,' he said. As if accidentally, he stumbled over the telephone extension cable while replacing the phone on the dressing table and spilled most of his tea on the housecoat. ‘Oh, Lord, Julia, so sorry. And it might not come out. I'll have to get you another.' He poured himself some more. ‘Yes, Lady B-M was talking about opportunism.'

Dr Kanda said: ‘Oh, not the least bearing, I sincerely assure you.'

‘You're kind,' Lepage said.

‘Not the least bearing on whether the JASS comes to your museum, pray believe me. Please do not fret yourself even in minor fashion over this, Dr Lepage. We must all expect such occasional acts of outrage,' Dr Kanda said.

‘Sure,' Dr Itagaki added. ‘These thefts are a plague of our time, nothing more, nothing less. This is unquestionable. All, yes, all are vulnerable to them. Why, perhaps this very gang will be at its monstrous work soon in Japan itself. Who knows? I would not be surprised at all to see news of the mysterious “Fatman” and the woman with extremely strong leadership qualities like General Patton, as I believe she has been described by an onlooker. But perhaps we Japanese would say like General MacArthur, though it does not greatly matter: I would not be surprised in the least to hear of them in dire operation in my homeland. Certainly not.'

‘Unfortunately, only too possible,' Dr Kanda agreed. He and Dr Itagaki were on an official assessment visit to the Hulliborn from the Japanese Arts and Culture Council in Tokyo and London, and were seated with Lepage and Vincent Simberdy in the Director's suite. Kanda, who looked very fit and cheery, went on: ‘Perhaps, indeed, it was this “Fatman's” predatory outfit that got clean away – yes, clean – with the Gauguins and Rembrandts from the Tokyo Hall of Fame last year, despite unparalleled security. Unquestionably unparalleled. As a matter of fact, I think I have it at the back of my head that a Fatman was mentioned, though this might be auto-suggestion.'

‘Yes, we could be said to be hot stuff on security in Japan, yet we still lose treasures. On the other hand, it is the way of the British, and such an admirable way in many respects, not to be deeply strict about security,' Itagaki said. She was a little too bony, with large, blue-framed spectacles and, like Kanda, looked full of high spirits. Maybe culture and museums were fun things in Japan. Lepage had been there, but hadn't noticed those qualities then. He felt rather envious of their exuberance now. She continued: ‘You are a freedom-loving people, with a great tradition of what is referred to by the British themselves, a mite self-disparagingly I deem, as “mucking through”. Some phrase that, by heaven, and not at all akin to “mucking out” or “mucking up”. Or, indeed, “mucking nuisance”, where the “mucking” is, in fact, a squeamish sonic euphemism for the expletive “fucking”. We Japanese do not always manage that quality of “mucking through”, but we recognize it, understand it. Your museums are not fortresses. Perhaps they are the better for that.'

Lepage thought Simberdy looked very tense, compared with the visitors. ‘We're extremely grateful for your attitude to the theft,' Simberdy said. ‘I'll be frank, we—'

‘Something else to admire in the British – their frankness,' Kanda cried delightedly. ‘Even bluffness at times. It is still appealing. An all-consuming contempt for duplicity.'

‘True,' Simberdy replied, his voice still strained and nervous. ‘Yes, above all, one loathes duplicity. But, you see, the Director and I did fear that publicity associated with the incident might mean the Hulliborn stood no further chance of hosting the medical and surgery exhibition, because you would report that the relics could not be safe here. And the exhibition is crucial to us.'

‘To, as it were, the
health
of the Hulliborn,' Kanda said with a chortle. ‘A medical exhibition equals health!'

‘The exhibition is vital in the long-run to the safeguarding of scholarship and learning in our country: the Hulliborn is a symbol, a paradigm,' Simberdy said.

‘A very worthwhile paradigm, a very grand symbol,' Dr Itagaki cried.

Kanda laughed in a style loaded with large-minded tolerance: ‘Absolutely no danger to the Hulliborn's prospects as recipients of JASS. As Dr Itagaki and I understand matters – though, of course, this is mere hearsay – but as we understand things, the “Fatman” goes only for the best – hence the Hulliborn and the El Grecos and the Monet. One could say, I venture, though a little wryly, perhaps, that, if anything, it is possibly a privilege to receive the attention of him and his people: a jolly testament to excellence, albeit a bruising testament. Oh, no, rest assured that his activities here will not count crucially against the Hulliborn, in this regard.'