Snowdonia 1 - Wolf at the Door (13 page)

He tried a coaxing smile, but she hadn’t finished yet. “I mean it, Jake. I have a life away from here. A tour to finish. An album to record. Promotions, interviews, TV shows.” She swiped one hand across her eyes. “I have a life,” she repeated. “I can’t do it. I’m sorry.”

Chapter 36

From the heights of ecstasy to the pits of despair and all in twenty-four hours. Lillian figured there was a song in there somewhere. She lay on the pristine bed in her latest hotel room and stared, dry-eyed at the ceiling. Sleep was a million miles away. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Jake.

He’d tried to persuade her to stay, to talk, to not walk away from him. When Bryce’s car had swept up to the door, Jake had tried one last tactic—a final kiss. It had been raw and hungry and every kind of needy, and she’d almost caved but had managed to resist. She couldn’t stay, so why did it feel as though her heart had been wrenched out of her chest?

“I’m sorry,” she’d whispered.

The look on his face would haunt her. As though he was broken. It’d nearly taken Lillian to her knees. They’d had mere days together but the love she’d felt, the rightness of it, had been timeless. There would never be anyone like Jake, and she questioned again her decision to leave.

It would cost too much. Her career, for one. She could retire. I hate touring anyway. I could build a home studio and spend my time writing and recording.

No matter how tempting the idea, she kept coming up against one unassailable truth. The cost to Jake would be greater. He would lose his Pack, his heritage. There would be no more Bledri Pack Leaders. She couldn’t do that to him. She
wouldn’t
.

With a weary sigh, she climbed down from the bed and went to find her pajamas. She dug them out of her case and shook them, stepping back in surprise when something dropped to the floor. She bent to take a closer look. A figurine. An intricate carving of herself fast asleep, wearing her favorite fluffy pajamas.

Lillian sank to the floor, the carving held tight against her chest and she let the tears fall.

*

Jake paced across the lounge. He’d walked back and forth so many times that he expected to see a groove in the carpet. Every time his phone beeped or trilled he snatched it up in the hope it might be her, and every time he’d been wrong.

His parents were horrified and felt guilty. They’d talked on the phone, and Jake had drawn some crumbs of comfort from the conversation.

“Our mating instincts are never wrong, Jake.” His father’s voice was steady. “You might have other girlfriends but never another Mate. The Pack will survive if the leadership changes and you have enough years ahead to determine a successor. That should not be your concern.”

The past few hours were etched into his memory. The minute her driver’s taillights had disappeared into the distance, he’d shifted and headed into the night. He ran until exhaustion beckoned, and then he continued more slowly. As Christmas Eve turned slowly into Christmas Day, he padded through the snow to a high ridge that overlooked his house and sat down on the edge. She was out there, somewhere, without him. He lifted his muzzle to the moon and howled.

Back home, he was unable to sleep and continued his pacing, his wolf inconsolable. He’d programmed his number into her phone in the moments before she left, but he could only hope she’d actually call him.

He chastised himself as he sank onto the sofa and realization hit him.
God
, what a fool he was. He didn’t need her to be here, for him to show her how he felt. Wherever she was right now, she would most likely be asleep.

Chapter 37

Lillian knew it was only a dream, but that didn’t make it any less scary. She huddled on the floor, arms wrapped around her knees, and tried to hide. This was her tour bus, her sanctuary, but it no longer felt safe. She could hear the crowd outside, sense their impatience, and knew she had to go and face them. She always got nervous before a concert, but this time she was terrified. What if she forgot her lyrics? Fumbled her guitar riffs? Fell over in the middle of her dance routines? Her chest felt tight and her breathing grew more ragged as the noise level increased. She couldn’t do this anymore.

Approaching footsteps shocked her into lifting her head. She’d demanded that nobody disturb her.

It was Jake. He stopped and lounged against the wall, hot eyes raking her appearance before he crouched beside her. “
Cariad
.” She practically melted at his voice. “Let me hold you.”

She flew into his arms, felt his hands slide up her back, soothing and gentle.
Loving
. “This isn’t real,” she whispered and then buried her face against his throat.

“It’s as real as you want it to be.” His heartbeat thumped in a steady rhythm and slowly, she felt her breathing steady, her own pulse returning to normal. “Why are you hiding in here, baby?”

“I’m scared of messing up on stage.” She could admit it in this artificial reality.

“Have you ever done that?”

She snuggled closer. “Only once. I flubbed an intro and missed the timing, but I covered it up and nobody noticed.”

“Everyone makes mistakes. Your fans will still love you.” He pressed a tender kiss on her temple. “I will still love you.”

* * * *

Jake opened his eyes and stared blearily around his lounge. The fire had gone out, and the early morning sun drifted in long rays across the floor. He’d fallen asleep on the couch. He yawned and as he wondered what had woken him, he heard his phone trilling. Snatching it up, he smiled when he saw Lillian as the incoming caller.

“
Cariad
. Merry Christmas.”

There was a pause and he heard an indrawn breath. “Merry Christmas, Jake. You came into my dream last night.” Her voice was soft and to his relief, she didn’t sound angry.

“I couldn’t stay away.”

“You
have
to. You have to let me go.” She didn’t sound convinced and for the first time since the clusterfuck at his parents’, he felt a spike of hope.

“Lillian, baby, you are my Mate. Nothing is going to change that. I want you and I know you want me too.” He drew a ragged breath and pressed on. “The rest of it doesn’t matter. You asked if Pack Ruler was like royalty, so think about how often the royal lines have changed over the years. I don’t care if we don’t have children, we’ll still have our Pack and we’ll still have each other. Please give this a chance,
Cariad
. Don’t throw it away.”
Don’t throw me away.

The silence almost deafened him. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, and tried to think. What else could he do?

“It’s all happened so quickly.” He heard her swallow, could hear the tears threatening to fall and it drove him crazy. His wolf gave a mournful howl. “I need some time to think about this, Jake.”

He was afraid to ask. “How long do you need?”

“I fly out to Belgium tomorrow. I’ll be in Europe for the next six weeks or so.” She hesitated and he tightened his grip on the phone, bracing himself for more bad news. “The next time I’m in Britain is Valentine’s Day for a gig in Manchester. Do you want to come? We could talk then and see how we both feel.”

He released a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Try keeping me away,
Cariad.
”

Chapter 38

Lillian fell into a pattern of texting Jake throughout the day. Brief messages, always affectionate, usually flirting—they helped her to connect with him, to see him as a friend and lover. Their dreamtime activities helped too. He wooed her relentlessly, brought her bunches of wild flowers, presented her with carvings he’d made, talked about his family and what they’d been up to. They kissed too. A lot. There was a fair amount of touching, on both their parts, but no more lovemaking, and she wasn’t sure why. She asked him one night when he came to her.

“Are you saying you only want me for my body?” He sounded shocked but she saw the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. They lay entwined on a grassy riverbank, in dappled sunshine—filtered through a canopy of trees. In her dream, it was summer.

“I’m asking why you no longer want
my
body.”

“I want everything,
Cariad
, but I’m prepared to wait until you’re ready.”

As Valentine’s Day approached, she found herself getting excited. She’d left front row tickets at the box office for him, along with backstage passes and access to her dressing room. She’d told Bryce to make sure his security team looked out for Jake and treated him as a VIP. After over a month of prolonged foreplay, she wanted the real thing tonight. The date felt significant. She felt sure it was a good omen.

*

This was the first night of her UK tour, before she embarked on another month trailing around Britain. Jake knew that would push him to the very limits of his sanity. The last weeks had been too damned long. He’d been running miles every day to try and subdue his wolf through sheer exhaustion. It hadn’t worked, and he ached at the thought of waiting at home while she continued with her tour. His wolf was miserable without her and his house felt empty. Having found his Mate, he wanted to be with her.

The concert blew him away.
So much energy
. She’d moved across the entire stage, dancing and singing, sometimes alone, other times in finely choreographed routines, but always the center of attention. He’d gone with Sasha and Tammy and they were so close to the front, he could almost touch her.

Lillian saw them, winked at him and then blew a kiss that had his wolf panting with lust. Sasha nudged him. “Don’t fuck it up again tonight, Cuz.” Jake glared at his cousin, but he hadn’t finished. “Of course if you do, I’ll have a go at picking up the pieces. She might prefer a younger version—” Jake had been ready to punch him when Tammy beat him to it.

“Sash, will you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut? One day you’ll find
your
Mate and then I hope Jakey gets his payback.”

“Me? A Mate?” He looked genuinely shocked. “Never going to happen. Too many pretty little wolves to play with, to tie myself down to just one.” He shuddered and Jake couldn’t help smirking.

“Believe me, little cousin, there’s nothing like it.” Tonight was special, he could feel it. He’d win her heart tonight.

Chapter 39

Lillian was on fire. Every song was aimed at Jake, every move intended to make him as hungry as she was. She lost sight of him sometime in the final encore. The spotlights dazzled as they swirled and flashed, and she squinted at the front row but it was all a blur. With one final wave she bounded off the stage, trying to make her way past the crowd waiting in the wings. She wanted to get to her dressing room, shower and change, and then look gorgeous when Jake came to find her. She accepted congratulations and back slaps, hugs, and air kisses, and swallowed down her impatience.

At last
. She locked the door behind her and leaned against it. Fresh clothes were hanging and ready, and her toiletries were waiting in the small bathroom. A giant bouquet of yellow roses lay on the coffee table, and she smiled. From Jake? She picked up the card and scanned the note. It was from his parents.

Welcome back—from Katy and Gareth Bledri

“My mother thought you’d like roses. I thought you might prefer these.”

She spun around at his voice. “
Jake
.” He lounged in the doorway of the bathroom, a cluster of wildflowers in his hand. Silver ribbon trailed from the stems, and she had a moment of clarity—wondering how he’d found wild flowers in the middle of winter.

He looked delicious.
Edible
. She’d never seen skintight black jeans as sexy before seeing them on Jake, but now they made her mouth water, especially when she knew what lay beneath. She dragged her gaze up from his crotch, over the black T-shirt and scuffed leather jacket to the stubble grazing his chin, the dimple that just shouted to be kissed and his eyes.
God
. She could drown in those brilliant blue pools.

“Fuck-tastic,” she breathed. He laughed.

“Me—or the flowers?”

She felt scorched by the blast of heat from his eyes and for a moment she felt shy. She’d waited weeks to see him and now he was here, and she couldn’t think of anything to say. He didn’t seem to notice. He stalked toward her, every inch the predator, and stopped so close that she could feel his breath. He smelled of forests and leather, and that indefinable Jake-fragrance that made her toes curl with glee.

“I’m sweaty,” she whispered, unwilling to move. “I need a shower.”

“You’re beautiful. Fuck-tastic,” he echoed. He laid the flowers on her dressing table and then cupped her face with both hands and dropped his forehead to rest on her own. “Every man in that audience wanted you.” He brushed her cheeks with his thumbs. “I would fight all of them for you.” He tilted her chin up and swooped to claim her lips. “Don’t turn me away again,
Cariad
. I’m nothing without you.”

*

She smelled hot and sticky, her hair tainted with the smell of cannabis, but he would devour her if he could. His wolf growled in delight at the way she melted into his kiss, and he turned up the pressure. His tongue explored her mouth, flicking across her teeth, stroking her lips.

He meant to take his time getting reacquainted with her body, but his wolf had other ideas. And so did his Mate. She pushed at his jacket, pulled at his T-shirt and fumbled with the button on his jeans—their lips together the whole time. His hands were busy too. The tight shirt she’d worn on stage now had several buttons missing, and he dispensed with her bra one-handed, while yanking down her short skirt.

She pulled her head back and stared up at him, her eyes unfocused. “Shower. Now.” It was only two steps. Time enough to get rid of his boots and her heels. They joined the pile of discarded clothing. Last to go were her panties. She stepped into the shower wearing something black and lacy. Jake admired it for all of half a second, then ripped it off her. Water cascaded down on them but he didn’t notice. They were naked and by God, she was even more beautiful than he remembered.