So Far Away (California Dreamers #2) (11 page)

“Where do you want to go?” I ask.

“Where are you going to be?”

The question hangs in the air for several long moments before I respond. “You can’t base an important career decision like what university you’ll teach at on where I’m going to be.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s ridiculous,” I tell him. “This is your career we’re talking about.
Your life
. You’ve worked really hard to get to this point. You’re going to have a doctorate from Stanford. You could probably teach anywhere. I’m sure you could land an Ivy League position. You need to think about that.”

“I have,” he states matter-of-factly. “I still want to be where you’re going to be.”

I meet his gaze. I want to make sure he knows I’m serious. “You can’t do that. You can’t base your whole career on where I’m going to be. I won’t let you.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“I have no idea where I’m going to be. Or what I’m going to do. You can’t follow someone who has no idea where she’s going.”

“I don’t want to follow you, Madeline. I want to walk beside you, wherever you go.”

I realize it’s futile to argue with him. He seems to already have his mind made up, as ridiculous as it may be.

“Fine,” I tell him. “You win. But just so you know I don’t have my shit together like you do. My life fell apart after Nannygate, and I’m just starting to put the pieces back together again. That’s why I really don’t want to lose this job if I can help it.”

“I’ll do whatever I can to help you. Even if I have to accept you going out with Finn that’s what I’ll do. I don’t like it, but I’ll live with it.”

“Thank you.” I give him a kiss on the cheek.

He grabs me and puts his lips on mine. “Did I happen to mention how much I’m starting to love vanilla?”

I grin. “Really?”

He nods. “Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get another taste of my vanilla girl.”

“Right now you seem to have all the luck in the world.”

***

As I rub the sleep from my eyes I realize I’m not alone in my bed. Emerson is still in bed with me. I must have fallen asleep in his arms.

He got very lucky.
Several times
. And we both passed out in utter exhaustion.

When I glance at the clock on the dresser I realize it’s nearly nine in the morning.

Shit
! We must have been really exhausted. It’s already much later than I wanted to start work today.

If we’re still lucky Jackson won’t be up yet, and Emerson will be able to sneak back into the main house unnoticed.

I shake Emerson’s shoulder in an effort to wake him up.

He bolts upright and looks around. He seems disoriented. “What time is it?”

“Almost nine.”

His eyes go wide. “I never sleep this late.”

“Neither do I.”

He kisses my forehead. “I’ve got to get back in the house before Pop wakes up.”

“You do.” I nod.

He places his hand on my cheek. “I don’t really want to go.”

“You’ll be a few hundred yards away.”

“That’s too far away.”

In a way he’s right. When we have to pretend we’re not together it feels like there’s a vast chasm between us.

“I won’t see you tonight,” I remind him.

“You won’t be out with him the entire night, will you?”

“I hope not.”

“Don’t let him touch you,” he tells me.

Sometimes that’s easier said than done
. “I don’t want to make him suspicious.”

“You’re my woman.” Emerson’s jaw tightens and his lips become a thin line. “I’m the one who was inside of you all night. And part of me is still inside of you. Don’t forget that.”

I gulp. “I won’t.”

“Good.”

“I don’t want Finn.” I place my hand on his chest over his heart. “I want you.”

He nods. “I’d better get inside the house.”

He hops out of bed and quickly gets dressed. As I follow him out of bed I throw on my sweatshirt so I can see him to the door.

Before he exits he turns around and gives me a kiss. “I love you.”

He slips out the door before I have a chance to reply.

Six

I spend most of the morning responding to fan mail.

When I take my break for lunch I run into Jackson in the kitchen. He’s eating toast and drinking coffee.

“Maddie,” he says when he notices me. “How are things going?”

“I should have all of the fan mail taken care of in a few days. And I’ve already made posts on all of your social media sites. Your fans are very happy to see you on Facebook and Twitter.”

“That’s good.” He takes a sip of coffee.

I’m not sure if I should excuse myself, or stay and talk to him. It’s not really clear based on his body language.

When he pats the chair next to him I take a seat. Then he continues. “My asshole manager keeps annoying me about a new Blake Knox book. I guess the studio really wants to do another movie. They’ve got this hot actor who’s keen on playing the role.” 

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I just haven’t been inspired to write anything. After my wife died I just didn’t have it in me anymore. I guess Blake was as much hers as he was mine.”

“Your wife’s been gone a long time. Ten years.”

He nods.

I’m not sure how personal I should get, but he did start the conversation. “Have you ever considered getting back in the saddle?”

I wait for a few seconds. He doesn’t immediately respond. He seems lost in his own thoughts.

“Sometimes an old dog is too old for new tricks,” he tells me.

I think about the photo I found of him and Emerson’s mother. “What about rekindling an old flame?”

Jackson’s eyes light up for a few moments when I mention old flame. Was he thinking what I was thinking?

His eyes catch mine. “You know that old saying about it being better to have loved and lost than never to have loved?”

“Alfred Lord Tennyson.”

“You would know. You’re the one with the Ivy League education.”

“You graduated from the University of Texas at Austin. That’s not too shabby either.”

“My point is that saying is bullshit. It’s better to not lose your love at all.”

“Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

He takes the final sip of his coffee. “Shoot.”

“What happened with you and Emerson’s mom?”

He runs his tongue over his teeth for several seconds before he begins. “My wife, Marilynn, and I had been married four years when we hit a bit of a rough patch. Things weren’t happening as fast as I wanted with my writing career, and I know I was difficult to live with. Elsie was one of my Creative Writing students. The moment I laid eyes on her I felt things I had never felt before. I loved Marilyn, but I was never crazy in love with her. That’s how I felt about Elsie. Everything about the situation was wrong. A married teacher having an affair with a student is never a good idea. The weekend I was going to tell Marilynn I was leaving her she told me she was diagnosed with MS. I didn’t know what to do. What kind of an asshole leaves his wife when she says something like that? I told Elsie about Marilynn’s diagnoses and as crazy as I was about her, I was going to do the right thing and stay with Marilynn. Elsie agreed. She told me that Marilyn would need me more than she did. Turns out she was right. Marilynn did need me. Elsie went back to the Bahamas for a while and got married to someone else. She didn’t tell me she was pregnant with my child until she had the baby. The guy she married took off not long after that. I guess he couldn’t handle raising someone else’s son.”

“Marilynn knew about Emerson?” I ask.

“She loved Emerson just as I much as I do. She always wanted him to be a part of our lives. Just not Elsie.”

I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for any of them. It seems like a painful situation all around.

“Do you ever think about trying to rekindle things with Elsie?” I ask as delicately as I can.

He shakes his head. “I don’t think she wants me to be a part of her life again. Not after everything that happened.”

I know it’s not my place, and I should really mind my own business, but my wheels are already spinning. I wonder if Emerson has ever thought about getting his parents back together again.

I don’t see how the idea could not have crossed his mind.

“I’d better get back to work,” I tell him. “If it’s okay I’m going to leave a little bit early this afternoon.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Do you have a date?”

A pretend one that I can’t get out of
. “Sort of.”     

“You’re young. Go out and have fun. I wish Emerson would go out instead of hiding in his room all night.”

I gulp. He definitely wasn’t hiding in his room last night.

“Take the car if you want,” he offers.

I shake my head. “I think I’m going to walk down the beach. It’s so beautiful out.”

“Enjoy yourself,” he tells me. “You’ve worked hard. You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” I tell him as I rise from the table.

***

I decide to wear a sundress and sandals. It’s an outfit that I hope says friendly date and No Sex Zone.

Walking down to the boardwalk ends up being a bit farther than it looked, so I’m tired and thirsty when I arrive at The Pub. I also realize a bit too late that now I’ll have to ask Finn for a ride home.

Not smart
.

If I had driven I could have left when I wanted to and not had the pressure of the goodnight kiss at the front door. As good looking as he may be I don’t want to kiss Finn.

The only person I want to kiss is Emerson.

Finn’s face lights up the moment he spots me.

“You look amazing,” he tells me as he approaches.

Maybe the sundress isn’t saying what I had hoped. Or maybe I could have worn a sack and he would have complimented me.

It’s hard to tell.

Finn looks pretty good himself. He’s wearing tan dress slacks and a light blue button-down shirt that matches the color of his eyes.

A week ago, before I met Emerson, I might have considered actually dating him.

But looking at him now he seems so vanilla. Just like every other guy I’ve ever dated.

“I put our names on the waiting list for a table. It should only be a few minutes.”

“Great.” I try to sound enthusiastic about being here, but I just can’t stop thinking about Emerson and the hurt and anger in his voice when he said Finn’s name.

Not that I blame him. I’d probably feel the same way if he went out with another woman regardless of how innocent the date might be.

“I love Laguna,” Finn comments. “It’s a great little getaway from LA.”

“It’s growing on me,” I admit. “It’s nice to have a room with an ocean view.”

“How is the new job going?” he asks.

“You got your thousand dollars, didn’t you?”

He nods. “Thanks for not getting fired right away.”

I stiffen. It seems inevitable that I will get fired if things continue going the way they have been going with Emerson.

“What’s Jackson like?”

“He’s eccentric. Definitely reclusive. He’s extremely laidback. Almost too laidback. It’s like he stopped living when his wife died. He doesn’t answer his cellphone. He doesn’t respond to emails. He lumps all social media together and calls it Facetwat.”

Finn laughs.

“It’s like he’s not living in the twenty-first century like everyone else.”

“It sounds like you have your work cut out for you.”

“He seems to think I’m doing a good job so far.” Of course he doesn’t know I’m engaging in
hanky-panky
with his son.

A hostess approaches Finn. “Your table is ready.”

She bats her long lashes at him in an obvious attempt at flirting. If this was a real date I’d be a little pissed.

Finn seems to soak up the attention like a sponge.

We’re seated at a beach view table so we’ll get to catch the last vestiges of the beautiful sunset.

When the waiter stops at our table Finn orders us both Sunset on the Beach drinks, which is cute.

“Hope you don’t mind that I ordered you a drink,” he says when the waiter disappears.

“It’s fine,” I tell him.

“I just thought they’d go with the view.”

We both look out at the sun setting on the horizon. The sky is turning beautiful shades of orange and red. It’s so gorgeous it looks like a painting.

Is it terrible for me to think that I’d rather be sitting here enjoying the evening with Emerson?

But how exactly would that happen? We’d both have to sneak out of the house at different times and meet somewhere and hope we didn’t get caught.

And what if Jackson happened to look for us? Like that wouldn’t be suspicious at all.

Then I wonder if the two of us will ever be able to have any kind of a normal relationship.

Not if I plan to continue working for Jackson anyway.

“Is everything okay?” Finn asks.

“Sure,” I lie.

“You seem a little preoccupied.”

“I think I’m just tired. It was a lot of work just getting Jackson’s office organized.”

“I probably shouldn’t say this, but Jackson’s manager and some of the other guys in his firm have a pool going on how long you’ll last. The most anyone has you lasting is two weeks.”

“I hope I keep the job a little longer than that. I really need to.”

“If it’s any consolation there’s a rumor going around town that Daniel Robison hit on his male massage therapist. From what I hear he’s refusing the payoff money and threatening to go to the press. If he does and it comes out that Danny boy is gay, maybe you’ll be vindicated.”

“That would be nice, but I’m not going to bank on it.”

When the waiter drops off our drinks Finn raises his for a toast. “To new beginnings.”

I clink my glass against his.

After we take sips of our Sunset on the Beaches Finn asks, “So what do you really want to do?”

I furrow my brow. “What do you mean?”

“You said you earned two Master’s degrees. You probably don’t want to spend the rest of your life as a personal assistant.”

I take another gulp of my drink. “I thought about getting into producing, but it’s so competitive. In a world where who you know is everything I don’t know anyone.”

“I have connections,” he says matter-of-factly.

“I kind of figured that.

“I could help you out.”

“And what do you want in return?” I narrow my gaze at him. “Nothing in Hollywood is free.”

He takes a swallow of his drink then returns my stare. “You.”

I gulp, but my throat feels like it’s closing. The guy doesn’t beat around the bush. I want so badly to tell him I’m taken. That I’m already involved with someone else. But then he’d ask me who it is and how I met him, and I’m not prepared to answer any of those questions.

I’m already tired of lying and I haven’t even been doing it that long.

“You’re a great guy,” I tell him.

He puts up a hand to stop me midsentence. “Please don’t.”

I continue anyway. “My life is complicated right now. I just don’t want to complicate it any more than it already is.”

“Is that the best you can do?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s okay just to tell me that you’re not into me.”

I heave a sigh. “Fine. I’m not that into you.”

“Liar.” He grins at me.

I’ve never been a good liar, but I thought I was doing a halfway decent job letting him down easy. “My life really is complicated. That’s not a lie.”

He furrows his brow as if he’s giving this some consideration. Then he eyes go wide. “You’re not screwing Jackson Drake are you?”

My face heats with embarrassment.
He’s close
. “I’m not fooling around with Jackson Drake. The man is decades older than I am, and he’s my boss. Besides he has these weird rules I have to follow and
no hanky-panky
is one of them.”

“
Hanky-panky
?” He laughs. “Did he really use that term?”

“He did.”

That makes Finn laugh even harder.

He’s definitely an attractive guy, but I don’t have any of the feelings for him that I have for Emerson.

Just the thought of Emerson gives me a bit of a tingle. There’s not even a single prickle with Finn.

“I don’t mind helping you get a break in the business even if nothing happens between us,” Finn says.

I raise an eyebrow. “Why would you do that?”

“Don’t tell anyone, but I’m really not a bad guy.”

“So what would this break in the business entail?” I ask.

“Maybe a producing internship. So you can learn the business. See if it’s something you want to pursue as a career.”

“You’d do that for me?”

He nods. “But only because you’re funny. If you didn’t have a sense of humor I’d have to pass.”