So Many Reasons Why (21 page)

“He wasn't, Em. He wasn't. I will come over Em, don't
worry.”

“You'll get in trouble.” I argued, secretly hoping he
wouldn't care.

“I don't give a fuck. They can fire me for all I care.” He
grumbled. “I'm going to make a few phone calls to see what I can find out. I
will see you soon.”

I glanced at the clock. 10pm had come and gone, and there
had been no sign of Simon. I was beginning to worry.

I tried his cell. It rang out. I tried again and it was
turned off. Sleep. I needed to sleep. I needed to forget. Making my way to the
bedroom I curled up in bed. My mind wouldn't stop. I could feel a panic attack
rising. My bedside table beckoned. I reached in and took out my emergency stash
of sleeping tablets. This was an emergency. I took two.

“Where
the fuck are you? I told you I needed it hours ago.” He hisses. I keep my eyes
closed. I know better than to let him know I am awake. I hurt so much. My
stomach, my legs, my head. Hell even my hair hurts. I have no way of knowing
how long I've been here. I drift in and out of consciousness so often it could
have been hours. Or weeks.

      
“Well hurry the fuck up!” I jump as he
slams the phone down. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. I know what is coming. I
feel him hovering over me. The sound. Squish. Squish. I tense as I feel him
climb on top of me. I don't fight. Last time I fought he had wrapped a bag over
my head until I passed out. A knock. The door. He pushes himself off me. The
force sends me rolling into the wall.

 
“About fucking
time!” Out of the corner of my eye I see the package of white powder. The other
man shrugs.

“Fuck you dude. You said 78, not 79. And room fucking 26
would have helped” He nods toward me. “Who's the bitch?”

I screamed, my eyes focusing on the darkness surrounding me.

My hand blindly flailed for the lamp, finally, light filled
the room. I sat up letting my eyes adjust to the light. The reality of my dream
hit me. 79. Route 79. There was only one route 79 in all of New York State. And
only one caravan park on that route.

I tried Simon again. No answer. I knew Cass was at her
fathers and she would be out of range. Tom wasn't answering either. Everyone
was so concerned for my safety, yet I couldn't reach anyone? Some friends. What
the hell was I supposed to do now? I couldn't just call the police. They'd
think I was nuts. And I couldn't exactly go there myself. For what seemed much
longer then the ten minutes it actually was, I sat staring at my phone. Willing
someone to ring me.

Anyone.

The phone stayed silent. My stomach churned into knots at
what I was about to attempt. I could do this. I had to do this.

I reached for my purse and fumbled around for the valium mom
had put there in case I needed to leave in some kind of emergency. I swallowed
a handful. If this wasn't an emergency, I don't know what was. Now for a taxi.
I had never called a taxi before. I wasn't even sure what to do.

Eventually I buzzed the doorman downstairs.

“Hi, uh, can you order me a taxi. Mancelli. Apartment 123.”

“Mancelli?” He repeated, shocked.

“Yes.” I hoped I sounded more in control than I felt. “To
Sunny Hills Caravan Park.”

“Yes Ma'am.” He replied nervously.

“Oh, and I will need a hand getting downstairs.” I added
meekly. Suddenly I wasn't feeling so good.

I propped myself against the wall while I waited for the
doorman. I didn't even know his name. I'd probably met him twice in the year
I'd been here. The valium was starting to set in, though I still felt very
overwhelmed. My stomach was churning, my head ached, and I was so cold. In my
condition no taxi driver was going to take me anywhere. I grabbed the bottle of
valium and took another.

“Miss Mancelli?” A knock on the door rudely interrupted my
struggle to breathe. “The taxi is here.”  The room began to blur. I willed
myself to stay focused.

“Miss?”

“Can you open the door please? I'm okay.” My eyes squeezed
shut, my mind summoning up all the energy I had to move.

Focus.

Focus on one thing. Anything.
                 

I thought back to before. I was twelve. It was Christmas
morning. I loved Christmas. It had still been dark when I sneaked downstairs to
gently shake the presents. There were lots of them. As an only child, I was
spoilt rotten on Christmas, and a week later on my birthday. This would be my
last Christmas before the attack. The last Christmas I'd find joy in the little
things, such as baking gingerbread cookies with mom, or hunting for a tree in
the forest with dad.

“Hold onto my arm Miss. I will guide you down.” I nodded,
gripping his forearm so tightly he winced in pain. I couldn't let go. I
couldn't. We moved down the hallway, to the lift. I pushed my mind back to my
memory.

Mom had come down shortly after six. I was sitting on the
couch with our cat Larry in my lap, waiting impatiently.

“Where is dad?” I'd asked, a hint of annoyance in my voice.

“On his way.” She smiled, heading into the kitchen. I pushed
aside Larry and followed her in. I sat at the counter watching her make
breakfast. A Christmas tradition, we stuffed ourselves with bacon, eggs,
pancakes, hash browns, and on top of all that, we still found room for mom’s
amazing blueberry waffles.

“Merry Christmas!”

I raced over and hugged dad, more excited about the fact
that I'd soon be able to open my presents. I had been hinting for a discman.
Jane and I had both decided that's what we wanted. I would be shattered if she
got one and I didn't. Mom set the bacon in the oven.

“How about we open presents now?” She smiled at me. Before
she was even answered, I had raced into the living room and taken my place
under the tree. Mom and dad joined me. I began handing out presents. As usual,
I left mine in a pile at my side until the last of the presents were gone. Then
I began to unwrap. Clothes. Underwear. Bras (I had stashed them away under the
clothes quickly, embarrassed).

Then finally, a box. I had ripped it open. I was sure this was
my discman. It was the right shape and size. When I opened the box, my heart
fell. It was a necklace. With a little diamond pearl drop. It was beautiful.
But it wasn't a disc-man.

“Thanks.” I smiled brightly, hoping my disappointment wasn't
visible. I put the necklace on, forcing myself to smile.

“Miss? Where do you want to go?”

A new image broke through my memory. A taxi. I was in a
taxi. My breathing got heavier, I bit down hard on my lip. A pain shot through
my head as my vision started to swirl.

Shit.

Not now. Not now.

“Do you need me to come with you?” I looked up. The doorman
was looking down at me, a gentle smile on his face. He felt sorry for me. Of
course he did. I was the girl who never left the apartment. They had probably
ran a pool on what was wrong with me. I wonder who picked nutcase.

 Winner.

My head nodded. Words weren't working for me right now.

“Sunny hill Caravan Park. On 79.” He ordered, sliding in
beside me. He had taken his cap off. His silver hair still slicked back, the
odd curl falling around his ear. He was a nice man. About 60 or so. I hadn't
seen him before. Not that I saw many of the doormen.

       “Are you married?” I
asked. I was surprised by my own question. He too looked surprised. Then he
smiled. He pulled a picture out of his wallet. I examined the image. It was
him, maybe four or five years younger. Next to him stood a woman. She was
attractive, even with her hair up I could tell it was long and curly. Two girls
stood either side of their mother.

Both had the same blonde hair and blue eyes as their mother.
They could have been twins, but for one being taller and looking slightly
older. I handed him back the picture. The cab began to pull away, causing my
stomach to surge.

I clenched my fists on the base of the seat, squeezing until
my knuckles turned white.
Breathe.
Breathe
. I repeated. I drifted back to that Christmas.

After breakfast, mom had disappeared while dad got the car
ready for our trip to Uncle Bills. I was looking forward to seeing my cousins,
but not the drive there. I hadn't noticed mom come back into the room.

“Santa must have forgotten this one.” She winked. I took the
gift with both hands, almost scared to open it. Could it be? I gently unwrapped
the paper. And there it was. A brand new discman. I shrieked, jumping up and
dancing around.

“Thank you, thank you!” I twirled, hugging the box to my
stomach. “This is the best Christmas ever.”

I ran my hand up and clasped onto the diamond pearl pendant
that hung around my neck, my fingers rolling the smooth gem. I glanced out the
window. How I wished I could go back to that Christmas.

“Miss? We are here.” Gary, as the doorman introduced himself
as earlier, tapped my shoulder softly. I must have fallen asleep, I realised,
my eyes trying to adjust to the dimly lit park. The valium I'm sure weren't
helping.

“Are you meeting someone?”

“Yes. Something like that.” A raspy voice sounding nothing
like my own spilled from my lips. I let Gary help me out of the car. I couldn't
do this. I whimpered softly. Gary's eyes were filled with concern.

“Are you okay? Can I help? Call someone maybe?”

I took a step toward the path leading to the cabins. I shook
my head. To my surprise, Gary moved with me.

“I can't leave you alone Ma'am”

“It's too dangerous.” I let out a sob. “I have to help her.”
Gary nodded. He held my arm.

“Tell me where to go.”

I repeated the cabin number. Bile rose up, burning my
throat. I swung my body sideways and vomited.

He handed me a tissue and gently tapped my back.  I
took it gratefully, wiping my mouth. I managed another few steps before
vomiting again. My knees buckled and I fell to the ground. My phone rang. I
fumbled for it, handing it to Gary. I continued to dry reach. Breathe. Breathe.

“Hi. Yeah she's with me.” Silence. “Yeah, 79, the cabins. Number
26? Got cha. How long ago?” Silence. “Righto. Maybe call another
ambulance.”   Silence. “I think the girl might be here.”

Gary hung up. I knew something wasn't right. Gary and Simon
seemed to know each other. I pushed that aside for now and struggled to my
feet.

“Hey, hey. Help is on the way.” He soothed, holding me back.
I struggled away.

“What's going on?” I demanded. I felt like I was out of the
loop. Even through the haze of the valium I knew something was off. “Tell me.”
I begged.

“They had Moosly in custody, but had to release him. That
was 25 minutes ago.”

My eyes widened. I had to get to the girl. I thought about
what he'd put me though. Gary held my shaking body tighter.

“You're no help in this condition.” He whispered. He led me
back to the car.

“Keep her in here.” He ordered the cab driver. He lifted his
shirt and showed me his gun.

“I'm an officer. A friend of Simon's. Stay here, I will
check the cabin. Under no circumstances do you follow. Understand?” I nodded,
knowing full well if I needed to, I'd find a way there.

I watched him disappear into the darkness.

The driver bobbed his head to the music pouring through his
headphones, oblivious to my panic. It had been fifteen minutes and forty five
seconds. Forty six. Forty seven. I quietly undid my seatbelt, my eyes on the
driver the whole time. Shit. The light. It would come on when I opened the
door. My arm reached forward. Even in the dark I could see it shaking. I
flicked the light to off. Next step was to get out.

The door unlocked, I gently opened it, just enough for me to
squeeze through. Yes. I did it. I pushed the door closed, not bothering to lock
it in properly. Ducking behind the taxi, I crept toward a nearby bush. Once
safely out of view, the panic really set in. I was so focused getting out of
the car, my anxiety hadn't really been too much of an issue.

Now, out here, in the dead of night in the pitch black, I
was overwhelmed with fear. I reached for the tablets I'd stashed in my pocket.
I threw back another valium. I had no idea how many I'd taken by now, but it
was the only way I had even the smallest chance of getting through this.

Bang!

My body froze.

In the distance, in the cool brisk air, a single gunshot. My
body convulsed like it had torn through me. I stumbled, falling against a
nearby tree. I vaguely felt the blood as it gashed out of my thigh. I couldn't
do this. Where the fuck was Simon. I fumbled in my pockets.

Fuck!

Gary hadn't given back my phone after the call. My skin prickled
with goose bumps. I now wished I'd had the sense to take a jacket. The thin
material of my T-shirt was doing nothing to shelter the cold. I brought my legs
to my chest and hugged them. Maybe I could wait here. They would be here soon.
Simon would find me and take me home.

Home. How I wished I was at home now.

Then I thought of her.

The girl.

How scared she must me, how scared I had been all those
years ago. How scared I was now. I had no way of knowing the cause or recipient
of that gunshot. Focus, Breathe. I struggled to my feet, my legs buckling under
me like jelly. My heart was pounding so hard, so fast I thought it might
explode. Sweat trickled down my cheek. I almost laughed. Sweat! I was freezing
for fuck’s sake! I wiped away the sweat and pulled my arms to my chest.

Twenty-three. I had just passed cabin twenty-three.

The park was nearly empty. I moved forward, clutching from
tree to tree. My vision warped, making all the trees look like they were
swaying. I struggled to catch hold of each one, and when I did, I held onto it
like I was going to be swept away.