So Much It Hurts (3 page)

“Big Five, or something cheesy like that. Why?” Lisa piped up.

“I don’t know…I just can’t place it…”

The face connected to the voice remained anonymous as the conversation swirled around me. I considered just getting up and walking toward the front of the stage to get a good look. I needed to quickly solve the mystery; it was driving me crazier by the second. However, to avoid looking like some desperate middle-aged groupie heading to the stage for attention, I stayed seated and half-heartedly listened to Tori talk about her workout routine and her newest ‘clean-eating’ diet of black beans, edamame, and kale. Listening to her drone on about pairing her meals with an organic strawberry smoothie made with fresh Greek yogurt didn’t help divert my attention at all.

Suddenly, someone spoke from behind me. “Kaitlyn?”

The girls at my table froze. Their eyes looked up at the mystery man attached to the voice. I whirled around to see who caused my friends’ jaws to drop in awe. My breath caught in my throat while my heart immediately began pounding in my chest. A face from a long forgotten past stood in front of me.

His name immediately sprang from my lips, “Chris!”

“Wow, Kaitlyn. I can’t believe it’s really you.”

“Chris,” I said again almost breathlessly. “How long has it been?”

“Eight years and five months, almost to the day,” Chris blurted without even taking time to think about it, as if he had been etching hash marks on his wall for each passing day.

“Unbelievable,” I said with a hint of nostalgia, as my mind tried to drift back to a time I had tried earnestly to erase from my memory. Immediately, I snapped myself back into reality. “What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to appear collected.

“I live here. I write music by day, and play music by night. Our band,
Fifth Wheel
, is working on our first album. What are you doing here?” Chris looked around the table. The girls stared up at him. I couldn’t tell if they were ogling him because he was stunningly gorgeous, or if they were just shocked by the fact that another man—besides my husband—so obviously took my breath away. Deep down, I hoped they didn’t even notice my breathless anguish.

“Oh wow, where are my manners? These are my friends…Lisa, Shannon, and Tori. We’re here for a ladies’ weekend retreat.”

The girls continued to look up in amazement. Chris looked as handsome as ever. His breathtaking physique defined itself beneath his tight black T-shirt. They sputtered and stammered their hellos. He politely smiled, but his eyes quickly diverted and caught my gaze. Those same dark eyes that melted my heart more than eight years ago were searching mine. I hoped my friends weren’t aware of the pounding in my chest. The awkward, yet intimate moment stirred emotions in me that I had not felt in many years.

“Well, I guess I better get back to the stage. The boys are ready to play again.” Chris smiled amiably at my friends. His eyes caught mine, and he beamed that same wide grin that once made my heart turn flips in my chest.

“Okay.” I grinned back, trying to suppress the feeling that was welling up inside of me. “I’ll see you around.”

I watched Chris walk back toward the stage. Shaking my head in disbelief, I looked back at the girls sitting around the table. They all gaped at me in wide-eyed astonishment.

“What?” I blinked my eyes innocently.

“Who. Was. That?!” Lisa asked, emphasizing every word.

I shrugged indifferently. “Oh, that was just a guy I knew from high school.”

“No, Kaitlyn,” Tori remarked emphatically, looking over my shoulder. “That was not
just
a guy.”

“Yeah.” Shannon stared in his direction, bewildered. “Wow.”

“Guys!” I snapped. “Stop staring, okay? He really was just a guy I knew from high school…who I happened to be in love with at the time.”

“Whoa, I bet that was a blast from the past!” Lisa exclaimed.

I sighed. “Yeah, something like that.” I looked down at the trembling hands resting in my lap. I had no idea that seeing him would stir up so many emotions in the pit of my stomach.

“Oh honey,” Shannon patted my shoulder. Finishing her sentence seemed unnecessary. I felt her sympathy.

The rest of the night blurred by as my mind focused on the tranquilizing voice that poured from the speakers. Once in a while, I would sneak a peek toward the stage. I could feel his eyes settling on me, even in the darkness.

His voice, gravelly and breathless behind the microphone, felt warm and comforting like a soft blanket on a cool night. The quiver in my stomach and the tremble of my hands were evidence of the effect that Chris had on me. Ashamed, I tried in vain to hide my anguish. Occasionally, Shannon would pat my hand, out of sight from the rest of the girls. I smiled meekly at her as she nodded her head with understanding.

“So, are you guys ready to call it a night?” Shannon’s eyes looked tired as she sipped her last Cosmo.

We all agreed, began to gather our purses, and stood up to leave.

“Kaitlyn,” Chris spoke from behind me again.

The deep sound of his voice startled me, and I dropped my keys.

“Oh, sorry,” he said as he quickly bent down to pick them up.

“It’s okay. I’m not usually so clumsy.”

His fingers brushed mine as he handed them back to me. The tingle from his touch radiated up my arm. I heard a nervous giggle escape from my lips. My hand flew up and covered my mouth, and I immediately felt embarrassed.

“You really made my night,” Chris declared with a crooked grin. “I can’t believe it’s been eight years.”

“Me neither.”

“See you again tomorrow night?” he asked. “I mean, let’s not let another eight years go by.”

“Absolutely,” I agreed without thinking. “We’ll be here all weekend. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

“Great!” he replied, flashing his perfect smile at me.

As hard as I tried not to notice, Chris looked absolutely magnificent. His shirt clung to his well-formed chest. His dark hair had been spiked and gelled in a hot sexy mess. The smoldering intensity of his eyes staring into mine sent chills rippling through my body. “I look forward to it,” he eagerly admitted.

I could barely contain the elation in my voice. “I just can’t believe it’s really you.” Without thinking, I reached out to hug him. He initially seemed shocked, but welcomed the embrace.

He enveloped me in his arms and whispered into my ear, “I’ve never forgotten you.”

His breath was hot against my cheek. I inhaled the mixed aroma of aftershave and breath mints as I tried to burn his scent into my memory. A breath escaped my lungs and lodged in my throat
. ‘I’m a married woman
,’ I rebuked myself. Quickly, I pulled away from him and practically ran to catch up to my friends.

“Oh my goodness, girl! Tell us everything!” Lisa exclaimed as we walked into the living room of our condo.

I shrugged my shoulders. “What’s there to tell?”

Shannon spoke up. “Well, for starters, did you see the way he looked at you? And, did you see the way he looked in that shirt? Wow!”

I laughed solicitously. While these girls were my closest friends, I didn’t feel emotionally prepared to rehash the history I had with Chris, nor did I feel strong enough to reopen old wounds I had spent years trying to heal.

“C’mon, Kaitlyn. Give us the scoop,” Tori whined. “We want to know about this hot mystery guy.”

I sighed, preparing myself for the heartrending wave of emotion I knew I was about to experience by divulging the intimate details of my past. I knew if I was going to tell them about Chris, I would have to start my story from the very beginning—a beginning that I would rather delete entirely from my memory. My history with Chris actually began with Trevor, my all-star athlete ex-boyfriend, who was also known as Jenkins County’s hometown hero.

My mind, as it creaked open the lid of the proverbial can of worms, drifted back to a time and place I had only allowed myself to visit in my dreams. It returned to a time and place before that girl I once knew well, but barely recognized anymore, had sped away in her fully packed VW Jetta with hope to start a new life in college.

Trevor Kent stood confidently with his friends in his usual spot by the trophy case that would also become known as his throne by his senior year at East Jenkins High School. He was sporting his favorite pair of jeans, a white T-shirt and his letterman jacket. In our school, Trevor was known as a trifecta athlete—a star player on the football, basketball,
and
baseball teams. He and several of the other athletes watched the students mingle in the hallway before school began. Trevor was gorgeous, and being the most popular sophomore at East Jenkins, girls swooned over him. His sandy blond hair was cut high and tight like a marine fresh out of boot camp. Tall and muscular, Trevor could easily bench press two hundred and fifty pounds. His deep hazel eyes had an entrancing power of persuasion. No one could be sure if it was out of respect or fear that most guys looked up to him. Therefore, it came as no surprise to anyone when he was chosen as the forerunner for co-captain of the varsity football team his upcoming junior year.

I fell victim to his hypnotizing, hazel eyes in History class during our sophomore year. He sat beside me in class and pestered me with his immaturity. He and his buddies fervently annoyed the other girls in the class with their desperate attempt at flirting. Most of time I just rolled my eyes at him and his silly antics. However, midway through the year, Trevor hit a major growth spurt, and girls started to notice him. It wasn’t long before I took notice also. He lost the chubby baby cheeks, and his face chiseled nearly overnight. He cut the swooping blond bangs that constantly fell into his eyes which caused him to develop the annoying habit of jerking his head to the side to get them off his face. The new buzz cut made him look older and tougher, like a soldier ready for battle. It seemed as though his boyish body grew muscles right before our eyes. His silliness dissipated, being replaced by charm and intrigue. I vividly remembered the day I walked into class, and he smiled at me in a way he had never smiled at me in the past.

“Hey, Kaitlyn,” he said shyly, much unlike his usual character as he plopped down in the desk next to me.

“Hi.” I smiled curiously at him and wondered what he wanted.
Is he going to ask me to help him study for the upcoming test? Does he need help with his research paper? Will he ask to borrow a pen for today’s notes?

He looked down and tapped his pencil on the edge of his desk. Glancing up at me, piercing me with his glinting, hazel eyes, he asked, “So, are you dating anyone?”

Well, that was the one question I never expected.

“Um…no,” I stuttered, suddenly feeling a little shy, and yet incredibly excited at the same time.

“Oh, okay. I was just wondering.” He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and reached into his backpack for his notebook.

Feeling slightly disappointed by the abrupt end of our conversation, yet thoroughly delighted that Trevor Kent really noticed me, I opened my textbook to the chapter we were studying in class and attempted to look interested. My confusion over Trevor was enough to turn my stomach into a ball of nerves. During the rest of the class I diverted my eyes and avoided looking at him.