Soap Star (9 page)

I was still fuming about Danny as I dried my hair after filming had finished. I was wondering if I’d managed to get all the grease out of it when Justin just walked into my dressing room, all casual as if he did it every day.

There was I thinking to myself, “Just who does Danny Harvey think he is anyway?” when I flicked back my hair, only to see Justin leaning against the door frame, grinning at me. I dropped the hairdryer. Then I picked it up and turned it off.

“Oh, Justin,” I said. “Hi.”

“Hi, babe,” Justin said. He called
me
babe! “Great work on the set today. I thought you managed to pull off Angel’s instant dislike for Marcus really well. Even just making him a cup of tea you managed to show that you hated him”

I felt that this would be a good time to flutter my eyelashes, but the only time I ever tried before Nydia said I looked like I had a nervous twitch.

“Oh, thanks,” I said. “It was nothing really.” I tried to sound nonchalant, as if the love of my life wasn’t talking to me on my own for practically the first time ever. And I was doing pretty well if nonchalant meant sounding like I’m having a million volts of electricity passed through my body.

“So listen.” Justin came into my tiny dressing room and stood really quite close to me. For one terrifying and amazing moment I thought he might kiss me there and then and I wouldn’t have to worry about going round to Anne-Marie’s tonight after all. But he didn’t. “I read our new scenes together: they’re great, aren’t they? It looks like your character’s really going places. I think Liz has got big plans for you.” I couldn’t actually say anything so I tried raising an eyebrow mysteriously. I don’t think Justin noticed. “And I was thinking, well, we don’t hang out that much, do we? Off the set I mean.”

I shook my head; if I could have spoken I’d have said that we don’t hang out that much
on
the set, except for when we have a scene together, but I couldn’t make my mouth work. “So I thought we should spend a bit of time together – after all, this is a big deal for you. I want you to feel completely comfortable with me.” Of course I could never feel comfortable with Justin. Justin makes me feel like fizzing and exploding and looping the loop, but
oh, well. “So I thought, what about lunch? Just you and me. Tomorrow?” Justin said, as if he asked me out every night of the week. “Will your mum let you go?”

“Oh, yeah, no problem,” I finally managed to speak. Of course there was no way in the world my mum would let me go out on my own with an older boy without an adult accompanying me, or think that Justin wouldn’t count. But I’d worry about that later.

“Great.” Justin smouldered at me and I thought there was a serious chance I might burst into flames. “We’ll sort the details out later then, OK?”

As he left, it was as if the oxygen flooded back into the room and I was able to breathe again. Justin asked me out! On a date! More or less. I squealed and hopped around in a tiny circle of joy, which was all I could manage in my dressing room.

“Liz told him to take you out,” Danny said, appearing like the angel of gloom. I froze mid-hop and straightened myself out, hoping to salvage some dignity. “It was her idea, she thought you might be nervous about the big kiss scene. That if you spent some time with him you’d be less intimidated.” He crossed his arms over his chest and tipped his head to one side. “Looks like she didn’t have anything to worry about as nervous is the last thing you are.”

“I
am
nervous actually!” I said crossly, just managing not to add “So there!” to the end of my sentence. “Anyway, even if Liz did tell him to ask me, I don’t care, because…because I don’t care. It’s just work.”

Danny smirked at me.

“Oh, Danny, go away.” I blurted out. “I’ve got enough going on right now without you being all sulky around me. Go and be cross on your own.” I clapped my hand over my mouth. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “That’s not like me at all, I don’t know what—”

“Don’t worry,” Danny said quickly. He stepped inside the room and pushed the door closed. “I came to say
I’m
sorry to
you,
anyway. I heard today, about your mum and dad. You’re right, the last thing you need is hassle from me. I didn’t even mean what I said anyway, I was just…nervous.” He smiled ruefully (and kind of sweetly to be honest). But I was still trying to work out what he’d just said.

“You heard about Mum and Dad?” I asked him. “But I haven’t told anyone except for Brett and…oh, it must have been Claire. She must have told everyone.” My shoulders sank. “I didn’t want anyone to know. Does everyone know?”

“Well, I’m not sure,” Danny said. “To be honest, probably everyone does know. I heard it off the dog
trainer.” I sighed and, looking at the clock on the wall, started to pack my bag so I’d be ready when Mum came to collect me.

“It’s so…
embarrassing
,” I said. “Everyone knowing that my mum and dad can’t stand each other, that the happy family I thought I had was all a lie. It was only last year that all three of us were in a
Radio Times
feature about soap kids’ every day lives.”

Danny smiled. “Yeah, I saw that, and I know, it’s a total nightmare,” he agreed. I looked at him questioningly. “My mum and dad split last year,” he said. “Same thing. Just before the school play, actually. They both came to see it on different nights. Mum brought her new boyfriend.” His brows furrowed at the memory.

“Oh!” Suddenly it all made sense: Danny last year refusing to speak to anyone; suddenly getting all mean and moody. How he stopped having a laugh with the other boys and messing about with the girls. We all put it down to him being stuck-up and full of himself. Really he’d just been hurting and lonely. Just like me, except he didn’t have anyone to talk to. “I never knew,” I said.

“No, well, I didn’t want anyone to know, did I? Like you said, it’s embarrassing.” Danny chewed his lip for a moment before saying, “If you ever want to talk to someone about it…well, you know.”

I wasn’t sure I did know, but I nodded anyway.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Good. Listen, about having dinner with Justin…”

I rolled my eyes. “What about it,” I sighed.

“Well, just be careful, OK? You know what he’s like.”

I stared at Danny. Just when I thought he was actually quite nice he said something like that about Justin, who was trying to be kind to me.

“Yes, I do know what he’s like – I know him much better than you! You’ve only been here for five minutes!” Danny’s face fell and he headed for the door.

“Whatever,” he said over his shoulder.

He slammed the door behind him.

The Foundry

Little Frog Lane

Much Hockton

Suffolk

2
^nd
July

Dear Ruby Parker,

I’m writing to you to ask you how to become famous. I thought if you can become famous then anybody can, so that’s why I chose you to ask. I have always wanted to be famous for as long as I can remember, it’s my life-long dream
(I am now twelve). I think I would be good at being famous too because I’m outgoing and I like to be the centre of attention. I think some people are just special and I’m one of them.

I can’t sing very well or act much. Or dance, but I don’t think it matters – if you really want something you can make it happen and there are plenty of pop stars these days who can’t sing, aren’t there?

Please can you give me some advice? I think you are great on the show – a real inspiration for people like me.

Lots of love

Bonnie Bond

Ruby Parker

Dear Bonnie,

Thank you for your letter. I think it’s great that you are so full of confidence and know exactly what you want from life.

I was very lucky to get the part in
Kensington Heights
at such a young age, but it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to keep it! I train very hard at school doing all
the normal schoolwork you do, and then all my dancing, acting and singing lessons on top of that. Then I work very hard on the show during my school holidays. I don’t have too much time to myself!

My advice to you is to work very hard at school and try to find out what you do have a special talent for. If in a few years you haven’t found anything and you still want to be famous, perhaps you could try being a television presenter.

Keep watching the show.

Best wishes,

I reread the letter that Mum had asked me to sign after we’d had tea.

“But I wouldn’t have written
that
!” I protested, putting the unsigned letter down on the kitchen table.

“I know you wouldn’t, which is why I wrote it for you,” Mum said holding out the pen. “You’ve got a great big pile of letters waiting to be answered in your bedroom and you’re so busy right now I thought I’d just do a few of the less personal ones for you, that’s all. It gave me something else to think about.” It was true, I did have a lot of unanswered letters, including Naomi’s, which was still tucked away inside my pillowcase waiting for me to reply to it. I looked out of the open
kitchen door and up at the sky. I wondered what Naomi was doing tonight; I wondered how she was feeling.

“I wouldn’t have even answered Bonnie’s letter,” I said. “Or if I had I’d have told her where to—”

“Ruby!” Mum almost laughed. “Just sign the letter, darling, please. Bonnie’s just a little girl with hopes and dreams like everyone else. Everyone should be allowed to have a dream – even if some of them don’t come true. You don’t know how lucky you are sometimes.”

I signed the letter and looked up at her.

“I don’t feel lucky, Mum,” I said. Mum leaned over, put her arm around my shoulders and gave me a hug.

“I know you don’t, darling, but you are,” she said into my hair. “Your mum and dad love you, you haven’t got to worry about money, where you’re going to sleep or what you’re going eat. You’ve got a job that millions of little girls like Bonnie would love to do, and you go to a school that most people only see the inside of on TV. You are very, very lucky Ruby. Try to remember that, OK?” I put my arms around her waist and hugged her back.

“I would give all of that up, Mum, just to have Dad back living with us again.” I looked up at her as a terrible thought popped into my head. “Maybe, do you think if I hadn’t been in the show and if I’d gone to normal school and we were just ordinary like everyone, that maybe you
and Dad would still be together? Maybe it was too much. Maybe I took too much out of the family.” Mum kissed the top of my head.

“That’s not true, Ruby,” she said, gently. “It wouldn’t matter what you were doing or where you went to school. None of this is your fault. None of this is about you.” I don’t know where it came from or even what made it happen, but suddenly the sadness I had been feeling turned into cold hard anger. I pulled away from her hug.

“I wish you’d stop saying that!” I yelled. “Of course it’s about me! It’s my life too! You and Dad are the only ones getting to do what you want! It is about me. It
is
!” Mum sat down at the kitchen table and ran her fingers through her hair.

“I’m sorry, Ruby. That’s not what I meant. I realise that this affects you too. What I meant was that none of it has happened
because
of you.”

“I know that,” I said. “But it is happening
to
me just as much as it’s happening to you. More, because you don’t even seem to care!” My mum bowed her head.

“I do care, love…” she began, her voice wobbling.

“No, no you don’t. All you can say is how it’ll all be fine and all work out for the best and that one day I’ll understand! You don’t care all!”

“I
do
care!” my mum shouted very loudly, making me take a step back. She pushed back the kitchen chair with a scrape and stood up. “I do care! I was just trying…trying to be strong for you. For you, Ruby.” Her face had gone all red and she was crying again, the tears were streaming down her face. She stretched out her arms to me, but I didn’t move, even though I wanted to.

“I have to go out,” I said, my voice sounded far away and like cold, hard ice. “I’m going to Anne-Marie’s from school. Nydia’s dad is bringing us back, OK?” Mum dropped her arms to her sides and sat back down.

“Please, Ruby, don’t be angry with me,” she sobbed.

“I’m not,” I said stiffly. “I’ll be home by nine. Bye.” I felt bad as I shut the front door behind me, I felt like going back and telling her I was sorry and I didn’t mean any of it. But I didn’t. I felt so angry, so powerless. It felt like hurting them was the only thing I could do to make them see how much they were hurting me.

“I’m not kissing
him
!” I protested, gesturing at Michael Henderson who was slouched up against the window in Anne-Marie’s bedroom. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. Yuck. “And anyway, are you mad? You want me to practise kissing on
your
boyfriend?” Anne-Marie tossed her blonde curls out of her face and gave a short bark of a laugh.

“Oh, don’t worry,” she scoffed, looking me up and down. “I’m not too worried about the competition.” I squirmed and looked appealingly at Nydia for some support. She just sort of shrugged and looked apologetic.

“Well, Anne-Marie does have a point,” she said cautiously. “If you want to be good at kissing, then, well you know, you have to practise on someone.”

Michael gave me his best smile and my stomach fluttered, but only from queasiness.

I shook my head in disbelief.

“I can’t believe you’re agreeing with her!” I gestured
at Anne-Marie, who had crossed her skinny arms over her bony chest and was tapping her right foot furiously.

“I’m not agreeing with her
exactly
…I’m just saying that she does have a point!” Nydia said, sounding slightly impatient. “Really, Rube, after all the trouble I’ve gone to get you here, you could try not being so…well, being a bit…It’s just that sometimes you can be…”

“Be what?” I demanded.

“A bit of a drama queen, OK?” Nydia finally admitted, looking guilty.

“Thank you!” Anne-Marie said, clapping her hands together. “Someone talks some sense at last.” Nydia couldn’t help looking very pleased that Anne-Marie had actually said something halfway nice to her. Anne-Marie marched over to where I was standing.

“Listen,” she said, putting her face really close to mine so I could see her blackheads. “You asked me to help you and I’m helping you. You want to learn how to kiss, fine, I’ll try and achieve the impossible and teach you how to kiss. But how exactly did you think I was going to do that? Did you think I was going to draw you a picture?”

I scowled at her, but had to admit I hadn’t actually thought that far ahead. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think the picture idea was so bad. Especially when Michael Henderson was the alternative.

“You might have,” I said defensively, looking at her boyfriend suspiciously. He obviously thought he was the best thing since for ever, but he wasn’t a patch on Justin. “Anyway – Michael Henderson? I mean, he’s your
boyfriend
!” I knew that when I had a boyfriend – correction, when I had
Justin
as my boyfriend – I wouldn’t be hiring him out to the first girl who needed to learn to kiss that came along. I’d cherish him and we’d be together, just us. For ever.

“I know that, lame brain!” Anne-Marie snapped back at me. She looked over at Michael as if she wished for a second that he wasn’t her boyfriend after all. “Luckily for you he loves me enough to help me out when I ask him, even if it
does
mean he has to get close to you. Anyway, the rules are no touching and no tongues. It’s just like a technical take for a lighting rehearsal. Just the moves and the positions. None of the heavy stuff.”

“Oh, shame!” Michael said with a grin, pretending to be disappointed. Anne-Marie shot him a look so poisonous I was surprised he didn’t drop dead that instant. I examined him with a sideways glance. I supposed he was quite nice and everything: quite tall with nice wavy hair and friendly brown eyes. I could see why Anne-Marie went out with him and why Menakshi would like to steal him off her if she could, but he wasn’t
my
type. He was so into himself and so shallow. He didn’t seem to have any real personality at all – like he just sprayed it on every morning from a can labelled “future celebrity”. And he wasn’t Justin. And after all, the whole point was that I wanted Justin to be my
first
kiss. Not somebody else’s press-ganged boyfriend. I don’t think Nydia and I had thought this plan through nearly enough.

“It’s all right, Rube,” Michael said, winking at me. “I don’t mind giving you a snog, if it’ll help get you going. I’ve always thought others should benefit from my expertise and I enjoy a challenge!” Anne-Marie glowered at him and he blanched almost completely white.

“No one is going to be enjoying anything, understand?” she said with a growl. “Now listen, Ruby, everyone’s first kiss is rubbish anyway, it’s a known fact.”

“Is it?” said Nydia, glumly. “How disappointing. You wait years and years for something and then it’s rubbish. Typical.”

“Yeah, is it?” said Michael, looking slightly offended. “You never complained at the time.”

Anne-Marie shuddered like a wet dog shaking itself dry.

“Ugh, it was dreadful. All dribbly and toothy – totally disgusting!” she told Nydia frankly, forgetting to be scary for a second.

“Oh, thanks a bunch!” Michael said, looking hurt. He’d stopped looking white with fear and was starting to go bright red with embarrassment. Not such a smooth operator after all.

“Relax, idiot,” Anne-Marie told him, rolling her eyes at Nydia. “It wasn’t with you!” Nydia giggled and clapped her hand over her mouth. She was loving Anne-Marie actually condescending to talk to her so much she’d forgotten the real reason we were here.

“Oh,” Michael said looking relieved, and then, “Oh!”

Anne-Marie ignored him.

“Anyway, my point is it’s better to get it out of the way now, so that when you and Justin have your kiss it will be perfect.” She smiled at me. “Well, as perfect as it can be when a super hunk has to snog a manky old trout like you,” she finished cheerily.

“Well I’d rather be a manky old trout than…than…” I spluttered and it was no good. That witty one-liner just wouldn’t come out. Anne-Marie laughed in my face.

“Than what? Than popular? Than thin? Than have more than one useless fat reject of a friend?” she said bluntly. “If you’d rather be
you,
then why are you here at all? Why do
you
need
me
? I opened my mouth and shut it again. I was so angry I thought I was going to ignite with fury. But instead, when I heard myself speak
my voice was cold, like ice, and low. I took a step nearer to Anne-Marie.

“I don’t need you, Anne-Marie. And Nydia doesn’t need you either.” I looked her up and down. “We’re here because we thought you could help me with something I thought was important. But do you know what you’ve made me realise? Nothing is so important that I have to listen to you slag off my best friend. Nydia is worth a thousand of you. She is a kind and generous person – a person who’d be your friend even after all the things you’ve said and done to her. A person who’d always be there for you if you needed her, and always listen to you even if most of the time you talked rubbish. But you just throw all that back in her face time after time. I don’t care if you tell everyone at school about this; I don’t care if the whole school laughs at me for the rest of my life. I’d rather have Nydia as my friend than be in the same room with you for one second longer. You’re just a nasty, spoilt, arrogant, heartless bitch, so mean and spiteful that even your own family don’t want to live with you. You don’t know what real friendship is.” I picked up my bag.

“Come on, Nydia, we’re going.” But Nydia didn’t move; instead she looked anxiously at Anne-Marie whose evil-genius face had crumpled a bit. “Come on,
Nydia!” I said. She was sort of taking the wind out of my dramatic exit.

Nydia went over to Anne-Marie.

“Are you OK?” she asked her. My jaw dropped.

“What do you mean
is she OK
? Come on, let’s go.” Nydia shook her head and I looked at Anne-Marie. I could see she was shaking, that her lips were pressed tightly together and her eyes glittering with unshed tears. She was trying not to cry. I’d made Anne-Marie Chance cry and, strangely, instead of feeling triumphant about it, I felt rather uncomfortable and guilty.

Nydia put her hand on Anne-Marie’s shoulder.

“Ruby didn’t mean any of that stuff she said, you know,” she told Anne-Marie gently.

“Er, I did actually,” I pointed out, but Nydia just ignored me.

“She did,” Anne-Marie agreed. “And she’s right. My parents don’t want to live with me.”

“I’m sure they do!” Nydia said hastily. “Is that why you’re upset? Because of what Rube said about your parents? Not all the other stuff?”

Anne-Marie lifted her chin defiantly. “That’s true too,” she said. “But I don’t care.”

“Don’t you?” Nydia asked. “It’s just it’s hard to understand sometimes why you hate us so much,” she
said softly, her brows furrowed. “What gives you the right to talk to us the way you do? Call us names, make things up about us, or get all your friends to ignore us. What have we ever done to you?” Anne-Marie rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palms. “Go on, tell us,” Nydia said, “because I’d really like to know.”

Michael took a cautious step closer to Anne-Marie and Nydia. I think he could sense some serious girls’ stuff approaching.

“So er, shall I get off then?” he said awkwardly. “I mean, if you’re going to do all this girly stuff? I’ll just leave, shall I?” Anne-Marie turned her face away from him.

“Yes, just go, Michael,” she said. “Just go.” He sloped out of her room, winking at me as he left. He wouldn’t win any awards for being a supportive boyfriend, that’s for sure. Anne-Marie looked at me and then Nydia.

“It’s just you two,” she said. “You think you’re so special. Better than the rest of us.”

I nearly fell over with surprise.

“Er, no!” I said sarcastically. “I think you’ll find that’s you!” Nydia shot me a look and I shrugged at her. “Well it’s true,” I mumbled.

“No,” Anne-Marie said looking right at me. “It’s you – especially you – the TV star. You swan around school like you own the place, like you’re better than everybody
else because you’ve already made it. Going on and on about how many fan letters you have to answer a week or what you have to wear to an awards ceremony, complaining because people stop you in the street and ask for your autograph! Poor little you. Boo hoo.” She sniffed and sat up a little straighter.

“I don’t!” I protested, looking at Nydia and wondering exactly why we hadn’t made our exit when we should have, right after my brilliant speech. “I mean, I sometimes talk about it to Nydia but because, well, it really can be hard sometimes. I don’t do it to show off, I don’t do it like that!” I looked at Nydia. “Do I, Nydia?” She pursed her lips and looked at the ceiling for a second.

“Sometimes, you might come across a bit like that – even if you don’t mean to,” she added on the last bit hurriedly. “I think it’s sort of a defence mechanism.”

“Nydia, I don’t! I don’t, do I?” I glanced at Anne-Marie who was looking decidedley self-righteous.

“Look,” Nydia said. “All I’m saying, Ruby, is that in a room full of people who’d give their right arm to be doing what you’re doing, moaning because people ask you for your autograph could
possibly
be considered to be a bit…stuck-up.” Nydia gave me her best grin as if she had just said something completely different.

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” I said, feeling hurt and confused. “I just stood up for you! Big time!”

“I know,” Nydia said, crossing the room to my side. “And that was really cool. It meant a lot to me. It’s just, wouldn’t it be better at school if we could get along with everyone else? I’m tired of being treated like I’m nothing. I just thought that maybe…” Nydia shrugged and trailed off.

“OK,” I said. “OK, maybe I do come across like that. But what about you, Anne-Marie, what about all the horrible things you’ve said to me and to Nydia? Nydia doesn’t deserve any of that.” I gestured around at her huge bedroom. “I mean, look at all this! You’ve got everything anyone could want. You don’t even have to try to get what you want, your daddy will just give it to you. You’ve got everything.”

Anne-Marie shook her head and dropped her chin, mumbling something under her breath.

“Pardon?” I said, impatiently.

“No, I haven’t,” Anne-Marie said a little louder. “I haven’t got everything anyone could want. I’ve a big house and lots of things, that’s true. But I’ve got all this
instead
of the things you have. You were right about my parents. Do you know when the last time I saw my mum was? February, for forty-two minutes in the Heathrow first-class lounge, in between one flight coming in and one going out.
She gave me bottle of Ralph Lauren perfume for my birthday. My birthday isn’t until August, but I won’t be seeing her before then apparently.” Nydia and I looked at each other. That was pretty harsh. “And my dad is always in LA. I mean, he’s supposed to come back and see me once a month, and he does come back to England, but he’s always out wheeling and dealing and seeing all his contacts and working. I see him for about half an hour a day while he’s here, if I’m lucky, and even then he’s usually on the phone to someone else. My parents don’t even see each other. And my brother – well, he’s old enough to be able to get out and he does. That just leaves me. Me and Pilar alone in this house. And Pilar’s great but, well, it’s not the same as having a mum to talk to.”

I thought about the way I used to tell my mum everything and I almost felt sorry for her. Anne-Marie sank down on to the bed. It was strange seeing her like this: one minute her good old evil self, then the next looking and acting like, well, like a normal girl.

“But I thought you said you liked it,” I asked normal-girl version, cautiously. “You said you could do what you want.” Anne-Marie sighed.

“It’s no fun being able to do what you want when there’s no one around to tell you not to,” she said. Nydia sat next to her on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “That must be hard. I don’t know what I’d do without my mum and dad.”

I sighed. I supposed at least I knew deep down that Mum and Dad did love me, even if it looked like they really weren’t going to be together any more. At least I knew if I needed one or both of them they’d be there for me. If what she said was true, Anne-Marie didn’t seem to have that.

“I’m sorry too, I suppose,” I said hesitantly. “Parents are a nightmare, aren’t they? Nydia thinks hers are too lovey-dovey, mine are splitting up.”

Anne-Marie looked at me.