Solace (14 page)

A
s they drove back
to Shane’s place, Aaron began to get the sneaking suspicion that he was actually on a date.

Shane had never said it was a date. It was just supposed to be a therapeutic outing; an event Shane could hopefully enjoy with help from Buttercup.

Really, Aaron didn’t even have to be there. But he was there, and he saw the looks he and Shane had gotten. He saw the looks he’d gotten from Shane, too.

Could he really be faulted for thinking of it as a date?

More importantly, did
Shane
think it was a date?

If this were some sweet romantic comedy, Aaron might awkwardly make his way up to Shane’s front door, and then Shane would kiss him on the porch and he’d know for sure. But when he thought of Shane, romantic comedy wasn’t really the genre that came to mind. He seemed like more of a Tarantino man. And Aaron wasn’t sure how Tarantino would handle a scene like this.

Probably with a lot more blood than he was comfortable with, which meant Aaron would probably have to be in charge of setting the tone.

Shane pulled his truck into the driveway, threw it into park, and got out of the car to help Buttercup from the back. Aaron followed suit, letting out a shaky breath.

“It’ll take me a bit here,” Shane said, “but feel free to go get a drink or something while you wait.”

That was a good sign, wasn’t it? If Shane didn’t want him to stay, he would have just said good night already.

Feeling a bit more hopeful, Aaron headed into the house. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard, and filled it with water from the fridge. As he waited for Shane, he tried to consider how he should even go about doing this.

He’d never been very aggressive, or even assertive, for that matter. Something about Shane made him want to try, but he had no idea where to begin.

By the time Shane came back in with Buttercup, he still hadn’t devised a plan.

“All right. Now it’s your turn.”

Aaron’s eyes widened. Had Shane known what he was thinking this whole time? Did he know that he wanted…

No. Aaron knew he was prone to blushing, but he wasn’t that obvious. He glanced down surreptitiously. No. Not that obvious.

“Give me what you got,” Shane continued. That earned another blank stare from Aaron, and Shane’s brows lifted as if Aaron should know what the hell he was talking about. “Your speech.”

His speech? They definitely weren’t on the same page if Shane was thinking about his
speech
.

“Oh,” he said dumbly. “I… I don’t have my materials with me.”

Shane padded out of the kitchen and, without any ceremony whatsoever, flopped onto the couch.

“Make it up. BC and I won’t judge.”

As if to prove this fact, Buttercup jumped up onto the couch with Shane. She shouldn’t be up there, but trying to get Shane to discipline her was a lost cause. Besides. It was Shane’s couch. If he didn’t mind all the yellow dog hairs, Aaron didn’t mind, either.

What he did mind was having to give a speech off the top of his head.

“I don’t know…” He stayed in the kitchen, because it seemed safer there.

“I want to help you, Aaron. If you aren’t ready, it’s cool. But it’s probably better to say it in front of me instead of a crowd the first time, right?”

Except for the fact that Shane’s opinion was starting to matter to him. Far more than the crowd’s ever would. He could feel that strange itch in his palms as they began to sweat. His throat closed, and he drew in a breath through his nose.

“I guess you’re right.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Let me just get some notes out of my email.”

Shane didn’t rush him. He didn’t say another thing about it, and Aaron was sure that if he begged off, Shane would let him. But Shane had stuck it out through the entire evening, and Aaron felt he owed the man that much.

Bringing his phone into the living room, he stood with the coffee table between himself and Shane. He swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat didn’t go away.

He’d written out a lot of what he wanted to say already. He’d been sending updates to Richard, bit by bit, to make sure he had his approval. So far, so good, but he hadn’t needed to read them aloud yet.

And not in front of Shane.

Clearing his throat, Aaron looked at Shane, deliberately meeting his gaze. It was normally something he had to force, but in this case, he found some strength in the connection.

“Hello, everyone,” he said quietly, starting from the beginning. Shane didn’t laugh. He didn’t even smile. He just listened patiently. “My name is Aaron Hayes, and I work as a certified trainer at Paws For Hope. Over the last few months, I’ve conducted daily training sessions with a soldier suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.”

He glanced at Shane warily, and saw the twitch of the other man’s jaw. His eyes were dark, his expression unreadable. He’d wondered what Shane would think of him citing a diagnosis, but he wasn’t sure how to express the case study otherwise.

“After building a base of obedience training, the soldier was able to give specific commands that would help him manage the symptoms of PTSD.”

Aaron flicked his gaze to his phone, then the ground. Anywhere but at Shane. It felt so wrong to talk about this—talk about him—as if he weren’t living with it. Shane knew what the symptoms of PTSD were. Far better than Aaron ever would. And to Aaron, listing them seemed like a slap in the face.

Thinking about what Shane must feel made his stomach lurch and his throat tighten even more. A cold sweat beaded on his brow, and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, picking at the collar of his shirt with his free hand.

It was just Shane watching him. But Shane was worth at least a thousand strangers.

“In order to best assist the client, I interviewed him and then researched what commands might be useful. Most of the commands dealt with…” He gulped in a breath. “Most of the commands…”

He could feel the word sticking, letters staying longer than they should.

“Most of the commands dealt with—”

Heat filled his cheeks, a rush of anger and embarrassment. Both were directed inward, and Aaron couldn’t lift his gaze to Shane. It was bad enough that the man probably felt insulted and violated. Now he had to listen to Aaron stumble through a speech about a life Aaron knew nothing about.

“Sorry, I need a minute,” he mumbled, turning his attention toward the far wall.

He thought he could feel Shane’s gaze on him. He doubted it was judgmental, but it was heavy just the same. Shane had certain expectations. Expectations Aaron knew he couldn’t meet.

He forced air in and out of his lungs, but before he was ready to continue, Shane spoke.

“Have you ever taught a dog to walk on two legs?”

Aaron’s head snapped up, and he finally looked at Shane. The question was so absurd that it yanked him away from his thoughts. Shane wasn’t smiling, but his expression wasn’t exactly benign.

“I… It’s never been necessary for any of the tasks they needed to perform.”

Shane shrugged at this. “Okay, but what if I left something on the counter or a tall shelf, and I couldn’t reach it on my own. Then would you train a dog to walk on two legs?”

Aaron peered at him. Despite the spark of mischief in his eyes, he couldn’t tell if Shane was deliberately fucking with him or not.

“There’s no reason for them to walk. He would just be trained to stand up long enough to retrieve the object. In the case of key objects that are used frequently, a tug rope would probably be attached. Then he might not need to stand at all.”

He felt foolish answering the question seriously, but at least he wasn’t stuttering anymore.

“Sure, but what if I was too sick to leave the house, and I needed something from the pharmacy. If you could teach Buttercup to walk on two legs, I could put a disguise on her. She could run errands.”

Aaron blinked, barely catching the brief twitch at the corner of Shane’s lips. He
was
just fucking with him. Aaron should be angry. At the very least, a little irate. This was a serious thing, and Shane was treating it like a joke.

But he felt himself smile before he was even consciously aware of doing it. His foot swung out a little, and he nudged Shane with it.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Yep,” Shane said proudly. “Ridiculously effective.”

Shane arched his brow, as if expecting something; some realization on Aaron’s part. And that realization did come. He wasn’t stuttering anymore. He didn’t feel anxious or overwhelmed. Shane had managed to back him down from that ledge over the course of just a few ridiculous questions.

“You know you won’t be able to do that at the VA,” he said, though he was still smiling.

And just like last time, he reached out to playfully nudge Shane. But unlike last time, Shane didn’t remain passive. His arm came up quickly, his fingers wrapping around Aaron’s. He pulled him down to the couch, in a rush of yellow fur as Buttercup scampered off so as not to be sat upon.

“Probably can’t do that at the VA, either,” Shane said with a grin.

And then he had the audacity to dance his fingers along Aaron’s ribs, as if he were a child. Aaron couldn’t help it. He laughed and squirmed and playfully shoved it Shane in return.

That was, of course, until he realized that Shane was above him now. The larger man’s weight pressed down on him, not enough to hurt, but definitely enough to make him aware. Painfully aware.

Shane seemed to realize in that exact same instant, and, in a moment that left him breathless, his intense blue gaze darkened. Aaron didn’t dare do anything so much as breathe.

He felt Shane tense above him, felt the solid planes of his muscles go rigid as he held himself in place. When it occurred to Aaron that Shane might not make the first move, he felt a thread of anxiety wind through him. But it was followed quickly by a flare of excitement.

He could easily have pushed Shane off him. He could have ducked to the side and wrestled his way off the couch without incident.

Instead, he leaned up the short distance between them and touched his lips to Shane’s. The kiss was tentative at first, until he reminded himself that being shy was a good way to give Shane the wrong idea.

And so with just a bit of adjustment, he kissed Shane with all the pent-up emotions and frustration he been feeling over the past few weeks.

And Shane responded.

It wasn’t as desperate as the first time, but Shane quickly took control. He thrust his tongue between Aaron’s lips, and it was so hard not to imagine it was his cock instead, hot and hard and begging for his attention.

So Aaron decided to be bold, closing his lips and sucking lightly on Shane’s tongue. That earned a tortured groan, and Aaron flicked his gaze up to Shane’s to find even more intensity burning in his eyes.

Maybe it was because of the talk they’d had after the last time. Maybe it was because he was tired of being passive; tired of keeping quiet when he wanted something.

Whatever it was, it made Aaron act. As Shane’s lips claimed his in a bruising kiss, he moved his hands to Shane’s back, feeling the ridge of his muscles. He yanked his shirt up from his pants and felt Shane shudder as his fingers ran over bare skin.

When Shane kissed him again, rough and unsteady, Aaron only encouraged him. And when he rolled his hips forward, Aaron dug his nails into Shane’s back, moaning when Shane ground his obvious erection against Aaron’s.

But when Shane’s movements started to become erratic, he pushed him up. At first, he had no idea what he was thinking. He didn’t want Shane to stop, and the confused—and ashamed—look on Shane’s face made him feel almost ill.

“Don’t,” Aaron said, lifting his finger to Shane’s lips.

Their eyes were still locked, and Shane slowly—oh so slowly—drew Aaron’s finger into his mouth, making him shiver.

And making him want more, but probably not in the way Shane thought.

Pushing back his usual hesitation, he placed his palms against Shane’s chest and reveled in the feeling of this large, dominant man moving back at his barest command.

He directed Shane until he was half-draped against the arm of the couch, then without taking his eyes off the other man’s, he slowly rubbed the bulge in Shane’s jeans.

Shane moaned softly, his eyes closing, and it gave Aaron the confidence to undo his fly. From there, it didn’t take much more courage to pull him out. Shane’s cock was scalding hot and firm against his hand, and Aaron could practically feel himself salivate.

“You don’t have to—” Shane began roughly, but Aaron didn’t give him the chance to finish.

The last time he’d gone down on a partner, he’d started off gingerly. Just a curious swipe of his tongue, and the ever-present fear that he was doing it wrong. His partner had said there was no wrong way to give a blowjob, but Aaron wasn’t really sure that was true.

He didn’t want to be timid with Shane. He wanted to be the way he was in his head; the way he was online. Bold. Assertive. Maybe not always confident, but at least enough to fully enjoy what he was doing.

And he wanted to enjoy this.

So he didn’t flick his tongue out to trace a tentative path. Instead, he took him into his mouth straight away and pressed his tongue against the underside of his cock. Shane moaned deep, lifting his hips at the same time he buried a hand in Aaron’s hair, holding him in place.

A part of him wanted Shane to take control. To thrust himself into Aaron’s mouth until he came.

But this was about something else. Aaron knew it instinctively, and so he used one arm to hold Shane down—as much as he could, anyway—and went at his own pace.

Shane didn’t struggle. He didn’t growl in frustration. He let Aaron take control, and he seemed to relax. His body was still tense and growing ever tenser, but it was a different kind of tension. The kind of tension Aaron knew he could release.

And after a focused effort, he did. He took Shane deep, his tongue pressing against that sensitive ridge, and he felt Shane’s cock pulse, his grip tightening in Aaron’s hair.

He held himself in place until Shane was finished, then slowly withdrew, licking his lips. Shane was panting, his face flushed, his eyes glazed over with the remnants of his spent passion.