Authors: Melody Carlson
Now I suppose I thought he might try a goodnight kiss at the door. But instead, he took my hand in his again and just told me how much he’d enjoyed the evening, and then he said good night.
I felt a weird mixture of disappointment and relief. But after thinking about it more carefully, I am glad he did it like that. And I’m even planning on telling Caitlin about it. It might help her to see that it’s possible to date without going all hot and crazy.
But here’s what’s strange about going out and not kissing—it makes everything seem way more romantic. Kind of like those old movies where they don’t show too much, but it feels like so much more. It’s hard to describe, but I like it.
HONOR
i will honor
myself
my belief
my boyfriend
my parents
but most of all
my God
i want to honor
You
in all i do
and when i do
i know
it will honor
everyone around me
help me to
honor You
amen
My dad invited everyone connected to the band (as well as anyone else who we wanted to come) to go out to the lake for a day of celebration, picnicking, and boating. Both Dad and his buddy Ron Stephensen had ski boats there and gave kids turns tearing up the lake.
After I’d heard Allie and Laura announce that they were inviting Ryan and Taylor, I felt it only fair to invite Cesar. And of course we asked Caitlin and Beanie to come, and Caitlin brought along her little brother, Benjamin. Altogether I think there must’ve been more than thirty of us there. It was so cool!
We stayed until late, enjoying the fireworks reflecting off the glass surface of the lake. Very beautiful. Cesar held my hand but did nothing else. And I was perfectly happy with that. I noticed Ryan with his arm around Laura, and even him sneaking a kiss or two when they thought no one was watching. I also noticed Allie and Taylor slip away. And this bothered me. But then I thought, well, her mom and little brother are here—as well as the rest of us. I guess I don’t
need to worry about her so much. And like she says, she’s “not a baby.” Besides, it seems as if Taylor is nicer than I thought. Maybe I did misjudge him. I hope so.
SPECTACULAR DISPLAY
Your love
is brighter than fireworks
o my God
Your joy
is more spectacular than a shooting star
Your peace
is more beautiful than the lake in moonlight
Your grace
more refreshing than cool water on a hot day
nothing compares to You
o my God
praise and thanks
I give to You
my God amen
Willy called this morning and said that Omega has agreed, with a couple of minor changes, to the contract that we FedExed to them after our final vote. I called and left messages for Laura and Allie, and then, too excited to just sit
around, I went over to the Paradiso to tell Allie in person. But she wasn’t there.
“Where’s Al?” I asked Mike. “I thought she worked this morning.”
He shrugged. “I thought she did too.”
“Maybe she’s on her way,” I suggested. “I know she’s not at home.” Then I noticed several customers waiting for their coffees. “You want a hand back there?”
He grinned. “You kidding?”
So I grabbed an apron and started making coffees, thinking that Al would show up at any moment. But by noon, she still hadn’t come. And she hadn’t answered her phone. “We’re supposed to practice at one,” I told Mike as I hung up my apron.
He nodded. “Thanks for helping. I owe you big-time.”
I waved my hand. “Hey, you’re the one who gave me my first big break in music. I think I owe you.”
He laughed, then turned to the next customer.
Laura was just parking her car in front of my house when I got home. “I heard the news,” she called as she walked over. “I am so glad that part is over with. I kept thinking my mom was going to change her mind and call the whole thing off.”
“Yeah, me too.” I parked my bike. “Have you heard from Al today?”
“No, I’ve been at work.”
“She was supposed to have been at work too, but she never showed. And she’s not at home.”
“Do you think something’s wrong?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Do you suppose something could’ve happened with Davie?”
“Maybe we should try calling again.”
So I went inside and called Allie’s number and to my surprise she actually answered. At least I thought it was her, but her voice sounded strange. “Allie?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you okay?”
She didn’t answer, just made a sniffling sound.
“Are you crying?”
Again she didn’t answer, but I could tell she was crying.
“What’s wrong, Al?”
“Noth-nothing.”
“It doesn’t sound like nothing. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“What happened? Is it your mom? Davie?”
“They’re okay.”
“Then
what?
” I was losing my patience, and Laura looked as if the suspense was killing her.
“I said it’s nothing.”
“Allie, why didn’t you go to work this morning?”
“I-uh-I forgot.”
“Yeah.” I made a face to Laura to show her I
couldn’t make any sense of this either. “So are you coming?”
“Coming?”
“Allie! What is wrong with you? We have practice at one. Willy will be here any minute and—”
“Yeah, I guess I’m coming.”
I glanced at Laura. “Do you need a ride?”
“Maybe so.”
“Fine. I’ll see if Laura can get you.” Then I hung up.
“What’s going on?” Laura asked.
“I wish I knew. Allie is acting really strange. Can you go pick her up while I wait here for Willy?”
“Sure. I’ll be right back.”
After Laura left I started to pray. First I prayed for Allie because it seemed like something was seriously wrong. I wondered if she got in a fight with her mom, or maybe her dad called and started acting like a jerk again. But it occurred to me as I prayed that this whole recording contract business was totally dependent on all three of us girls. If one of us falls down, we all fall down. And it got me seriously worried. So I prayed even harder.
When Willy arrived, I told him that something was wrong with Allie. I figured since he’s our manager, he might as well get used to stuff like this.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I don’t know. She missed work this morning, and when I called just now she sounded really upset. But she wouldn’t say. Laura went to get her.”
He scratched his head. “That doesn’t sound like our Allie.”
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. I was just praying for her.”
“Mind if I join you?”
So the two of us took a few more minutes to pray for Al, and the next thing we knew she and Laura were walking in the door.
As soon as I saw her, I knew something really bad must be wrong. Her normally pale face was red and blotchy, like she’d been crying for days without stopping, and her blue eyes were bright and puffy and rimmed in red. She really looked hideous.
I immediately went over and hugged her. “Whatever it is, we will help you through this.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Willy in a gentle voice.
She shook her head. “I just want to practice and go home.”
“You sure you feel like it?” asked Laura.
She nodded. “Yeah. I can do this.”
“Want some iced tea?” I asked.
“That’d be good.”
So we got everyone situated with a tall glass of tea, then quietly went upstairs to practice. But it was weird. It’s like something was missing, like we were just mechanically running through the steps. And it worried me.
“That’s probably good for the day,” said Willy after just an hour, his brow furrowed with concern. “I wanted to give you girls an update on what’s happening with Omega.” He glanced at Allie. “That is, unless you’re ready to talk, Al?”
She shook her head and looked down at the drums.
“Okay then.” He took in a deep breath, and I could tell this thing with Al was making him pretty nervous. “Omega wants you girls to come back out in a couple weeks to start recording.”
“All right!” Laura started to get excited, then turned and looked at Allie as if to see if it was okay.
“Cool,” I said. “How long do they expect it will take?”
“It could take up to two weeks.”
“Two weeks?” Laura blinked. “Wow.”
“And here’s what’s really exciting,” he continued. “After you’re done recording, they want you to do some shows.”
“Some shows?” I felt a tremor of excitement running through me. “Like real shows, like concerts?”
He smiled. “Well, they won’t be big shows, and you’re not ready to open for Iron Cross yet. But they’ve got some advance open bookings at county fairs, spots where they can slot in any of their contracted musicians, and they think it might be a good way to get you girls into real performance shape.”
“Hey, it works for me.” I glanced over at Allie again. “What do you think, Al?”
She nodded without looking up. “Yeah, cool.”
Okay, something in me just exploded about then. I mean, I felt sorry for her and I knew she was really hurting about something, but it’s pretty aggravating when someone won’t even tell you what’s going on. “What is wrong with you?” I actually shouted.
She looked at me, then burst into tears.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered as I went over and stood by her. “I’m really sorry, Allie. But can’t you see it’s really frustrating? I mean, we’re all excited about what’s going on—and here you are totally falling apart on us. You have to tell us what’s wrong, Al. We’re a team—a family. It’s just not fair to keep something from us.”
She looked over to where Willy and Laura were silently watching us both. “I’m—I’m sorry, you guys. I’m just such a—such a mess today.” Allie frowned at me. “I know you’re right, Chloe. But it’s hard to—”
“Would it be easier to tell just one of us, Allie?” asked Willy. “It’s plain to see you need to talk to someone.”
She nodded, then pointed at me. “I—I’ll tell Chloe.” She wiped her wet face with her hands. “Before she beats it out of me.”
I kind of smiled then turned to Willy and Laura. “We’ll all talk later.” And they left. Laura didn’t even take her bass with her. I’m sure they were both pretty freaked by this whole thing. I know I was. I also knew they’d both be praying for Allie—and me too.
I flopped down on the couch and waited a few minutes, hoping this might help her to recover. Finally, she climbed down from her stool and came over and sank down beside me. She reached for a throw pillow and clutched it to herself and started to speak.
“It’s about Taylor.”
I waited for her to continue, but when she didn’t, I asked her, “Did he break up with you?”
She turned and looked at me with angry eyes. “No!”
“Okay.” I leaned back and exhaled loudly. “What then?”
“I broke up with him.”
I brightened now. “What’s wrong with that?”
She shook her head. “You just don’t get it.”
“Duh. I’m not a mind reader, you know.”
“Last night…
“Yeah, I saw you guys sneaking away last night. What happened?” But it’s as if she didn’t need to tell me. Maybe I was a mind reader after all, because somehow I thought I knew.
“We went for a walk.” Then she started to cry again.
I sat up and peered into her face. “Allie? Did Taylor do something to you? Did he force you to—”
She shook her head. “He didn’t—didn’t actually rape me, Chloe. Really, he didn’t.”
“Okay,” I tried to speak soothingly. “Did he try to rape you?”
She nodded, silent tears now streaming down her cheeks. Then we both just sat there for a few minutes. I was stunned, yes, but not completely surprised. It seemed like the kind of thing that Taylor Russell would do. And for the first time since my encounters with Tiffany Knight, I really wanted to do some bodily harm to someone. I know we’re supposed to let God take revenge, but at that moment I wouldn’t have minded being able to dish out a little of my own.
“I really thought he loved me,” she finally said, breaking through the wall of silence.
“Yeah, I know you did, Al.”
“He said I was special.”
“He’s a liar, Al. According to Cesar, Taylor
Russell is after one thing and one thing only.”
“I thought he was so cool.” She pulled out the hem of her T-shirt and wiped her nose on it. “I thought I was pretty cool too—having Taylor Russell interested in me. It was like a fairy tale.”
“With a really rotten ending.”
“Yeah.” Then she proceeded to tell me how he’d led her to an isolated area and began kissing her. “It wasn’t the first time we’d kissed,” she admitted. “And Taylor was always kind of pressing me for more, but usually we were around other people, or I’d make some excuse about curfew or whatever. I just figured he was acting like a normal guy, you know?”
“Not all guys are like that.” I thought of Cesar.
She shook her head. “I feel so stupid for falling for him. You tried to warn me, Chloe.” Then she told me how he’d held her by her arms, even after she begged him to let go, how he pinned her down on the ground. “There was a sharp stick under me.” She pulled up the back of her shirt to show a big red gash on her back. “And I kept saying no, but the fireworks were so loud.”
“I’m so sorry, Al.” I put my hand on her shoulder. “I was worried about you—when I saw you guys leave. I should’ve come.”
“You didn’t know…” She rolled her eyes. “I
didn’t even know. Even when it was happening, I thought, ‘This cannot be happening to me.’ But he was pulling on my shirt and my shorts and no matter what I said to him, he just kept going.” She stopped to take in a jagged breath.
“But you said he didn’t—”
“I just started praying, Chloe. I don’t even know if I was praying out loud or in my head, but I started begging God to help me. And the whole time I was trying to kick and punch. Then suddenly Taylor looked up, like I think he heard someone walking toward us. I never actually heard or saw anyone myself. But Taylor jumped up, zipped his jeans, and just took off running. I never saw him again last night.” Now she really started sobbing. “And—and—he just left me there—like this broken toy—or something he didn’t need anymore. I felt so—so—” She put her head into the pillow and cried.
“Used,” I finished for her.
Allie spent the night at my house tonight. Apparently she was in such shock the evening it all happened, that although her mom drove her and Davie home from the lake, she didn’t even cry or speak or anything. And she hasn’t told her mom about any of this, and she’s afraid to now.
I told her that I think she should: 1) tell her mom, and 2) tell the police. But Allie refused. She’s afraid it will ruin everything for us—that
somehow her mom will think it has to do with the band. Or that Laura’s mom, or even mine, will. And while I can sort of see her point, I still think she needs to tell her story. It’s wrong for someone like Taylor Russell to just walk around doing that to girls. I told Allie that I wouldn’t bug her about it anymore tonight, if she promised to really consider the bigger picture tomorrow. She said she would if I promised not to tell anyone.
“Not even Laura?” I asked.
“
No one.
”