Soldier Girl (11 page)

But there was another side to Molly that railed childishly against the rules, that felt she’d never amount to anything so she might as well spoil it all now. By the time she met Billy in the evening she was in that sort of defiant mood, all ready for naughtiness and daring. God, she wanted to get out of there and get some drinks inside her!

They’d arranged to meet near the NAAFI canteen again. Molly made sure she was a bit late. She wanted Billy to be waiting, not her, wanted him to see her walking towards him. Even in the unbecoming ATS uniform she knew that with her figure, her belt pulled nice and tight, she could make quite an impression. She knew the moves, walking sinuously as if along a tightrope, swaying her hips; she’d seen her mother do it often enough, though many men were too scared of Iris to come near. But the two of them had the same curving figure.

The effect was marred somewhat by the fact that as well as being bitterly cold and slippery underfoot, it was already dark, and she was only able to be sure Billy was waiting for her once she got really close. She saw the tip of his cigarette glowing in the gloom.

‘That you, Billy boy?’ she called softly.

‘Over ’ere, Molly.’ Billy pushed himself off against the wall.

She came up close, smiling, breathing in the rough tobacco smoke. ‘Umm, that’s nice,’ she said.

‘Want one?’ He patted his pocket.

‘Ta—’ She took one and he lit it for her. The smoke felt nice, rough in her throat, part of the excitement. ‘Let’s just get away from here,’ she said. ‘Somewhere we can be alone – just you and me, Billy?’

To her disappointment, Billy stalled. ‘We’d best not, you know. You’ll only end up spending half the night in the guard room. T’ain’t worth it. It’s only a day or two more and then you can go out anyway.’

‘Oh but, Billy – it’s Friday night! You chicken?’

‘No – it just ain’t worth it,’ he said firmly, as if to a child. ‘You’re bound to get caught – take my word for it. Come on – we can go in ’ere and have a sit down together. I’ll take you out next week.’

‘Promise?’ she wheedled. She wanted booze, excitement, and to show what she was made of.

‘Course – come on.’

‘Take my arm, Billy.’

He seemed a bit surprised by this, but Molly pushed her arm through his. She wanted to make sure everyone knew she’d made a killing as they walked into the canteen – the tea-sipping types like Win and Ruth if they were in there. After all, she might not be a goody-goody like them, but she knew how to get a man all right!

The air inside was heavy with smells of cabbage, stew and the singed jam in the roly-poly pudding, mixed with smoke and the fug from lots of warm young bodies in uniform – which had its own musty smell. The place was crowded with young people drinking from beer bottles and sipping mugs of tea and chatting together. Molly saw a couple of the new recruits from her hut, Doris and Lily from Nottingham, and she waved at them, but there was no sign of Win or Ruth.

‘Most of our lot are in the hut darning their stockings,’ she said scornfully, as she and Billy found a space at the end of a table where they could squeeze in.

‘I see that one from on the train’s here,’ Billy said, nodding along the table. Molly saw Lipstick Lips Marguerite at the far end, in animated conversation with a young officer, and rolled her eyes at Billy. To her surprise, halfway along the table she spotted Honor, seated with two young men, one on each side of her, both of whom seemed to be paying her rapt attention.

‘Blimey,’ she said to Billy, ‘there’s old Blarting Beak – see the blonde there. Hardly knows her arse from ’er elbow, that one.’ She felt a bit disloyal saying this. Honor was all right really. She just said it for effect.

Billy glanced along at Honor and to Molly’s surprise said, ‘Looks a bit of all right though. But a bit posh for me.’

‘Yeah,’ Molly said, affronted. What on earth was it about Honor that men found attractive? ‘She’s right out of your league, sunshine.’

‘Want a cuppa tea?’

‘No – get us a beer, will yer?’

Billy went over to the counter and brought back two bottles and glasses. There were screams of laughter coming from that end of the room. The cook, a male in this case, had an apparently endless supply of disgusting puns for almost every item of food, and some of the girls were enjoying this, including Doris and Mary. Others sat looking po-faced.

‘So – how’re you settling in?’ Billy asked.

‘Oh, it’s all right, I s’pose,’ Molly said. She couldn’t describe her true mixed feelings, how much she wanted to please, to do well, and at the same time, every time she was given an order she immediately wanted to do the opposite. She felt as if she was possessed by a two-year-old infant who wanted to scream ‘NO’ each time she was asked to do anything, then resented being told off.

‘I’ve had enough of all that polishing buttons and cap badges and that . . .’ This was not true, either. She liked it. ‘And you should see the state of my feet! All blisters!’

‘Oh, those’ll soon go,’ Billy said easily.

‘How long’ve you been in, Billy?’

‘A few months. I was Reserved Occ – munitions factory – but I kept on until they let me go. I wanted a piece of the action. No good staying at home when it’s all happening, is there?’

‘No, that’s brave of yer,’ she flattered him.

‘What about you then?’

‘Beats being at home.’ She took a long drink. The beer was already making her feel mellow.

‘Oh I see,’ he laughed. ‘Like that is it? Tell me about yourself then, Molly. Where’d you grow up?’

‘Round Ashted, Vauxhall . . . in a palace!’ She gave her full-hearted chuckle.

‘Course you would round there! Like the Green where I come from – from another palace!’

They had an understanding then. Molly suddenly realized she genuinely liked Billy. She gave him a limited outline of her childhood – two brothers, father shell-shocked, leaving school for a series of factory jobs. She mentioned the Buttons, the neighbours who’d been kind, and Em, her best friend. All in all, she thought, she’d made it sound not too bad really.

‘I’d’ve liked Em to join up with me really,’ she said. ‘But her mom’s not too good with her health and she’s sweet on this bloke called Norman. Shame really because he’s the most boring so-and-so you’ll ever meet – great big ears—’ She waggled her hands behind her ears, making Billy laugh. ‘He’s a copper and you can’t even have a laugh with him. Takes everything all serious, as if ’e’s about to have you arrested.’

‘She must see summat in him.’

‘Well – each to their own,’ she said, smiling winningly at him. ‘Now – you tell me about you.’

Billy talked about his widowed mother and sister Jean who he was evidently fond of. ‘Jean’s a bit like your friend Em – sticks with our mom. I sometimes wonder if any bloke’ll be able to win her away from Mom.’

‘Shame really,’ Molly said. ‘How old is she?’

‘Twenty-six next birthday.’

‘Shame,’ Molly said again. Half her mind now was taken up with thinking how to get Billy outside. Sitting here talking was all well, but she wanted to move things along. It was as if something was driving her that she had no control over.

They had a second drink. While Billy was fetching it, Molly glanced along at Honor. Honor’s tall back was slightly slouched, one of her long arms bent up languidly to her face, holding a cigarette. She was talking to one of the young soldiers, who seemed deeply fascinated by her. Honor gave him a lovely smile. Molly was truly taken aback. Honor obviously had hidden depths that she hadn’t realized.

Molly and Billy talked longer, amid the loud conversation and bursts of laughter, about home and the things they had in common. Molly didn’t swear in front of Billy. She realized that he was quite a straight, respectable lad. After a time she drank up and leaned closer to him again.

‘Fancy getting some fresh air for a bit?’

‘Yes, all right,’ Billy said easily.

He led the way out of the thronging canteen and they were out in the bitter air. There was a half moon, smudged with cloud. Once more, Molly took his arm and they strolled slowly, not aiming for anywhere in particular, but ending up heading towards the far end where the catering company and food stores were.

‘Out on the town next week then,’ she said.

‘If you like. Not everyone’s friendly though, you know. They’re not too happy to have their park taken over by the army!’

‘I thought it was a racecourse?’

‘Used to be. They used to hang people there at one time as well!’

‘Ooh they daint, did they?’ Molly pretended to shudder. ‘You’re scaring me now.’

She nuzzled close to Billy and he put his arm round her shoulders.

‘Maybe we’ll see a headless ghost!’ he chuckled.

‘Don’t say that. I get scared easily!’

‘You? I don’t believe yer!’

Over in the deep shadows of the huts she turned to him, inviting him to put his arms round her.

‘Blimey Molly – you’re hot stuff, ain’t yer?’ He sounded taken aback.

‘There’s no need to be like that,’ she said coyly. ‘I just like a bit of a cuddle, that’s all.’ She felt the excitement of it, the need to conquer him, mixed with the knowledge that that was what he wanted, to reach this point, what they always wanted. Everything else was just a preparation, a step towards it.

She pressed herself against him and raised her face to his. Billy seemed thrown by this.

‘C-can I kiss yer then?’

‘What’re you waiting for?’ she said, sliding her hand up and down his back. He was solid and strong.

‘I s’pose I’m used to taking things a bit more slow, like,’ he said.

‘What’s the use in waiting?’ she said. ‘Give us a kiss, Billy.’

His lips reached down for hers and in moments they were kissing passionately, pressed up against the damp planks of the hut. Molly clung to him, pulling him tighter, pressing against him, all her instincts primed to excite him, to give him what was expected.

‘Jesus,’ he gasped, freeing his lips after a few minutes. There was, if she had been able to hear it, something in his tone which was not pleasure but alarm, revulsion even. But she did not choose to hear it.

‘There,’ she said. ‘How’s that then, Billy?’

She was so close up to him that she could tell he was very excited. While still just in command of himself, he said, ‘D’yer want. . . ? I mean, I didn’t expect . . .’

Molly said nothing, unsure what to say, but smiled back at him, which Billy took as a sign of permission.

‘Jesus Christ,’ he said, unable to help himself. And his hands were struggling with her then, the tough uniform making her like a parcel that was frustrating to unwrap. He wrestled with her buttons, breathing fast, hands fumbling for her breasts. He managed to free one breast from the restraining army brassiere and nuzzled her hungrily, his hands moving down, tugging her skirt up. And Molly up until that moment was with him, leading him on, even with the cold air on her skin, but then baulked when he started on the skirt, trying to fumble down there . . .
No one should be touching you
. . . It was as if a freezing wind rushed through her mind, chilling any sense of involvement with him. She froze, suddenly outside it all, seeing his blond head at her breast in the moonlight, his desperate fumbling . . .

‘Stop it!’ she hissed. ‘Not that! Don’t do that!’

She tugged her skirt back down so emphatically that she startled him.

‘What?’ It was as if she had slapped him. ‘What d’yer mean? I thought you wanted . . . I mean, the way you was carrying on . . .’

‘No – not that. Not all the way!’ she said, closing her clothes, wanting now more than anything to get away from him. Chasing them was one thing, reeling them in. Cold, physical reality was another.

‘Don’t tell me you’re a cowing virgin now, after all that come on!’

‘What if I am? What’s it to you?’

Billy laughed contemptuously. ‘You’re just another f***ing tease. Go on – get lost. I know your sort.’

‘Oh Billy!’ She was stung by his rejection of her. After all, she’d given him a good time, hadn’t she? What the hell was the matter with him? ‘Don’t be like that,’ she wheedled. ‘I thought we was going to be friends?’

‘Friends?
Friends is one thing, Molly – you’ve got a pretty queer notion of just being friends is all I can say.’ Billy started walking, fast, back across the dark field, Molly struggling to keep up.

‘I’m sorry, Billy – I daint mean to upset yer . . .’

‘Well you have – all right? I don’t like being mucked about with.’ He strode on, furiously. ‘I’ll walk you back to your hut, Molly – which one is it?’

‘J,’ she said.

‘Right – but that’s it then. You’re a bit too fast for my liking.’

‘But I told yer – I daint mean—’ she panted after him. ‘We can take it more slowly, Billy – whatever you want.’

He ignored her and soon they reached Hut J.

‘Right,’ he said, standing up very straight, on his dignity. ‘I’ll see yer then.’

‘Ain’t you going to give me a goodnight kiss?’

‘No. Don’t think so. Cheers, Molly.’