Soldiers' Wives (37 page)

Lee left the quarter and walked through the married patch towards the barracks. He might as well go and see Captain Fanshaw and get his personal admin sorted out. There was no point in putting things off – his situation wasn't going to get any better.

Half an hour later, he was knocking on his platoon commander's door.

‘Perkins,' said Seb, looking up. ‘Good to see you back. How's the shoulder?'

‘Gucci, thanks, sir. I've got a whole Meccano set holding everything together, but it all works properly. I'm still on light duties but I'm hoping the MO is going to pass me fully fit in a couple of weeks.'

‘Glad to hear that.'

‘Not sure I'll be able to try for the SAS again, though.'

‘That's a blow,' said Seb.

‘But being at Headley Court puts things in perspective. There's a lot worse things that can happen to a guy.'

His platoon commander nodded. ‘That's a commendable approach to have.'

Lee shrugged. ‘Sir, the thing is, I'd like to move back into company lines.'

Seb stared at him before saying, ‘Ah. It's come to that, has it?'

Lee nodded. ‘I can't forgive what she did to me.'

‘How did you find out?'

‘Online banking, sir, but I told you… at the hospital.'

Seb looked perplexed. ‘Sorry, I meant about…' He stopped and looked embarrassed.

‘Sir?'

‘No, it's nothing.'

But his boss was squirming with embarrassment. ‘There's something else, isn't there?'

‘Look, Perkins…' Captain Fanshaw paused. ‘No, it's nothing.'

‘Shouldn't I be the judge of that, with all due respect? Sir.'

Seb stared momentarily at the ceiling. ‘You're going to hear about it, anyway, I suppose. It's pretty common knowledge.'

‘And?'

‘Your wife had a fling, while you were in Afghan. With an REME sergeant. I don't know if it's over, or still going on. Of course, the army posted him out of the garrison quick-sharp but it doesn't mean…'

Seb faltered, and Lee could hazard a guess at the implication. If Jenna and the sergeant wanted to carry on a bit of distance wasn't going to stop them.

Lee waited for the anger or the hurt to kick in, but again, nothing. ‘I see, sir. I suppose it'll make the divorce easier.' And it might explain why she'd moved out – she'd found somewhere else to go. Typical Jenna, that.

‘Is that what you want? A divorce? Taking eight grand out of your account without asking was a big breach of trust, and I suppose this other business… But it's a drastic step.'

Lee nodded. ‘It's not the money – or this other business. To be honest, boss, as I said, when I was in Headley Court I got to realise that there's stuff that's a lot more important than cash. Being somewhere like that kinda puts a lot of things in perspective. And as for her having a fling… I don't think I was the right man for her. Let's just say, I think we both made a big mistake.'

Jenna waited till she heard the front door slam and then got out of bed. She padded across the bedroom of Dan's new flat and took a packet out of her handbag. There were, she thought, as she made her way to the bathroom, a lot of advantages to living with Dan. For a start there was plenty of money, lots more than when she was with Lee, and secondly they were living in their own place, not a grotty quarter. But on the downside he kept banging on about how they could start a family once the divorce was out of the way. As if.

Jenna sat on the loo and opened the box. She didn't need to read the instructions; this wasn't the first time she'd had to do this. Wee on the stick, wait a bit, and then look to see what the result was. She was pretty sure she knew what the outcome was going to be but she had to be sure and if she hadn't been so preoccupied with getting away from her old quarter and moving in with Dan she'd have noticed she'd missed a period. And now the next one was late.

The result was as she thought. Bugger. Only one thing for it, then. Really, she thought, as she Googled the number for the Pregnancy Advisory Service, she ought to put it into the memory of her phone. It would save her a lot of time, in the long run. She knew exactly when she'd got pregnant – that drunken night just before she'd heard about Lee's injury – so there was no time to waste or she'd start to show and Dan might notice. As it was she was sure she could get away with getting rid of it, quietly. She'd tell Dan she was going to visit her mum for a bit, and he needn't be any the wiser. A tiny part of her felt a bit sorry for him; it was obvious that he was longing to be a dad, but having kids wasn't the be-all-and-end-all in life, was it? And if he stayed with her he'd just have to get used to the idea, wouldn't he?

Seb shovelled in another forkful of mashed potato, while Maddy fed Nathan some steamed fish.

‘I saw Perkins today,' said Seb.

‘Really?' Maddy was genuinely pleased. She knew he'd been sent off to Headley Court and that his wife had done a bunk but since those two bits of intelligence had whizzed around the patch, Lee Perkins and his troubles had rather disappeared off everyone's radar, including Maddy's. ‘How is he?'

‘Surprisingly good, all things considered. He's going for a divorce, though.'

‘I would have been surprised if he didn't.' Maddy shook her head as she remembered Jenna and her shenanigans. ‘You've got to hope there's some nice woman out there who would make him a proper wife. He deserves it.'

Seb nodded. ‘He's a good soldier and I'd like to see him do well. He's a bright lad and he should have a good career ahead of him.' He returned his attention to his supper.

‘Seb?'

He glanced up. He knew that tone; it was Maddy's wheedling voice. ‘Hmm?'

‘Talking of good careers…' She paused. ‘How would you feel if I got a job?'

‘A
job
? But what about Nate?'

‘What about him? Lots of mothers work and their kids cope.'

‘I know but…'

‘But you said I wasn't to worry about your career and I was to think about being me. Well, I have been and I need to use my brain.' She looked pleadingly at Seb, willing him to understand her point of view. ‘I've got a plan and I've discussed it with Caro.'

Seb threw down his knife and fork. ‘So you've talked about this to Caro before you go over it with me? Well, thanks very much.'

Maddy rolled her eyes in exasperation. ‘Yes, because she's part of the plan. Caro is a trained nanny and I asked her if she'd be Nate's childminder. You know how brilliant she is with him and Nate adores her and her boys.' She stared at Seb. ‘Happy?' But she could tell from the look on his face he wasn't really.

‘But why do you want a job? I earn enough to keep us.'

‘It's nothing to do with the money, and by the time I've paid Caro, there won't be a lot left from anything I earn. Seb, this is about me.'

‘You?'

‘Yes, me.'

‘But aren't you happy?'

Maddy stared at him. He just didn't get it, did he? ‘Darling, I love being your wife and Nate's mother but that's all I am these days. I'm not… me. Not like I was at uni. Not like I was when you met me. I don't have a role that's just mine. God, I've even found myself introducing myself to people as Captain Fanshaw's wife or Nate's mum, not Maddy or even Maddy Fanshaw. And I feel as if I'm disappearing. Seb, I've got a degree from Oxford and I'm wiping bottoms, mopping floors and shopping for groceries.' Seb stayed silent. ‘You've got a career, why can't I have one too?'

‘What'll happen when we move? We're bound to, you know.'

‘I'm not stupid, Seb, I know this. I'll just get another job.'

‘So when is all this going to kick off?'

‘Depends if I get the post.'

‘You've already applied? For what?'

‘There's a little company that does lab work outsourced by charities researching cancer treatments – it's on the science park. No commuting, right up my street, it's perfect.'

‘And you didn't tell me? You deliberately kept me in the dark till you could present me with a fait accompli?'

It was Maddy's turn to get cross. ‘No, I didn't. I thought what's the point of having a row if I don't even get an interview?'

‘We're not rowing.'

Maddy snorted.

‘So you'd already made your mind up to go back to work and asking for my opinion was just an afterthought?'

‘No, that's not it. But you've got to see it's a bit chicken and egg.'

‘I suppose,' conceded Seb, but he still sounded put out.

‘Anyway, cheer up, I mightn't get it.' But she hoped against hope she did.

Chrissie gazed at the morning's appointments list on the computer. Sick parade was over, and now it was the turn of the soldiers who had appointments for check-ups or jabs or ongoing treatment for their ailments to see the MO. Her eye lit on a name: Lee Perkins. She had to steady herself against the counter in reception. Lee! He was back. She could feel her heart thudding in anticipation of seeing him again, and she noticed her hands were shaking.

Since Immi had told her the news about Jenna's affair, she'd longed to ask more about it, but Immi's response to a bit of gentle questioning didn't encourage further prying.

‘You shouldn't want to know, Chrissie Summers. Jenna's a cow. I mean,' Immi's voice had risen in indignation, ‘why would either of us care what happens to her? Considering what she did to her husband –
and
while he was in a war zone – sheesh, words fail me. Honestly, Chrissie, I don't know why we were friends with her. We should have seen through her.'

Chrissie didn't contradict her and point out that it had been Immi who had been Jenna's mate, not her. Nor did she dare tell her quite how close she'd got to Lee in Afghanistan and how much she felt for him now. Not that it mattered, she thought glumly, as she gazed at Lee's name on the computer screen, she was never going to have a chance with him. She didn't know why but he'd made it perfectly obvious that whatever he'd once felt for her was over. Since his second injury, his attitude had changed completely. She sighed. She just wished she could flick a switch on her feelings like he had, because inside she was dying.

It was almost lunchtime when Maddy rang the bell of Caro's quarter. She was dressed in her smart interview suit and couldn't wait to get home and change into something more comfortable.

‘So?' said Caro, as she opened the door, a squirming Nathan cradled in her arms.

‘I'm really, really sorry, Caro.'

‘Oh, hun. You didn't get it? The stupid people have no idea what they've let slip by them.'

Maddy sighed. ‘No, it's not the job I'm feeling sorry about, it's something else.'

Caro's forehead creased. ‘I'm not with you, Mads.'

Maddy couldn't keep her smile suppressed any longer. ‘I'm sorry but you're going to be stuck with Nate for the foreseeable future. I got the job!'

Caro's shriek of delight not only reduced Nathan to instant tears but was heard halfway across the patch.

‘Only pretend I didn't tell you first. Seb's got to believe he's the first one to hear the news.'

‘God, men!' Caro handed Nate over to Maddy. ‘By the way, do you want to hear some gossip?'

‘Caro, I'm a woman.
Of course
I want to hear some gossip.'

‘Well, apparently Susie and Mike have been hauled into their kids' prep school and there's a risk their girls might have to leave.'

‘No! Why?'

‘It seems the girls have been sharing porn with their classmates.'

Maddy's eyes goggled. ‘But that's awful.'

Caro nodded. ‘It seems they found their dad's stash of dodgy DVDs, copied them and then sold them.'

Maddy's mouth twitched. ‘I know it's appalling but you've got to admire their enterprise.'

It's not how their head sees it.'

‘I can imagine. But how come you know? I mean it's hardly the sort of thing Susie would post on the Wives' Club noticeboard.'

‘Most of the kids there are army ones, so it's courtesy of the wives' grapevine. Of course, it may not be true but I've heard from Philly that as a result Susie's signed the pledge.'

‘No!' Somehow that seemed almost as shocking as the other bit of gossip.

‘It sort of adds up. Maybe, what with one thing and another, she and Mike had their eye off the ball a bit too much when the kids were home. If she was out for the count on the sofa, weekends and evenings, no wonder the girls were running a bit wild.'

As Maddy took Nathan back to her house she felt even more glad that she was going to have a life of her own, a life off the patch and that didn't involve anyone from the army. It had just been made even more apparent to her that there was no such thing as a private life where the other wives were concerned. It made her wonder, fleetingly, what they knew about her.

‘Hi, Lee.'

‘Chrissie?' He sounded surprised.

OK, she had the advantage because she knew he was going to turn up to the medical centre that morning but even so, surely he would have known he might see her there. ‘I
do
work here. It can't come as
that
much of a shock to see me.' She tried to sound light-hearted but she was angry that he seemed to have forgotten all about her. Did she mean that little to him?

‘No, no… sorry, I wasn't thinking.'

You certainly weren't thinking about me. She felt her heart crack just a little more. ‘How are you?' she said brightly to cover up her feelings.

‘Better. Look.' Lee swung his arm in an arc like a bowler.

‘Impressive. And no aches and pains?'

‘Some, but not often, and I've got lots of exercises I can do to ease them.'