SOLO (18 page)

I'm not as shocked hearing the words now as I was last night when they tumbled out of his mouth at warp speed. "Why isn't she in a facility?" I'm not sure that's the right word. "I mean is she comfortable here?"

"Most of the apartment is dedicated to her care." He nods towards a long hallway. "I hired someone to coordinate everything. Her name is Jasmine. She takes care of everyone's schedules. There are caregivers here around the clock. A doctor visits her every day and if any other needs arise, she's taken to a hospital immediately."

He's thought of everything. I'm not surprised. He's very much in control of every aspect of his life.

"I considered having her placed in a facility." He scrubs his hand over the back of his neck. "Her parents wouldn’t hear of it."

"Has her prognosis changed at all since it happened?"

"No." There's no hesitation in his answer. "She'll never recover. Never."

I want to ask what that means for his life. I want to know if that's why he's the abrasive, pompous asshole he was when I met him. I want to push about how that impacts us.

"Meeting you has changed so much of my life, Libby."

I hold my breath as I wait for him to continue.
              "It's made me see that I can't keep living the way I have been. I can't. I need to let Natasha go." His voice cracks at the admission.

"How do you do that?" It's a genuine question.

"One step at a time."

Alec

She hasn't gotten up and walked out the door yet. I can't fucking believe it. I feel like dropping to my knees to tell her how grateful I am that she's still here.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

I turn to look at her. There are tears in her eyes. They've been hovering there since I told her about Natasha's fall. I saw her chest draw in when I explained why Natasha lives here. She's too soft and kind for her own good.

I scratch my head, needing a minute longer to pull at the right words together. "I didn't want you to judge me."

She tenses, her bottom lip jutting out. "Did you think that I would?"

Since the accident happened, every single person who knows about Natasha judges me. The whispers about how I need to stay faithful and committed to her haven't been muted at all. "Libby." I hold out my hand hoping she's going to grab hold of it.

She looks at it, before her eyes move to my face. "Alec, I wouldn’t have judged you."

I'm just about to pull my hand back when she places hers into it, pulling her fingers through mine. "Many people do, Libby."

"Those people don't understand." She inches closer to me on the bench. "I think I understand."

The fact that she's still here tells me she understands. The look in her eyes says the same thing. "I think you do too."

"Do you want to tell me about her?"

I do. Of course I do. Natasha was an important part of my life. Libby is too. I want to share all the details of my life with her but I don’t know where to draw the line. I'll start at the most obvious place. "She loved Broadway."

Her eyebrows spike. "Was she an actress?"

"No." I laugh at the notion. "She was in finance but she always wanted to go to a play on Broadway."

"She never did?"

There's no way Libby can know how deeply that question shreds me. "She kept asking me to take her and I was always too busy with work. I promised I'd take her when we got back from our trip. We had the tickets but then she fell."

Her head darts down to hide her reaction. "Is that why you invested in the musical? It was because of her?"

This is hard. It's so fucking hard. I'm throwing my heart onto the floor. Bringing up all of this shit is reminding me of what a failure I was. "That's why. I also bought her that Tony award. It was supposed to be a wedding gift."

"That's really thoughtful." A thin smile accompanies the soft words. "What else did she like?"

"She liked helping people. She volunteered a lot. She was…" my voice stops as she pulls her hand from mine. "It was a long time ago."

She inches farther away from me on the bench. There it is. It's the realization of the gravity of this. She's finally seeing how fucked up I am and she wants nothing to do with me.

"I can take you home if you want," I offer out of respect not because it's what I want. I don't want her to leave. I never want her to fucking leave. That's why I'm showing her who I really am.

"Can I see her?"

If you would have hit me with a freight train, the impact wouldn't have compared to the shock of that question. "You want to see Natasha?"

She exhales slowly. "I would like to. Is that okay?"

I don't know how to answer that other than with the truth. I stand slowly reaching out my hand to help her up from the bench. "We'll go see her together."

Libby

I think I fell in love with Alec Hughes that first day in the elevator. It didn't seem like it at the time. He was direct, and brash. He was everything I didn’t look for in a man but I saw something there, in his eyes that made me want to know more about him.

Now, we're standing in a large room, the blinds are partially drawn and a woman is resting in the bed. Her eyes are closed, her chest moving in unison with the beep of a machine nearby. A tube is in her throat. She looks peaceful. She looks pained.

"Can I sit next to her?" I whisper the question into my hand.

He doesn't answer. He guides me towards the bed. His hands are clinging tightly to one of mine.

I lower myself in a chair next to her, carefully placing myself away from her bed linens. I don't want my bracelet to catch in anything that may impact the machines. There are several, each flashing a screen filled with graphs, numbers or just a faint sound that beeps in the distance every now and again.

"She's beautiful." I mean it. I can see the beauty that Alec must have found in her when he first fell in love.

He kneels down next to me. "She was a beautiful person, Libby."

I nod as my hand cups his cheek. "I'll help you. Whatever you need. I will help."

The tears start. They are slow at first, racing a path down his cheek, stopping when they reach the slight beard that now covers his face.

"What will happen to her?" Maybe it's not my business, but it's his. I want to know. I want to know what her future will be if my future is with him.

"I've been thinking about that." His hand reaches up to pull a stray piece of lint from the sheets. "I spoke to her parents about it this morning. They're going to move here."

"To New York?" I whisper.

"Yes." His voice is strong, the tone clear. "They can live here with her and I'll move to the condo."

"Why don't they live in New York now?" It doesn’t make sense. I heard the way her mother spoke about Natasha at the opening last night. I heard the pain in her voice. "Why do they live so far away?"

"They ran away after it happened." He shrugs his shoulders. "I think they couldn't handle seeing her like this."

"So they just left her with you?" It sounds cold and hurtful.

He stops to look at her face. "They told me that I was her fiancé and she was my responsibility. Margaret has never let me forget that I didn’t go on that hike."

Guilt. It's such an ugly and heavy cloak to place on anyone's shoulders. "It wasn't your fault that she fell."

"It's taken me a long time to allow myself to believe that." He taps his hand on my knee. "I think that I punished myself for years because I wasn't with her when it happened."

"Is that why you never let yourself care about anyone?" It's a misplaced question given where we are. He obviously cares deeply for Natasha. He's arranged a virtual hospice in his own home. "Or was it because you still love her?"

"I'll always love her," he says without any hesitation in the words. "It's a different kind of love now."

I don't need him to explain. I reach out to touch her hand, pulling it into mine. "Thank you for letting me see her."

"No, Libby." He reaches to cover both our hands with his. "Thank you for this."

I stare at his face seeing more of him than I ever have before. This is the Alec Hughes that hides behind the arrogance and the one night stands. This is the part of him that I knew was there. I always saw it when he looked at me.

"We should go." He pulls himself to his feet. "You have rehearsal soon."

Shit. I need to tell him that I'm quitting. I need to explain why I'm walking out of his life just when he's letting me into his.

Alec

I think I fell in love with Libby Duncan that first day in the elevator. She acted like she didn't like me very much. It could have had something to do with the fact that I trapped her against the wall while I had a raging hard-on. That might not have been the best first impression. I saw something there in the way she looked at me. Something that made me want to tell her all my secrets and do anything she asked of me.

"I can't fucking do this, Libby." I hold her tightly to me, cradling her head to my chest. "I can't be away from you."

Her arms are wrapped around me while quiet sobs shake her small frame. "I need to do this. You know why."

I do know why. I fucking know why and it doesn’t make it any easier. She's leaving because she got the lead role in Falling Choices. I half assed expected her to quit the damn thing after I told her I arranged an audition spot for her. I knew she'd be pissed but when the anger subsided, she was grateful. She got the part because she was fucking amazing during her audition. I was there. I had sat in the back row of the small off Broadway theatre as she took the breath away of every person in the room.

"You're going to come see me a lot, right?"

"I'll be there at least twice a week." I'm the fucking boss. I can leave whenever the hell I want and now I have Lance to take over some of the slack. He's actually proving to be way more valuable than I ever gave him credit for.

"You'll call me a lot too?"

"What the hell do you think? I grab hold of her shoulders and push her back so I can look down at her face. "I'll talk to you all day if you want me to."

"I can come back if you need me." Her eyes say more than the words.

It's been a struggle adjusting to having Natasha's parents in the city. Although they've taken on her primary care, they're angry and bitter. They've lashed out at Libby more than once but she's stood her ground, keeping herself focused on all of the rehearsals she's been doing for the past six weeks for the touring company's production.

"I want you to focus on your work," I say it with sincerity. "I want you to show every person who comes out to the show why you're the next big thing."

She snuggles her body into mine, pulling her bare leg over my groin. "You believe in me."

"I'm your biggest fan." I grab hold of my naked cock. "See what a big fan I am."

She throws her head back, laughter filling the air in the bedroom. "You're ridiculous."

I push her hair back from her face. "I'm very proud of you, Libby. You have no idea how proud I am to be your boyfriend."

"What?" Her head juts up. "You're my boyfriend?"

I smile. We haven't defined what we are. We haven't had to. After I'd moved into the condo, Libby stayed with me almost every night. We talked about our past, planned for our future all under the cautious guise of a budding romance. I haven't told her how I feel. She hasn't told me, but that hasn't mattered. We both understand.

"Yes." I trace a path down her forehead with my finger. "I am your boyfriend."

She leans forward, her lips flowing softly over mine. "I like being your girlfriend."

"It comes with special perks." I push her back onto the bed and crawl on top of her.

"What perks?"

"You get to fly on my private jet." I kiss her neck, moving my tongue along her collarbone.

"What else?" she asks through a soft moan.

"You have a key to this condo."

She smiles. It's the same smile that had brightened her face the day I placed the key in her hand. "What else?"

"This," I whisper into her breast as I pull her nipple between my teeth.

"Yes." I can barely make out the word as she pushes my head down, directing me towards her pleasure.

She needs it. I want it and as I pull my tongue over her wet core, she purrs my name into the air around us.

9 Months Later

Alec

I'm not one of those sentimental men who spend hours online looking for a romantic quote that he can post on social media to tell his girlfriend exactly how he feels. Who has time for that shit? I don't. I don't even have a fucking Facebook account. Seriously. Who besides Libby would want to be my friend? Lance, maybe Lance would.