Some Bear to Love: BBW Bear Shifter (BWWM) Romance Standalone (9 page)

His jaw tightened. “Why?”

“Because if anyone sees how much I already love you, I think I’ll break,” she said. “I can go through with this, but I just can’t stand for anyone to watch me do it. If I pretend it’s all some big joke, just some fling, then it’s fine. But it’s not. You’re my mate. And for the first time in my life, I want to go against my family. My family who has been so good to me. But even if I did, you wouldn’t come with me, would you? You wouldn’t take a risk on me, because you’re sure I would leave you.”

She stood and jerked her hand away when he tried to stop her. “And I just don’t understand why you would let something so small stop you.”

He gritted his teeth together. It didn’t feel small.

“I mean, I’ve known this would happen since I was a child. If I tried to walk away from this, I’d literally betray everyone who has ever cared about me. I’d lose everything, and I’d be breaking my word.” She looked at him with narrowed eyes.

He frowned. “What do you want from me?” he asked. “You should keep your word.” He saw the hurt in her eyes as he said it, but he knew even if he fought for it, even if he ignored the coldness inside him, one day she would resent him for making her do something that would make her turn on her family.

It was even more reason she would one day turn on him and leave. He couldn’t do it.

“If I were willing to turn my back on them, would you accept me? Would you even try to battle your demons?” she asked. “Would you trust me?”

He considered the question in his heart, trying to ignore the low growling of his bear that was getting louder every second. What could he honestly say? Other than the mating instinct within him, there was no reason they would work, nothing that would hold her here as he worked long days on the ocean.

She wouldn’t just be giving up her family, but her home in New York and her occupation as lawyer, which she’d presumably spent years in school for.

Perhaps if she’d had nothing to lose, he could have made a play for them, could have hoped she’d stay. But she had everything waiting for her, so what would stop her from going once she tired of him? Once he wasn’t an adventure anymore?

Eventually, his sternness would get to her. She was like a feather floating on the wind, and he was like a rock stuck at the bottom of the ocean.

Trapped.

He realized that while he’d been thinking, he’d given her all the answer she’d expected. Hurt flared in her eyes. This was everything he’d been trying to avoid. Everything they could have avoided if they’d just not gotten involved.

But trying to cut things off with her had been like trying to stop falling after you’ve already jumped off the cliff. Impossible.

He’d just wanted their last night together to be pleasant. But he could see now he’d been naive.

“I should take you home, shouldn’t I?” he said.

She nodded. He could see the tightness in the way she held herself, head high, throat tensed, arms folded over her beautiful chest. Damn, she was gorgeous.

But he’d be able to forget her someday, wouldn’t he?

He packed up things while she sat stiffly on the bench, watching the sea, which was becoming navy blue in the darkness. The sun was gone and the moon was out, and he used the lights on the front of the boat to guide them back to the dock.

Coldness rose in him as they got closer, and he didn’t think it was just the coldness of the night. It felt like he was making a colossal mistake, and as he helped her get off the boat and unloaded everything, it was harder and harder to breathe. He followed her down the dock in silence, watching her hips sway in front of him.

“Why won’t they let you choose?” he asked. “Why are you going to let someone arrange a marriage for you when you’re a fully grown woman?” he asked.

“I’m also a shifter,” she said. “And our kind is dying out.”

“But why the person they chose?”

“We’ve been promised since birth,” she said sadly.

“That’s some bullshit,” he said, catching her hand. “Why someone like him and not me?”

She looked into his eyes in surprise. “Do you want it to be you?”

He hesitated. That was a mistake. She pulled her hand away and kept walking. He grabbed her by the hand and pulled her against him, hard. Then he crushed his mouth down on hers, hoping to kiss her in a way she would never forget.

He’d kiss the sense out of her and make her forget anything existed in New York. He’d keep her here with him against the odds.

She struggled slightly and then pulled away, wiping her mouth. “Don’t do that,” she said.

“Fine,” he said hoarsely.

She watched him for a moment with narrowed eyes, then came in again, grabbed his shirt to yank him down, and crushed her mouth over his. “Asshole,” she murmured against his lips. “Coward,” she gasped as he stroked his tongue against hers and stifled any more words she might have said. He didn’t want the last words between them to be cruel.

Heat moved through him as they kissed, and when they finally pulled away, he saw the same heat reflected in her eyes. He sort of wished they could just rewind the whole week and she could steal his boat again and they could have one more week away from reality.

“So even if I were willing to walk away from my responsibilities, you wouldn’t fight for me?” she asked.

His face tightened. He didn’t know. He was suddenly faced with what-ifs he hadn’t considered. He hadn’t asked himself what he would do if she were willing to let go of her reasons. He wasn’t a man who could make an easy decision even when it was presented to him. He had to think.

She took it wrong. “I have my answer.”

“Wait,” he said, trying to follow her as she started to run away from him, over the sand. She’d only asked what if; she hadn’t said she was willing to stay. It wasn’t fair of her to do that. This couldn’t be the end for them. “Kim, don’t leave things like this.”

She turned back to him with fury in her eyes and then weariness. “Honestly, Sebastien. I’d rather leave things like this. It’ll make it easier to leave you.”

K
im’s words
hit him like a cannonball to his heart, deadening it with an intense blast. When she was out of sight, he sat on the sand and watched the ocean warily.

Why were things so much simpler out there?

He stayed there for an interminable amount of time, and then only realized what he was doing when he felt a rough tap at his shoulder.

“What are you doing out here?” a low voice asked.

He looked up to see his brother Scott. The businessman among them. The one who took care of the hotel. Scott had a habit of patrolling the beaches to make sure the guests were all in and safe, but he seemed to be even more agitated than usual tonight.

“Do you ever think about our mother?” Sebastien asked.

Scott plopped in the sand beside him. “How could I not? I try not to dwell on it, though.”

“I mean, we watched it wreck our dad, and we were left alone. I think it would have been different if we’d known where she went or what happened to her,” he said. “But she just vanished.”

“Yeah,” Scott said.

“Do you remember how he screamed?” Sebastien said.

“Yes. It was like she was dead.”

“Except she’d left him on purpose, which is almost worse.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted anything to happen to her.”

Sebastien thought of that. He knew he wouldn’t want anything to happen to Kim. “Do you think he’s still angry?”

Scott considered it. He was the thoughtful one in the family. The rational one. Sebastien liked to pretend he was rational, but he was finding he was also more emotional than he thought.

“Maybe you should ask him,” Scott said.

That made sense. He’d never spoken to his dad about what happened. He was a grown man now, and he’d never really forgiven his father for choosing someone who would hurt them all like that. He guessed part of what bothered him most was how much it had hurt his father.

He stood and brushed the sand off his knees, a new sense of purpose flooding him. “I’m going to go talk to him,” he said.

“Wish my problems were that easily solvable,” Scott muttered.

“Oh? What’s the problem,” he asked.

Scott shook his head. “Nothing.”

“He paired you up with that artist lady, didn’t he? She a handful?”

Scott grinned. “Yes, in the best way.”

“Still, storm brewing?”

“Yes,” Scott said. “Sailor, take warning.”

“I don’t understand those artistic types,” Sebastien said, folding his arms.

“Who does?” Scott said. “All I know is business and running this hotel.”

“And you do a fantastic job of it,” Sebastien said.

Scott leaned back on his arms, a faint smile on his face. “Do you know, I don’t think you’ve ever paid me a compliment on it before. I think Kim is making an impression on you.”

Sebastien felt his face color and was glad for the darkness to hide it. He wanted to talk to his brother, but a part of him ached at being away from Kim.

“Kim is Mara’s cousin, you know. Mara being the artist,” Scott said.

“I wish I could stay here and help you like you helped me,” Sebastien said hesitantly. “But I don’t understand women.”

“Who does?” Scott said, standing and helping his brother up. “Don’t worry about it. What are big brothers for?”

“Beating up men who come to take our brother’s mate?” he asked.

Scott grinned. They’d had to detain a certain bear the week before after it had tried to kidnap their youngest brother’s mate. It hadn’t taken long.

“Yeah, that’s one of the funner jobs,” Scott said, laughing.

Sebastien looked into his brother’s eyes and saw a solidarity he’d been missing. He really had been closed off, and Kim had been opening him up. Now he’d open up a little further, talk to his dad, and see if there wasn’t room in his heart for a little more trust.

K
im stomped back
to her room. She couldn’t believe the cold look in Sebastien’s eyes. She’d been offering him something she didn’t even believe she had the strength to offer until that moment, and he hadn’t even said anything. Just stared at her with that cold gaze that said she should already know the answer. And of course, he’d had to kiss her like that.

She was angry. She was angry in a way she hadn’t known she was angry, but she was feeling very keenly for the first time in her life. She’d hidden in her adventures and her fun and her studies and her job and her family, but a part of her was damned angry.

When she got to her room, she picked up her phone, stared at it, willed herself to call on it, and then chucked it aside. What would she say?

How was she going to tell her dad she wasn’t going to be the good girl she’d always promised to be? She looked in the mirror and saw the face of a grown woman who didn’t want to be a child anymore. Didn’t want to do what her parents asked. Yet the draw to please them was still strong.

But so was the draw to go back to Sebastien, chain herself to his side, and make him see she’d never leave him.

But that wasn’t where they were. He didn’t even want her it seemed.

She paced in the room and looked at the phone, and then a knock came on the door.

She strode to it wearily and opened to see Wilson. He was wearing board shorts in bright blue and pink and a white tee shirt with a logo on it in the same colors. He looked slightly ridiculous but pleasant, as usual.

And pleasant was just what she was in the mood for. “What can I do for you?”

He cocked his head and looked in at the room. “Did I come at a bad time? You seem upset.”

She shrugged. “I’m fine.”

He pushed his way into the room and she let him. The other girls would probably be home soon. She sat in one of the chairs and put up her feet, feeling restless. He sat on the couch across from her, looking thoughtful, and then leaned over to hand her something he’d pulled from his shirt pocket.

It was a worn picture of her. Her heart beat double time in her chest as she looked at it. “What does this mean?”

“I’m the one your family wants you to be with,” he said, giving her a rueful grin. “I came out to see what you were like. I was hoping we could get to know each other before we were paired up. As if that would make things less awkward.”

She swallowed. She’d been an idiot, and she felt bad for brushing him off. But she just couldn’t see anyone but Sebastien.

“It’s the sea captain, right?” Wilson asked, looking sad as he tucked away the photo again. “I can tell by the way you look at him. Honestly, I think it’s stupid our parents thought we could do things the way wolves do. We’re bears. We’re different.”

She nodded. “I don’t know. I imagine there are some arranged wolf shifter matings that don’t go as planned either.”

He nodded. “I’ll say no to the engagement for you, if you want,” he said. “I’m not a monster. I don’t want a mate who hates me. I want one who values me.”

She looked him over. He was strong and handsome. “What kind of bear are you?” she asked.

“Grizzly, like you,” he said. He was tall and buff. He hadn’t ever done anything wrong. She wished the bear inside her wasn’t tearing at her to go to Sebastien, whom she was sure was her mate.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “That I couldn’t win you over.”

“You shouldn’t have to win someone over,” she said. “You deserve someone who’s excited about you.”

“And the sea captain? Is he excited about you?”

“He has commitment issues,” she muttered.

Wilson thought that over. “What about if we made a deal, then?” he asked. “What if you come out on a boat trip with me? One I charter. And we try to get to know each other. Just us together,” he said. “And if it doesn’t work, I’ll call it off. Then your family can’t get mad.”

“What if they do?” she asked.

He gave her a frank look that she felt laid her bare. “Then do you really fucking care?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, I really fucking don’t.” She was tired of caring. And maybe a fun day on a boat with Wilson would make her forget the pain she was feeling from Sebastien not wanting her. Maybe it would give him time to come to his senses. But she doubted it.

He’d made it clear from the first time they’d been together that he wasn’t looking for more time.

“Don’t make that face,” Wilson said. “I can’t stand when females are sad. Tell you what. Why don’t you pack and get some rest, and we’ll head out tomorrow morning?”

She nodded and yawned. Rest would be good. So would a day on the ocean away from her infuriating pirate. She said good night to Wilson and closed the door behind him.

S
ebastien waited
for his father to pour the scotch he was holding, but his dad hesitated and then set down the glass bottle. He sat in his chair and clasped his hands together in front of him, leaning forward to face his son.

It was like looking at his future. His dad’s eyes were slightly paler, his blond hair dotted with white and gray, and he had lines around his mouth and eyes from years of living. From years of pain.

There was nothing worse in the shifter world than separation from one’s mate.

His dad studied him for a moment and then spoke. “I should have talked to you sooner about your mom,” he said. “You grew up so quickly. Always around the boats. Always away from shore when you weren’t at school. You were such a quiet, intense kid that I didn’t know what to say. I guess because you weren’t as outwardly expressive, I thought maybe nothing was wrong. But I can see that was a futile hope. Wishful thinking on my part maybe.”

He saw a familiar look of pain in his dad’s eyes and stood to pour him a drink. He poured another for himself and handed the first to his dad.

His father raised it up and looked at the scotch like he didn’t know what to make of it. It shimmered in the light as he held it. He took a sip, grimaced, and set it back on the table.

“I think, though, the only thing I would have wanted to tell you, and that I’m glad I have a chance to tell you now, is I don’t regret it.”

Sebastien’s heart thumped. “What?”

“I don’t regret it.”

“But you were in agony,” Sebastien said, noting for the first time how similar his deep voice was to that of his father’s.

“I don’t regret it,” his father repeated. “Even if she couldn’t love me, even if she couldn’t stay, she gave me you boys. The light of my life,” he said.

Sebastien frowned. His father had never spoken like this. And he was far too old to go back and play catch with him or rewrite his childhood. His father hadn’t been present. His mother had left. But he’d somehow become a man all the same. One that took care of others. One that Kim wanted.

Just the thought of her name stung.

“Your mother and I were an odd case. But even with how it turned out, fate seemed to know better. All I want is to see you and your brothers happy with mates. To know I didn’t ruin it for you.”

Sebastien grunted. “Well, Sky’s already happy.”

“And good for him,” Sam said, shaking his head. “But what about you, Sebastien? If I’m not mistaken, there’s a woman that really loves you somewhere in the building.”

Sebastien nodded. “She’s promised to another.”

“Would she be if she thought you were an option?”

“It would alienate her from her family. Even if she weren’t the type to leave, that would eventually force her to.”

“I think that’s her decision to make,” Sam said, propping his feet on the table between them and studying his son. “I guess there’s really only one thing you need to consider.”

“What?” Sebastien asked, trying to keep his expression neutral.

“Whether you can really let her go.”

Sebastien felt the panic from before rising within him, threatening to cut off his breath.

“Can you let another man make her happy?” his father pressed.

No.

“Can you let another man take her to bed?”

Hell no.

“Can you let another man give her cubs?”

Fuck no.

“Then go get her,” his dad said.

“It’s not that simple,” he said. “There’s her family. We’re from different worlds.”
She could hurt me.

His dad gave him a wry grin and set down his drink. “Or maybe it is that simple. We’re bears, son.”

Sebastien’s bear roared inside him and he put a hand to his ringing head. His father was right. He would have to fight for Kim.

It was the dumb thing to do, but what did he know? He was just a stupid bear, stupidly in love with a mate that might not stay and might not want him.

And he meant to go and get her all the same.

He waved absently at his dad and then walked out of the hotel room. He went down to the lobby and strode around in the wide space, trying to gather his thoughts.

He was shocked when one of the customers from his earlier boat trip stopped him with a hand on his arm. He rose to his full height to glare down at the man but stopped when he smiled and pulled his hand back.

“Sorry, man, just saying good-bye,” he said.

“What was your name again?” Sebastien asked, trying not to sound grumpy.

“Wilson,” he said.

Ah, that did sound familiar. Right, he was the one that had made him jealous on his first trip with Kim. “Right, Wilson. What can I do for you?”

“Nothing,” the other man said, putting his hands smoothly in his pockets. “Just wanted to thank you for taking good care of my fiancée.”

His heart thudded to a stop. “What?”

Wilson shrugged. “I know it’s a little weird, but I wanted to meet her before it was final.”

“And is it final?” he asked, trying not to sound like he cared too much.

Wilson studied him. The handsome, smooth man seemed to possess more sense than Sebastien had initially thought, because he seemed to sense there was something between him and Kim.

“It could be,” Wilson said. “I’m taking her out on my boat tomorrow. Hoping to mate her if possible, before she changes her mind.”

“Like hell,” Sebastien snarled, grabbing the other man by his collar and hauling him off his feet to dangle in the air. The other man grinned at him incorrigibly, and he had to set him down.

Wilson exhaled with a cough and then straightened his shirt. “Easy, big guy. All I did was ask her. Why would she say yes if she didn’t want me?”