Some Came Desperate: A Love Saga (21 page)

        Simone was in her bedroom, sitting in a chair looking out of her small window.  The room was in shambles, with brushes and combs and bubble bath and all kinds of inanimate objects thrown all over the place.  The bed was unmade, the room reeked of muskiness, and Simone looked as if she hadn’t washed since that morning when, according to Shay, Nick Perry dumped her. 

        Jules exhaled.  The Rivers sisters always had a problem and that problem always involved a man.  They learned it, she supposed, from their unstable mother, but they learned it.  Jules with a man whom she knew, deep down, was unhealthy for her.  Shay with drug dealers and thugs of every variety.  And Simone falling for a top dog player like Nick Perry, and falling hard apparently, given the way she was behaving now.  That was why Jules approached her delicately.  Talking, not about the problem, but about a solution.

        “I need your help, Simone,” she said, expecting Simone, who could never turn down a sister in need, to immediately look at her and at least listen to what she had to say.  Instead, Simone continued to stare out of her window, as if Jules hadn’t said a word.

        “Simone?” she said again.  “Did you hear me?”

        “Leave me alone, Jules,” she said almost breathlessly, as if she didn’t feel the words were worth the effort it took to say them.  Jules was stunned.

        “Simone, men dump women every day of the week.  Why are you acting like it’s so strange, like you’ve got to stop living because you got dumped?”

        But Simone didn’t answer.  Not that question and not any of the many more that Jules posed.  Shay, who stood in the doorway, suggested time and again that Jules was wasting her time, but Jules kept trying.  Kept talking to Simone, asking her questions, begging her to respond.  But it didn’t work. 

        Jules did, however, nearly force feed Simone into eating a bowl of canned soup that Shay had prepared, and a few crackers.  She even called over Jeremy, who at first balked at the very thought of coming to Simone’s rescue, but, when Jules pointed out that he was a doctor and Simone needed help, he agreed to come.  Besides, Jules had reasoned, if Jeremy, whom Simone despised,  couldn’t get a rise out of her, then nobody could.

        Nobody could, then, because Simone didn’t even look in Jeremy’s direction.  He gave her a cursory exam, going as far as she would allow, and he could find nothing physically wrong with her.  “She’s just a mental case,” he said and Jules, mortified by his lack of compassion, proceeded to escort him out of Simone’s room.

        When they all left, when Jeremy left and Jules left and Shay left to hang out with one of her numerous boyfriends, Simone then exhaled.  And the thoughts she’d been thinking for the past few days, came back in a wave of urgency.  The thoughts first occurred to her hours after Nick

had walked out of her life.  It was during those early hours when the pain became so excruciating that it rendered her numb.  And she couldn’t stop thinking about her mother.  Every day and every night she thought about her mother. 

        And it was those same thoughts that reasserted themselves once again after Jeremy and Jules and Shay had left her alone.  Her mother understood, she decided. Her mother had actually got it right.  She understood that some pain you just couldn’t bear.  And that was why Simone kept feeling that she had to get it right, too. 

        She began to feel it with an urgency that she could not ramp down.  Jules and Shay and even Matt Ray, just by coming over at all, had all tried to snap her out of it, to get her to go on with her life.  But the urgency only grew.  She couldn’t live with this.  Not this!  How could she live with this?  There was something wrong with her -there had to be.
 
Her mother got it right.  That was why she hated Simone so.  Because she saw that something was wrong with her.  She knew.         And now Simone felt that she knew too.  It was her time to get it right, too.
 
And she did.  With every pill she could find in her apartment.  From aspirin to all of those various pain pills Shay loved to stock up on, she gathered up every one of them.  And took them, one after another one.  Thinking about her mother, and how her mother hated her.  Thinking about Shay, and how Shay hated her.  Thinking about Nick.  And how Nick hurt her.  Begging that the pain would leave.  That his face, his smell, his laughter would once and for all leave her alone!  So she swallowed.  And swallowed.  Pill after pill.  Like an exercise in futility.  Like chucking it all and to hell with it all.  Like a soul, a lost, disturbed, desperate soul, that refused to be comforted.

SIXTEEN

Nearly two hours after Simone had phoned Shay for the last time to remind her that she was in town and waiting for her at the airport, Shay finally arrived.  She walked into the coffee shop where Simone was sitting and hesitated when she saw her older sister, as if she didn’t know what she should do next.  Simone looked good considering what she’d been through, Shay had to admit, but she still didn’t look completely like the old Simone she remembered. Simone had supposedly recovered from her suicide attempt, and had left Miami to further heal, but Shay could still see the scars.

     Seven years ago, Shay was the one who found Simone in that bedroom, her lifeless soul just moments away from leaving the earth forever.  Shay called 911 in a panic, and then she called Jules, and then she prayed like she’d never prayed before in her life.  Simone couldn’t die, Shay remembered praying.  And Shay couldn’t stop thinking that If Simone died, who would take care of her?  Jules?  Jeremy?  Shay’s good for nothing boyfriends? 

       Simone, she knew, was all she had at that time and she was determined to keep her around.  It worked.  God does indeed answer prayer, Shay found out that day.  But it wasn’t as if that answered prayer did much for Shay.  It didn’t. Because Simone, after months in some “rest home” Jeremy had managed to get her into, decided that she couldn’t bear living in Miami any longer.  And she left.  Just like that.  She took a one-way plane trip to Atlanta, Georgia, and never looked back.  Until now, Shay thought. 

       Shay knew it was painful for Simone to come back to Miami like this, but what could she do?  She needed help.  Those cops were threatening to throw the book at her if she didn’t testify against her boyfriend Mookie and snitch about his drug dealing ring.  Simone, she knew, would know what to do.  Jules was too into Jeremy to pay her much attention, but Simone always put Shay first.  And that was what Shay decided she needed most: somebody to put her first.

       Simone managed to smile as soon as Shay entered the airport’s coffee shop.  Shay, on the other hand, looked as if she had a serious attitude, which astounded Simone.  It was Simone, after all, who had dropped everything and came to Miami when her kid sister phoned.  It was Simone, after all, who had been waiting for nearly two hours for that girl to show up.  It was Simone who was still trembling inside after remembering why she left Miami in the first place.  But it was Shay, as usual, who had the attitude.

       “It’s about time you showed up,” Simone said, taking on a little ‘tude of her own.

       Shay, however, would not be outdone.  “I said I was coming, dang.  You didn’t have to blow up my cell like I don’t keep my word.”

       “And nice to see you too, Serita.”

       Shay then smiled.  She had to be the most ungrateful female in the world.

       “Hey, girl.  Like them braids.”

       Simone couldn’t respond.  She was still stunned by Shay’s ingratitude.  “Come on,” she said instead, standing and gathering up her luggage.  “Let’s get out of her.”

       And they did.

       But what was even more alarming to Simone, as Shay hugged her awkwardly and helped her with her luggage, was how Shay didn’t seem worried in the least about the legal jeopardy she found herself in, but she instead kept going on and on about how that boyfriend, that drug-dealing, lying snake of a boyfriend of hers, had broken her heart.

****

Jeremy Druce arrived at Jules’ office as if he owned the place, at least according to the way Jules secretary saw it.  But Jeremy could care less about some secretary.  He barely smiled at her as he entered the office and kept on walking, knowing as everyone around there knew that he didn’t have to be announced.  

       Jules wasn’t with a client, he was glad to see.  And when she saw him, she hurried from behind her desk and threw her arms around him.  What he most loved about Jules were moments like this, when just showing up was all it took to get her excited.  She was always easy like that.  Unlike any of those other women in Jeremy’s stable.  This was his woman, his main woman.  And when she allowed him to kiss her roughly and to take her right there on her desk, the door to her office not even locked, he knew that she would always be his main squeeze.  He pumped her hard, his long ponytail bouncing against his back, until he could barely control his erratic breathing.   Then he laid his forehead against hers, his white skin against her black skin, and smiled.  She was beautiful, he thought, and the sexiest woman alive.  And she was his.  All his.  And would always be.  Of this he was absolutely certain.

       But she was in one of those moods of hers, he was also certain, as he zipped his pants and went into her adjacent bathroom, to straightened up and preen, once more, for the mirror.   She wanted to talk that marriage mess again.  And he wasn’t having it.  He would pretend to suddenly be in a rush, he decided, because if Jules was anything she was understanding.  If he had to go he had to go, and their little every few months conversation on that same sore subject, would just have to wait.

       He came out of the bathroom to find Jules still half-dressed and flustered, just the way he liked her.  She turned around, for him to zip up her dress and after he did, he knew she’d be ready to get down to business.  So he got in a hurry.  “Wish I wasn’t in such a rush, Jules,” he said, “but I’m late already.”

       She turned and looked at him. He looked gorgeous in his suit and tie. “Late?  You just got here.”

       “And I’ve just got to go.  You know I’m a busy man.”

       “Then why did you come?”

       As if she didn’t know, he thought. “I came to see your pretty face, why do you think?”

       Jules smiled.  She was really a pushover, he thought, which was another reason why he loved her.

       “We’ve got an invitation,” she blurted out, which he didn’t expect to hear.  She was usually more indirect than that.

       “An invitation?  For what?”

       “Cindy’s wedding.” 

       Jeremy chuckled inside.  Here we go, he thought.  “Oh, yeah?”

       “She and Larry’s going to make it official next month.”

       “Great.  Just tell me where and when but look, Jules, I really need to run.  I’ve got a consultation that I cannot miss.”

       “What about us, Jeremy?” she said, finally getting to the point.  “Larry and Cin has been together for a long time, too, and they finally decided to do the right thing.  Why don’t we do it, too, Jeremy?”

       “We aren’t doing anything wrong, Jules.”

       “Sleeping together, practically living together for eighteen years, over half of my life, and that’s not wrong?”

       “We’ll discuss this later,” he said, moving to kiss her on the cheek and get out of Dodge.  But Jules pulled back.

       “We need to discuss it now, Jeremy.”

       “I told you I’ve got to go.”

       “What about us, Jeremy?  What about me?  I’ve been faithful to you for eighteen years.  I’ve done everything you wanted me to do.  I’ve been everything you wanted me to be.  But I want children, Jeremy, and I want to be more than just your casual girlfriend.”

       Jeremy stared at her.  Was she crazy?  “Casual?”

       “Your girlfriend.  You know what I mean.  I need more.”

       “Look, I told you we’ll discuss this later.  Didn’t I say that?  But you will not stand up here and bum-rush me when you know I’ve got to be somewhere.  I’ve got a conference to attend—”

       “I thought you said it was a consultation.”

       “Whatever.”  Then he exhaled and moved up to her, placing his smooth, surgeon’s hands on her shoulders.  “Look, J, come on.  You know I love you, girl.  Why are you buggin’ like this?   You know I mean right by you.”

       “I need more, Jeremy.  I deserve more.”

       He looked at her with that look that still made her skin crawl, and she knew she had gone too far.  “You deserve what I say you deserve,” he said and pushed her away from him.  “You’re out of your mind, woman, if you think I’m going to stand up here and let you handle me!  Telling me what you deserve.  If it wasn’t for me your black behind would still be hanging around truck stops in those backwoods of Georgia!  So don’t even try that with me, Jules.  I’m the one who took you in.  I’m the one who put you through college.  I’m the one who bankrolled this business of yours.  I’m the one who loves you despite your issues.  I’m the one who did all of that, and you’d better never forget that.”

       Jules sighed.  How could she forget it? He never, ever let her.  “I haven’t forgotten it, Jeremy.”

       “You’d better not.  If you know what’s good for you, you’d better not.  And I know what this is about, too.  I know that that heifer’s back in town–”

       “Her name is Simone.”

       “—and all of a sudden your marriage scratch starts itching again.”

       “She has nothing to do with—”

       “You mark my words, girl: Simone is bad news, you hear me?  Bad news follow her like a rag follow dust.  You saw why she left here to begin with, after trying to kill herself.  She’s unstable, Jules.  You know it and I’ve always known it.  So don’t even let that fool play you like that, getting you to suddenly proclaim that you deserve this and that you need more and all of that nonsense that sounds just like Simone.  Women would kill to be in your position, and you’d better finally realize that.  Listening to Simone.  Give me a break. I can’t stand that witch!  And who’s she to tell you about your love life anyway?”

       “She’s not telling me anything, Jeremy.”

       “Where’s her man, since she’s this maven of advice?  Where’s her children?  You listen to Simone if you want.” 

       He began heading for the exit, making Jules feel cheap and tawdry, as if the only reason he paid her a visit in the first place was to get his groove on, and then he turned around at the door.  “Be happy that we’ve got something good going on here, J,” he said.  “Don’t let Simone mess this up.  She’s just jealous, that’s all.  That’s always been her problem.  You’d forget Simone if you know what’s good for you.”  When Jules didn’t respond to that, he shook his head, laughed, and then left.

       Jules stood there, unable to move a muscle, her entire being trembling with the anger and bitterness and unquenchable love that she could never deny whenever Jeremy entered her world.  To everybody outside looking in she was a together sister, a businesswoman on the move, doing her thing and taking no prisoners.  In truth, she was about as together as a jigsaw puzzle, keeping up appearances with the best of them, but just one bump away, one missing piece of the puzzle away, from completely falling apart.