Some Hearts (5 page)

“You got drunk,” I snapped. I kept my voice low, afraid Tyler would hear. I felt like I couldn’t protect him from much these days, but I’d do my damndest to protect him from this. “You had too much to drink. Just like always.”

I tended to her hand. The cut was deep and I wondered if I should bring her to the emergency room. It was possible she needed stitches. She obviously couldn’t drive herself. If I brought her, that would mean pulling Tyler out of bed. The emergency room was notoriously slow. We could be stuck there for hours, waiting. He needed sleep. He didn’t need to sit in some bright, scary place late at night.

With a sigh, I realized I was going to have to fix her up as well as I could. I washed it and bandaged it. In the morning, she could decide for herself what she needed to do. That could be her decision to make.

The entire time I worked, she mumbled incoherently to me. I stopped paying attention to what she was trying to say. Maybe she was apologizing. Maybe she was making excuses. It was entirely possible she wasn’t even talking to me at all.

When I was done, I tugged her to her feet. I slid one of her arms around my shoulders and I guided her up the stairs. By the time we were halfway up, I regretted my decision. I should’ve just left her on the couch. While she wasn’t dead weight, she wasn’t nearly as much help as I needed her to be. She stumbled repeatedly but by some small miracle, we didn’t fall. That’s all I needed. Broken bones or a broken neck for both of us. What would happen to Tyler then?

Once we were at the top, I dragged her to her bedroom. With her bed in sight, she seemed to gain a small bit of cognizance. She stumbled toward it, collapsing in a heap on top of the sheets. As usual these days, the bed had been left unmade. I grudgingly followed her inside. She was asleep, or likely passed out, by the time I reached her side. I tugged the blankets up around her.

I was exhausted and tempted to go to bed myself. I knew I needed to check on my brother first. There was also a mess in the kitchen to deal with. Part of me was so very tempted to just leave that mess for her. But Tyler would be getting up early for school. Mom would probably be sleeping in late, nursing her hangover.

I didn’t want to expose him to that mess.

He’d already been exposed to enough.

I tiptoed into his room. I had hoped he’d be sleeping.

His small voice cut into the darkness.

“Is Mom okay?”

“Yeah,” I said as I settled onto the edge of his bed. “She’s fine. It was just a little cut.” That was just a little lie. “I got it all cleaned up. She’s all settled into bed. In fact, she’s sleeping already. You should be too.”

He reached out and grabbed my hand. “I can’t sleep. Will you stay with me?”

I had homework to finish, broken glass to pick up, a kitchen to scrub clean and another mess to clean up in the bathroom.

But his soft, pleading tone was hard to say no to.

“Sure,” I said as I gave him a nudge. He scooted over and I spread out next to him on top of the covers. “No talking though, got it?” He had a sneaky little habit of doing that, engaging me in conversation when he was supposed to be going to sleep.

“Got it,” he agreed sleepily.

I awoke to the
aroma of waffles and bacon. Mom was up, obviously. She was likely feeling guilty, if the aroma of a big breakfast cooking was any indication. As if fatty meat and maple syrup could really fix anything.

I’d scrubbed the kitchen for nearly an hour. The red wine had seeped into the
white tile and into the white of the kitchen cabinets. It probably would’ve come up if I’d cleaned it right away. By the time I’d tended to her and then Ty, it had enough time to set. I’d bleached the tile but I hadn’t been sure of what to do with the cabinet.

Finally, I’d belatedly decided it wasn’t my job to do anything.

Without warning, my bedroom door burst open.

“Time for breakfast!” Tyler shouted as he crossed the room and bounced onto my bed.

I groaned, wishing again for a door lock. “You’re supposed to knock,” I reminded him.

He looked at me in confusion. “Why? You’re not doing anything.”

“I might have been. I might’ve been getting dressed,” I patiently explained. I wasn’t sure why I bothered. This lecture never seemed to stick. One of these days, he’d probably walk in on me, be traumatized and learn the hard way. Until then…

“But you
weren’t
getting dressed,” he argued. Then he grinned. “Mom’s making blueberry waffles. She wants you to come downstairs so we can all have breakfast together.”

I was tempted to refuse. If I could’ve done so without disappointing him, I would have. I couldn’t say no to the way he was looking at me. A family breakfast was rare. Hell, family meals of any kind were rare these days. I didn’t want to take the opportunity away from him.

I gave him a little nudge. “Let me get some clothes on and I’ll be right down.”

He bounced away without another word. I heard his feet trampling down the staircase. I could take consolation in the fact that what he’d seen last night had been somewhat forgotten. Just another memory to file away and try to forget.

A big breakfast wasn’t enough to make me forget what had happened. But I was glad Mom was trying for Ty’s sake. I pulled on a pair of sweats and threw a t-shirt over my skimpy tank top. When I wandered into the kitchen, Mom glanced up at me with a huge smile.

So this was how she was going to play it.

I glanced at my little brother. He was already seated at the table. His eyes darted from Mom to me expectantly. I had been wrong before. Last night was not forgotten. I pushed a smile onto my face for his sake.

“Good morning,” I mumbled. “Do you need help with anything?”

“Thanks, sweetheart, I’ve got it,” she said.

I didn’t argue with her. I settled onto the chair next to Tyler, my usual spot. “So what do you and Caleb have planned next?” I asked. The question was partly out of curiosity but mostly because I wanted to fill the silence.

Caleb had been the first thing to come to mind.

He shrugged. “We might go go-k
arting. He said we could probably go fishing at least one more time this year. Oh! And he might get a puppy! If he does, he said I could come with.”

“A puppy?” I asked, my eyes going wide as I feigned more enthusiasm than I felt.

Tyler nodded and grinned back at me. “He’s not sure yet. But if he does get one, he said I could help name him. I already have a name picked out.”

“Oh, yeah?” I asked. “What name?”

“Buster,” he said decisively.

“B
uster? What if it’s a girl?”

Tyler wrinkled his nose at me. “Why would he want a girl?”

“I hope you behave for Caleb,” Mom said as she approached the table. She had a plate of bacon in one hand, the waffles in the other. Everything else we needed was already on the table.

Tyler gave her the same offended look he’d given me. “I do,” he said simply.

“That’s good,” Mom said as she took a seat. “It’s very kind of him to invite you to all of these places.” She turned to me and I was sure I was the only one who noted the slightly wary look in her eye. “How was your first day of school?”

“Fine,” I said. I stuffed a bite of waffle into my mouth and redirected my attention by cutting off another piece.

“I’m sure you’re going to love it. My college years were some of the best years of my life. I met so many new people.” She prattled on and on, not letting any silence fall. Her voice started to grate on my nerves. I was so tired of pretending that nothing was wrong.

“Hey, Ty,” I interrupted her rambling to say. “When does flag football start?”

He perked up, a grin spreading across his syrupy face. “Next week. Are you going to come watch me? Caleb’s going to watch me.”

I nodded. “Of course, I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be there too,” Mom interjected. I could tell she didn’t like being left out of the conversation.

“Caleb said he’d practice with me,” Ty
ler announced. “He said he’d give me some tips. We’re going to the park one of these days so we can play catch.”

“Well, that will be fun,” I said. “What’s the most fun thing you and Caleb have done?”

I wanted to be the one to fill the silence this time. I’d rather talk to Tyler talk about just about anything than listen to Mom’s guilt-ridden babble.

I noticed her hand was wrapped in fresh gauze. She wore a long sleeved shirt which she’d conveniently tugged down to cover her hand. Part of me was annoyed, feeling as though she were in denial, hiding it away. The other part of me was grateful that she was being discreet in front of Ty
ler.

“The rock climbing wall!” Ty
ler said in answer to my question. “One day it was raining and we didn’t have anywhere else to go. It was awesome!” His little brow furrowed for a second and then he grinned at me. “Swimming in the river the other day was fun too. I like it when you come with.”

“Yeah?” I hadn’t been sure of how he felt about that. I’d been a bit worried he’d feel as though I was infringing up on his boy time.

He simply nodded in response.

I hurriedly finished the rest of my breakfast. I was not going to be late today. Though I’d warned Riley that if I was ever running behind, she should just head to class without me. I was sure it was bound to happen and I didn’t want her to get into trouble of any kind on my account.

I ruffled Tyler’s hair and told him to have a good day. Then I placed my plate in the sink and raced up the stairs leaving the current mess in the kitchen to my mother.

***

“How are you doing?” Riley asked.

We were in the student union having lunch between classes.
The place was packed but Riley had class in an hour and the union, at least, was fast. Most of the food was ready to go. You just picked it out, placed it on your tray, paid and you were on your way. We’d been lucky to find a table that was butted up to a wall. I hated sitting out in the open. At least this gave us a smidgen of privacy. Not that anyone could really overhear our conversation. Not over the racket.

I was picking away at my salad when she asked her question.

“I’m fine, why?” I glanced up and realized she was done eating already. She’d pushed her plate away, only the crust of her sandwich remained. Now, she was leaning forward on her elbows, scrutinizing me.

I wondered if she knew how much I hated it when she did that. Actually, I wondered if she was even aware that she did that.

She shrugged. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look kind of out of it today.”

Great. Of course I did.

“Are you just tired?” she asked. “Or is something else wrong?”

“I am tired.” Why deny it?
“I stayed up late last night, studying.” I’d become an expert at dancing around the truth. I
had
stayed up late studying. I just didn’t tell her the reason it had gotten so late.

“You’re going to make the Dean’s List,” she said decisively. “You and Noah are going to be together again in no time.”

I hoped so.

“You
should stop by the dorms one of these nights so you can hang out with us. Casey was telling me about a party this Friday night. She invited me and I know she wouldn’t care if you joined us. So, will you?” she asked.

This Friday night, as far as I knew, Tyler was going to be home. He had no plans with Caleb. Mom seemed to do better when she was alone with Tyler. I had realized awhile ago that she used me as a crutch. When I was around, she knew Tyler would be taken care of.
When I was gone, she actually stepped up and acted like a responsible parent.

“Sure, I’ll go.”

“You had to think about that for so long I was sure you were trying to come up with an excuse not to. I know that you have to be a super serious college student now, and I know how important it is that you get great grades, but I want to make sure you live a little too,” Riley said. “I really wish you were living in the dorms this year. I think you’d have so much fun. But I understand why you’re living at home.”

She only knew part of it. She knew that I wanted to be there to support my family and she knew that I wanted to be close to Tyler. She had no idea that the biggest reason I stayed home was to keep an eye on my mother. On the other hand, I was already second guessing that decision. If I had moved out, would that have forced her into better behavior? If Tyler had become her fulltime responsibility?

I didn’t know.

And I hadn’t been willing to risk it.

“I’ve been meaning to ask how Jolene is doing,” Riley said. “My mom keeps asking.”

“Maybe if
Aubrey called my mom, she wouldn’t have to go through you,” I replied. There was an edge to my tone. I hadn’t meant for there to be but my mood and exhaustion were getting the better of me.

Riley fidgeted with her fork.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but your mom is the one who asked for some space. She more or less told my mom to back off. Now, I don’t know exactly what happened between the two of them, but my mom still cares. She’s concerned,” Riley insisted.

I bit my tongue to keep from speaking. If she truly cared, she should put in a bit more effort. I didn’t know what had happened between them either. Neither one of them were talking about it. I wasn’t sure that they’d ever been close, but the past few years they barely spoke. I wanted to tell Riley that it would be nice if her mom stepped up. Not that my mom was faultless, I was sure she wasn’t. But she had lost both her husband
and her son in less than a two year timeframe. Shouldn’t that warrant at least a bit more effort on Aubrey’s part? I didn’t know how to ask without sounding spiteful so I didn’t say anything.

Riley finally broke the silence. “We’re not going to do this. We’re not going to let our moms’ issues affect our friendship.”

I shrugged. “I’m not the one who brought it up.”

“I’m
so
sorry that I did.” She sounded sorry. But not in an apologetic way, it was more of an irritated way.

“You’re right,” I said. “I don’t want their issues to become our issues.
Let’s talk about you,” I suggested with a smile.

“Ah,” she said in a teasing tone, though her expression was still serious. “You are still the Queen of Deflection. You know, you at least used to be subtle about it.”

I ignored her because she was right. Instead, I plunged ahead with my deflection.

“So. Guys? Has anyone caught your interest yet?”

She shook her head at me but at least she laughed. “A few.” She made an annoyed face. “There was this one guy in my biology class, his name’s Gavin. Anyhow, he was all flirty yesterday and he’s pretty cute so I was flirting back. It’s not like I really thought anything would come of it but you know, the potential might be there, right?” I knew she wasn’t really asking me because she went ahead and answered her own question. “Wrong. I happened to spot him later in the day draped over a girl. Clearly his girlfriend. Ugh,” she added with a scowl. “It’s so different than high school. And not that I miss those days but at least you knew who was dating and who was single. Here? I feel like I’m dancing across a landmine. The last thing I ever want to do is get all flirty with a guy who’s taken. You know?”

I nodded. I did know. Well, I didn’t know from my own past experience but I knew where Riley was coming from. She wasn’t the best at picking out guys. She’d been cheated on several times. I knew for sure that was something she never intended to do to another girl.

“So this party?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood. “I assume there will be lots of guys there. Does Casey have a boyfriend?”

Riley smirked. “Nope.”

Great. I could tell by the wicked glimmer in her eye that the two of them planned on trying to change that. Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to go to the party after all. It was obvious that the two of them would be hunting out single guys. I wasn’t sure I wanted any part of that. Maybe I’d be able to come up with an excuse by Friday.

“Oh!” Riley exclaimed as she began to wave her hands in the air. I followed her gaze, spotting a few girls that I recognized from my brief visit to the dorms.
Casey was among them. She grinned as she spotted Riley.