Authors: Heather Long
Despite how fragile Anna looked at Christmas, she seemed healthier. Her eyes sparkled and she wore an easy smile. Fingers crossed that meant…
“You already guessed what I wanted to tell you,” Anna said once they reached the sand. The breeze blowing off the ocean teased their hair and felt great. The sun kissed her skin, and left her warm.
“You’re getting me a pony. Finally.” Penny grinned.
Laughing, Anna squeezed her arm. “I promise. I will get you a pony.”
“I have so heard that story before.” Then, more soberly. “Are you okay?”
“I’m wonderful. The first trimester was a great deal more uncomfortable than I expected. Everything made me sick, but it passed and in a few months…” She put a hand over her abdomen. “Armand has been great, but he’s worried. Part of the reason we’re taking this trip is so he’ll relax. He thinks we came for me, but I suggested it for him.”
Relief threaded the tension knotting her spine. The trip wasn’t about her or George, which meant Penny could be there for her sister. “Can I jump up and down and laugh? You’re going to name her after me, right? Copper? Silver? Indian?”
They both laughed and the sound was good.
“I’m really glad you’re happy.” She’d teased Anna badly when the news broke about her and Armand getting back together. “I mean it.”
“I know you do,” Anna sighed. “I am
happy
, more than I ever thought possible. Life has been good to me. It gave me a second chance and I refuse to waste a moment of it.”
“Excellent. So, about that pony…?”
“What are you going to do with a pony in New York?”
“Go for a ride in Central Park.” She didn’t miss a beat.
“With your schedule?” This time her sister scoffed. “I don’t think so.”
“Eh, it’s the thought that counts.” They’d grown up on a farm. Her older siblings all had a pony, but the old girl had been frail by the time Penny was old enough to appreciate her. She’d gotten to groom her a lot, and one of the first sketches she remembered drawing was of that pony.
“Speaking of thoughts…I wanted to talk to you about some topics you might not find comfortable.”
“Queue the not so subtle segues.” Penny released Anna so she could pull off her sweater. She might need it later, but right now she really wanted to feel the sun on her arms. Having a little physical distance, if Anna decided to lecture, wasn’t a bad thing either.
“Don’t be like that, Pen.”
“Like what?”
Keep it light, keep it easy
. They were on vacation. Anna was also pregnant.
No upsetting pregnant ladies.
Simple enough rules to follow.
“Defensive. Don’t be defensive. I’m not mad, and I’m not trying to attack you or your lifestyle. That said, I am worried about you.”
Yes, a vacation to relax on spring break and to celebrate her sister’s pregnancy had been a pipe dream.
Family lecture incoming.
Pasting on a smile, she glanced at the silky blue water. “I’m fine. School is going great. I might even graduate this year. I’ve got the credits and a strong GPA…”
“Penny, this is me. I don’t need your resume. I want to know how
you
are doing.”
“I’m
fine
.” If she said it enough, perhaps it would even become true.
Still, when she glanced at Anna, she read indecision in her expression—and worse, the doubt.
“What is it?”
“I want to talk to you about something and I don’t want you upset when I do it.”
“Cue the ominous music.”
Light. Keep it light.
The internal chant drove her every action.
“Not ominous, but you’re not a fan of sharing personal information. Other people’s personal information, yes. Yours, not so much.”
Okay, she resembled that remark. “What do you want to know?”
“How is George?”
Evade and deflect.
“He’s fine. Adapting to the city and college life.”
He might even be published soon, but that’s his to share.
Even if she was so proud of him she could bust.
“And the two of you?”
“The two of us what?” Definitely needed to deflect.
Anna chuckled. “You’ve had him living right next door for months. I know the security changes have to be grating, especially because it cuts into your spontaneity.”
“Not really.” She shrugged. “I thought it would be bad. I mean, we used to have parties at the apartment a few times a month, potlucks mostly. Surprisingly, I haven’t missed them.”
Weird.
In fact, she’d only attended parties with the intent to hook up George so he’d have fun while she worked her ass off.
Not exactly the definition of spontaneity.
“Well, that’s good. He seems to be doing well with school.”
“He’s
fine,
Anna. Just like I’m fine. Since you brought up the subject…” She paused to pull her shoes off. The sand felt good between her toes. “Who the hell kicks their brother to the curb? Treats him like a doormat or a servant to be ordered around? George is intelligent, kind, compassionate and a hard worker. Half the time, he has no idea what he’s doing, but he’s absolutely unflappable. He keeps going, he’s unfailingly polite and one of the best guys I’ve ever met. So, can you tell me why the hell Armand is such a dick to him?”
“He’s not, but George is lost. He doesn’t know what he wants or where he’s going to be and he can’t just coast from party to party on his family name.” Anna frowned. “You really like him, don’t you?”
“Of course I like him.” Penny cautiously dipped her feet in the water to find it chilly, but not freezing. “For the record, he doesn’t like parties all that much. He thinks more of his brother’s opinion than he does his own. Would it kill Armand to say something nice to him? An encouraging word?”
“Not at all.” Anna pursed her lips. “Has Armand done something to upset you?”
The question startled her. “No. Why?”
“You sound pretty angry at him because of George’s situation. He loves his brother, you know. Part of the reason he laid the law down was I suggested it.”
“Why the hell would you do that?” Anna wasn’t a hard ass.
Stubborn?
Yes.
Hard working?
Absolutely. “Do you have any idea how difficult it’s been for him?”
“Has it really been that hard for him?”
Had it?
He’d adapted well. Frankly, he seemed happier than many of the other times she’d met him. Even in Switzerland, he’d seemed—disconnected. She couldn’t say that about him anymore. “I guess not. It was at first…”
“I’m glad he’s not struggling.”
“I didn’t say he wasn’t, but he cooked burgers a few weeks ago, and he tried his hand at steak this week.” That had been a pleasant surprise. He’d surprised her with steak and eggs breakfast in bed. The splurge had been so worth the delight in his smile when she’d enjoyed the food. He kept doing things like that—packed her bags, made her food, accompanied her when she did the laundry and worked on his homework at the same time she did. Sometimes, they didn’t talk at all, but he was there—a constant comforting presence.
“Penny,” Anna’s voice drew her back to the present.
“Yeah?”
“What about you?”
Guilt streaked through her. “What about me?”
“How are you?”
“We’ve already covered this.” She started walking again and Anna fell into step with her.
“Yeah, and you didn’t tell me about all the extra shifts you’ve had to work or how hard it’s been to make rent and to cover your expenses…or that you had to pawn your rings.”
Guilt turned to ice. “Because it’s none of your business.” No way had Mallory said anything. They had a pact. They both worked hard so they didn’t have to rely on anyone else or be a burden. Mallory didn’t want to owe her dad, and Penny’s family had too much on their plates.
“Don’t do that.”
“Not doing anything.”
“Yes you are. You’re being stubborn and shutting me out. I’ve been stubborn a lot longer than you, Pen, I recognize it when I see it.”
“Yeah, well, when I walk away from the love of my life for ten years, then you can give me advice…”
Crap.
Penny stopped and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry, that—you didn’t deserve that.”
“Apology accepted.” Taking her hand, Anna gave her a squeeze. “Now, if you can take a small break from your temper tantrum, I want to give you something.”
Still smarting over her big mouth, Penny slanted a sideways look at her. “What?”
“I have a savings account…”
“I cannot take your money.”
“Shush. You’re going to let me finish then, if you want to turn me down, fine. I don’t have to like it, but I do get to make the offer.” As aggravating as the verbal slap down was, Penny knew she deserved it.
“I have a savings account,” Anna began again, and they continued walking along the shore. The soothing lap of the water did little for Penny’s fraying temper. “I went to school on scholarships and loans. I started the savings account to help pay off the loans and maybe make a down payment on a house with Armand.”
“Before you knew he was a prince.”
She laughed a little and nodded. “Yeah, well, before. Anyway, afterward, I kept adding. I figured someday I could use it to take a big vacation or buy a house. My school loans are paid off, I don’t have to buy a house, and we have more than enough money to take care of a year’s worth of rainy days, but I still have a savings account. I want to give it to you, to use however you want. Pay for school, pay your rent, take a trip—whatever. No judgment, it’s yours. You can even add to it and keep it for your own rainy day.”
“I can’t take your money.”
“Why not?”
The shortest, most to the point answer was she didn’t want to owe Anna.
“You’re my sister, Pen. My only sister. I know we don’t always get to be close and we don’t see eye to eye on everything, but you’re my baby sister and I want to give you this gift. I want you to have it because I hate the idea of you killing yourself to gain even an inch when I—I frankly have everything I ever wanted. I’m happy. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can damn sure make you comfortable.”
“Is it some kind of Dagmar trait?”
“What?”
“Making it impossible for me to say no?” She wouldn’t touch the money, she promised herself. Not unless she absolutely had to.
Anna’s grin grew. “I don’t know, but I’ll take it. What other Dagmars haven’t you been able to say no to?”
Her face heated. She really was losing her touch. George kept navigating her right into verbal traps and, boom, she’d done it with Anna. “We should probably head back.” They’d walked some distance as it was.
“Ha! You’re changing the subject and—wow, are you blushing?”
“Nope, forgot my sunscreen, and I’ve been living in a polar ice cap for the last few months. So I’m hot.” They really needed to change the subject. “Anyway, enough about me. Tell me all about the royal bun in the oven and what you’re going to name him or her. If it’s a him, promise me you won’t name him something like Siegfried or Zolkov.”
“He—or she—is not going to be the lead in some bad B movie.” But Anna was laughing and they talked about the baby all the way back to the house. The conversation sustained them when they joined Armand and George. The brothers appeared to be getting along well, which was good because she still had a bone to pick with George.
One she’d deal with later. It wasn’t until she made it to her room that she realized she and George weren’t sharing one.
Of course we aren’t.
We’re not a couple.
That thought shouldn’t have left her disappointed.
D
inner turned
out to be a wholly relaxed affair for everyone, save Penny who seemed quiet and withdrawn. George didn’t think his brother or her sister even noticed. Penny chatted, made the occasional brazen observation, but otherwise disengaged. He’d been the recipient of all her attention, he recognized when they didn’t have it. After dinner, conversation turned to their schooling, the foundation, and Anna and Armand’s plans, and Sebastian’s wedding. They’d finally decided on the family home in Norway for the blessed event.
As evenings went, it was particularly pleasant. With the clock nearing midnight and the house quiet, George remained awake, half expecting Penny to seek him out. His room in the St. Christos house lacked anything personalized since he rarely stayed here. She’d been given a guest room in another wing. When she failed to make an appearance, he went in search of her. Her room, however, stood empty. The night guards left him be and the staff was asleep.
Checking the security system, he found one set of doors deactivated. Downstairs, he claimed a bottle of wine and two glasses before letting himself out on the deck. Standing in the background, a pair of guards withdrew further at his arrival. It took him a moment to adjust to the low light cast by the half-moon since she’d left off the outdoor lighting. He spotted Penny perched on a deck lounger dressed in a white tank top and loose grey cotton pants, feet bare on the patio. Her hair hung in loose curls, tugged by the wind.
After closing the door softly, he padded over to sit on the chair next to hers. Though he was certain she knew he was there, she said nothing. He opened the wine, poured two glasses and waited.
“I’m trying to decide if I should be angry with you or not.” Not how he’d imagined she would begin the conversation.
Though arguably cooler than the daytime, the temperatures were far warmer than New York. Canting his head, he gazed up at the stars she seemed intent on studying. “Let’s table the decision and discuss your reasons.” He held a glass of wine toward her.
“You…” She turned finally, but didn’t finish her thought. Instead, she claimed the wine glass and stared at him.
“What about me?” He’d half-expected an argument when she’d found her suitcase packed—or worse if she’d checked on her canvases. On the flight, she’d been pleasant and relaxed, sleeping with her head on his shoulder. Armand noticed, but for once his brother had nothing to say on the subject.
“I don’t know.” The defeat in her tone threatened to crush him.
“Yes, you do.” Encouragement came in different fashions. “And I’ve never thought you a coward. Say what you think.” The bracing confidence of her wit always cut through to the heart of an issue. This game of dodge she’d been playing—it flew in the face of what he knew about her.
“You’re taking over my life.”
Raising his brows, he stared at her. “Go on.” How had he taken over her life? If anything, he’d adapted for her.
“Before Christmas, Mallory and I divided our time between classes, work, and parties. We dated—okay, maybe dated is an exaggeration.”
Taking a drink of wine rather than saying anything seemed a wise choice. Penny sat forward on her chair and pulled her legs into a crisscross position.
“I don’t date like other people. In the sense of seeking out a…” She winced. “Committed relationship.”
“You like to have fun.” They’d had a lot of fun. “Someone different each night or week or month. Someone to enjoy moments of discovery, when the passion is fresh and utterly biological and your mind doesn’t need any type of stimulation.” Since he’d done exactly the same, he understood.
“At least it sounds better when you put it that way.” Her crooked grin struck him deep. “Mallory likes to say I’m a non-slutty slut. One-night stands are my thing. Maybe two nights and the longest was a week.”
They’d been together longer than any of her previous relationships.
I can work with that.
“You move in, though, with your princeypoo ways and earnest gentleman behavior, and the next thing I know, we’re in a relationship.”
“According to the psychology texts, the first step toward finding a solution is admitting you have a problem.” He’d taken the first step a few weeks before, and it had scared the hell out of her for some reason. He had no problem with taking another stab in the dark, she needed to have a reason to jump. “Neither of us wanted me to move into your building. Before St. Moritz, I had no idea—no concept—of living in New York, being your neighbor, your friend, and going to the school there.”
Combing her fingers through her hair, she studied him. “Until I told you to pick New York.”
“Yes, you didn’t seem too fond of my other options. Why was that?”
“Nothing happens in Wisconsin. It’s kind of like Kansas, only colder.”
He really was curious. “And North Carolina?”
“Never been. Well, that’s not true. Mallory and I rented a car once and drove to Florida for Spring Break. We had to stop in North Carolina for gas. The most I remember about the state is suffocating humidity.”
“I see. Why New York?”
“Because anything can happen there. The city has theater, museums, the financial district, the fashion district, cultural corners and sections—you can go all over the world, and never leave the boroughs.” The whimsical air and wistfulness in her voice captivated him. “Politics, international relations—everything is in New York. So many people just see the steel jungle, the soaring skyscrapers or the tragedies. What they forget is the possibilities. In New York,
anything
can happen.”
“Is that why you chose it for your education?” He’d been curious about that for a while. To be honest, he was curious about her everything.
Chewing her lower lip, Penny seemed to consider her answer. She swirled the wine in her glass. “Do you know why I like wine?”
“No.”
“Because people who drink wine have refined tastes. They go to fine parties. They are taken seriously by others.”
Not willing to scoff at her, he raised his eyebrows. “Because you’re supposed to, you do?”
“Yes. And no.” A soft laugh escaped and she shook her head. “I promise, I’m not crazy. The truth is, I taught myself to like wine. The first time I drank it, I thought it tasted terrible. Of course, boxed strawberry wine does taste pretty bad. Wine coolers were okay and I liked beer when I was in high school because friends could get kegs for parties.” The last trace of her amusement vanished. “Real wine was expensive, though. I trained myself to like it, because I thought if I could refine my palate, anything would be possible.”
While she didn’t quite answer his question, he tried to apply the answer to his inquiry about New York. “You went to New York because, if anything is possible there, you could pursue your dreams beyond expectations of your town.”
From beneath lowered lashes, she watched him and a small smile played on her lips. “Anna fell in love with a prince of a guy, didn’t even know he was a real prince. But my practically perfect sister, with her deeply focused, and pragmatic morality, fell in love with the perfect man. He broke her heart and she was so very different. Sad. So very sad in a way that defies explanation. I was…barely into junior high when it happened.”
His brother had broken, too. Armand became cold, remote and utterly unforgiving of anything, which blurred the lines between what they were supposed to do and what they wanted. They weren’t normal, everyday people and any desire for anything resembling ‘ordinary’ left them wide open to danger. Armand stopped being his brother back then and he’d become the head of the family.
“We’re not our siblings, Penny. I’m not lying to you about who I am and you’re not building any dreams…” As soon as he said the words, he stopped. “Penny.”
“Don’t.” She gave him a sad smile. “I know we’re not them. We could never be them. I’m not comparing us.”
“Aren’t you?” Until that moment, he hadn’t seen it. He hadn’t understood how carefully she’d constructed her life.
“No. I’m me, and you’re you. I have my life. My plans. My dreams. I’m going to pursue them with absolute vigor. I will be who
I
make me to be.”
“And to hell with everyone else?” Dammit, her choice wasn’t fair or kind.
“You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me.” Setting her wine glass down, she stood and paced to the stone railing overlooking the beach. Refusing to be put off, he followed her.
“The world isn’t about fair. I’ve done what I’m supposed to do for years and none of it made me happy.
You
make me happy, when you’re not being a selfish, stubborn brat.”
Her back stiffened. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” He’d done all the
right
things, maybe the time had come to do the selfish thing. “I told you I loved you because I wanted you to know. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I didn’t tell you because I thought you owed me something or because I wanted you to do anything for me.”
“You’re saying I’m selfish because I don’t want you to love me?”
“No, you’re selfish because you don’t want to feel obligated to anyone. You don’t want to feel like your life affects anyone else. It’s okay for you to care, it’s okay for you to do things for other people—for me, for that matter. But heaven forbid I should do something for you.” Thrusting a hand through his hair, he blew out a breath. “Do you know I was born living the first line of my obituary? Few, if any will give a damn what I do with my life…as long as I don’t make trouble or create a scandal. You were the first one who didn’t care about my title or the image, just me, the man.”
“I don’t want to fight.”
“You don’t want to do anything,” he said, then blew out a breath. “You’re a woman with tremendous options, yet you’re acting like the whole world has you cornered. You told me a few weeks ago to stop asking myself what Armand wants. What the professor wants. You’re right. I stopped. I kept asking myself what Penny wants. But I have no idea what you want—or who. Maybe you were right. I need to ask myself what
I
want and go for that.”
“Well, that simplifies matters.” She retreated and leaned on the stone wall, hands over her face. “I hate this. I don’t want to argue with you.”
“So you’ve said.” The urge to pull her in his arms was overpowering, but he slid his hands into his pockets.
“You don’t understand.” She faced him, spreading her hands.
“Explain it to me.” He grated the words out, trying not to shout.
She didn’t do him the same courtesy. “I…I can’t.”
“You’re right, that really simplifies matters.” Anger pulsed in his forehead. Picking a fight had been the last thing on his mind.
“This is who I am, George.” She froze. He thought she might have said more, but her attention went to the doors behind him and he turned. Armand stood framed by the doorway, expression unreadable.
The last person he wanted in this conversation was his brother. “If you’ll excuse us…?”
“You’re both shouting.” Armand’s attention switched from Penny to George. “Perhaps you should’ve considered not airing your grievances at full volume.”
“We weren’t shouting.” George shifted to block Penny from Armand’s view. “If you have an issue, we can discuss it later.”
Leave her out of it.
He didn’t say the last, but he knew Armand understood. His brother took great offense once at something George said to Anna. They’d rowed over the topic, but Armand made one thing clear. George was never allowed to speak badly of Anna or to her ever again.
“I should go up—” Penny began.
“No, he can go. You and I are having a discussion, one we’re
not
finished with.” He had a whole week and he’d planned to spend it romancing her. Fighting was getting them off to a very bad start.
“George.” Armand’s tone held a note of warning.
“Penny, please excuse us for a moment?” Facing her, he put a hand over his heart. “And please wait. I will be right back. Would you like me to have someone bring out coffee? Snacks?” Neither of them touched the wine.
The hesitation and worry in her expression didn’t engender his confidence.
Lowering his voice, he closed the distance between them and ignored his brother. “I know you’re mad at me. You’re mad at this situation. I am, too. I’m furious with you, and with me. But I
want
to talk to you and I think you want to talk to me, too. Wait for me? Please?”
Moistening her lips, she blinked rapidly and the tears in her eyes made his heart twist painfully in his chest. “Okay,” she said in a near whisper. “Tea and sandwiches would be nice.”
Feeling a first flare of hope, he caught her chill hand in his and lifted her fingers to his lips. Pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles, he asked, “Tuna fish or turkey?”
Her favorites.
The question worked. She smiled. “You pick.”
“Done. I won’t be long.” What he needed to say to Armand was pretty succinct. “I promise.”
Once she nodded, he released her and stepped inside. Surrounded by guards, she would be safe. Armand waited for him, along with a member of the kitchen staff. They didn’t sleep while the family stayed awake and, though he knew how to make food, it would be simpler to let them do it while he spoke to Armand.
His brother waited while George relayed their order. When George turned to him, Armand motioned to the hall. “We can go to my office.”
“Actually, I’d rather speak here. We’re pretty much alone. This is a family home, not your office where you’re in charge.” Disregarding his brother’s raised eyebrows, George pressed forward. “I’m in love with that woman. Crazy in love with her. Set my hair on fire in love, and I can barely get her to stay on the topic of a relationship. The last thing I need is for you to dictate manners and protocol while we’re trying to talk things out. I’m enrolled in university, attacking my classes with vigor and, what’s more, I’m enjoying them. You were right, I bow my head to your wisdom. You told me to set the course for my life and I am doing it. So, if you wouldn’t mind, our father died many years ago. I would like my brother back in the near future, but for the moment, I would like my brother to butt out.”
He managed the whole of the speech with an even tone. In reality, he wasn’t even particularly angry with Armand, he simply didn’t want to deal with a lecture or reprimand, neither of which he needed or deserved.