Someone Like You (27 page)

Even though I do not need more evidence to confirm that it really was Akshat’s plan, I decide to go one more step.

‘The jeep—what did it look like?’ I call Ratul and ask.

‘It was night-time and I could not see much. All I could see was that it was open from the top and was yellow in colour …’

I was right. I really wish I was not.

T
here is a strange stench of grease and lubricant that hangs in the air of the workshop that once used to be the boiler room of ICE. Three years ago, the boiler had exploded and the workshop had been shut down. The new lab was constructed closer to the other labs and this broken-down half-burnt old building was abandoned. Karthik had been particularly happy that day. For the past one year, he had been working on the bike he had conceptualized, and constructed—at least a few parts—on his own, but the mechanical lab was always too crowded and busy and he could not concentrate. Plus, he never really liked the questions people asked him. He preferred this new work place—discarded and hence deserted.

Karthik is sitting on the bench, a pile of cigarette butts lying nearby, and the trashed bike in front of him. It had taken him three years to build the bike he thought would be his miracle—but now it lay twisted and destroyed near him. But he took it apart bit by bit, hitting it everywhere with the heavy crowbar that lies twisted on his left. The bike is completely destroyed.

He doesn’t blame it on the drinking—a habit he believes he picked up from his dad—but for what he did to Tanmay. So yes, partly, he does blame it on the drinking. Niharika was right—he is a terrible person and had he not been around, nothing would have happened. Tanmay wouldn’t have started drinking, he wouldn’t
have driven that bike and he would not have … Even though he had protested the day Niharika told him that it was his fault, now he believes it.

Niharika—even the name brings a certain relief, a certain happiness to his heart, something he has tried and failed to understand. Ever since his father died, Karthik has been a loner—no friends, no parties and no girlfriends. He has never been in love. Busy tinkering with machines or spending his afternoons playing football with strangers he barely talked to, life had whizzed past.

He was doing fine till the time he noticed the girl in front of him in the queue of the crowded hostel mess. She was pretty, but that wasn’t what caught his eye, for he had seen many pretty girls, but there was something in her eyes and her walk that intrigued him. For the next few days, he had been looking everywhere for her, and when he finally saw her—in the canteen—he felt … something. Something tugged at his heart and he tried to ignore it at first, but slowly and steadily, the face imprinted itself on his brain and on his thoughts.

He never had any intention of going back to the football field again—his unceremonious dropping from the team was something that was totally wrong. He had sworn he would never play again for his college. Slowly, he had started enjoying the frequent losses of his team against unworthy opponents in one-sided matches. Secretly, he had even wished the football team captain would come crawling to him and beg him to come back, to which he would obviously refuse. But it never happened.

That day, during trials, he noticed that face droop when her friend, Tanmay—the cute guy in glasses—took the field. It was almost involuntary the way Karthik stepped onto the field and played his heart out. The sheer joy on Niharika’s face made Karthik the happiest he had been in the longest time. So much so, that when he had called home that night, his mother had noticed the obvious delight in his voice.

A few days later, they went out on an accidental date which he
would never forget. From that day to today—when she hates him and doesn’t want to see his face ever again—he keeps replaying the images of that day in his head. The muted laughter, her hand on his shoulder when they drove in the early morning wind, the eyes that looked away from him every time he gazed too hard—he remembers it all. Deep down in his heart, he knew there would be no one else who would make him feel like this new girl did, and she was all he ever thought about. It became clearer the day he saw her crying after Akshat made a move on her in the parking lot. He had felt like a part of him had died and he had then proceeded to hit the living daylights out of Akshat—to make himself feel better.

But things had only gone downhill from there. One day, he was strangely possessive and overtly protective about Niharika, and a little while later … he got the biggest shock of his life. It happened so quickly that he did not even have time to process it in his head. ICE’s football team had won the semi-finals of the tournament and had made its way to the finals, and that, for Tanmay, was the biggest achievement of his life. He had worked hard for it and the team had done so well because of him. He had been happy beyond measure. When Tanmay came to him and asked if he could borrow his bike for a ride, Karthik could not possibly have refused, could he? He knew Tanmay would get drunk at the after-match party, but he had promised that he would not drink-drive.

When he got the news of Tanmay’s accident the next morning, he had literally felt frozen for the next few minutes. The guilt he felt … it was crushing. No one is strong enough to have someone’s death on his conscience. When he had seen Niharika, walking out of the hospital’s parking lot, he had not been ready to face her at all. He had just gotten to the hospital, did not know how serious an accident it was, or how Tanmay was doing. When Niharika blamed it all on him, his brain automatically rejected the accusations. It was almost a reflex action.

But when she had left … it had dawned upon him. It was all his fault. He should never have influenced Tanmay the way he had.
He knew Tanmay was changing, but he had not thought that there was anything wrong with that. Secretly, he even liked the fact that Tanmay used to look up to him and was trying to be like him. It was flattering, and Karthik had never realized what it might eventually lead to. It never struck him that he was slowly pushing him to his death. He never imagined that he, Karthik, could become a … a murderer.

A part of him died with Tanmay. He cut himself off from the rest of the world ever since, even though it doesn’t seem to lessen the pain. Two faces haunt him continuously, no matter how hard he tries to push them away from his head. Tanmay—and when tormented thoughts about him finally become less … Niharika. The face, her beautiful face, comes back to haunt him every time he closes his eyes.

He looks at the bike he had trashed the day he came back after the confrontation with Niharika and doesn’t feel a thing. He thinks about Tanmay’s innocent face looking up at him, asking for his approval. He thinks about Niharika and Akshat holding hands, and a tear escapes from the corner of his eye.

When the clock strikes six, I am still lost in my thoughts. It is just too much for me to process. I still cannot believe it. I still cannot believe that Akshat is capable of taking someone’s life. I am stunned and I find it hard to take it in. But it’s time for me to go to the chai stall and talk to Karthik. I have no other way to find him and I don’t want to miss him this time. So I get up from my bed, quickly run a comb through my hair and walk out of the room.

Things are changing, and they are not going the way I would have liked. One day, I am worried about something, and the next, I find a bigger reason to worry waiting for me. It’s hard to believe that Tanmay’s craze for alcohol and his change in attitude were the things I used to be worried about, just a little while ago. Now, there
is
no Tanmay, and not too long ago, I made Karthik’s life hell, making him feel that he was the reason for someone’s death, even though he was in no way responsible. I know it can’t be undone now, but the least I can do is let him know that it was not his fault.

And I also have to make someone else’s life a living hell—I can’t believe Akshat could do something of this magnitude, just over a stupid brawl. These ego clashes, do they mean so much? I want to avenge what Akshat did, but I just cannot
think of anything. If I tell someone, who is going to believe me? Pia, Simran and a few other people. The others would think that I have gone mad and am cooking up stories. I have no proof to justify my claim.

And I wonder if I even want to have any proof. What good is that going to do? The truth remains that the accident happened by itself. What Akshat was planning to do was exactly that—
just a plan
. And the person he was going to do it to—Karthik—was not even there. No one will buy my story, and even if they do, Akshat has a very rich and very powerful dad. If it comes down to
my
word against
his
…

I feel very disheartened and strangely helpless. I want to do something. I am supposed to avenge my best friend’s death, aren’t I? Then why am I not doing anything about it? I feel trapped, with no other way out. I don’t know how to get justice for Tanmay. I don’t even know whether Tanmay would have wanted me to do something like that. A part of me says that he would not, but another part of me reminds me that he is no longer here to tell me what he wants and what he doesn’t.

Lost in my own disturbing thoughts, I suddenly find myself just a few feet away from the chai stall. As I contemplate hiding, in case Karthik goes away when he sees me, I see him come out from under the shed and sit on one of the plastic chairs placed outside the stall. He looks at his feet absently, not aware of his surroundings … and me. I
stand where I am and stare at him
.

I am seeing him after over a month, and every single feature of his face comes rushing back to my head. I had almost forgotten about that one unruly strand of hair on the right side of his forehead, which always refuses to behave. And those deep-set eyes, of a colour so dark … For some reason, seeing him brings with it a lot of other emotions too. Every single second of every single moment I have spent with or
around him flashes through my head …
and I realize how terribly I have been missing him
.

I will probably never admit it to him, but ever since I first saw him, he has always been there at the back of my head. I never admit it even to myself, but I always think about him. Now, seeing him right in front of me after such a long time, I can’t help but feel my heart beat furiously in my chest. I slowly walk towards him, pull a chair, place it next to his and silently sit by his side. A second later, he looks up to see me next to him. He is visibly shocked. Almost as a reflex, he gets up and starts to move away.

‘Karthik! Karthik,
stop
!’ I say. He stops in his tracks but does not turn around. ‘Please sit down …?’ I whisper, praying that he does not walk away.

I see him stand motionless, with his back turned towards me, for a minute, after which he turns back and takes his seat again. Looking at him, the full consequences of what Akshat has done hits me. He is not just a player, he is a monster. He is cruel and sinister and inhumane. He not only killed Tanmay, he has also caused everything that is wrong with my life right now. He did whatever he wanted to do, for his stupid revenge. What he probably does not realize, and I’m sure is not bothered about at all, is that I am the one left cleaning up the mess that my life has become because he chose to be what he is.

I look at the guy sitting next to me, his head hung low, and I feel sorry for him. Before my courage gives way, I start talking.

‘Are you drunk?’ I ask softly. He looks really worn out and miserable.

‘No,’ he replies and adds something so softly that I can barely make out the words, ‘I don’t drink any more.’

I nod slowly, tears filling my eyes automatically. I can see what Tanmay’s death has done to him and it’s hardly
bearable. I ache, seeing Karthik like this. ‘Where have you been?’ I ask.

He shrugs.

‘Tell me. I looked for you everywhere. I was so worried … I ran out of places to look for you. I have no idea where you live and … I don’t know what I would have done had I not come here, looking for you.’

‘I didn’t know you would care.’

‘I do,’ I say and put my hand on his arm. He looks up at me with a strange, unreadable expression on his face. All I can tell is that he is confused and a little shocked; he did not expect me to be here. I can feel the tears in my eyes and I know that I am very close to breaking down, but I hold myself together.

‘You should not,’ he says. ‘And you should not be here. I don’t deserve your caring. I don’t deserve to even sit next to you …’

‘No, Karthik. Don’t say that.’

‘But it’s true! I messed it all up. You guys were happy on your own, before I decided to butt in and screw it all up. Nothing would have happened if it weren’t for me.’

‘You did nothing. It was not your fault. None of it was,’ I say.

‘It was! I never should have interfered. And it’s not like I did not try. I did. But I just could not … stay away from you …’

‘And why is that?’ I ask slowly.

‘I think the word they use is love,’ he says. My heart skips a beat. It’s hard to imagine that under the given shitty circumstances, I can still find blood rushing to my face, making me blush. I think I have always known somewhere deep inside that he loves me, but I had never had the courage to actually believe it. A part of me still cannot believe it.

‘You …
love
—?’

‘I guess. But it doesn’t matter now. Forget I ever mentioned it. I know that you are with Akshat and you hate me anyway.’

‘No, I do
not
hate you. I guess I never did. When the accident happened, I was scared and I wanted to put the blame on someone, and it seemed like you fit the bill. But I was wrong.
So wrong
,’ I say, framing the words in my head to tell him what I know.

‘But it
is
my fault. And you know that!’

‘That’s
not
what I know. And if you would just hear me out, I have something important to tell you.’

He looks at me strangely at first and then nods. I tell him everything I know, my eyes never leaving his, my grip on his arm tighter than ever.

‘You are not going to do anything of that sort!’ I shout.

‘I am. I cannot let that son of a bitch live after what he did to Tanmay. It’s time he paid his dues,’ Karthik shouts back, his face red with anger and a vein prominent in his forehead.

‘You are going to do no such thing, you hear me?’ I plead, shaking him. But he gets up and starts walking towards his bike, ready to confront Akshat and do God-knows-what to him. He seems to be in some other world and doesn’t even notice me running after him.

‘Do you expect me to just sit here and do nothing, now that I know at least two things that give me legitimate reason to take down that bastard? He tried to kill me, and he killed Tanmay. Aren’t those reasons enough?’

‘You guys and your stupid power games! They are what led to this, and now you are doing it again. But it is
not
going to do any good!’

‘But it will feel fucking awesome,’ Karthik says. He kicks the pedal, and his bike starts up with a roar.

I stand frozen. I knew Karthik was not going to take the news lying down, but now that it is actually happening in front of me, I realize what he is going to do next. And I have to stop him.

‘Karthik,’ I say calmly. ‘If you do anything to him, if you even so much as
move
your bike just an inch—I swear to you—I will kill myself in the most painful way I can think of. And I am
not
kidding.’

His head jerks towards me suddenly and he looks at me as if he is seeing me for the first time. A moment later, I see him walk slowly to the plastic chairs and sit down. I join him wordlessly. There is an uncomfortable silence for a bit.

‘Why? Don’t you want to see that asshole pay for what he did?’ he asks.

‘I do. But I choose to leave it up to karma to take care of him.’

‘What kind of absurd logic—?’

‘I know,’ I cut him off. ‘It’s not like I haven’t thought about revenge. But what’s right is right. It all started with senseless brawls over senseless things, and look at where we are now. I don’t want to start that cycle all over again, at any cost.’

‘But this is just so unfair! Tanmay … he never should have been involved in all of this. I should have been the one on the bike that night. I should have died instead. It’s all because of me.’

‘No, it’s not. Take it from me, Karthik—thinking like this doesn’t help. That way I can blame myself for having become friends with Tanmay. Had that not happened, you never would have played that first trial match to help him out, and none of this would ever have started. But it just does not work like that. We cannot blame ourselves for things we never had control over …’

‘But I just … it just …’ Karthik trails away, frustrated. I can understand what he is going through; I was feeling the same desperation, the same helplessness not so long ago, but I cannot let him take any rash step either. I have already lost Tanmay—I cannot afford to lose him.

We sit together, wordlessly, staring at the setting sun, till a zillion stars appear in the dark blue night sky. I keep holding his hand and somehow draw energy from the fact that he is with me. We don’t say anything, but we are both thinking about the same thing. We are both missing Tanmay more than ever.

At long last, we get up to leave. We walk to the college campus silently. Right before I enter my hostel, I turn to him to say goodbye.

‘You’ll be alright?’ I ask.

‘I guess. I just … feel so helpless. I wish I could do
something
…’

‘I can think of something,’ I say.