Someone to Love (39 page)

I look up at him startled.

“Congratulations.” I smile for the first time
since Kenny left, and my heart soars from the effort. I bet she
didn’t write that note either. “I gotta run.” I spike to my feet.
“Do me a favor—ask Lauren to bring Kenny to Sigma Phi tonight. And
whatever you do, don’t tell Kenny I’ll be there.” My feet fly to
the door. I’m walking on air.

“Where you going?” Cal shouts with a wild
look on his face.

“I’ve got to call someone about getting some
windows fixed.”

Kendall

Forever

The night sky washes an unnatural shade of
lavender in what I’ll always remember as the color of this
spectacular heartbreak. The stars spray out their glory in number
as if all the starry hosts were marshaled right over Alpha Sigma
Phi. The evergreens shimmer a luminescent sage as if vying for my
attention. It seems all of nature is peacocking—showing off its
prowess, its inherent beauty that surrounds us like a song set to
the tune of eternity. How anything could go so disastrously wrong
in a world so beautiful astounds me. But it had. And now, I’m
experiencing the horrific impact from the death plunge I
unknowingly took. Cruise pushed our love off the sheer cliff of
ecstasy, and left me crashing through the flames, cracking my skull
open on the rocky shore each time I thought of him.

I don’t know why I expected anything
different. I slid my heart across the table like it were a loaded
gun, and Cruise blew a hole right through me with my own weapon.
I’ve only my sheer stupidity to blame. I was so naïve to think it
could have ever worked—that we conquered something so
spectacular—that it existed at all.

I run my fingers over my neck. It’s still
sore from picking at the collar that I latched onto it like a vice.
I finally managed to take it off by repeatedly stabbing the keyhole
with a bobby pin.

“There’s a beer inside with your name on it.”
Ally links an arm with mine as we enter the frat party that
essentially started it all. I suppose it’s fitting it’ll be my last
here at Garrison. I missed classes all week and hung out at Ally’s
dorm in Russell Hall. Not a soul there was a “loser.” According to
Mom, Aunt Jackie is the loser for cheating on her poor husband. It
turns out they’ve been in splitsville for almost a year.

Mom wanted to know why Cruise was at the bed
and breakfast and I was at Ally’s. I guess he told her, his windows
were in desperate need of repair, and that I was staying with
friends, but she knew. Mom is an expert when it comes to crash
landing a relationship. And when she boards that plane for
California, I plan on being right there with her. This entire
semester was a waste. I got an education I never bargained
for—never wanted.

Bodies cram into the boxy fraternity,
overwrought with blaring music and bimbos. Alpha Sigma Phi holds
the slight scent of used socks and beer much like Pennington
himself, and speak of the devil…

His hair glints in the light, shorn a little
too close to his head, but he’s still safely tucked in his polo
with the collar upturned, a white sweater lies tied over his
shoulders, ensuring no one mistakes him for a gangbanger anytime
soon.

“I hear my dad has this thing for your mom.”
He nods as if it were everyday people left, cheated—staggered into
new relationships like drunken toddlers.

“I wouldn’t know. How’s
your
mom?”

“Busy”—he looks as though he could puke on
demand—“with the pool boy.”

“Ouch. Sorry.”

“It’s all right. I’m sure it’ll be the box
boy next week. She likes ’em young. Divorce is final in less than a
month. So I guess there’ll be a celebration. You down for
that?”

“Celebrating the end of a relationship?
Sounds horrible.”

“You’re right.” Pen bows his head for a
moment, and I reach over and hug him. I hold Pen a lot longer than
anticipated until his chest heave beneath me. “I better take off. I
see a skirt with my name on it,” he whispers, drifting into the
crowd.

It’s only then I notice Ally’s gone, too.

I glance up, and a familiar-looking Adonis
lights up the room from across the way.

He’s here. He’s coming in this direction, and
everything in me wants to run but my body solidifies. The room
warps, the music drags, and I feel-lightheaded as if I might pass
out, right on the spot.

I spin around and look for someone to talk
to, anybody…and there she is—Blair. I’d like to “talk” to her all
right, with the working end of a sawed off shotgun. On second
thought, she wasn’t too far off the mark. In fact, she was dead-on
the bull’s-eye—Cruise was never that into me.

I take off into the crowd.

A swarm of girls coo as he fast approaches,
and an entire demonic chant breaks out offering homage to
Professor Elton
.

“He’s got a rash on his balls the size of
Wyoming,” I say, moving swiftly past their circle.

“Kenny,” he shouts over the music, but I
pretend not to hear. Stupidly, I land myself in a corner near the
refreshment table laden with an emphasis on booze and hard liquor.
Something tells me I’ll need all the liquor I can get my hands on
to wash this entire night—
semester
out of my memory, at
least temporarily.

Ally was wrong. This stupid party is the last
place I “need” to be.

I spin toward the door and bump into a brick
wall of a chest.

He’s wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, my
all-time favorite combo. He’s got a baseball cap pulled low over
his head, and his dimples invert into twin black pools.

“Coke or Pepsi?” Cruise gives a playful
smile, but there’s sorrow layered just beneath.

“I believe what you really want to ask is,
in
or
out
.” I peg him with a hard look because he’s
never getting “in” again. “We both know damn well your only goal in
life is getting laid. I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding an
entire herd of girls willing to give it up for you.” And most of
those at the same time.

Cruise softens. A marked sadness takes over
his features as his chest pumps with an increased volume.

“I don’t want a herd of girls.” He swallows
hard. “I only want you, Kenny.”

“Bullshit.” I race to get past him, but he
catches me by the wrist. “Let go.”

“Not until we talk.” His eyes glow in this
dim light and afford him an animalistic quality, too divinely
exotic to ever be human. Just bearing witness to his flawless brand
of beauty hurts me even deeper. I was just a joke to him, nothing
but a notch on his bedpost.

“I’m not above biting, so kindly let the
fuck
go.” I belt the words out so loud, ten different heads
turn in our direction.

Cruise holds his hands in the air like it’s a
stickup.

“I’m done talking
and
listening.” I
meant to scream it, but in truth, I’m losing steam. I see how
handsome he is, that sweetness buried beneath the surface
percolating, and I can’t believe we were nothing but a lie.

From over his shoulder I catch Blair gleam a
wicked smile. She wraps herself in my misery like a fur-lined coat,
a lush experience at my expense, supple to the touch.

“Kenny, we can work through this.” He says it
so calm and solid it almost makes me believe him.

“There’s nothing to work through because I
happen to know for a fact you think I’m repulsive and have ‘daddy
issues.’ Oh wait—and that you wish you never asked me to marry
you.”

Cruise dips in. “What are you talking
about?”

“I
heard
you!” It roars from the
deepest part of me. Cruise opened the Pandora’s box of grief I
sealed off all my pain in, and now I’ve unleashed it like a missile
right at the person I thought I loved—that I thought loved me.

“I would never say those things, let alone
think them.” His features blink back with surprise, and his mouth
rounds out as if he were reliving a memory. I caught him
red-handed, and he knew it. “Are you talking about a conversation I
had with my dad?” His head ticks back a notch.

“Yes. I was going to surprise you. I was
coming to collect my
morning kiss
.” My voice breaks. “I
heard you say—you said, you never loved me.” And there it is, the
wound reopened, the acid poured in because the admission came from
my own lips this time.

“Kenny…” His face contorts in pain. “I wasn’t
talking about you. I was talking about my ex-girlfriend, Blair.”
His dimples blink like sirens trying to alert me to the severity of
the situation. “Her mom called and wanted me to give it another
try. I was just venting to my dad about it.”

I glance past him and pick up on the hurt on
her face—the incredible heartbreak we were passing like a baton.
But she relished in my misery. She wanted Cruise back and tried to
drive herself between us. She pitted me against him, and I was too
quick to jump to conclusions.

“Blair and I were together for years.” He
steps into me, and I want to surrender to him. The sweet scent of
his cologne begs for me to do it. “We dated. She never wanted to
touch me. She said she wanted to save herself for marriage, and I
respected that. I held out,” he says it low almost reluctant to
admit it. “She cheated on me, apparently with a number of guys, and
last summer I found out about it. Kenny—when I asked Blair to marry
me, she never said yes. And I only asked because I thought that was
the next logical step in our relationship. After that, I ended up
hitting on everything that moved. It wasn’t until I met you that I
realized two things.” He steps into me and picks up my hands.
“One—that breaking it off with Blair was a very good thing. I never
really loved her. And two, I wish could have held out a little
longer and saved it all for you. I love you, Kendall. I’ll love you
forever.”

My heart thumps wild in my chest at the
prospect of Cruise wishing he had waited for me—loving me
forever.

“I have a confession. There
is
one
thing I was keeping from you.” I take a step in until we’re a
breath away. “When my stepfather told me those lies about myself
all those years ago, I wasn’t necessarily shutting out guys because
I was afraid of turning into some prophesied slut.” I glance down
at the floor then sweep over him slowly until our eyes lock. “Deep
inside I knew there would be someone special out there, and I only
wanted him to have me. When I met you, Cruise—I knew you were that
person. I knew it that first night. Remember when you asked if I
believed in love at first sight? Deep down, I loved you right then.
So, I guess I do believe in love at first sight after all.”

“That makes two of us.” He warms me with a
smile that widens without end. “As soon as I laid eyes on you, my
thesis went out the window.”

“What exactly is your thesis?”

“The fallacy of love at first sight. Turns
out, the only fallacy was my thesis itself. But I won’t be needing
it anymore.” Cruise wraps his arms around my waist and pierces me
with those eyes that shower me with affection in so many special
ways. “Kendall Jordan, will you marry me?”

I can feel the words vibrate through his
chest, the deep register of his voice sirens through me like a
tuning fork.

“It’s
Kenny
to you.” I give the curve
of a smile. “And yes, I would be honored to spend my life by your
side.” I jump up on his hips, and he catches me beneath my knees as
our lips crash into one another. Cruise lays his kisses over me
with a soulful intensity. This is holy and right and something
destined to happen right from the beginning. His tongue sweeps over
mine, soft and aching. Cruise cleanses me with the fire from his
mouth. This kiss begs forgiveness and thanks me for the start of
something new, all at the same time. I can feel his desire growing
for me, impeding my right thigh through his jeans, and a moan
escapes my throat.

Cruise pulls back and cinches a forlorn
smile. “I have something else to tell you.” A sigh depresses from
him. It brushes over my neck with a hint of heartache. “I was
expelled from Garrison.”

“What?” I let go and nearly fall to the floor
but Cruise catches me, dots a kiss over my forehead, easy as
breathing.

“A certain journalism major”—he nods in
Blair’s direction—“made sure what I chose to do in private was well
documented.”

My hand flies over my mouth at the horror of
it. “It was with me, wasn’t it?”

His brows rise. “She had a copy of the
revised syllabus. How did she get it?” He sounds honestly
perplexed.

“
The
syllabus?” I take in a sharp
breath. “That day in class.” I blink into the epiphany. “I dropped
my book bag, then ran out the door with you. It was the day your
mom broke her leg. She gave me the papers the next time I saw her,
and I bet that was one of them. Sorry.”