Something Had to Give (31 page)

“It’s my fall break, so a few days.”

“Well, give me a call if you have any free time. I’d love to catch up with you.”

“Ok, well I guess you’d have to unblock my number first.” I wanted to kick myself for that snide response, but I couldn’t help myself. He didn’t have a response. “Well, I have go, my parents’ flight will be coming in soon.”

“Ok, well hopefully, we will talk soon.”

I gave a half smile as he walked away. As I dropped the card I had been reading in my basket I mumbled to myself, “yeah right.” There was a time when I would have done anything for him to want to talk to me. I wasn’t sure what happened, but seeing him and his whole nonchalant attitude towards me pissed me off. I had spent months mourning the end of our relationship and he had seemed to move on with no problem. After months, he wanted to “catch up?” That was not likely to happen. I was sure I was forgetting items from my mental list but I just couldn’t risk running into him again. I was also annoyed that I was leaving the store earlier than I intended. What was I to do now until the plane came in? Going back to the hospital would be backtracking and there wasn’t anywhere for me to park and sit at the airport without paying. My options were limited. It was likely related to my lack of sleep and the stress of everything that was going on, but I felt so irritated.

Once I calmed down, I remembered that there was a shopping center not too far from the airport. There weren’t any stores that I would have even considered going in on an ordinary day but at that time, they fulfilled my purpose of wasting time. Fortunately, the flight arrived on time and I didn’t have to spend too much time wandering around the shopping center. Daddy and Mommy were waiting outside with their luggage when I pulled up. They both looked disheveled and drained. It was also obvious by Mommy’s red puffy eyes that she had been crying. Seeing them like that made me angry with Shanna. She was putting me in a position to be the middleman for the situation she had created. Again, I blamed my irritation on my lack of sleep. All I wanted to do was get to the hospital as quickly as possible without having to answer too many questions. The car ride to the hospital was in complete silence, which I thought was what I wanted. Instead, it was pretty uncomfortable to the point that I dropped them off at the front of the hospital while I parked. I just needed a minute to breath.

When I got back to the room, I set the card and flowers on the table beside Shanna. She was so caught up in answering my parents’ questions that she didn’t even realize they were there. Daddy was pretty calm as Shanna explained the whole situation to them, but Mommy was pretty torn up which made Shanna cry more. Seeing them both so upset made me want to cry and I didn’t want to cry. I relocated back to the cafeteria where there was a large TV playing CNN. It wasn’t anything I wanted to watch, but it was better than being in that room. I was down there for at least an hour before Daddy called my cell to tell me that they were ready to go. We were going back to sleep at Shanna’s apartment until the morning when Daddy could call around to rehab centers suggested by the social worker. Shanna seemed sad to see us go and I knew she probably wanted me to stay, but I felt like I had to get away from the hospital. As we made our way back to Shanna’s I couldn’t help but feel nervous of what condition we would find the apartment in. I was pretty sure it wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before, but I wondered how my parents would react. I truly hoped that by some miracle it would be in some type of order.

At worst, I expected a dozen of beer cans, a few liquor bottles, and maybe old food containers to be littering the living room and kitchen. As we got closer to the front door, the smell seeping out the cracks of the front door made it obvious that we were in store for much more. We all gasped as we walked in. Where the coffee table used to be was a pile of shattered glass, old Chinese food containers, around 8 beer bottles, and a half finished bottle of vodka. Clothes were scattered all over the living room and the kitchen was absolutely disgusting. The trash was piled up, dishes were overflowing, and the floor so gross that I didn’t even want to walk on it with shoes on. No one said a word. We all just looked around in disgust trying not to gag. It wasn’t long before mommy started doing what she did best. While she started in the kitchen, I tackled the living room and daddy started getting all the trash down to the dumpster. It took us nearly two hours to get the apartment clean and even though it still smelled, we decided to call it a night. It was when I lied down that I remembered that Craig had a key and could come in at any point during the night. We had no clue where he was or if he had gotten out of jail, but to be on the safe side I got out of bed and made sure the deadbolt lock was on.

Thankfully, the night went by without incident. I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed after sleeping like a log. There was absolutely no food in the house, so we went out for an awkward breakfast at IHOP. It wasn’t unusual for Mommy to be quiet but Daddy barely said two words. There were no stories from work trips or corny jokes. It was just silence with an occasional “pass the syrup” or “how’s your meal?” I hated what this was doing to our family and I wondered how much they blamed me for not saying anything earlier. I couldn’t say that I didn’t feel some guilt for keeping quiet. I knew she was in need of help and I let it go on. Looking back, I wished that I had handled it differently from the moment I realized there was a drinking problem. I could have sat there and mentally made up dozens of excuses as to why I didn’t say anything, but it all came back to the same result, I was wrong.

The rest of the day was spent at the hospital finalizing plans for Shanna to go into rehab. Daddy was able to find one in Charlotte that was willing to take her immediately and Shanna was released the next day. The last two days there were a whirlwind of packing and cleaning to get everything set for Shanna’s move. The events of the past week had taken quite a toll on her both physically and mentally as would be expected. She barely said anything as we packed up the apartment and constantly checked her cell phone for messages. It was hard to tell if she was more hurt by the fact that she and Craig were over, that she had pretty much hit rock bottom, or that she hadn’t heard from him since the fight. It irritated me each time I saw her check her phone, which seemed like every five minutes, but at the same time I knew the feeling of wanting some closure. All of Craig’s clothes were still at the apartment along with his documentaries that he treasured and other various things. Daddy’s plan was to bag it all up and donate it all to the Salvation Army, but Shanna would hear nothing of it. With the little money that she had left, she boxed it all up and paid for it to be shipped to his parents’ home in Virginia.

In just two days we got Shanna in enrolled in rehab, broke her lease, and got her apartment completely cleaned out. It was just in time to turn in the keys and for us to make our long drives back to Charlotte and Wilmington. Shanna’s car was loaded top to bottom with her stuff and barely room for Mommy to ride in the back seat. Daddy hugged me extra hard as we said our goodbyes. He didn’t say a word out of his mouth, but his hug said it all, “please take care of yourself.” What Daddy said with a hug, Mommy said with tear filled eyes. In that moment I was glad that they didn’t know why I didn’t get into nursing school. I knew it didn’t compare in magnitude to what was going on with Shanna, but I didn’t want them to be any more disappointed in their children.

Fall was upon us, but it was still warm enough to ride with the windows down as I hit the highway. About 45 minutes into the ride my cell phone started to ring. As I dug my phone out of my oversized purse, I fully expected it to be Daddy telling me to drive safely and not to speed. The ringing had stopped by the time I got the phone out and on the screen it read that I had indeed missed a call but it wasn’t from Daddy or any of my family. It was a missed call from Jason. With all we had going on, I had forgotten that I had run into him and that I was supposed to call him. Still not really feeling up to talking to him, I put the phone back in my purse, set my cruise control, and cranked up the music.

∞∞∞

After all the drama from fall break, there wasn’t much excitement and I had deemed that my junior year would be the most uneventful year of my college experience. I was OK with that though. Shanna and I had mended our relationship and kept in contact as much as was allowed when she was in rehab. The rehab center she was in had strict guidelines on phone calls, but we still talked regularly throughout the week when she alternated between calling our parents or me. She seemed to be doing well and to be getting better. I just hoped that it would stay that way once she got out. Mainly, I wanted her to stay far away from Craig. April and I also kept in contact but between classes, both of our jobs, and her boyfriend, there wasn’t a lot of time for us to have girl time. I was content with how things were though. There was no stress or drama and I realized that boring wasn’t such a bad thing.

I hadn’t heard from Eric since the day I ran into him at the mall. Since he was no longer enrolled in classes, I no longer feared that I would run into him on campus. I rarely thought of him except the rare occasion I was downtown and saw a crowd of drunken students and imagined he was in the middle of it all. I never got close enough to actually see if he was involved, but I certainly didn’t put it past him. The day I ignored Jason’s phone call leaving Tennessee was the last time I had heard from him. He wasn’t nearly as persistent as Eric, so I imagined that when I didn’t call to meet up or return his call that he had given up. I still felt like it was messed up how our relationship had ended, but I had come to terms with and learned to just let it go. I didn’t really expect to see or hear from either one of them again.

The day before I was set to leave for Thanksgiving break that all changed. I had classes plus work and had to then come home and pack. Feeling pretty pooped, I made myself comfortable on the couch with ice cream and a movie. My choice for the night was one of my favorites,
Mo Better Blues
. The movie was close to half way in when my cell phone began to ring. My first instinct was to just ignore it, but I changed my mind thinking it was Daddy wondering if I had decided to drive home at night. I was really thrown for a loop when I saw that it was Jason calling; so much so, that I sat there staring it until he hung up before I came to my senses and answered. I didn’t know if I should call back or if I even wanted to call back. It annoyed me that not only was I faced with the dilemma of whether to call back, but also that I was now missing the movie. Initially, I decided that Jason had to wait. We hadn’t talked in months, what would another day or two matter? It then hit me that I wanted an explanation and apology for how he had acted. I had a feeling he was going to try and sweep the incident under the rug, but for me it had to be addressed. When I called back, the phone rang several times and I had to laugh feeling like it was his way of getting back at me for ignoring his calls. Just as I was about to say, “Forget it” and hang up, he answered.

“Cheryl? Hey, how’s it going?”

“I’m good thanks.” I fought back the urge to immediately dig into him. I wanted to first see how this was going to play out.

“Well that’s good. It’s been a long time stranger.”

“Really? It’s a little difficult to stay in touch when you basically tell me to kick rocks and then block my number from calling you. I’m not sure what else you expected.” I wanted to say more, but I held back. I didn’t want him to think he could get me riled up so quickly.

“You’re right, that was really childish of me to block your number. That’s why I was hoping we could have talked when you were in Tennessee.”

“In Tennessee? You just happened to run into me there. What about the months before?”

“I was being stubborn and prideful. When I saw you in Wal-Mart I just thought it was a great time to talk and apologize to you in person. For what it’s worth I’m sorry for how I handled things.”

Finally, I got my apology and those two simple words completely changed my mood. I had waited so long for us to be able to talk and, I could calm down enough to let that happen. We stayed on the phone for close to two hours. He explained his side of things and I was able to explain mine. It felt good to get months of things I wanted to say to him off my chest. With the apologies and explanations out the way, we picked up right where we left off and talked like old friends catching up. I didn’t go into detail about what was going on with Shanna, but we talked about pretty much everything that was going on in our lives. When it got to the point that my phone was burning hot from me talking so long, I still didn’t want to hang up with him. After several months, my feelings for him had not changed. I went to bed that night feeling excited at the prospect that things could go back to normal between us.

∞∞∞

Thanksgiving break was great for our family. Shanna was allowed to come home for Thanksgiving dinner and seemed to be getting back to her old self. Mainly she looked healthy and seemed genuinely happy. There were just a few more weeks left of rehab for her and if all went well she would be out for good by Christmas. During the time we sat and talked over break, she seemed to be in a really great space and ready to get out of treatment. However, we all knew it would be tough for her adjusting to life back at home and not being in school anymore. She had come so close to finishing her master’s program and had based so much of her future on that degree. She would have to figure something else out. None of us spent time harping on that to her though. The focus was clear for us all, for her to get better. Shanna had to be back at that facility by noon the day after Thanksgiving, which was hard for us all. We were able to do our usual Black Friday shopping and enjoy a breakfast at IHOP before she went back. The house seemed different once Shanna left. I kept telling myself that it was no different from when she would leave to go back to school, but of course it still was very different.