Something Like Lightning (32 page)

“So Jason has a boyfriend too.”

“Ha! No, that’s the best part. He shows up with this hot older guy, but they were only pretending. Turns out that Jason’s boyfriend, Tim, was actually Emma’s uncle. Or the boyfriend of her uncle. Sorry, Emma is Jason’s best friend. The one who is dating my best friend.”

Allison stared at him incredulously.

“I know,” Kelly said. “It’s convoluted. Should I go back over it all?” “No!” Allison grabbed her pen and started scribbling furiously. She didn’t seem to be writing anything though. Was she doodling? Kelly supposed most people did that while thinking. “So what were the results of this extremely misguided ploy?”

“Nothing,” Kelly said. “It’s so frustrating. I exposed Jason as a liar, but he and William keep hanging out like nothing happened. They even went on a picnic together. William said it was a bike ride with a short break to eat, but come on! You better believe I flipped out over that one!”

“Can’t say I blame you,” Allison said. “I would have invited myself along.”

“Crutches and bicycles don’t go together real well. I did start tagging along with William during his morning swims. I started showing up at his work more often too. Not to catch him in the act, but just to scare Jason away. Nothing I do makes a difference. Then there’s this stupid fundraiser tonight, and something about it stinks, but I can’t figure out what, and I—” Kelly’s throat tightened and he struggled to get the last few words out. “I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Allison stood and opened her arms. “Come here.”

The gesture summoned a longing from deep inside Kelly. He felt silly as he grabbed his crutches to stand, and as soon as he did, Allison stepped around the table to hug him. She also patted him on the back and gave him a little squeeze.

“That was very unprofessional of me,” she said once they had parted, “but I can tell when someone needs a hug, and
that
was an emergency.” “Do you have kids?” Kelly asked. “Because that felt like a mom hug.”

“Not yet, but I’m working on it.” Allison gestured that they should sit back down. “Now tell me about this fundraiser.”

Kelly took a deep breath. “William is going to be a topless waiter. I kid you not. Keep in mind this is a gay fundraiser, so it makes a twisted sort of sense. Of course it was Jason who asked William to do this because he also—surprise, surprise—will be a waiter. I figured they just want to spend time together, so I invited myself along. William didn’t mind at all. No argument, no hint of frustration, nothing. He was perfectly fine with it. So I keep telling myself that maybe they really are friends and nothing more. Simple as that. I’m just being insecure. If only my gut would shut the hell up. I’ve gone in so many circles that I don’t even trust myself anymore.” Kelly let his shoulders slump in defeat. “Maybe the only thing that’s wrong is me.”

Allison was quiet as she considered his words. Then she stood. He thought another hug was incoming, but instead she headed for the door. “I need to make a call,” she said. “I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”

Kelly stared as she left the room. He had been on the verge of tears. Maybe she felt he needed privacy to cry? Was he supposed to now? He didn’t feel like getting himself worked up. He was tired of pitiful tears. What he craved was advice. If he couldn’t figure out which direction was right, he needed someone else to guide him.

“I’m sorry,” Allison said once she reentered the room. “I know that probably seemed rude, but it couldn’t be helped.”

“It’s fine,” Kelly said.

Allison sat down, looked him square in the eye, and sighed. “You’re not crazy. Most people who suspect infidelity are picking up on signals without even realizing it. Unfortunately this makes it easy to second-guess ourselves, when we should be listening to our instincts. That having been said, people who have been cheated on previously tend to expect it to happen again, which can lead to a lot of unjustified suspicion.”

“I’ve never been cheated on,” Kelly said.

“Good. As you said, it could be that nothing has happened between Jason and William. But I’m willing to bet your gut is right, and that something is off balance. I suggest you ask William to be honest with you. No accusations, no anger or sorrow, just ask him to be honest with you. Talking to each other is the only way this is going to get better.” Kelly swallowed. “And what if I’m right? What if he wishes we weren’t together so he could be with Jason?”

Allison took a deep breath. “Just before the car wreck, when you and William were arguing, didn’t he try to break up with you?”

“He was angry,” Kelly said dismissively. “We both were. A lot of things happened that morning we both regret.”

“The accident, sure, but maybe your relationship was coming to its natural conclusion.”

Kelly’s voice was terse. “He promised to stay with me.”

“As you said, William prides himself on his nobility. Breaking up with the person you just put in the hospital is low. Lower than low. This is pure conjecture, but I can imagine William thought he was doing the right thing. Past the trauma of that event, now that you’ve both healed as much as possible, you need to ask yourself what has really changed. If you weren’t compatible before, why would you be now?”

Kelly thought about it. He was less happy these days, less confident. William hadn’t changed much aside from an added edge of guilt to his actions. Neither of them had been improved by what had happened. Maybe she was right. Maybe the accident had delayed their breakup and nothing more.

“Talk to him,” Allison said. “Before the party tonight, give him a chance to be honest. If he still isn’t, trust in yourself. Understand me? No matter what happens, you listen to your gut because you’re right.”

She sounded so certain. Kelly didn’t see how she could be, but that confidence was infectious. Tonight, one way or another, he would get his answer.

Confronting the truth could be like walking toward one’s own execution. Sure, this can be faced with a heart full of bravery and a head held high, but at the end of that march is still something so unpleasant, most people would avoid it. Had they a choice.

Perhaps that was why Kelly kept his mouth shut as William got dressed, not that there was much to put on. A pair of black slacks, dark shiny shoes, and a simple bowtie. He looked more like a stripper about to begin his shift than a waiter. Kelly didn’t ask any questions when Tim drove up wearing the same outfit, nor did he bother with cutting words for Jason, who sat in the passenger seat. Kelly simply climbed in the back and allowed himself to be taken for a ride for just a little longer.

When they arrived at what could only be described as a mansion on the outskirts of Austin, he dismissed it as one more crazy wonder that Jason had conjured from his limitless bag of tricks. Better to take it all in stride, because Kelly’s only other option was to ask William to level with him about everything: his feelings, these strange places, what the evening’s true purpose was...

At the very least, the fundraising party provided ample distraction. When they first arrived, more shirtless waiters than guests were wandering around the spacious ballroom. Everywhere Kelly looked, his eyes met temptation. Hot guys with muscles, cute boys with boney ribs, and even a few pleasantly plump teddy-bear types, ideal for snuggling up to on winter nights. The world seemed to be sending Kelly a message. 
See how normal it is to be tempted? Gaze upon these delights and tell me you still blame William for wanting to wander.

Except every time Kelly sought out his boyfriend in the increasingly congested crowd, all those other guys failed to compare. William was familiar. Comfortable. Or at least had been. Kelly wasn’t sure he knew him so well anymore. When they made eye contact, Kelly waved him over. William bent his knees once at his side, tilting the tray of
hors d'oeuvres
to offer what he described as
Brandade de Morue au Gratin.

“And what is that exactly?” Kelly asked.

“I think it’s French.” William shrugged, the tray wobbling. “Some big guy in a tuxedo yelled at me until I was able to say it right. All I know is that it smells like fish.” After looking around, he placed the tray on the table and crouched next to Kelly. “You doing all right?”

“I’m having a lovely time,” he lied. Not that the evening had been dire. More than a handful of men had sent amorous glances in his direction, reminding Kelly that many people had once considered him pretty. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt truly attractive. The one guy brave enough to sit at his table had been sent packing, Kelly telling him the empty seats were reserved.

“You should eat something,” William said. “Go on, try one.”

They glanced at the appetizers, which appeared to be blobs of white slime oozing over thin wafers.

“I’ll eat one if you do,” William bartered.

“Promise?”

“Yup”

Kelly smirked. “Okay. You go first.”

William puffed up his chest as if inhaling bravery. Then he took one of the appetizers, tossed it in his mouth, and chewed. Despite his best poker face, his nostrils flared, giving him away. “It’s good,” he said, talking around the food without having swallowed yet. “Try one.”

Kelly narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “It’s disgusting, admit it.”

“It’s not!” William insisted, cheek bulging.

Kelly picked up one of the appetizers. “Then have another.”

William snorted, covering his mouth to stop the food from escaping. Kelly grinned and offered him a napkin so he could spit it out. Once he had, William’s face remained red from embarrassment. Feeling sorry for him, Kelly grabbed one of the ghastly things, popped it in his mouth, and chewed a few times before swallowing.

William’s face twisted up in disbelief like Kelly had just eaten a worm. “Ugh! Gross!”

“It wasn’t so bad. In fact, leave the tray. I’ll finish these myself.” In truth, the appetizers tasted like cold fish congealing in spoiled milk. Not a sensation Kelly would willingly subject himself to again, but choking down one was worth seeing William laugh, his green eyes wet with amusement.

Kelly’s smile faltered. How easy it was to pretend, to get caught up in the moment and believe that everything was okay. And it had been once—every day full of little situations like these that Kelly wished he’d paid more attention to. Now he cherished them. He always would. No matter what happened, he hoped the memories would comfort him more than they hurt. The time to talk had come.

“William—”

“Your attention please!”

They turned to the front of the room, where a tubby man stuffed into a white tuxedo stood on stage. His voice was elegant, his gestures delicate as he continued his speech. “As you all know, the intent of this little soiree tonight is to benefit those who are unable to leave their homes, be it due to illness or other unfortunate circumstances. In order to understand how that feels, let’s bravely go an hour without food, drink, or charming company. I’m going to ask all my waiting staff to kindly leave the room. As they go, please place any remaining beverages on their trays.”

William stood and picked up the tray. “Sorry. You’ll have to finish these later.”

Kelly just stared at him. William wasn’t smiling anymore. He seemed—tense, worried, horny, anything but casual. Eye contact had ceased.

“See you soon,” he said, heading with the other waiters for the kitchen door.

“Never fear!” the portly man on stage continued. “One handsome face will remain, besides mine of course. The rather dashing fire marshal here will oversee our safety during the shut-in, and despite his good looks and charming outfit, I assure you he isn’t a stripper. Now then, as the doors close, please find a seat and give your attention to my dear friend Mr. Wyman, who for some reason has put his shirt back on. What a pity. Regardless, he shall regale us all with tales of how last year’s money was put to good use. So please, take a seat, but before you do, remove those wallets and checkbooks from your pockets. You’ll soon have need of them.”

Kelly stared as Tim took the stage and hugged the man in the white tuxedo before nervously shuffling papers on the podium. The seats at Kelly’s table were filling up, the lights lowering as a video projector was turned on for some sort of presentation. He shook his head as if to clear it, then reached for his crutches and stood, instinct driving him toward the closed kitchen doors.

That’s what all of this was about. The plan was just as convoluted and ridiculous as Tim pretending to be Jason’s boyfriend. Playing waiter, volunteering here tonight, all of it for one hour alone, safe from Kelly’s prying eyes so they could... what? Stare longingly at each other? Kiss? Fuck? Or maybe they just wanted to talk. Kelly couldn’t decide which scenario would sting most, but he wanted to witness it for himself. Doing so would make saying goodbye so much easier.

He reached the kitchen door and yanked on the handle, surprised it was truly locked and that the shut-in wasn’t merely symbolic. He yanked again, just to be sure.

“Can I help you?”

A shadow detached itself from the wall and strolled over to him. Kelly glanced up. The man was tall and had the unmistakable vibe of a bouncer. What sort of a charity event was this?

“I need out,” Kelly said, pulling on the handle again for emphasis.

“Didn’t you hear the announcement?” the man asked. “Hey, are you listening to me?”

Kelly looked over at him again. In the darkness it was hard to make out much. Currently the distant light from the projector was reflected in the man’s eyes, making him appear supernatural. He had a strong jaw covered in stubble and broad shoulders that he not-so-casually used to wedge himself between Kelly and the exit.

“Even if this door wasn’t locked,” the man continued, “it leads to the kitchen, which is off limits. Are you looking for the restroom?”

“Yes,” Kelly said, leaping on the excuse.

“Other side of the room.”

He didn’t budge except to lift one of his crutches, drawing attention to them. “Is it handicap accessible?”

The man’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”