Something Like Rain (Something Like... Book 8) (51 page)

“I wish we were at your old place,” William said wistfully. “I’d like to hose off out back again.”

Jason grinned at him. “They have these new things called showers, you know. Very cutting edge. There’s one here. Two, in fact.”

“Sounds amazing.” William put on his bedroom eyes. “We should try it out.” When Jason appeared more concerned than interested, he hastily added, “Not together, of course. That is unless… We have a lot of catching up to do, verbally, because I don’t even know what your situation is.”

“My situation?”

“I noticed you’re not moving in with another guy.”

“Oh.” Jason looked away. “There is someone, actually.”

“That’s great!” William forced himself to sound upbeat, when really he felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. “That’s what I wanted for you.”

Jason’s brow knotted up. “What you wanted?”

“Everyone into the truck!” Tim said, holding open the front door. “There’s lasagna waiting for us! I just hope he made two, because I swear I could eat one all by myself.” William didn’t budge, wanting to see the conversation through. Jason didn’t move either, still wearing an incredulous expression. “Sorry, boys,” Tim said, “but Benjamin is going to have hurt feelings if we don’t show. Especially since this is your last night with us, Jason.”

Jason nodded, attention still on William. “We’ll catch up later.”

“Right,” he managed to say. “Of course.”

William dragged his feet on the way back to the truck, not just because he was physically tired, but because of what he had learned. Jason had someone. Of course he did. William had done his best to make sure Jason would move on, and he had. If William was smart, he would get on his bicycle and leave as soon as they were back at Ben and Tim’s place, but he didn’t want to be a sore loser. And he was curious to know who Jason had ended up with. He prayed the guy was decent and kind.

“I’m sure Ben will let us take a quick shower before dinner,” Tim said as they turned down the drive.

“Might be a tight squeeze with all of us in there,” William joked.

Jason seemed not to hear him, staring wordlessly out the windshield.

When they were back at the house, Ben greeted them and made sympathetic comments about their pain, but he also seemed happy to have avoided the heavy lifting. They trudged upstairs as a group, Tim disappearing into the master bedroom. That left him and Jason alone in the hall.

“Do you want to go first?” William asked.

“No, go ahead. I have a few things to take care of.”

William hesitated, wishing he knew what to say besides,
Forget the other guy and get in the shower with me. I promise I’ll never leave you again.
“Thanks,” was all he uttered. Once shut into the bathroom, he stripped off his clothes, remembering how he and Jason had once squeezed into the tub together, water sloshing onto the floor. Or the time they left the bathroom lights off, shut the door, and held each other under a stream of hot water.

He stepped into the bathtub, the showerhead already steaming. He smelled the body wash before applying it to his skin. William felt like crying. Sometimes he still wished he was a hothead like other guys, the sort of person to get angry, hurl insults, punch walls, and do whatever it took to feel anything but vulnerable and sad. That wasn’t him and never would be. Not again. Once had been enough.

When he was finished, he considered his sweaty clothing, realizing he didn’t have anything else to put on. Feeling daring, he wrapped the towel around his waist and went to Jason’s room, planning on asking for something to wear while casually showing off his body. The room was empty. Jason had moved out. Moved on. Same thing, he supposed. All that remained was the old dresser. He opened the top drawer despondently, surprised to find a little black box, the kind normally reserved for a ring. He opened it, the inlay still there, the slit empty. Where was the ring? On Jason’s finger? Had the new guy proposed when giving the ring to him? Were they that far along? Envy made him clench his jaw. The box snapped shut, William’s fist enclosing it. Then he shut the drawer without putting it away. He was stealing, wanting a piece of the life that Jason now had with someone else.

William returned to the bathroom and put on his old clothes. He pocketed the ring box, and after shaking his head at his own reflection, went downstairs. Ben was setting plates on the table. Tim played in the backyard with Chinchilla, but William saw no sign of Jason.

“Sorry if I still stink,” he said. “I don’t have anything to change into.”

“It’s fine.” Ben smiled at him. “I can’t tell you how good it is to have you here.”

“You sound like my mom,” William joked. “Need any help?”

“Just sit,” Ben insisted, sliding into a chair across from him. “How did the move go?”

“Fine. I accidentally shoved the mattress too hard when we were carrying it upstairs and knocked Tim over. Aside from that, it went okay.”

“That’s fine,” Ben said, “but I was referring to you and Jason.”

“Oh.”

“He told you?”

“That he’s seeing someone? Yeah.”

Ben studied him. “What about you?”

“Why do you think I showed up here unannounced?”

Ben sighed. “I thought as much.”

William swallowed. “This new guy, is he nice?”

“He’s…” Ben hesitated. “I don’t know if charming is the right word, but he has a certain magnetism.”

“So it’s serious?”

“Well, they do have a history.”

Another gut punch. They had probably been together for years now. Ever since William had been dumb enough to invite Jason to Whataburger, of all places, for Valentine’s Day. “I’m glad,” he managed.

“You’re not, but you’re a good man for wanting to be.” Ben’s finger tapped the surface of the table nervously. “I probably shouldn’t mention this, but Jason still loves you. He might have found someone else to be with, but his feelings for you haven’t changed.”

“Thank you,” William said hoarsely. “I’ll try to take comfort in that.”

“You’re both still young,” Ben said. “Tim had to wait a long time to be with me again, but eventually the stars aligned just right. I’m not saying I want Jason to go through what I did, but the relationship he’s in might not last. Maybe you’ll get a second chance someday. If it were up to me—” He checked the doorway to make sure they were still alone. “—I know who I would rather have as my son-in-law.”

This made William feel better. Tim entered soon after, complaining that he was starving and that he would be dead by the time Jason came downstairs. Ben rolled his eyes but went to fetch a piece of lasagna. He chastised Tim for not waiting, but his expression was pure love when Tim started shoveling food into his mouth and making happy noises.

Then Jason walked into the room, bringing shadows with him. He didn’t look happy. When William insisted on serving, using a spatula to slop lasagna on Ben’s plate and then Jason’s, it didn’t earn him any warmth. Instead Jason ignored the food, staring a hole in his head. William sat across from him and offered a smile. It wasn’t returned.

“Eat up,” Ben said, looking concerned.

Jason did as he was told, but not for long. After a few bites, he let the fork drop to his plate and shot an accusing glare across the table. “What the hell!” he shouted. “You
wanted
me to be with another guy? How could you even say that?”

William looked at Ben and Tim, wishing for privacy to explain himself, but he had a feeling it was now or never. “I didn’t want you waiting for me. I wanted you to have your freedom.”

Jason crossed his arms over his chest. “Why? What’s the use? Did you really think that would stop me from loving you?”

When he put it like that, it did sound lame. “Eventually.”

“
Really
? Simple as that?” Jason clenched his jaw, head shaking. “Well, I don’t work that way. Maybe you do. Took you about two years to stop caring about me, didn’t it? That’s when it really ended!”

William couldn’t meet his gaze. He felt ashamed. He wanted Jason to move on, and yet he had shown up again. Sure he had waited two years this time, but it was still the same bullshit William always put him through.

“Maybe we should give them some privacy,” Ben said, pushing away from the table.

“I’m not done eating!” Tim complained.

“It’s okay,” William said, taking the napkin off his lap and setting it next to his plate. “I should head home. My mom will be getting worried. She hates it when I ride my bike at night.”

“We can give you a ride,” Ben offered.

“No, really. It’s fine. Thank you for dinner. It was wonderful seeing you again.” He looked to Jason, who was glaring at the food in front of him. “All of you.”

Jason met his gaze, his anger wavering, but William didn’t stick around because he knew the reaction was justified. This time really would be the last. Even if he had to move far away. Whatever it took to stop tormenting Jason’s heart. William fought against tears as he left the house, not allowing himself the right to cry, because this was his fault. He had brought this upon himself and everyone involved.

Once outside he grabbed his bike and started walking it down the drive. He fought the urge to look back. Then he got onto the seat, put his feet on the pedals, and started picking up speed.

“Wait!” Jason cried out.

William looked back to see him running behind, pumping his arms and trying to catch up.

“Please! I’m sorry!”

William squeezed the brakes, tires skidding to a halt. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“No.” Jason bent over, hands on his knees to catch his breath as he shook his head. “Let’s just forget everything, okay? That was no way to welcome you back. Let’s just move on.”

The phrase stung, and although he was sure it wasn’t meant to be a barb, he didn’t like having his own advice thrown back at him. “I really do have to get home.”

Jason grasped the handlebars as if to stop him. “We’re having a housewarming party. Emma and I. We can make it a homecoming party too.”

That was sweet, and more than he deserved. “Do I have to wear a corsage?”

Jason grinned. “Not that sort of homecoming. It’ll be a welcome home party for you. Saturday. Seven o’clock. Please.”

William nodded. “I’ll be there.” He studied Jason, recognizing what he had lost. Then he offered a halfhearted smile and resumed his ride home. He forced himself to calm down and not be so emotional. He had made a decision when leaving for the Coast Guard, and again two years ago. Both times he had been aware of this possibility and had chosen his dream over his love life. It hurt. Part of him regretted it. A big part, but he wasn’t going to torture himself over it like he had the accident. This was different—intentional—and he was man enough to accept the consequences. He would never forget Jason or stop loving him. If Ben was right and someday William was lucky enough to get a second chance, he would take it. Now it was time to consider the future and decide what he wanted to make of it. But first, he wanted to get blitzed.

Chapter Twenty-two

William placed the empty beer bottle on the dresser next to his bed where he had set all the others. When he realized he had enough, he arranged them into a bowling pin formation. Ten empty bottles. At least he hadn’t consumed them all, although he struggled to remember how many he had downed compared to his drinking partner.

“Two more,” Lily said, pulling the cardboard box across the mattress toward her. “They must be there for a reason.” She peered blearily at the nutritional information label. “Six bottles is a single serving, right?”

“I think so,” William said. “Let’s finish them.”

After twisting off bottle caps and clinking bottle necks, they drank and gasped. “This is good,” William said, gesturing at their surroundings. “Twenty-two years old and I’m sitting in my childhood bedroom, getting wasted. No, I
am
wasted. How far I’ve come!”

“I’m so proud of you,” Lily said. “Of both of us!” Then she burst out laughing.

“We’re pathetic.”

“Eh, you’re too hard on yourself.” She pointed a bottle at him. “As usual! This is exactly why I came here for vacation. I’m Little Miss Responsible three-hundred-something days out of the year. I
want
to be stupid and reckless. You need it too. More than me. Did you ever let yourself get wasted when we were teenagers?”

“No,” he admitted. “I was too worried about everything.”

“And I’ve been stuck in a relationship where we couldn’t eat anything that wasn’t organic or gluten-free or had any flavor or fun. Polenta, almonds, and grapefruit for breakfast. Somebody shoot me.”

“At least he was hot,” William said. “Let me see his photo again.”

“For real?” Lily didn’t wait for an answer. She set her bottle on the side table, flopped back on the bed, and started messing with her phone. Then she held it up.

William leaned near. This photo was hotter than the previous because in it Dave was shirtless, droplets of water on his long torso, the camera held low and pointing upward—probably right where his cock would be—to take a selfie. “Wow. Are you sure he’s not the one? Because he sure looks like the one.”

Lily laughed, then turned the phone so she could see the picture. “He’s pretty, but
way
too controlling. Everything has to be done a certain way. The first time he invited me to his apartment, I thought he must have hired maids to make it look that nice, but no. He’s anal as hell. I didn’t like his attitude about the baby situation either, like I was failing him by not providing an heir.”

“That bad?”

“Pretty much.”

“Jason was sweet,” William said. “I never should have…” He took a swig of his beer, annoyed that it was already half-empty. Why did they make them so damn small? “I ruined everything.”

Lily sat up. “Living your own life isn’t a bad thing! It’s healthy! When we were teenagers, and you two hadn’t been together long, you would have been crazy to give up your dreams for someone you barely knew. I would have kicked your ass.”

William felt a surge of affection for her. “You’re right. What about your dreams? Do you feel like Dave got in the way?”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t let him. My career is too important to me. I didn’t get in the way of his either. In a healthy relationship, you come back home at the end of the day exhausted but satisfied and enjoy the afterglow together. Or make your own afterglow.”

William’s eyes moved back to her phone. “Was he good like that?”

Lily smirked. “I know exactly what you’re asking.” She tapped and swiped and held the phone up again.

William squinted at the screen and saw the typical image of a shirtless guy taking a photo of himself in the mirror, face twisted up in concentration. The dark tuft of hair on his chest matched the one down below where— “Whoa! Hey! I can see his… Jesus, Lily!”

She laughed, not the least bit embarrassed. “So what do you think?”

“You’re terrible!” William glowered at her. Then his attention moved back to the screen. “How big is that thing anyway?”

“I don’t know,” Lily said. “I never got around to measuring. He knew what to do with it too. We definitely had chemistry in that department.” She started moving the phone away, but William grabbed at it because he wasn’t finished looking.

They both laughed at his behavior, then Lily studied him. “Can I ask you something?”

“What?” he said, finally pulling his eyes away.

“When we were teenagers…”

William covered his face in embarrassment and groaned. Their makeout session. In this very room, on this very bed. “I knew you would bring that up!”

“It was confusing as hell!”

He dropped his hands. “For us both.”

“Really?”

William shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Were you just pretending you liked me because you didn’t want anyone to realize that you’re gay?”

He sighed, trying to remember what his thoughts had been. “I honestly don’t know.”

“Because the one thing that bothered me—” She shook her head. “Never mind.”

“Don’t keep me in suspense!”

She grabbed her bottle and took a generous swig. “I’m pretty sure you were hard. I
know
you were, because my hand brushed against it, and unless you had a banana shoved down there…”

“It’s not that big,” William said, cheeks flushing.

“No?”

He thought about it. “Depends on how big of a banana we’re talking about.”

“So you were?”

A lot of time had gone by, but he was pretty sure she was right. “Yes.”

“How? Were you thinking of a guy?”

“No.” He shook his head, trying to make sense of it. He used to look at straight porn when jacking off. He forced himself to. Sometimes no guys were involved, and it still worked. Somehow. “I guess there’s an exception to every rule.”

“And I’m it?”

He looked up at her. “Yeah. You’re pretty.”

“So are a lot of girls.”

“But you’ve got a great body. I love that you’re athletic, and that you never wear much makeup because you really don’t need to. Your personality is part of it too. I hate saying it, but with some girls, I had to guess what they were really thinking or feeling but—”

“I have no filter.”

William laughed. “Yeah. That can be a good thing.”

“I only wish everyone agreed with you.” She scooted toward the edge of the bed and stood. “I gotta use the ladies room.” Lily walked to the door, then turned around. “Do you think it would have worked? Do you think we could have…”

William looked her over. He was drunk, but even when sober he thought she was an amazing woman. If anyone could have coaxed him into that situation, it would have been her. He nodded. “Yeah.”

She stared at him, then left the room.

William finished his beer. He tried to remember that day in more detail and imagine what would have happened if he hadn’t met Kelly. Would it have been so bad? Right now the idea of being with anyone was a comfort. He couldn’t have Jason, and that sucked, but he also didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to feel loved.

The door to his bedroom opened. Then it shut again, Lily pressing her back against it. “It’s getting late,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“Mind if I crash here?”

He wondered what she was really asking and then realized he had a preference. “I want you to stay. I think.”

“You think?”

He nervously passed the bottle from hand to hand, the glass growing warm. “This is outside my comfort zone.”

Lily smiled. “It’s well within mine. I can show you what to do. If you want.”

He nodded. Lily flicked off the light switch. The room went dark except for the orange glow of distant streetlights outside the window, which was enough to gently illuminate her as she came near. He stood to meet her, uncertainly rising with him, but as their lips met, it dissolved. Kissing her was soft, devoid of the coarseness he was used to. Even when guys shaved every day, the difference was between abrasive sandpaper and one with a fine grit. He found he didn’t miss that, or the aggression he was used to, because Lily wasn’t passive. She took control, helping him out of his shirt, taking off her own, along with her bra. If he was honest, the breasts pressing against his chest didn’t do anything for him, but he did like how strong he felt compared to her. Even though she was athletic, her frame was still much smaller than his. The contrast was beautiful, and he found himself eager to explore it. His pecs were hard, her breasts soft in the palm of his hand. He was heavy, and lifting her in his arms was easy.

He gently placed her on the bed and climbed in. He started undoing her pants, stalling when he realized he wouldn’t find what he was used to. Lily seemed to sense his uncertainty, pulling him close for more kisses and then pushing him over onto his back. She got his jeans open, her mouth feeling like any other. William was responding, enough that the drunken confusion of his mind gave up and handed the reins to his body. Lily got out of bed briefly, pulling off his jeans. He looked up and watched her finish undressing. Then she climbed over him, kissing him, rubbing against his stomach. She took hold of his cock and sat upright.

William held his breath. Then exhaled once he was inside her. He thought of Kelly, how good that had felt despite not being his preference, and how this wasn’t so different. The pleasure was enough for his body to perform, his mind deciding to participate after all, throwing erotic imagery his way. He thought of Dave’s dick, of how it had been where he was now. Lily’s body leaned close to his. No doubt it had writhed against Dave’s muscles as it now did his, the same gentle moans whispered in his ear. William stopped being passive, his hips moving, hands exploring her back or gripping her hips. He grabbed her tightly, rolling them both over so he could take control. Her hands reached up to touch his face. His eyes closed as he focused on the pleasure. He was getting close, not understanding how to tell if she was or how to even get her there, but her light moans became words of encouragement. William lost control, becoming an animal, thrusting with increasing urgency and then growling with release. He kept moving, the pleasure so overwhelming it became unbearable, but he wanted to make sure she was satisfied too.

A giggle made him open his eyes, meeting a pair half-lidded and brown. “You can stop,” Lily whispered. “You look like you’re in pain.”

“I just wanted to... Are you done?”

“I’m happy,” she said, pulling him near. “An old forgotten dream just came true.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” she said. “We’re at the part when you would hold me throughout the night. Any chance of that coming true?”

“Yeah,” William said, rolling over onto his side. He felt a little conflicted, and confused, but having a warm body to press up against helped silence these doubts. The alcohol and fading endorphins in his bloodstream calmed him further, as did the words Lily murmured next.

“We’re okay,” she said, as if sensing he needed reassurance. “Beats being lonely, right?”

“Definitely,” William said, pulling her closer. “I’m glad we’ve got each other.”

* * * * *

William awoke, taking what felt like his first breath and his last. He hadn’t made it through his years in the Coast Guard without getting drunk occasionally, usually at the behest of his crew. Nothing like good ol’ peer pressure to make him do something stupid, or a killer hangover to ensure he didn’t do so again any time soon. The events of the previous night came back to him, his stomach sinking. Lily was on the opposite side of the bed, their bodies no longer touching. Currently she was gently snoring. That amused him. He didn’t know girls snored. He didn’t know much about girls at all, although he supposed his expertise was broader now.

He carefully untangled himself from the sheets, then crept across his room to the door. He peeked outside to make sure the coast was clear. The upstairs was empty, his brothers’ old bedrooms no longer occupied. Then he looked back to make sure Lily was still sleeping before he slipped out and went to the bathroom. He drank from the sink, used the toilet, and got in the shower. Once beneath hot water, he allowed himself to consider it all.

Was it bad, what they had done? No. They were both single adults and had been equally drunk. Still, that sinking sensation… He followed it and realized it had less to do with regret than it did his fear that Lily would get hurt. William liked her. That’s as far as it went. His heart still longed for the guy he couldn’t have, his hormones conjuring images of men when he soaped himself down there. Last night had felt good, but didn’t change anything for him. He worried that Lily wouldn’t be able to say the same. She had described him as a dream come true!

Once clean and wrapped in a towel, he returned to the bedroom. Lily was awake, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking just as rumpled as the day-old clothes she wore.

“Hey,” she said.

William remained where he was. “Hi.”

“I slept great.”

“Are you okay?” he blurted out. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

Lily’s eyebrows shot up. “Don’t be a sexist dick. I’m not some virgin you tricked into deflowering. This lily lost her petals long ago.”