Something Like This (Secrets) (14 page)

“Pretty simple, really. I walked into work this morning and was fired.”

“Holy cow, that’s rough. Why were you fired? That is, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Nah, I don’t mind sharing with you and Elliot. We’re practically best friends now. My name is Lula, short for Lola.”

I chuckled. “You serious?”

“My parents named me Lola, but called me Lula. Not sure why. But in any case, call me Lula because that’s what I answer to.”

I could tell she was a pistol and a half. Probably in her forties, with pencil-thin eyebrows and long curly red hair, she was wearing a form-fitting white skirt suit, bright red lipstick and even brighter stiletto heels. She looked like she belonged on the cover of a pin-up magazine.

“Okay, Lula, why did you get fired?”

“I was sleeping with the boss and his wife found out.”

“That will get you fired, all right,” I said.

“You have experience with it?” she asked.

“God no, I’d never...”

“Yeah, well I used to think I’d never either until one day, I fell in love and I do mean in love. The kind of love that infects every inch of your body. The kind that makes you do crazy stuff like sleep with a married man. Anyway, it’s over and he chose his wife over me. Hey, I sinned and that’s that, right?”

“We’ve all sinned,” I said.

“Yeah, but some more than others,” she said.

“How have you sinned?” Elliott asked me.

“She’s too young to have sinned,” Lula said.

I lowered my head and wished they would both vanish.

“Whatever it is you did, kid, free yourself from it as fast as you can,” Lula said.

“And why’s that?”

“Because if you don’t, you’ll always walk around with a shitty-ass, pissed off ghost perched on your shoulder. And the older you get, the harder it will be to evict the little asshole.”

“You still have one on your shoulder?” I asked.

“Not just one. That’s the thing about ghosts, they can invite others. And, man, once they get together, they set up shop not just on your shoulders, but in your whole damn body. And let me tell you, one pissed off ghost is hard to get rid of, a group of them, you may as well lie down and let them screw you because getting rid of them isn’t going to happen.”

Putting my elbows on the counter, I rested my face in my hands.

I don’t remember how long I sat there. Time didn’t matter once my head started dancing around in a turbulent and foggy storm. I don’t even remember what happened to Elliot or Lula. I seemed to recall continuing to talk to them, but then again, I could have been talking to myself.

I had known all along I was fucked up, but what I hadn’t realized was just
how
fucked up I was. That’s another thing about us screwed up people, we never know how deep our darkness goes until we’re in so deep not even God himself can save us. And just like that, the devil grabs our legs and pulls us down even deeper. And we’re done for.

***

S
taggering down the street on my way to the Metro, everything and everyone around me seemed strange, as if I had suddenly stepped into an Alice in Wonderland scene. I understood I was drunk, but was it possible that I’d imagined the day’s events, and that maybe I hadn’t talked to my father or broken up with Reece? That instead, I was living inside a fairy tale and that my father was walking me down the aisle, at the end of which stood my prince?

Ignoring the thoughts that were trying to bring me back to reality, I continued walking, smiling and waving at people when I passed by them. After all, they were characters in my fairy tale and deserved recognition. Hell, it occurred to me that the secret to healing a broken heart was to escape into another world. Made perfect sense. Fairy tales were the cure to broken hearts.

Somehow, I reached the Metro and made it onto a train. One second I was among a group of strangers and the next I was lying in my bed, fully dressed.

I peeked at the clock on my bedside table. It was 6 P.M. I must have passed out the minute I hit my bed.

Feeling like hell, I dragged myself to the bathroom. Quickly, I showered and brushed my teeth and put on clean clothes. Then, I went into the living room to look for my purse. It wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen or the entry way. I went back to my bedroom and sitting right there on my bed was my purse. How I missed seeing it was beyond me.

I took out my phone and immediately saw that I had a million missed calls from Reece and another million text messages.

Sitting down on the edge of my bed, I read every single text from Reece. But I couldn’t compel my fingers to text him back. I wanted to run to him and disappear into his arms. But I had so much baggage. It wasn’t fair to him. How could I make him happy? I spent most of my time thinking about my stupid, messed-up childhood, thinking about my father, thinking about my dead mother. I spent so much time envying other people’s lives. For goodness’ sakes, when I was a kid, I dreamt of being adopted by other parents; I wanted to be sent to boarding school. I wanted to be any place else but where I was.

Maybe when I’m older I’ll find peace. But not right now. There is no peace for me right now.

Another text from Reece popped up.

I stared at his words for a long time, fighting back tears. I was running away because it was easier. I had learned to run away from everything, to never face anything head on because that would take more than I was willing to give.

Aunt Conchita once told me that when I gave my heart to someone I would never be the same again.
Be very careful who you give your heart to
, she said.
The person who holds it will always have all the power over you. Don’t let that person break you.

Was she right? I had given my heart to Reece. Did he now hold all the power over me? Is that what I was afraid of? That somehow, I would stop being in charge of my own destiny, that somehow I would become weak if I completely surrendered my heart to someone. I needed to prove to the whole damn world I didn’t need anyone, not my father, not my mother, not friends, and certainly not Reece, someone I had only met days ago, but who now unequivocally owned my heart.

I was not a weak, stupid girl waiting for Prince Charming to show up and sweep me off my feet. I had been on my own for a long time and now Reece, like a thief, had snuck into my body and stole my heart. And it didn’t even take him long. I pretty much left the door open for him. The moment I saw him, I knew he was different. He made me feel different. He had a peaceful nature about him. And his smile, it lassoed me in. And that was all it took. I knew he would break me.

And now I was pushing him away. Shutting him out. It was nice while it lasted, but get out, get going, I don’t need you. I’m off on my own again. I’m tough. I don’t need you. Get out, get going. I don’t need you. I don’t lo..., I do, love you. I love you so damn much. You’re in me. You’re always with me. I breathe your name. I can’t stop thinking of you. I want to touch you, hold you. I want you to take my clothes off and kiss me all over, feel me all over, make me beg for your touch and your mouth and your body. I want you inside of me. And I don’t want you to ever leave me.

A knock on my bedroom door jolted me from my thoughts.

“Yes?” I said.

“Reece is here,” Grace said.

I jumped up from the bed.

“Did you hear me?”

“I heard you.”

“He wants to come in.”

“Tell him I’m sick. I can’t see him.”

“That’s not going to work. He’s in the living room with Lisa. He seems pretty messed up. He says he won’t leave until he sees you.”

I started quivering. “What did he tell you and Lisa?”

“Nothing really. Just that the two of you had a fight and he wants to see you. You okay?”

“I’m fine. Tell him to leave.”

“You sure?”

“No, but do it anyway.”

Seconds later Reece was at my door. “Jadie, open the door. We need to talk.”

“Go away. We’re done.”

“You don’t mean it.”

“I do. It’s over. Leave me alone.”

“Why are you shutting me out?”

“Because I’m no good. You deserve better.”

“Don’t say that. Let me in.”

“Please, just go away.”

He banged on the door. “I won’t leave. I’ll break the door down.”

“Jadie, you okay?” Grace asked.

“I’m fine. Tell him to go.”

“You need to leave,” she said to Reece.

“I won’t. Not until she talks to me.”

“Do you want us to call the police?” Grace asked.

My heart was completely shattered.

“Grace, don’t do that,” I said.

Reece hit the door again.

“Stop it. Reece, please stop it.”

“Let me see you. I need to see you,” he said.

“He’s crying,” Grace said.

I was crying, too. “Why won’t you go away?”

“Because I love you.”

I was broken. “I love you, too.”

“Then don’t shut me out.”

I slowly unlocked the door.

I would be firm. Despite how I felt, I would tell him we were done and that nothing he could do or say would make me change my mind. I would look him straight in the eyes and tell him I meant it. That it was over between us.

“Come in,” I said.

Holding my head up high, I waited for him to enter.

He came in and it was all I could do not to throw myself into his arms. He looked a distraught mess. His eyes were red, his hair was disheveled. He was very pale.

“Did you get my messages?” he asked.

“I did,” I said, welling up.

“I know you’re hurting.”

“I am. Real bad.” Tears were running down my face. “Real bad,” I said again.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could have been there. I
should
have been there.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m here now.”

“He doesn’t want me in his life.”

“He doesn’t mean it.”

“I think he does. I was so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. You’re kind and sweet.”

“I broke up with you.”

“I’m here.”

“I told you, it’s over. Why are you here?”

“Because I love you.”

“I’m no one special.”

“Yes, you are. I belong to you. I dream of you every night, of touching you, kissing you, doings things to you to make you happy.”

“I can’t be happy. I’m too screwed up.”

“So what? You had a messed up childhood. So did a lot of people. Lots of people are fucked up. Shit, who isn’t? I write about zombies, vampires, and witches taking over the world. You have to have a pretty messed up mind to write about stuff like that. Just because you think you’re messed up, doesn’t mean you should beat yourself up for it every day of your life. It doesn’t mean you get to push me away. You don’t get to shut me out.”

“My aunt was right.”

“About what?”

“I gave my heart to you. Now you have all the power over me.”

“You mean you have all the power over me. Because at this moment I’ll do whatever you ask of me, anything you want...just don’t shut me out. Don’t break up with me.”

“You deserve someone better, someone with less baggage.”

“I love you, baggage and all. Your baggage is my baggage. That’s how it works when two people are in love. Unless, I’m not getting it, unless you’re not in love with me?”

“I
am
in love with you. I’m more than in love with you. I’m obsessed with you. I crave you. I want you all the time.”

“Then let me stay with you. I’ll help you get through this. We’ll do it together. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He wrapped me in his arms and I felt as if I was in his body and he in mine.

“I need to feel your mouth,” he said. “I have to kiss you.”

He closed his eyes and placed his sweet, soft lips on mine. Heat ran through my body and I let myself forget everything, everything but Reece’s mouth and body. If only he knew how much I wanted him. How much I wanted him to rip my clothes off, throw me on the bed and do anything he wanted to me. I wished I was brave enough to tell him that his mouth was making me suffer, making me beg for his whole body.

Pulling away from my lips he whispered into my ear, “You melt me.”

I kissed his neck, gently sucking and biting his skin. Taking his hand, I led him to the shower.

“In the shower?” he whispered.

“Yes,” I whispered back.

“Anything you say.”

I turned on the water.

He started to undress.

I watched him take his shirt off, then his pants and finally, his boxers. I held back a gasp at his deliciously swollen...

“Now you,” he said, grinning.

“Do you want to watch me?”

“Command me,” he said.

“Go back in the room. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”

“As you wish.”

I was shy about Reece watching me undress.

“I’m ready,” I yelled.

He came in. “A sight. Damn. You’re hot.”

“Let’s step into the shower.”

“Let’s,” he said.

His finger tips brushed my shoulders, sending tingles throughout my entire body. I wanted him so much that if he had chosen to walk out of the shower, I would have thrown myself at him, clung to him and begged him not to leave. I had never felt that way about anyone. Reece had power over me; one look from his blue eyes could bring me to my knees.

Gently, he pushed me against the wall. Then he grabbed the soap and started rubbing it on my neck and breasts, my nipples hardening instantly.

“You’re so hot,” he said.

“What are you going to do to me?” I whimpered.