Something Old (9 page)

With caution, Katy peered through the window. Her eyes widened at the bosomy, witchy-looking creature with wild, coal-black hair, who sashayed about the room. This instructor had dark-lined eyes with fake lashes. The lids were dark lavender even from a distance. Her lips were bloodred and drawn with exaggeration outside the lines. Her skintight top was dangerously low. She wasn’t slim and graceful like the other instructor, but embarrassingly curvy and provocative. And old. Katy pitied the woman who must have thought her painting and primping made her appear younger and attractive. It was a wonder her students didn’t have nightmares. It was a wonder they ever returned.

The petite blond touched Katy’s arm, and she started.

“This dance is so cute. They’re going to perform at the mall on Valentine’s weekend. Isn’t that fun?”

With a slight nod, Katy looked over the girls in the class, junior high age and maybe older. She noticed dancers came in all sizes and shapes, her heart going out to the chubbier ones, the clumsier ones who at this age stuck out in a disparaging way. She heard the instructor—a Mrs. Tenny they called her—tell the girls, “Let’s go through the whole thing from the top. Remember to stay in sync with the lead girls.”

Mrs. Tenny started the loud, offensive music again, and it assaulted Katy’s body just like it had the first time, only it wasn’t quite as startling the second time around. The girls started prancing forward then backward, and Katy saw that, as a whole, they moved in sync better than the younger girls. But all of a sudden the dance changed. The girls locked their hands behind their heads and shook their torsos, gyrating their hips seductively.

Katy sucked in a shocked breath.

As if transported into a lower universe, the music changed its cadence to accentuate the girls’ sensual movements. Katy felt appalled and violated. With a gasp, she reached out to support herself against the glass, unable to resist the bass that pulsated throughout her entire body, invading where it was not welcomed.

“Are you all right?” the blond asked.

“No. I don’t feel so good.”

“You’d better go sit in the waiting room.”

The blond cast a disappointed look toward the glass as if she’d really wanted to watch every wiggle of her older daughter’s performance, but took Katy’s arm as if to guide her to the waiting room.

“I’ll be all right.”

“Well, if you’re sure. Just down the hall to the right. You can’t miss it. There’s a drinking fountain, too.”

Katy nodded. “Thanks.” She fled for the hall. She would be sure to stay away from the mall on Valentine’s weekend—a glaring reminder of why she shopped at the mart discount store. In the hallway, the music finally waned, but her temples still throbbed to the beat. When she reached the sanctuary of the waiting room, she dropped into a purple vinyl chair with cold metal armrests, feeling spiritually raped.

As her breathing slowly returned to normal, she kneaded her temple. Long after her heart quieted from its onslaught, her hands still trembled. She closed her eyes. “Lord, forgive me. I didn’t mean to end up here, to witness that. I didn’t mean to impress upon those other women that I even go along with dancing. I don’t belong in this place. Forgive me for my greed for ill-gotten money. Help me get out of this awful mess.”

Katy determined to confront Tammy Brooks about her duties. Knowing Tammy’s temper, she’d probably lose her job. Good riddance.

God would provide another job. Unless, of course, He didn’t approve of her to moving into the doddy house.

Still rubbing her sore temples, she bargained with God. But as she prayed and then tried to regain her peace, she also struggled with what Lil and Megan would think if she backed out of the doddy house arrangement. And truthfully, she hoped God didn’t take it away from her because it wasn’t just their dream. It was hers, too. And if she was a Christian, wouldn’t a lifelong desire be from God? It had initiated at church camp, after all.

She picked up a magazine and leafed through it. With disgust over a lewd advertisement, she slapped it back down on the side table.

Back at the Brooks’ home, Katy dropped pasta into boiling water, rehearsing her resignation speech to Tammy, all the while listening for her car to rumble into the garage just off the kitchen. Five minutes later, her employer entered the room.

Tammy slung her jacket over a bar stool and dropped her briefcase and purse on the counter. “Smells good. How’d your first day go? Any news from school or dance?”

“I’m not sure.”

Tammy lifted the lid off the spaghetti. “Something wrong?”

“Yes.” Folding her arms, Katy lifted her chin. “I didn’t know I’d be taking Addison to her dance lessons. Dancing is against my religion, you know.”

Tammy’s jaw dropped. “I didn’t even think.… Did you take her?”

Nodding, Katy kept up her resolve. “I went inside because you wanted me to hear what her instructor said afterward, but the music and the dancing …” She closed her eyes to resist the painful image and shook her head. “I can’t do that anymore.”

Tammy scooted onto a stool in her short tight skirt. “Wow. They’re just little girls. It teaches them grace and poise. It’s not like they’re strippers or anything.”

Katy felt her face heat. “That’s what makes it so sad for me. That they’re just little girls being exposed to that kind of music.”

An angry flush colored Tammy’s cheeks.

Katy couldn’t believe she’d spoken up to an outsider like that. She remained silent, waiting for Tammy’s explosion.

But Tammy removed her designer glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose, then replaced them.

Katy shot up a prayer.
Help me, Jesus. I’m doing this for You.
She lifted her chin, while mentally making plans to apply at an agency.

“What if you just dropped her off and picked her up afterward?”

The oven timer went off. “Bread’s ready.” Katy shot to the oven, avoiding Tammy’s gaze and especially her question. She grabbed a padded mitt and removed the garlic bread. When she turned back again, Tammy was amazingly calm, her eyes pleading.

“I need you, Katy. It’s only temporary.”

She wanted to help. And if Tammy was willing to accommodate her wishes and respect her beliefs, then maybe she could hang in there for a few more days, just until Tammy found another nanny. “All right. Just until you find another nanny.” She moved toward the coat closet. “You could apply at an agency.”

Tammy flinched but didn’t object.

Katy quickly waved. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Okay. I’ll leave you a note again, and by the way, Sean will get home tomorrow night before I do.”

Dread bubbled up in Katy’s throat as she slipped her arms into her coat sleeves. “It’s not that I don’t like your children, but cleaning is what I do best.”

“I understand. I’m sorry about today.”

Katy left the house, and although she’d won the battle, she knew she had been outmaneuvered again.

In her room that night, Katy prayed her evening prayer with an extra dose of humility and several more entreaties for forgiveness. When she unpinned her covering, one of the pins dropped and rolled under the chest of drawers. Katy bent from her waist to retrieve it and found herself almost in one of the positions she’d seen at the studio. The instructor had told the girls it was a cambre. She liked the sound of it. Gripping the edge of her dresser as if it were a ballet barre, she touched her heels together bent at the waist and swept one arm through the air. She heard her sister giggle and went rigid.

Ashamed, she quickly bent, felt under the chest of drawers, and retrieved the pin. She placed it through the organdy and stared at the head bonnet. She wasn’t the woman who had been in the dance studio and moved with wondrous grace. She was the woman who kept herself separate from the world. Her sister Karen had already climbed into her side of the bed and was reading
Little Women.

Katy removed the rubber band from her ponytail and shook her head. Her thick hair fell down the center of her back. Gently, she massaged her scalp. What a day. Premonition told her that the Brooks job was headed toward disaster. She hated when things got out of control. She had been too ashamed to tell her mom about the dance studio. When she asked how the nanny job went, Katy had replied it was unpleasant and she didn’t wish to talk about it. But the whole experience left her feeling like she had a sinful secret. She’d asked God for forgiveness now at least six times, so why wouldn’t the sad feeling go away? Maybe it lingered because she’d lost a piece of her innocence. That’s what the simple life was all about, keeping separate from the world, from temptation, keeping themselves pure.

She should have just quit. But Tammy needed help, and she could put up with it for a few days. Wanting to do what was best, she weighed aiding and abetting the sin by dropping Addison off at dance class against abandoning her employer in her time of need. The church forbade dancing, and the Bible talked about giving every job your best, doing it as unto the Lord. She didn’t like gray areas where she couldn’t decide what was wrong or right. She liked living above the fray in a place above reproach. She gained much pleasure in following rules.

She tried to block the image of what the next day might bring. Sean Brooks coming into the kitchen and popping the top of one of those beers he kept in the refrigerator. She worked her fingers through her hair and then picked up her brush. What would she do if he got drunk? Like Jake?

She’d only had one experience around a drunkard. The incident had happened during a dark time in her life when she hadn’t seen Jake for several months. Megan had let it slip about the rumors that he’d gone wild at college. About the worldly girl he was dating. Then Katy had pressed Lil about it. Lil had yelled at Megan for letting the cat out of the bag, and it had been a big fiasco. But in the end, Katy had found out that the rumors were true.

Jake…dating an outsider. Katy jerked the hairbrush through her tangles. Her name was Jessie, and she had short, spiked, black hair. She wore miniskirts and tall boots. Thinking about Jake and that woman brought back the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that she’d felt at the dance studio. She’d learned Jake had started drinking, too. She’d experienced that firsthand. And who knew what else he’d done? At that point, she always forcefully disengaged her imagination.

She’d been so angry when she’d found out about Jake’s behavior, that the next day she’d thrown the dusting can and cracked her bedroom window. She’d been ashamed afterward, but her parents had understood her hurt and never confronted her about her angry fit. In fact, they encouraged her to forget about Jake Byler.

For many weeks after that, she hadn’t been able to sleep. That’s when she had started keeping a journal of cleaning tips, even going to the library and studying about home remedies. She’d put her energies into her work, but she’d never gotten over Jake.

His shame was her shame. Then one day she wrote his name on a sheet of paper. Beneath it she wrote Leviticus 4:27—“If any one of the common people sin through ignorance, while he doeth somewhat against any of the commandments of the L
ORD
concerning things which ought not to be done, and be guilty.” Then she wrote in large script across his name:
guilty and forbidden.

She drew a line. Beneath it, she listed the qualities of the man she hoped to one day marry. She kept this paper in her Bible so that she could refer to it on those days when she thought she would die from the ache in her heart. It stirred up her convictions to forget Jake and hope for someone who was worthy of her love.

After that, Jake had stayed away from church for several months. Until the fateful incident. It happened one weekend when he’d come home for his mom’s birthday. Katy had come out of church on a Sunday night. She had been standing beside her car when she saw his truck enter the parking lot. He pulled up alongside her car and jumped out to talk to her. He’d told her he’d come to pick up his mom. His breath stank from beer, and she’d tried to get in her car to avoid him, but he’d grabbed her arm and pinned her hard against the car. She asked him to stop. But instead, he’d pressed his body against hers. She’d screamed at him to go away, but he’d forced his rank mouth against hers, pinned her head to the car’s window, and kissed her.