Something To Dream On (17 page)

Is dating for six weeks too soon? Why does time matter? Love is brought on by feelings and the experiences you have with a person, right? After all that we have shared, not having said those three magic words seems asinine.

A lock clicks next to my ear, startling me back into reality. A man who is built like a sixty-seven Impala, and makes me feel like a Mini Cooper, steps out. I've heard so much about Griffin yet have only met him in passing. I stand to greet him properly and find that I have to grow another four inches to face him, and no one has ever referred to me as being short. The shine coming off of the top of his head makes me feel like I am looking at a deity. Damn! His biceps are almost as wide as the sleeves on his scrubs. Lizetta said he buffs himself out so that he won't get harassed for being gay. It must work, because he is seriously intimidating. That is, until he looks to the roses, touches a hand to his heart, and gasps like Michael Jackson impersonating a little girl.

“Pink? Ah, Lover Boy, this is so sweet of you.” He leans in and gives me a whisper sprinkled with fairy dust. “But in the future, if you really want to get my heart racing, red complements my eyes better.” He pulls back and winks, and then shakes my hand. Now he sounds like he is impersonating Barry White. Which one is real? Maybe they're both fake. “Hey, Jensen. I'm Griffin, your hot mama’s bestie. Come on in.”

I take two steps then stop and look around while feeling I'm forgetting something. The flowers are already in my hand, so there's nothing else to remember.

“It's all right, honey,” he says. “I have that effect on a lot of men.” Griffin gives a back kick and shoulder twist, reminding me of Shirley Temple singing “On The Good Ship Lollipop”. I totally get why he and Lizetta are such good friends. He’s kind of freaking me out though. A person’s lifestyle doesn’t matter, but ever since that fateful night, homosexuals have scared the crap out of me. If there's a side of me I don't know about, that's fine, but I'd like to know—yet I also really don't want to know, which is why I'm keeping my distance.

And that’s all bull because when it comes right down to it, what I am truly afraid of is how it took something selfish to wake me up. So yeah, Griffin’s sexuality reminds me that I’m an asshole. I am also so in my own head that I haven't said one word to him. Say something, dork! “Yeah, between us both being so close to Lizetta, and the fact that I've been here a couple of times now, it seems like we should've at least exchanged more than hellos.”

“Life can be like that sometimes,” he says, followed by a soft sigh. “We can get so wrapped up in everything going on around us that we miss the little things that are more important. Happens here all the time. It might be the only thing I don't like about this place.”

My muscles unclench. There it was. The relaxed demeanor with his arms at his side tells me I am now getting a taste of the real man and the voice God gave him—mellow, likely baritone but borderline bass, and not at all girly. He's just met me, and he's already warming up. It’s nice to be accepted by good people.

“Anyway, your Sweet Cheeks just called and said she's on her way, which means she’ll leave the house in about twenty minutes. Some lame excuse about oversleeping. You know how the womenfolk are.” With that I get a manly slap on the shoulder. Griffin seems to have a well-adjusted personality crisis going on. “You want a cup of coffee? It's not very glamorous, but you can hang out in the back with me while I feed the dogs.”

I can hang here for ten minutes and not be late for work. Lizetta won’t make it in time, but Griffin’s invitation feels like a gesture of friendship over that of politeness. I take him up on his offer to make a new friend and become more integrated in Lizetta’s world.

My dreams for a normal life are coming true.

My untied Chucks pound on the pavement as I run into work. Thankfully, my best friend supports me by greeting me at the door with a cup of coffee.

“Girl! Where have you been?” Griffin says before slurping out of the cup. So much for my excitement over chivalrous caffeine. “Lover Muffin was at the front door when I showed up
on time
this morning. He had to go so he could get to work
on time
, but he left you those.” Griffin points to my desk where a beautiful bouquet of roses sits. “As much as I like Sir Hots-a-lot, the boy has got to learn that when you go to Safeway for flowers, you remove the wrapper before giving them to a lady. I think you should forgive him though, because he had to drop them off earlier than any florist was open. Still, the boy needs a little bit of schooling. I will
never
understand straight men.”

Aw. Jensen is so sweet! As if I didn't miss him enough already, now I miss him all the more.

“I gave him a bad time for not having the foresight to get a card, but he did plan on delivering them in person, you know, had you been
on time
.”

Yeah, but he left a note anyway!

“You are the brightest spot to ever enter my life. Each day I realize, more and more, how much I need you. Check your voicemail.”

This morning has been so crazy that I haven’t turned on my phone. The second I do, there is a message from Jensen.
“Good morning, beautiful. I really wanted to ask you this in person, but … I don't want to wait until tomorrow to see you again.”
His voice softens, and I can just imagine his eyes peering up at me.
“Please come over tonight … and stay.”

My butt hits the chair. This moment feels a year in the making. I am so, so ready for this, yet in some ways I am not at all prepared. I have to wonder if he has ever been with a girl like me.

Looking in the mirror hasn’t been the same lately. Now I see the glow in my cheeks, the specks of silver in my eyes, and hear the music when I laugh. I’m still self-conscious, but I’m no longer that scared little girl I was when Etta showed up.

But then my eyes travel downward, and I remember Laura’s insults. No one’s opinion is worth my loss of self, but that doesn’t change the damage done.

The heck with it!

Forget you, witch. I bet you're divorced three times before you hit forty.

And with that I toss my gorgeous locks back and swing my hips with pride while heading off to work. Great things lie ahead, and I deserve them!

Lizetta walks out of the bathroom, wearing a baby pink nightgown. There is something about its simple elegance, and the grace of the woman underneath it, that could shame lingerie models into a corner.

The satin sways with the wiggle of each step she takes, sending my heart a flutter. This is the definition of grace. I want to treasure this image forever.

However, it’s not what either of us needs.

Lizetta enters the bed, then reaches to turn off the lamp. “Oh, no you don’t. Let me see the object of my desires.” I roll her on top of me, raise her arms, and send the satin barrier gliding into the corner. I want her—for all that she is, inside and out.

My body turns electric as I roll her down, easing her onto the bed, and start trailing kisses downward. Lizetta reminds me of a voluptuous model—an object of Renaissance art. I want to go to a museum in Italy so a room filled with paintings of her can surround me.

The way her waist flares into glorious hips makes my hormones spark so hard they may fly out the window and jumpstart Bertha. She’s radioactive. Just being near her makes me glow inside. This girl has me twisted around her finger, and I hope someone epoxies me down so she can’t unwrap me.

My kisses progress downward, and she tightens her abs, sending home the message of why she wore the nightgown.

Why can’t she see how much this moment means to us? This beautiful woman has earned the right to release her insecurities and know happiness. I glide up her, and the kiss we share causes my chest to deflate in ecstasy.

No, this is not just ecstasy. This is elation brought on by all that I feel for this woman, because for the first time, I’m about to make love to someone—to truly release my heart and soul. So few get to know what that means, and that joy is happening to me. I am blessed, privileged, and humbled by the honor of being with her, but I too have earned this. I’ve fought to become a better person, to be worthy of someone as beautiful as she is, and I am so incredibly grateful. This overwhelming bliss is what we deserve, and I won’t lose sight of its significance, nor will I let her.

Our eyes lock, and warmth fills me from within. It slides into my soul like honey, causing me to brazenly confess, “For the first time, I’ve fallen, and it’s deeper than I ever imagined possible. I love you, Lizetta.”

Lizetta smiles, and a little laugh of amazement seeps out. I seem to have caught her off guard. Good. I don’t like how she’s trying to hide herself, and she needs to know that she is exactly what I want. She says the words back, and I’m just so damned happy at how wonderful my life has become that I want to howl for the world to hear.

With a flick of the wrist, my boxers land to cover the glare coming from the lamp, casting just enough glow for both of us to enjoy the moment. Tonight we cave to the fact that there is something greater than we can fathom at work.